Tuesday, June 26, 2012

A Smatterin’ Of Crap…

1) I’m not sure if I can get into this season of True Blood. It’s too far off track from the books… The Sookie Stackhouse Novels… And if there’s not a Bill-Sookie-Eric Triangle… and sex… with Eric… well I don’t think I can get into it.
Oh Yeah!! That’s how I roll!!

2) It’s Summer. 107 degrees!!! Iimage001 don’t like that. At. All.

IMG_45993) I cried over that frickin’ Turtle!! Remember that turtle I didn’t want… it can grow to be huge… and a killer… I cried over the thought of turnin’ it loose. It’s either keep it another year or let it go now so it can get acclimated to the river.
We are keepin’ it… another year.

4) The battle of the wasps is still pretty much going on. They are everywhere. In some the oddest places… gates, around the pool, the carport, the back porch, and well everywhere. Roy’s opened the gate to the dog pen and hornets came out after him. He opened the driveway gate and a red wasp went after him. He retrieved the pool floaties from the chicken house and found a hornets nest attached to them… he didn’t get stung not one time. He leads a charmed life.
5) I would have gotten stung… over and over and over.
6) I do not lead a charmed life.
7) Shit just happens to me.
8) I was makin’ salsa the other night, and cut my fingers twice and trimmed off a nail. Roy said, “how much booze have you drank?”
“Dude! None! I wish I had. It would give me a reason for doing stupid shit!”

9) Caption This Photo:401813_4201524238579_1336487532_n

I was told I planted the seeds backwards.

10) Link Up!!
With Stacy!
Seriously Shawn
and Impulsive Addict.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

My First Cruise…

For Nicole:
In 2002, Roy and I rode our motorcycles to Sturgis South Dakota. It was grueling!! I wrecked once, nearly wrecked twice, almost fainted, and suffered from dehydration. My ass hurt!! It was one the most impressive things I’ve ever done!! Most men do not ride their our bikes to Sturgis! I would do it again in a heart beat!!
On our way home, we went through Iowa and visited his family. While there, Roy said, “we could have gone a cruise for the same money.”
NO SHIT!!! Jackass!!
So in 2003, when my friend said she and her family were going on a cruise, she invited us. Roy likes her so it didn’t take a lot of beggin’ to get him to agree. Especially, when he found out about the topless deck!!
All the ladies lost lots of weight for this cruise and my friend said we’d all look good on topless deck!! Oh Yeah! I lost 20lbs!! I was the only “lady” and I use the term loosely… the only one from our party that went to the topless deck! My tatas were out tannin’ for all to see!
Do you know that it really hurts when your nipples are sunburned?
One of our ports we stopped at was Cozumel. I love… Roy Loves… WE ALL LOVE COZUMEL!!!
Open Bar on the cruise04bwozBeach on a Private Island!!! Pure Hedonism!!
I had 3 margaritas and 6 coronas in about 4 hours. I was feelin’ no pain!!
There was a 15 minute boat ride to the bus, then a 30 minute ride on a bumpy road back to the ship, so I thought it best to pee before leavin’ the island. I staggered my happyass to the banos only to wait in line… I mean really! Why do women take so long in the bathroom? Just yank your panties down and squat your ass and let her rip! And get the hell outta the way!!
Once it was my turn, I pulled my swimsuit bottoms down only to discover they were full of sand!!! Oh Hell!! Not only will my cooch be wet for the ride back to town but it will be rubbed raw with the sand!!! OH HELL NO!!! I staggered my happyass out the banos to the shower on the beach. There was couple using it. And there was a line!! What is the deal with lines?? I had my fill and staggered my happyass up to the front of line, and asked if I could shower with them!
Of course, the man said sure no problem!! He worked the water while is rinsed the sand out of my bottoms. I don’t know if I exposed myself or what but there was no sand when I finished. Where his lady friend was, I have no idea.
I saw Roy!
He was just standin’ there with a “woman! what the fuck?” look on his face and just shook his head and lead me off down the path to the boat. I nearly fell off the dock and got on the wrong bus! I was so trashed!
On the boat ride to the bus, I learned that the couple was newly married and I apologized over and over for my bustin’ in to their shower! I think the wife was a bit tacky by this point… I mean really! A bit of understandin’!! Please!!! I had sand in my cooch!!!
Before we got on the ship, Roy wanted to stop at shop to check the prices of booze. There were armed guards all over the docks. Roy stopped cold! Turned to me and said, “You pull yourself together! You do not want to be in a Mexican Jail!”
I sucked my shit up!! He stood me up against the wall and held me there with one hand and checked prices with the other.
I saw the newlywed couple later on the cruise ship using the shower on the pool deck, and I thought about going down and joinin’ them but Roy wouldn’t let me go… probably best.
Roy and I have been on 6 Cruises!! We love it!! It’s the only way to travel!

