Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Friends, Friemnies, And Boundaries…

HiResrandomtuesday

I’m linkin’ up with Shawn, Impulsive Addict, and Stacy Uncorked… She does Random Tuesday Thoughts. All Cool Chicks!!

I have been kickin’ this around in my head for weeks now, I don’t know how to put it all into words. All the new people that now come here would be totally lost. All of my peeps that have been here since the beginning of The VelvetTush know… But I’m just gonna ramble. You’ll get the idea.

I had a friend. One that would give a kidney if she needed it.

Well. I’m keepin’ the kidney! She can just fuck off!

She has a husband that is such a control freak that HE PLANS MY COOKOUTS!! AT MY HOUSE!! He was invitin’ people over based on those with hot wives that he wanted to see nekked! He want to perv on all the wives… Well, I fixed his little red wagon, and got him drunk and showed him just exactly what that looks like to have a man perv on HIS WIFE.

Lesson learned!

He tells her where she can go and what she can do. He tells her what to wear. Who she can be friends with… which isn’t me!

I have tried to break away from them for 2 years now but as Roy works with the Asshole, it’s not been easy to do.

She felt she could call Roy whenever she wanted, to ask him to come over to her house to do things for her that her husband wouldn’t do or was to chickshit to do… he will not climb up on the roof.

Or she would text Roy anytime.

On his birthday, she called him.

On my birthday, she left a message on Facebook.

Which leads me to this, she and her hub would tell Roy what I put on my status or would say to others, becuz they felt he didn’t know. Some he did. Some he didn’t. But all harmless.

I knew that they were doing this, so I baited them time and time again, with them tellin’ Roy each and every time. But again, Roy knew. And we laughed at their stupidity.

Over the years, I have asked her to come with me to the gym, and she never did. I have been thinkin’ about takin’ a Zumba class and saw that my gym had posted photos of the class. Guess who was in the class?? She didn’t ask me to join her!! But best of all, her hub didn’t know she was in the class either!!!

And I’m glad that I had nothing to do with that!!

But.

For some reason, after that incident, those two told Roy a lie. It’s one thing for them to tell him things that I do but to make up shit and tell him… them’s fightin’ words!!!

I wasn’t laughin’ at them now. I’m ready to strap on my dildo for battle becuz someone is gettin' fucked up!!

I stirred the pot some more on Facebook… which prompted calls from family and REAL friends as to what was going on… And then I unfriended her.

She sent me a text: “You’ve unfriended me again. what have I don’t now? lol” And she added, “Facebook is the only way I keep up with you.”

What?? She seems to be able to call my man but she can’t call me??? or text me???

Bitch!! She’s taller than me and has 30 pounds on me but I will drop an elbow on her.

I’m not laughin’: “You and your hub tell Roy things I’ve said, thinking he doesn’t know. I don’t need that kind of friend. I tell the world EVERYTHING why would you think he wouldn’t know. He is the center of my world. how dare you think I would hurt him.”

The end of a friendship.

Period.

Roy has deleted all phone numbers from his phone that belong to THAT family except that asshole’s becuz he needs it for work. And as far as I know nothing has been said to him at work about the whole thing.

I’m sure that Asshole is tickled pink I’m not speakin’ to his wife.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Spin Cycle… CockTails!!

Ok so this one time, this guy had me on the trunk of his car…

drunk_catWrong kinda Cock Tales!!

I’ve told you how to make great Margaritas… and salsa.

I’ve told you how to infuse booze with fruit… which reminds me I have some in the fridge I need to strain. Green Apple that has been soakin’ vodka since September!

And I have shared with you my very own concoction Kinky Lemonade.

So Now I will share with one of my favorite shots! I’m all about the shots! I found this recipe in a book, and I have no idea where the book has got to… upstairs in TheMuseum.

Italian Stallion: Equal parts Amaretto to Gin.

Simple! It’s warm and tastes yummy!

I make it with 1/2 of each. After about 4 shots, life is really mellow.

Link Up with The Spin Cycle and share your favorite cocktail recipe.

spin

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

3 Things I CAN NOT DO AGAIN!!!

Well. As long as Roy doesn’t know about it.

