Monday, August 26, 2013

Whatta Summer!!

Well, maybe not summer… but I have no idea where to start this tale. Not really a tale. I put out the real deal.

Back in February, my daughter EudoraMae became engaged. Woo Hoo!! After 8 years and 2 children, he bought her a ring. I was so excited! I finally get to plan a wedding. My oldest daughter was married without me and now I get to be apart of a life changing event in one of daughters’ lives.

Well EudoraMae has always included me in her big moments, but EdithAnne, no so much. But that is another story for another time.

A wedding!!! I get to plan a wedding!!! We shopped for a dress, nothing like VeraWang or off the cover of a bridal magazine but a pretty dress that we can live with, wedding shoes, stuff to make things for the flower girls, and other things we would need. I bought a pretty lacy dress and looked for a pair of sandals to doll up.

And then the bottom fell out. Her heart wasn’t in it… Which I guess is best to break it off  now rather than after the fact… though 2 kids have been born. He went his way and she went hers.

No wedding. Oh Well. Bummer.

Time is all outta order now… so I don’t know whether the break up or mom being in the hospital took place first or last or what?

My brother called me to say Mom had had a seizure. Again.When she has one, she is like talking to a 2 year old. She hears you, but can’t react or comprehend what you said. So I asked him if I needed to come and keep watch on her. He said no.


I went on about life. But you know that never works. I called Mom the next morning to see if she was fine. And I could tell over the phone that she wasn’t quite right.But better. I talked to Granny to see how she felt about Mom and her condition, Granny didn’t feel good about the whole situation!! I told them to call my aunt VioletJean to come sit with them. I needed her there to comfort Granny and access Mom. My cousin from Texas called Mom and then messaged me later in the day and said something was wrong, so I called Mom.

Yep. Something was very wrong.

I told Roy I had to go to take care of the situation. I am an hour and a half away from them. My aunt is 15 miles away!! VioletJean, dropped the ball on me! She was too busy doing laundry to help me!! I am so pissed off at her!!

After being with Granny and Mom for about 15 minutes, I think it best to take my mom to the Emergency Room!! I told Granny to call RubyJune, my sister, to come sit with her while I took mom to the hospital.

We weren’t 3/10s of mile from the house when Mom, threw her arms up in the air and pulled them down and crossed them over her chest and she went stiff as a poker!! She was seizing!!! I stayed calm. As calm as I could while holding her hand and drive the car… yes. I kept driving. I was already going to the ER!! I can get there just as easy as an ambulance.

And then she stopped convulsing. And went slack. And non-responsive!!


Am I driving around with my dead mother??? SHIT!!! SHIT!!! I need professional help!!!

I called 911!!! Turned around and went back to Granny’s house!! The EMTs know where she lives, they have been there several times.

The lady on 911 stayed on the line with me until I got back to Granny’s and had an opportunity to actually check Mom. The minute I opened her door, her eyes popped open!!

Oh Thank God!!!!

It wasn’t 5 minutes later that the EMTs pulled up and took over.

I called Roy to update him and ask him why the ambulance stopped twice on the way to the hospital… “you’d better prepare yourself for the worst. They pull over when they have to work on the patient.”

“Honey!! I have already thought she was dead!! I am expecting the worst!!”

As it turned out, she was just seizing again. She stayed in the hospital for 3 days. And my brother and I put together a new plan for when or if this happens again. My sister has neuro-surgeon picked out if we ever have to have one for Mom. She has had 2 spells this year and this the first time in 2 years that she has had her last spell.

It was very scary. But I did remain calm. Something so many people in my life seem to think I can’t do… becuz everything else in my life is all drama.


And then there was the wreck… That story for later.

link up with Seriously Shawn` and Impulsive Addict.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

My Weakness Is Revealed…

My ex-best friend is divorcin’ her asshole husband.
Which is a good thing.
I don’t want to be friends with her though.
I’m worried about her comin’ after Roy.
or should I worry?
The worry is there.
He’s been so pissed at me lately.
I’ve done some stupid stuff.
Nothing divorce worthy.
But that shit builds.
He thinks I’m being silly.
Then why do I feel threatened?

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Spin Cycle: Pets!!!


