Monday, June 04, 2012

Black, Red, And Pissed All The Way…

For years, Roy and I have had an on-going argument over wasps. They are a part of country life. Neither one of us is too afraid of them, we just don’t want to be stung. More than once we have this conversation:
“Roy, You need to take care of those wasps.”
“What color are they?”
images waspI tell him what color and he tells me his thoughts.
In his mind, Black ones won’t sting. Red ones will sting. Yellow ones will sting you over and over and kill your ass!
In my mind, no matter what color, They will Sting You and It Freakin’ Hurts!!
He came home one day from work when he was a lumberjack with a wasp sting on his knuckles. A Red Wasp had stung him and his hand was swollen and was sore and puffy for days!
I used to get a TulsaWorld daily from the a paperbox. One day I noticed there was wasps flyin’ around inside the box. I told Roy.
“What color are they?”
“They were black.”
“It’s okay. They won’t sting you.”
“They follow my hand the whole time I’m in the box!”
“You’ll be fine. They won’t sting you.”
Right! I reached in there one day and I’ll be damned if one of those non-aggressive peace lovin’ black wasp didn’t sting my arm!!
I jumped in the truck screamin! “I’ve been stunk!! Black Fuckin’ Wasps won’t sting??!! MY ARM HAS BEEN STUNG!” And was followed by much more cussin’ and lots of pain! It hurt for a long time and swelled up! I can still find the EXACT spot where I was stung on my arm 3 years later!! There’s a indentation!! Like one of those vicious spider bites that eat your skin!! I have a sink hole from a wasp sting…. A BLACK flippin’ WASP!!!!
One day not too long ago, He saw a yellow jacket on the gate to the pool area… that bitch had to go!! He got the spray out and killed it dead!
I felt like going to the gym the other day,  so I got my stuff to go and went out to pulled car out of the carport. The black wasps were flyin’ all around the carport area… and buzzin’ my ear! And landin’ on the spot where I put my stuff while I open the gate!! And still buzzin’ my ear!!!
It was was worse when I put the car up!! Not just one or two… a dozen or more!! NOT HAPPY!!!
“Honey, You need to tend to the wasps at the carport!”
“What color are they?”
“HELLO! PaperBox Wasps!!”
“What paperbox?”
“You don’t remember the time I was attacked by the wasp from the paperbox?”
He looked at me blankly.
He’s a jackass.
So I refresh his memory.
“Now, kill the ones flyin’ around the carport! I don’t care what color they are, just kill them.”
“They are just mud daubers and they will not sting you.”
“that’s what you said about the ones in the paperbox! I get stung, You are in Deep Shit Mister!”
Stood by the carport where the wasps were flyin’ around, made a face at me and then danced around like an idiot mockin’ me with wasps all around his head.
“Just keep it up! I’ll laugh my ass off when you get stung!”
All last week, the driveway buzzer was beepin’ all the frickin’ time! We can’t hear anything in the house in the summer with it all shut up and the A/C runnin’ so we rely on the driveway buzzer to tell us if someone pulls in… and the buzzer was goin’ off all the time! And no one was there! I finally figured it out! It was wasps comin’ in and out of the buzzer box!!!
“Honey, I know what the problems is with the buzzer. Wasps!”
“What color?”
“I saw a black one fly right out.”
“Okay, Good. I’ll go spray them.”
And off he goes with his can of wasp killer. A few minutes later he comes back all excited.
“They weren’t black!! They were Red!!! I had to fight for my life to get away from them!!”
Jackass deserved it!

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15 comments:

allstarme said...

Proving that sometimes you have to trick men into doing things. ;)

Nicole said...

hehehehe... this cracked me up! Heck I had a black one get under my foot last year and I stepped on the stinger. That friggin hurts! I have to convince my step-daughter not to swat at them b/c that just pisses them off. She doesn't listen.

Stacie said...

Men, they will do it their way or die trying...maybe by wasp sting if they aren't careful!

Jill said...

ha! I didn't even know wasps were different colours - I see yellow ones around here all the time and they are VICIOUS. I don't care what colour they are, they all gotta go!!

Cathy Kennedy said...

I don't care what a color a bee or wasp is, I will avoid them period! As you know the "non-aggressive' ones will sting if they feel threatened and it bloody hurts. No fun! It's almost summer time and such critters are out & about. Enjoy the fun!

Impulsive Addict said...

I'm pretty sure they all sting and they're all evil. I'm not sure what purpose God thinks they serve here. I mean, bees give us honey. What does a wasp do? And for that matter, why do I have scorpions in my house? What purpose do those little bastards serve?

I'm glad he didn't die. You would have been so sad. ;)

Thanks for being so loyal to our link party! xoxo

Heathers Happenings said...

I get to running when I see wasps of any color. I hate those things. When I was little my cousins kept swatting at a bunch of wasps and I told them to stop. Those stupid things kept stinging me around my eyes. Hurt like hell.

Shawn said...

This is my motto: If they fly they need to be killed.

That's all.

I have a can of spray in the gar age and house and I TCB myself as soon as I see one, I'm not getting stung!

Thanks for joining the party!

gretchen said...

So funny! And totally reminded me of my childhood in Texas. We always had some kind of evil insects living around our house. I remember once, some mud daubers built a next on the sunvisor of my truck! I drove them around with me for a month!

Date Girl said...

hahahaha, oh man. I hate being stung, and it does serve him right, the stinker!

Connie Weiss said...

Wasps freak me out!!

I'm so worried they will sting one of the kids and we'll find out the hard way that they are allergic.

Stacy Uncorked said...

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Serves him right he had to run for his life. He shoulda listened to you the first time. Men!! ;)

I hate bees of all kinds - I got stung twice when I was a kid and both times it hurt like a sonofabitch! So I keep a wide berth and avoid them like a plague - or kill 'em dead. And you just reminded me of a bee story I'll have to share for next week's RTT and TTUT...thank you! :)


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becca said...

proof women are smarter

TMW Hickman said...

Hahahahaha!!! Actually, all wasps will sting you if they have to. It's just that some of them would rather not. Funny that you posted this--we just found a huge yellow jacket nest right on our front porch! We will be taking care of that very quickly.

Katy said...

My husband is the exact same way and I HATE IT. He doesn't like to kill anything that doesn't "deserve" it. I'm sorry, but I just don't like those things buzzing all around my front and back doors. A few years ago I broke down and cried over the wasps and now he just kills them--I guess he figures that's better than listening to me blubber.