There’s a great big long list but these are 3 new ones add just this last week.

1) Never haul bricks in the car.

“It’s not a truck! We have a truck to haul things like that with and not in the car!”

In my defense, I can’t drive the truck. It’s unsafe for me to drive… well, I’m scare of it now. Don’t get me wrong. That truck and I have history. I’ve been screwed in it. I’ve been the ditch with it. I’ve ran thru the creek and drown the girls it. I’ve “jumped” the train tracks in it. I’ve let it roll down the driveway.

Well. Technically, it was the dog’s fault on the rollin’ down the driveway. The fact that I left it runnin’ and didn’t set the break on it is beside the point. The dog was so excited to be going to work with me that he was jumpin’ up and down and made it move… faster and faster… backwards… down the hill… and out the driveway.

Totally the dog!

Oh And I’m not the one that tried to tear the door off so it opens when you turn a corner. I’m not the one that broke the seat so I can’t move it forward anymore… It’s scary! I have to sit on the edge of the seat and hang on to the steerin’ wheel for dear life just to drive in the pasture.

Anyway, when we go to town in the truck, I may say to Roy I need some bricks or a bag of rocks or mulch or something, and he poopoo’s the idea and I don’t get my stuff.

So I have to do things on my own. In the car.  I bought towels to put the landscapin’ edging brick thingys and I had them home, and unloaded and in place by the time he got home.

But I’m not to do it again… at least until I need more stuff.

2) Use HIS hair brush.

“You get long blonde hairs in it and it tickles me.”

He’s bald. Sorta.

OH BOO HOO!! I like his brush. It feels so good to have it scratch my head. So when he goes to bed, I use to brush my hair.

I always forget to clean it out. Or maybe I just leave the hair in there to get on his nerves!

“Go buy you a brush! And quit usin’ mine!” So I did. I didn’t like it. I couldn’t very well “test” in the store! I bought a boar’s hair brush and traded with him. If I don’t like it, I won’t use it.

It’s like his razor. I don’t like it so I don’t use it. But I have noticed that he will use mine! What’s up with that??

I think this is one thing I’m not “allowed” to do… like usin’ the weedeater… I will stick to! But haulin’ bricks, that’s ify.

3) I am not to be in the bathroom while he’s poopin’.

“Do not come in here! It bothers me to be watched while I’m poopin’”

Now you would think I could easily NOT DO THIS but there is always a reason I need to be in the bathroom while he’s in there… at anytime… even while he’s poopin’!

After almost 18 years, he’s finally put his foot down on me about bathroom boundaries. I think that is totally unfair. I’ve never been able to be in the bathroom alone! When the girls lived at home, that’s where we held family meeting’s!! One kid on the cabinet, Roy leanin’ against the cabinet, one kid in the doorway, while I’m sittin’ on the pot!!

So I find it perfectly normal to go into the bathroom to brush my teeth or dig around in my jewelry box while he’s in there.

Right? He’s being totally unreasonably about these 3 new things!HiRes

Link up!

Shawn

Impulsive Addict

Thursday, April 05, 2012

My First Grandchild…

This week's Spin Cycle is about birth... and this is my spin.