The subject for this week’s Spin Cycle is Pets. And boy Howdy do I have pets. This is our last week with Ruffles the Snapping Turtle so I can’t jerk tears from you with the story of his release. I will instead make you giggle with a Rabbit Tale. I wrote this years ago on another blog, so sorry if you are one of my long standin’ followers and have read it. I don’t want to be one of those people that tell their stories over and over… but it is still funny!!


During a summer visit in 1997, my Ex-husband allowed my daughter, Eudora Mae, to take home a live rabbit that she had won as a prize at a 4th of July celebration.
This is so wrong on many levels.
Who would give away live bunnies as prizes?
Why would anyone allow a child to play a game where the prize is a live bunny?
And why would he allow her to take it home?
Home is my house!!
Not His!!
Good for nothing S.O.B.
I couldn't say no and Roy wasn't going to say no either so the bunny came home to live with us. We made a rabbit hutch. And we bought rabbit bowls and water bottles.
She named it Babs in the spirit of Loony Tunes. She was cute, a small white rabbit.

About that same time, a little grey kitten came up into our yard. It was a scrawny ugly little thing. But my other daughter, Edith Anne, feel in love with it.
What is one more animal, right?
I think that made, at that time, cat number 7.
I wanted call it Lumps becuz our dog Bruizer loved it!
And that would be cute....Lumps and Bruizer.
But Edith Anne named her Betty Sue......I don't know why.
Betty Sue was a daring little kitten. She would taunt the dogs by walking along the fence. They would raise all kinds of Hell trying to get her. And then one day she fell in with them.
Edith Anne was screaming bloody murder!!
Roy came runnin' and leapt the fence in a single I am told.
The dogs had Betty Sue down on the ground mauling her. Roy beat them back and handed that limp kitten over to Edith Anne.
Oh Edith Anne was crying!!
That just broke Roy's heart....he is soooo soft hearted where the girls are concerned.
So they made a mad dash to the Vet's office and the BossMan looked her over. She was just tired from fighting for her life.....she didn't have scratch on her. He recommended lots of rest. And that was when Betty Sue became a house cat.

Six months later...
I was driving home from work when the cell phone rang.
It was Edith Anne.
She was in a panic!!!
She was screaming so loud I couldn't understand a word she said. It's been a long time since I had spoken "freaked out girl" language so I was having a hard time and with her panicked like didn't make me feel all together great! Make me wreck from panickin' and then where would we be!
"Edith Anne, slow down. Take a deep breath and talk English. You are freakin' me out and I am trying to drive here!"
I could actually hear her take a deep breath..........and then the English came........
"Mom!!! Babs is a Buster and Betty Sue's not a virgin any more!!!!"

Let me translate this for you.
The rabbit was a male.
Nobody had a clue to that fact.
Eudora Mae took him into the house to play.
He took a likin' to Betty Sue.
He chased her thru the house.
Once he caught her, he mounted up.
That freaked out Edith Anne..........and Betty Sue.
Have you ever heard a cat scream???
And two girls screamin'.....with a rabbit havin' taboo sex????

"Moooommm, stop laughin'! It ain't funny! She's being raped by a rabbit!"

It still bring me to tears.......from laughing!!!

Link up with Gretchen at Second Blooming and give us your spin on pets!

Monday, May 13, 2013

SpongeBob, Boys, and Whackin’…

So sometimes when I go to my Granny’s I declare a Slumber Party where all grandsons come for food, games, and cartoons. Mostly, SpongeBob. I don’t know how they do it but they always find a SBMarathon. I can only handle about 15 minutes of the nonsense.

But anyway, after playin’ hard and runnin’ off as much of the boy energy as we possibly can it’s time for bed. The boys “camp” in the living room while all the adults take to the beds. And those boys stunk!! The scentsy burner couldn’t keep up with that funk! It’s a mixture of sweat, dirty feet, mud, and farts… so gross!! I flipped the ceiling fan on to try to dissipate the funky odor and went to bed.

As I lay there, I could hear an annoyin’ noise… a constant tickin’. No matter how loud the TV was or how many pillows I buried my head under, all I could hear was that tickin’ sound! None of the noises in the house bothered anyone else… they could close their doors and Granny was snorin’! So I thought that I could at least turn the TV down, SpongeBob was blarin’!! So I decided to tip toe in the livin’ room and find the remote to turn the volume down and I would start with the oldest boy… the oldest always has the remote!

