Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Spin Cycle: Pets!!!

spin

The subject for this week’s Spin Cycle is Pets. And boy Howdy do I have pets. This is our last week with Ruffles the Snapping Turtle so I can’t jerk tears from you with the story of his release. I will instead make you giggle with a Rabbit Tale. I wrote this years ago on another blog, so sorry if you are one of my long standin’ followers and have read it. I don’t want to be one of those people that tell their stories over and over… but it is still funny!!

 

During a summer visit in 1997, my Ex-husband allowed my daughter, Eudora Mae, to take home a live rabbit that she had won as a prize at a 4th of July celebration.
This is so wrong on many levels.
Who would give away live bunnies as prizes?
Why would anyone allow a child to play a game where the prize is a live bunny?
And why would he allow her to take it home?
Home is my house!!
Not His!!
Good for nothing S.O.B.
I couldn't say no and Roy wasn't going to say no either so the bunny came home to live with us. We made a rabbit hutch. And we bought rabbit bowls and water bottles.
She named it Babs in the spirit of Loony Tunes. She was cute, a small white rabbit.


About that same time, a little grey kitten came up into our yard. It was a scrawny ugly little thing. But my other daughter, Edith Anne, feel in love with it.
What is one more animal, right?
I think that made, at that time, cat number 7.
I wanted call it Lumps becuz our dog Bruizer loved it!
And that would be cute....Lumps and Bruizer.
But Edith Anne named her Betty Sue......I don't know why.
Betty Sue was a daring little kitten. She would taunt the dogs by walking along the fence. They would raise all kinds of Hell trying to get her. And then one day she fell in with them.
Edith Anne was screaming bloody murder!!
Roy came runnin' and leapt the fence in a single bound.......so I am told.
The dogs had Betty Sue down on the ground mauling her. Roy beat them back and handed that limp kitten over to Edith Anne.
Oh Edith Anne was crying!!
That just broke Roy's heart....he is soooo soft hearted where the girls are concerned.
So they made a mad dash to the Vet's office and the BossMan looked her over. She was just tired from fighting for her life.....she didn't have scratch on her. He recommended lots of rest. And that was when Betty Sue became a house cat.


Six months later...
I was driving home from work when the cell phone rang.
It was Edith Anne.
She was in a panic!!!
She was screaming so loud I couldn't understand a word she said. It's been a long time since I had spoken "freaked out girl" language so I was having a hard time and with her panicked like that......it didn't make me feel all together great! Make me wreck from panickin' and then where would we be!
"Edith Anne, slow down. Take a deep breath and talk English. You are freakin' me out and I am trying to drive here!"
I could actually hear her take a deep breath..........and then the English came........
"Mom!!! Babs is a Buster and Betty Sue's not a virgin any more!!!!"


Let me translate this for you.
The rabbit was a male.
Nobody had a clue to that fact.
Eudora Mae took him into the house to play.
He took a likin' to Betty Sue.
He chased her thru the house.
Once he caught her, he mounted up.
That freaked out Edith Anne..........and Betty Sue.
Have you ever heard a cat scream???
And two girls screamin'.....with a rabbit havin' taboo sex????


"Moooommm, stop laughin'! It ain't funny! She's being raped by a rabbit!"


It still bring me to tears.......from laughing!!!

Link up with Gretchen at Second Blooming and give us your spin on pets!

Monday, May 13, 2013

SpongeBob, Boys, and Whackin’…

So sometimes when I go to my Granny’s I declare a Slumber Party where all grandsons come for food, games, and cartoons. Mostly, SpongeBob. I don’t know how they do it but they always find a SBMarathon. I can only handle about 15 minutes of the nonsense.

But anyway, after playin’ hard and runnin’ off as much of the boy energy as we possibly can it’s time for bed. The boys “camp” in the living room while all the adults take to the beds. And those boys stunk!! The scentsy burner couldn’t keep up with that funk! It’s a mixture of sweat, dirty feet, mud, and farts… so gross!! I flipped the ceiling fan on to try to dissipate the funky odor and went to bed.

As I lay there, I could hear an annoyin’ noise… a constant tickin’. No matter how loud the TV was or how many pillows I buried my head under, all I could hear was that tickin’ sound! None of the noises in the house bothered anyone else… they could close their doors and Granny was snorin’! So I thought that I could at least turn the TV down, SpongeBob was blarin’!! So I decided to tip toe in the livin’ room and find the remote to turn the volume down and I would start with the oldest boy… the oldest always has the remote!

Very quietly, I walk in the room and peek over the couch to where the he lay, and sure enough he had the remote in his hand!

OH GOOD GOD!! THAT IS NOT THE REMOTE!!!!!!

RUN!! RUN!!!! RUN!!!!! GO TO YOUR HAPPY PLACE!!!! Daffodil fields and sunshine with a light breeze…. and SpongeBob skippin’ thru it with a hard on!!!!!!!

OMG!!! I CAN NEVER UNSEE WHAT I HAD JUST SEEN!!!!!!!!!!!

I quickly went back to the comfort of my bed, and put my head under my pillows to smother out that sight!!! At 2 in mornin’ I finally figured out what was makin’ that tickin’ noise but what if he was still awake and still at it??!! But that noise was drivin’ me insane and It was a Very Short Drive!!!! I put on my blinders and ran in there and turned off the ceilin’ fan and ran out!!

I made him take a shower the next day!!!

What is it with boys?? My mom and I took 3 of them to the soccer games and the littlest one kept grabbin’ himself. My mom said she thought he may need to go pee. So I asked he didn’t to go fish, and he said no, “Then stop, touchin’ your worm!” He would smile up at me with those big doe eyes and grin. He’s 5. Not 12!!

I managed to keep my worst nightmare to myself most of the day but as mom and I drove home, I told her the whole thing.

“OMG!!!!” she said with wide eyes!!

I know!! Right??

“OMG!!!! I AM SO GLAD YOU DIDN’T TELL ME EARLIER!!!! I wouldn’t have been able to look at him all day!!”

“I know!!! I’ve been in agony all day long. I nearly died when they started talkin’ about whackin’ something!”

When I told HIS MOTHER… she just laughed and laughed… then said, “I’m glad that was you and not me!”

“I wanted to gouge my eyes out!!!! And You Laugh!!!”

“What was he watching on TV?”

“SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!!!!!!”

She laughed even harder!!!

My HappyPlace is ruined! SpongeBob is tarnished!! The image of my grandson chokin’ his chicken on my granny’s couch is burned in my brain forever.

FOREVER!!!

The other day, I was shoppin’ for pajamas and there was a whole rack of SpongeBobJammies… RUN!!! RUN!!!

Run to my HappyPlace!!!!

Shoe Shoppin’ at Dilliards… swimmin’ in a room full of diamonds… Tequila on the beach in Mexico!!!