Stacy Uncorked
Impulsive Addict
Seriously Shawn

Monday, June 18, 2012

And The Award Goes To…

Dearly Beloved:
We are gathered here today to honor the Holy Nadine. That’s right Becca at Every Day Life has deemed me STYLISH!!!
So be it!
And as we all know it’s all about me here at the Church of the Holy Nadine, I’m to recant 5… just 5 of my most favorite moments of my life.
th_stylish_blogger_award81) Riding to Sturgis on my motorcycle… I am very proud of this one!
2) Meeting Roy… I’ve told you about.
3) Being at the birth of my grandson… We’ve been over that.
4) My first cruise… I don’t think you know about me and topless deck, or showering with a totally stranger on his honeymoon. Not so proud of this! What happens in Mexico should stay in Mexico!
5) Playing softball as a teen… after findin’ out about the honeymooner… this pales! It sounds so wicked! There was a great deal of booze involved and sand.
Which story do you want to read about??
Let me know and I’ll post it for TTuT for IA, Shawn, and Stacy.
I’m very sorry I’m just sittin’ down to blog but it’s been a real trip through sunblock hell… And Roy had 5 days off. I never made it around to visit with all my peeps. I’ll do better in the future.
So as we part ways for the day and you proceed with your lives… Just know that Hedonism is Name of the Game.
It’s about Jewels and Booze
Purses and Shoes.
The Good Times… Let Them Roll.
I bless thee in the Name of Jose, Chanel, and Jimmy Choo.
Big Hugs, Much Love, Drink Too Much Tequila!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Doin’ Hard Time…

Forget my wedding anniversary will you??? He’s remembered it every day since he forgot it!
He’s actually diggin’ a storm shelter… or a man cave. I wasn’t with him went he picked out the size of shelter so he bought one that will shelter 17-20 people!!

That’s me in the hole. It need to be 53 inches deep. It’s deeper than that… it’s 63! and I’m 59inches tall.

Link Up!!
Impulsive Addict

randomtuesdayI have errands to run and then it's girl day in the pool, so I'll try to get around late in the day to visit with my peeps.

Monday, June 04, 2012

Black, Red, And Pissed All The Way…

For years, Roy and I have had an on-going argument over wasps. They are a part of country life. Neither one of us is too afraid of them, we just don’t want to be stung. More than once we have this conversation:
“Roy, You need to take care of those wasps.”
“What color are they?”
images waspI tell him what color and he tells me his thoughts.
In his mind, Black ones won’t sting. Red ones will sting. Yellow ones will sting you over and over and kill your ass!
In my mind, no matter what color, They will Sting You and It Freakin’ Hurts!!
He came home one day from work when he was a lumberjack with a wasp sting on his knuckles. A Red Wasp had stung him and his hand was swollen and was sore and puffy for days!
I used to get a TulsaWorld daily from the a paperbox. One day I noticed there was wasps flyin’ around inside the box. I told Roy.
“What color are they?”
“They were black.”
“It’s okay. They won’t sting you.”
“They follow my hand the whole time I’m in the box!”
“You’ll be fine. They won’t sting you.”
Right! I reached in there one day and I’ll be damned if one of those non-aggressive peace lovin’ black wasp didn’t sting my arm!!
I jumped in the truck screamin! “I’ve been stunk!! Black Fuckin’ Wasps won’t sting??!! MY ARM HAS BEEN STUNG!” And was followed by much more cussin’ and lots of pain! It hurt for a long time and swelled up! I can still find the EXACT spot where I was stung on my arm 3 years later!! There’s a indentation!! Like one of those vicious spider bites that eat your skin!! I have a sink hole from a wasp sting…. A BLACK flippin’ WASP!!!!
One day not too long ago, He saw a yellow jacket on the gate to the pool area… that bitch had to go!! He got the spray out and killed it dead!
I felt like going to the gym the other day,  so I got my stuff to go and went out to pulled car out of the carport. The black wasps were flyin’ all around the carport area… and buzzin’ my ear! And landin’ on the spot where I put my stuff while I open the gate!! And still buzzin’ my ear!!!
It was was worse when I put the car up!! Not just one or two… a dozen or more!! NOT HAPPY!!!
“Honey, You need to tend to the wasps at the carport!”
“What color are they?”
“HELLO! PaperBox Wasps!!”
“What paperbox?”
“You don’t remember the time I was attacked by the wasp from the paperbox?”
He looked at me blankly.
He’s a jackass.
So I refresh his memory.
“Now, kill the ones flyin’ around the carport! I don’t care what color they are, just kill them.”
“They are just mud daubers and they will not sting you.”
“that’s what you said about the ones in the paperbox! I get stung, You are in Deep Shit Mister!”
Stood by the carport where the wasps were flyin’ around, made a face at me and then danced around like an idiot mockin’ me with wasps all around his head.
“Just keep it up! I’ll laugh my ass off when you get stung!”
All last week, the driveway buzzer was beepin’ all the frickin’ time! We can’t hear anything in the house in the summer with it all shut up and the A/C runnin’ so we rely on the driveway buzzer to tell us if someone pulls in… and the buzzer was goin’ off all the time! And no one was there! I finally figured it out! It was wasps comin’ in and out of the buzzer box!!!
“Honey, I know what the problems is with the buzzer. Wasps!”
“What color?”
“I saw a black one fly right out.”
“Okay, Good. I’ll go spray them.”
And off he goes with his can of wasp killer. A few minutes later he comes back all excited.
“They weren’t black!! They were Red!!! I had to fight for my life to get away from them!!”
Jackass deserved it!

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