Very quietly, I walk in the room and peek over the couch to where the he lay, and sure enough he had the remote in his hand!


RUN!! RUN!!!! RUN!!!!! GO TO YOUR HAPPY PLACE!!!! Daffodil fields and sunshine with a light breeze…. and SpongeBob skippin’ thru it with a hard on!!!!!!!


I quickly went back to the comfort of my bed, and put my head under my pillows to smother out that sight!!! At 2 in mornin’ I finally figured out what was makin’ that tickin’ noise but what if he was still awake and still at it??!! But that noise was drivin’ me insane and It was a Very Short Drive!!!! I put on my blinders and ran in there and turned off the ceilin’ fan and ran out!!

I made him take a shower the next day!!!

What is it with boys?? My mom and I took 3 of them to the soccer games and the littlest one kept grabbin’ himself. My mom said she thought he may need to go pee. So I asked he didn’t to go fish, and he said no, “Then stop, touchin’ your worm!” He would smile up at me with those big doe eyes and grin. He’s 5. Not 12!!

I managed to keep my worst nightmare to myself most of the day but as mom and I drove home, I told her the whole thing.

“OMG!!!!” she said with wide eyes!!

I know!! Right??

“OMG!!!! I AM SO GLAD YOU DIDN’T TELL ME EARLIER!!!! I wouldn’t have been able to look at him all day!!”

“I know!!! I’ve been in agony all day long. I nearly died when they started talkin’ about whackin’ something!”

When I told HIS MOTHER… she just laughed and laughed… then said, “I’m glad that was you and not me!”

“I wanted to gouge my eyes out!!!! And You Laugh!!!”

“What was he watching on TV?”


She laughed even harder!!!

My HappyPlace is ruined! SpongeBob is tarnished!! The image of my grandson chokin’ his chicken on my granny’s couch is burned in my brain forever.


The other day, I was shoppin’ for pajamas and there was a whole rack of SpongeBobJammies… RUN!!! RUN!!!

Run to my HappyPlace!!!!

Shoe Shoppin’ at Dilliards… swimmin’ in a room full of diamonds… Tequila on the beach in Mexico!!!

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Dearly Beloved…

WE are gathered here today to talk about inspirations. What drive me to do the things that I do? If you said booze, you would be wrong. I can’t blame everything on the demon rum. It’s love. Yes. Love. It drives me to do things for those around me… I took my grandson’s “PoundPuppy” and took photos all over the house and outside when “Shadow” was left behind. Peein’ on GiGi’s car…2012-12-16 08.09.39 That was a big hit! Fetchin’ the paper!2012-12-16 08.11.21 Love drives me to do silly things for Roy…  Yes. An Eye Patch came with my bra!2012-12-12 08.15.27-1
Okay, they were panties but they fit better on my head than they ever would on my ass!!

My Love of Shoes…2012-10-11 19.50.54
        My Love of Family…2013-01-26 15.03.21 inspires me to add the most weirdest and embarrassin’ photos of them on the web. There is actually 3 people in that photo. 2013-02-11 15.44.14           I have so many blackmail photos!! My Love for Life Drives Me to Have Fun. So In Closing, Embrace Life, Laugh Hardy, and Love Fully in Everything That You Do. spin Link up with Gretchen at Second Blooming

Sunday, April 07, 2013

Taking Out The Trash…

Before Grandpa passed I went to stay with Granny while he was in the hospital for a minor surgery….

One day I decided to take off the trash at Granny’s, they have a small dump on the property. So I loaded up the trash into the van and asked Granny, “can I go up to the dump thru the gate out back or do I have to drive up to the gate on the top of the hill?”

I was tryin’ to make this a simple as possible. I hadn’t seen any cows by the house and I knew I could leave the gate open… simple.

“yes, you can.” she replied.

I drove up the rode dirt road to the coal pits to the family dump, and I noticed that this road hasn’t been driven on in long time… LONG TIME!!! When I came to a turn in the road… There was a HUGE MUD PUDDLE!!


Keep in mind that there has been a 2 year drought in Oklahoma and I find the only mud puddle in the state! And what do I do???

Decide to drive thru it!!!

YES! I attempted it.

I thought this out. I didn’t just drive off into it halfcocked like so many people think I do. I actually think about things. I can’t help it if shit goes wrong. And it always does!