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My daughter, EudoraMae, was 16 years old when she told me that she was pregnant. I was so disappointed. I had raised my girls to independent and strong. To be able to stand on their own without the aide of a man, like me… which meant from the time they could talk I was teachin’ and preachin’ to them about college and being doctors and lawyers.
I cried all the way home. I had to drive 250 miles… heartbroken.
Let me backup. My exhub, EarlLee, had custody of her when she became pregnant. He said, “well, they’re gonna do it anyway, why try to stop it.”
Asshole.
Fuckhead.
I wanted better for my girls than I had. I didn’t want EudoraMae to go down the same path that her mother had… that my mother had… I wanted more for her.
And now she was pregnant. I insisted that she not marry the deadbeat that got her pregnant. And she didn’t.
I wanted her to have an abortion. I knew what kinda life she would have. I had lived it.
She opted not to have one. And I respected her decision.
I told her when the time comes to give me a call and I would be there as quick as I could, to be with her during labor and delivery.
Hell’s Bells!! I had no idea what I was actually signin’ up for!!
I was at work when I got the call from her stepmonster, “the baby’s a comin’!”
Me being the control freak momma that I am, I hopped on my fastest horse and went just as quick as I could to Southern Oklahoma!
I got there just after they had given her an epidural and she was feelin’ no pain. She was with her StepMonster. I sort like her. She’s been really good to my girls. She takes a lot of flack from them… Almost as much as me.
EdoraMae was at the IndianHospital so there wasn’t a doctor which really sorta freaked me out. Just a midwife. So I asked, “is there a doctor available?” Oh yes if we have problems one is on call. The StepMonster and I looked at each other like, “great!”
Things started to happen and we all took our positions, The Midwife down THERE to catch the baby, the Stepmonster was in charge of ice chips and the top end, and that left me with the business end. I saw more of my daughter than I had ever seen since changin’ her diapers!
So when EdoraMae started to have harder contractions, the midwife told her push a certain why and she wasn’t listenin’! She was makin’ harder than it needed to be! EudoraMae wasn’t listenin’ to the Stepmonster! So me being the Momma that I am, I said, “EdoraMae! Listen to me! Push Forward!” She instantly keyed in on my voice and did what I said. And pushed that baby down!
The Midwife said “There’s the head! It’s crownin’! Grandma! You want to be the first to touch your grandbaby?!”
Think about that.
Have you got that visualized in your brain?
Touch the baby’s head. You realize where that is? So what did I do??
I touched the top of that baby’s head!! I was the first to touch that baby!!
Well about 4:40 the midwife, decided that things weren’t movin’ fast enough and she suggested she get that thing they attach to the head of the baby and pull it out.
What the Hell!!??
Let me stop right there to tell you a tidbit of news I had read just a week earlier about a midwife in THAT SAME HOSPITAL that was being taken to court to for doing that SAME PROCEDURE on another baby that had brain damage!!!! And there she was sittin’ right there at the birthin’ of MY FIRST GRANDBABY!!!
I said, “I think she’s doin’ okay. We don’t need to rush things. The baby’s not in stress. Let’s just let nature take it’s course.”
I had every woman in that room look at me like I had just made them eat horseshit! Seriously. EudoraMae looked at me like “mom, what the hell? get it out!!”
I just held my ground. I personally think that Midwife wanted to be gone by 5PM! Shit on that! I’m not jeopardizin’ my grandbaby’s brain so she can kick her shoes off and pop the top on a Bud!
20 minutes later when that little baby boy popped out, it was worth the wait! And that Midwife said, “Grandma, you want to be the one to cut the cord.”
GROSS! I have already touched his head in an area of my daughter’s body that I don’t ever want to see again… ever! And now this woman that wanted to suck him outta of his comfortable womb wants me to cut his cord from his mother.
Let me just say, the more things that I can do that the Stepmonster didn’t get to do makes all squeamishness fly right out the door!
Yes, I cut that cord!
I love that baby boy!!
day 2
day 1

Driving gram's car
zachaprild






He loves GiGi’s car!
cutie boy-04

Wednesday, April 04, 2012

My New Recipe…

I am sharing it with you and Janette from The Johanson Journey.  She a link-up for all your great finds on the internet or in stores or wherever… just share with her and she’ll make a Pin for Pinterest!love-button-15[3]
Way cool right!!?
Okay let’s get with it. Last week I shared my great find of Kinky Liqueur. And I have made a fabulous cocktail with it!
I checked out their website and they don’t have this concoction so this is totally mine!! Mine Mine Mine!!
Just like VelvetTush is mine and some one stole it from me to sell baby shit!! But don’t let me go off there! ugh!!!


Anyway…


I also found a great recipe for Lemonade. It’s so good! All the lemony goodness but not tart at all. I don’t like frozen concentrate at all. So here we go…

Nadine’s Lemonade
lemons (citrustreesonline)Make simple sugar with 1 3/4 cup of sugar and 1 cup of water… boil until sugar is dissolved. Set it aside and Squeeze 6 lemons in a 1 quart pitcher. It should be 1 cup of juice. Fill your pitcher half full of ice and pour the simple sugar in the pitcher, stir to mix the simple sugar and lemon juice together.  Add enough water to fill the pitcher…  done!
Enjoy!






