Thursday, October 11, 2012

Ugly Shoes, Road Trippin’, And Creepy Photos…

I didn’t have my camera out to take a photo of Roy’s Ex-Wife’s ugly ass shoes… I get into enough trouble without tryin’ to be stealthy and take photos.

But… They looked like this…


but with a one inch heal and black.

Like my 3rd grade teacher used to wear.





Roy and I are headed out to Iowa for some birthday fun!! Wooo Hooo!!!

Well, as much fun as a you can have at a 90yr old’s party.

So you know I have a problem with funerals, dead people, and caskets… I DON’T DO ‘EM!! My sister in-law knows this fact!

And she mailed us a photo of RoySr in his casket!!!

She wrote on the outside of the envelope that she did it, so I didn’t open the letter. But it just freaked me out! When Roy got home, I showed it to him and told him that he needed to do whatever he needed to do with it so that I NEVER, EVER, FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, SEE THAT PHOTO!

He teased me, “but it’s the best he’s looked in years.”

And the tears just spontaneously fell from my eyes. It was not funny to me. “I can’t deal with it. Please, I just can’t.”

And he folded it up as small as he could and disposed of it.

Am I wrong?

Okay, enough heart breakin’ creepy shit… I hope to come home from Iowa with wild tales.

Or Something.

Wednesday, October 03, 2012

Spreadin’ The Love…

My neighbor, Nicole, from Life’s a Beach … I say she’s my neighbor, she live in Missouri… ANYWAY… she has a really cool idea… a way to share your blog and location with other bloggers!!

Click Here—> NICOLE’s Map and join in!!

She has really simple instructions to follow… I did it. So it’s really easy!!


Tuesday, October 02, 2012

3 Ex's And A Funeral...

Roy's dad, RoySr, passed away last week. He was 89 years old and lived a good life. He will be missed.

I am not a person who enjoys family get togethers and make it a funeral ...well, that's too much for me. I have never been to a "visitation". To Roy's family, it was a social gatherin' to talk about RoySr and visit with old friends. And Roy's Ex-Girlfriends!!

Roy's a catch!!

I don't like funerals or funeral homes or anything to do with the dead. I stayed off to myself behind a plant... in the sun... and a had a hot flash!! Of all the times to be sweaty!! Roy could introduce me to his old flames at any moment!!! So I went for ice water and some cool spot in front of an air vent, when Roy found me. He pointed out a woman with teeth missin' and said she used to chase him around in high school. He had no desire to be her beau!

I just laughed at him... Silly Man!

He went back to minglin' and mixin' with folks comin' in to pay their last respects to his father, when his brother come over to me and said "You need to get in there, his old girlfriend just came in."

I just laughed at him... Silly Man!

I have no problem with Exes. What happened before me is in the past... and I don't care. And then Roy came back to tell me his old girlfriend had shown up and she wanted him. "All I have to do is crook my finger and she will drop her panties right here!"

I just laughed at... Silly Man!

She wears a mullet! But he was right! She couldn't keep from touchin' him!! I couldn't help but laugh out loud!!

On the way back to the hotel, Roy began to rethink his whole "crook his finger and droppin' her panties" thing, becuz he said, "do not let her get you alone. I'm afraid she'll hurt you." And he was serious! So I agreed that I wasn't gonna make any trips to the bathroom for fear of being Shiv'd by her in the bathroom of a Church!

Luckily, she didn't show up. But as we were sittin' there watchin' the people file past the casket and hug and shake hands with Roy's sister, I noticed another one of Roy's Exes!!

His Ex-Wife!!

I thought she might come with her kids but I just let that thought go out just as quickly as it went in... and there she was!

"Honey!" I elbowed him. "Look who's here!"
"What?" he couldn't here me, I was on the wrong side of him... his kids were on his good ear side. I pointed up at her.
She hugged my sister in-law and my mother in-law and walked out.

Hold that thought.

While the service was goin' on, Roy's uncle was sittin' behind us and had a spell... he's almost 90 yrs old!! There were whispers of 911 and ambulances, as he was escorted out of the sanctuary. Roy followed his cousins and his uncle out... his uncle is like his 2nd father!!

Roy came back into the service in time for the family to have alone time with RoySr for a final farewell. It was our turn to walk past the casket... we stood up... and I'll be damned if I didn't loose my balance!!
 I wore flats!!
No Heels of any kind after what happened the last time!!

 But No, I Still lost my balance!!

I grabbed Roy's arm and his face went red and he looked at me like "OH NO! NOT AGAIN!"
I just smiled at him a weak smile, "no, no. I'm fine."
I took 3 steps... NOTHING HAPPENED... whew!! all was good!!
I stepped aside and found a seat away from the family so they could have their alone time and not worry with me and my issues. His cousin came back in and said her dad was gettin' better, that Roy's Ex was with him at the moment so she could be with the family. Roy walks up and sits with me. I told him his uncle was better and his ex-wife was with him.

 "WHAT! WHY?" He was shocked!!

I have no idea of why he was so surprised by her being at a funeral of her ex-father in-law or being so kind to his uncle but I figured there more to her than he says.

I do have moments of being a grown up. They are rare. But I do. I invited his ex-wife to stay for lunch with the family.

See. I know how to be a grown up.

But That Bitch had some ugly shoes on her feet!!! UGLY!!

And I digress...