In 2002, Roy and I rode our motorcycles to Sturgis South Dakota. It was grueling!! I wrecked once, nearly wrecked twice, almost fainted, and suffered from dehydration. My ass hurt!! It was one the most impressive things I’ve ever done!! Most men do not ride their our bikes to Sturgis! I would do it again in a heart beat!!
On our way home, we went through Iowa and visited his family. While there, Roy said, “we could have gone a cruise for the same money.”
NO SHIT!!! Jackass!!
So in 2003, when my friend said she and her family were going on a cruise, she invited us. Roy likes her so it didn’t take a lot of beggin’ to get him to agree. Especially, when he found out about the topless deck!!
All the ladies lost lots of weight for this cruise and my friend said we’d all look good on topless deck!! Oh Yeah! I lost 20lbs!! I was the only “lady” and I use the term loosely… the only one from our party that went to the topless deck! My tatas were out tannin’ for all to see!
Do you know that it really hurts when your nipples are sunburned?
One of our ports we stopped at was Cozumel. I love… Roy Loves… WE ALL LOVE COZUMEL!!!
Open Bar on the Beach on a Private Island!!! Pure Hedonism!!
I had 3 margaritas and 6 coronas in about 4 hours. I was feelin’ no pain!!
There was a 15 minute boat ride to the bus, then a 30 minute ride on a bumpy road back to the ship, so I thought it best to pee before leavin’ the island. I staggered my happyass to the banos only to wait in line… I mean really! Why do women take so long in the bathroom? Just yank your panties down and squat your ass and let her rip! And get the hell outta the way!!
Once it was my turn, I pulled my swimsuit bottoms down only to discover they were full of sand!!! Oh Hell!! Not only will my cooch be wet for the ride back to town but it will be rubbed raw with the sand!!! OH HELL NO!!! I staggered my happyass out the banos to the shower on the beach. There was couple using it. And there was a line!! What is the deal with lines?? I had my fill and staggered my happyass up to the front of line, and asked if I could shower with them!
Of course, the man said sure no problem!! He worked the water while is rinsed the sand out of my bottoms. I don’t know if I exposed myself or what but there was no sand when I finished. Where his lady friend was, I have no idea.
I saw Roy!
He was just standin’ there with a “woman! what the fuck?” look on his face and just shook his head and lead me off down the path to the boat. I nearly fell off the dock and got on the wrong bus! I was so trashed!
On the boat ride to the bus, I learned that the couple was newly married and I apologized over and over for my bustin’ in to their shower! I think the wife was a bit tacky by this point… I mean really! A bit of understandin’!! Please!!! I had sand in my cooch!!!
Before we got on the ship, Roy wanted to stop at shop to check the prices of booze. There were armed guards all over the docks. Roy stopped cold! Turned to me and said, “You pull yourself together! You do not want to be in a Mexican Jail!”
I sucked my shit up!! He stood me up against the wall and held me there with one hand and checked prices with the other.
I saw the newlywed couple later on the cruise ship using the shower on the pool deck, and I thought about going down and joinin’ them but Roy wouldn’t let me go… probably best.
Roy and I have been on 6 Cruises!! We love it!! It’s the only way to travel!