And it’s time to get Kinky!!
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Nadine’s Kinky Lemonade

Pour yourself a glass of lemonade, half full. Add 2 shots of Kinky Liqueur and 1 shot of Coconut Rum. I love Malibu Rum! And Parrot Bay Coconut rum! So use whatever Coconut Rum you like… Stir! and add more lemonade to top off the glass!!
Done!!
Enjoy!!


Roy loves this!! He said I needed a name for it so… Kinky Lemonade it is!
Way better that than skinnybroad crap!! Seriously, if you think those are good Margarita’s, make the drive to Oklahoma and let me make you a cocktail or two! I promise it’s worth the drive.

Tuesday, April 03, 2012

Whoops!

IMG_4241
See that red car? That is just like the one we traded in for that yellow car. I loved that red one. I’m learning to like the yellow one.
I know. I should jumpin’ up and down about havin’ a brand new hot rod but… it’s not just right. It’s not red.
It’s a total boy’s car. I’ve had more kids and 20something young men show off to me than I can count. See those dark tinted windows? Those young men have no idea that a 40something woman drives it!!
But that’s not the story I’m here to tell. This is about needing nail polish to match that damn yellow car!
Returnin’ from the gym one day, I pulled it into the carport and heard a noise that sounded like I ran over something.
I know that sound well. Earlier in the week I had run over my nephews’ dog. Yes. I did. I felt so bad!!
UGH!!
And now, I have run over something else… geez, I have no luck. I got outta the car and looked all around and under, but I couldn’t find a single thing that could have made that sound. I just shrugged it off and went on about life.
A few days later, I got ready to go to the gym and walked out to the car. Started that bad boy up and put it in reverse.
And CRUNCH!!!
I knew instantly what had happened!! The mirror on the passenger’s side was caught on a post in the carport!!!!
OMG!!!!
DON’T TELL ROY!!! I’LL HAVE TO HEAR THE SPEECH!!!! I HATE THAT SPEECH!!!
I AM SUCH A BAD DRIVER AND HAVE DAMAGED HIS BOY CAR!!!!!!
I pulled forward to keep from rippin’ the whole mirror off completely and sat there tryin’ to figure out how to get out of this mess. I could leave it for Roy to do and suffer the speech that will come or I could try to get it out myself and survey the damage?
I opted to pull it out.
Keep in mind that there is only 3inches of play between the mirror and the post. I had to move the car only 1/2 to clear the post and pull the car safely out of the carport.
Think about that. 3inches of back and forth to move a car 1/2 inch to the left.
It took me 4 tries of back and forth and wheel turnin’ to do it but I did!!
And I parked the car and sat there. Do I leave the mirror as it is and suffer the speech that will come or do I attempt to fix it?
I opted to fix it.
I had to manhandle the mirror bracket to push it back into place and go look to the other side to see if I was makin’ progress… and getting’ my ass outta trouble! After about 3 good manhandlin’ attempts, the whole mirror clicked back in place.
WHEW!!
The only thing that will give me away is the teeny weeny tiny scratches on the tip of the mirror. If I had yellow nail polish I could get away with this whole thing and not get the speech!!
SCORE!!
I was quite pleased with myself! I got in the car and proceeded with my trip to the gym… And I called Roy to tell on myself for scratchin’ his boy car.

Link up with Shawn and Impulsive Addict for Talk To Us Tuesday!
And I've discovered another link for you... Stacy Uncorked! She does a Random Tuesday Link-up. Go over meet her and her group of gals that always link up with her too.
And then for tomorrow, there is Janette with her "Show Us Your Find"... it's really cool! She makes a Pin for Pinterest of your find!
For Friday, there is the Spin Cycle with Grethen! This week's spin topic is birthing. And we all know I know loads about that!

Life is too short to not have a truck load of friends!