I decided to put 2 tires in the dry side of the puddle and 2 in the mud and took off… at a good pace. I knew if I drove slow it would bog down and I’d be stuck. Yeah. Well I got stuck.

O Holy Shit!! And the gate is open!! Don’t you know those stupid cows are runnin’ at top speed to house! They have a 6th sense about the gate. If there is an opened gate, they are out it before I can blink an eye!! I haven’t stayed one time with Granny that I hadn’t had to put in cows!!

Panic set in!! I rocked that van back and forth, I had to get that van out before Grandpa came home.  I have to get to the house before the cows do… And the more I rocked it more it was stuck!!!

I turned into a 12 year girl scared to death I was gonna get beat by Grandpa!! Shit shit shit!!!!

I thought should call Roy! He would come and get it out but I’d get bitched at for another stupid thing I’ve done.

I could call my brother, he’d never answer his phone. He had helped me get my car out the last it was stuck.

Come to think of it, he has helped me get my car unstuck 3 or 4 times. That could be why he doesn’t answer his phone.

I could call my brother in law or my cousin but I would just look stupid… so be beat or look stupid?

I rocked that van back and forth for about 10 minutes… and it finally came loose!!


I drove around the thru the other side of the puddle… without incident!!

I took the trash off and drove back to the house by way of the gate upon the hill. And luckily, never saw one cow.


I told Granny, “If anyone asks if they can use the gate by the house to get to the pits, the answer is no.”

Monday, April 01, 2013

It’s Time…

To catch everyone up with the last 4 months… But where to start?

The Good: The baby shower was great… I won’t be doin’ another! Too much stress!! And just after Christmas our family was blessed with a beautiful baby girl. She is the spittin’ image of her daddy, my nephew. I wish they didn’t live so far away, so I could spoil her like I did her daddy.

The Bad: My grandpa died unexpectedly. No delicate way to say that. Just after Thanksgiving, he passed. So I’ve been goin’ back and forth from my house to my grandmother’s. She turns 90 on the 18th of April and she doesn’t get around all that well. She is unable to stay alone, so we moved my mother in with her. It helps Granny and it helps Mom… she was havin’ a shitty time with my sister in-law. And then just when we have everything going good, my mom has a seizure and spent a week in the hospital.

Geez!! I can’t catch a break… not even if I had a catcher’s mitt!!

So I saddle up and go back.

Annnnd… There is no internet!! I will have to figure out how to blog from my phone.

Most all my time is consumed with “The Ladies” and it poops me out! Mom is JUST now gettin' back normal.

There’s more stories to tell… some sad, some funny… but later.

The Ugly: The division of the assets… is not for wimps!! And the best way to put it is, my inheritance is a big fat zero!!

So I do what I know in my heart to be the right thing… take care of Granny the best way I can and fight tooth and nail to keep her from a nursing home until she goes to Glory. Then I will take my mules and go home. And never go back again.

I have sure wanted to vent about that!! But haven’t really had the time, so I cried a lot.


But oh well… I have great memories and no regrets.

Friday, March 22, 2013



So. I have a snapping turtle in my living room. He is the size of a dinner plate.

And they can be aggressive.

Not mean. But aggressive.

Couple that with too much bitchin’ by Roy and I am a bit frazzled.

Yes. I am a klutz. But I am able to do things quite well… sometimes… okay, maybe about 1% of the time.

But still.

Roy was worried that I was going to upset Ruffles. And All I was Doing Was getting a piece of Fish out of  a CRACK!! with long forceps… really long ones. But with all the bitchin’ I wasn’t payin’ all that much attention to Ruffles… and WHAM!

I squealed!

Roy yelled louder!

And Ruffles bit my finger!

I am not sure why I cried.

Could be becuz my pet turtle bit me?

Could be becuz my beloved husband yelled at me?

And it could be the whole incident occurred becuz I may have had a wee bit too much tequila.

But still.

I now stand back from the tank about 2 feet and toss the food in… if it goes in a crack, too damn bad!

Wednesday, March 20, 2013


Yes my turtle bit me! I'm not sure what's worse, the bite or being yelled at for getting bit!

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Hey Kids!!!!

just to let you know I’m not dead.

Just not where I can blog or follow my peeps…


One day soon… I promise!