Monday, May 13, 2013

SpongeBob, Boys, and Whackin’…

So sometimes when I go to my Granny’s I declare a Slumber Party where all grandsons come for food, games, and cartoons. Mostly, SpongeBob. I don’t know how they do it but they always find a SBMarathon. I can only handle about 15 minutes of the nonsense.

But anyway, after playin’ hard and runnin’ off as much of the boy energy as we possibly can it’s time for bed. The boys “camp” in the living room while all the adults take to the beds. And those boys stunk!! The scentsy burner couldn’t keep up with that funk! It’s a mixture of sweat, dirty feet, mud, and farts… so gross!! I flipped the ceiling fan on to try to dissipate the funky odor and went to bed.

As I lay there, I could hear an annoyin’ noise… a constant tickin’. No matter how loud the TV was or how many pillows I buried my head under, all I could hear was that tickin’ sound! None of the noises in the house bothered anyone else… they could close their doors and Granny was snorin’! So I thought that I could at least turn the TV down, SpongeBob was blarin’!! So I decided to tip toe in the livin’ room and find the remote to turn the volume down and I would start with the oldest boy… the oldest always has the remote!

Very quietly, I walk in the room and peek over the couch to where the he lay, and sure enough he had the remote in his hand!

OH GOOD GOD!! THAT IS NOT THE REMOTE!!!!!!

RUN!! RUN!!!! RUN!!!!! GO TO YOUR HAPPY PLACE!!!! Daffodil fields and sunshine with a light breeze…. and SpongeBob skippin’ thru it with a hard on!!!!!!!

OMG!!! I CAN NEVER UNSEE WHAT I HAD JUST SEEN!!!!!!!!!!!

I quickly went back to the comfort of my bed, and put my head under my pillows to smother out that sight!!! At 2 in mornin’ I finally figured out what was makin’ that tickin’ noise but what if he was still awake and still at it??!! But that noise was drivin’ me insane and It was a Very Short Drive!!!! I put on my blinders and ran in there and turned off the ceilin’ fan and ran out!!

I made him take a shower the next day!!!

What is it with boys?? My mom and I took 3 of them to the soccer games and the littlest one kept grabbin’ himself. My mom said she thought he may need to go pee. So I asked he didn’t to go fish, and he said no, “Then stop, touchin’ your worm!” He would smile up at me with those big doe eyes and grin. He’s 5. Not 12!!

I managed to keep my worst nightmare to myself most of the day but as mom and I drove home, I told her the whole thing.

“OMG!!!!” she said with wide eyes!!

I know!! Right??

“OMG!!!! I AM SO GLAD YOU DIDN’T TELL ME EARLIER!!!! I wouldn’t have been able to look at him all day!!”

“I know!!! I’ve been in agony all day long. I nearly died when they started talkin’ about whackin’ something!”

When I told HIS MOTHER… she just laughed and laughed… then said, “I’m glad that was you and not me!”

“I wanted to gouge my eyes out!!!! And You Laugh!!!”

“What was he watching on TV?”

“SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!!!!!!”

She laughed even harder!!!

My HappyPlace is ruined! SpongeBob is tarnished!! The image of my grandson chokin’ his chicken on my granny’s couch is burned in my brain forever.

FOREVER!!!

The other day, I was shoppin’ for pajamas and there was a whole rack of SpongeBobJammies… RUN!!! RUN!!!

Run to my HappyPlace!!!!

Shoe Shoppin’ at Dilliards… swimmin’ in a room full of diamonds… Tequila on the beach in Mexico!!!

6 comments:

VandyJ said...

There is a tradition in my hubby's family of giving a boy a Sock monkey after they are caught choking the chicken. Usually at a family gathering--like Christmas. Hubby never got one--he was sneaky, but his cousin got three. Not so sneaky.
To this day, I can't see a sock monkey without that association.

heidi said...

Ohhh, what a story. And what a surprise. And that he was watching spongebob while doing this is kind of disturbing huh?

Heidi’s Wanderings

Stacy Uncorked said...

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh man! I am never going to be able to watch Sponge Bob in the same naive mode ever again. >;o)~

I have a video monitor in Little Dude's room (because he ALWAYS plays when he's supposed to be sleeping) and there have been times that he's had his hand down his pants and he's giggling. I hope I never ever catch him with the 'remote' visibly in his hand... ;)

Jill said...

Oh my... LOL!!! All I can say is... BOYS!!! hahahahaha!!!

Impulsive Addict said...

OMG! OMG! OMG! This would be a nightmare for me! I surely hope I never see baby Drew shanking his junk. And to SpongeBob? What in the world??? He couldn't find a good kissing scene on HBO? Or that fake porn stuff on Cinemax?

Disturbing.

But thanks for the laugh and for linking up with us! We've missed you!

Anonymous said...

OMG your stories are still awesome, i actually spit at my damn screen reading that. and yeah i have a boy and he used to pull the worm all the time, even got hit in the head at T-ball cause he wasn't watching the ball he was pulling on the worm i used to yell all the time, finally gave up and sometime around 12 i think he finally slowed down :)
cathy aka partyprincessfl