Saturday, March 24, 2012

My Demons…

Let’s be honest.
We all have demons.
Some people gamble.
Some folks drink.
Some shop.
I have issues.
Mother issues.
Daughter issues.
Family issues.
Friend issues.
My Daddy didn’t touch me in inappropriate ways.
Nor did my cousins or uncles.
Though, I was “date raped” at 14.
I was assaulted at 12 in a bathroom at school at a Boy Scout Meeting.
I was assaulted at 15 and 16 in class at school.
So I dated a thug for protection.
Assaulted many times by a neighbor boy.
I loved him.
But his cousin, I did not.
I hated that kid.
It didn’t keep him from sexually assaulting me.
I was bullied all thru school becuz I was short, freckled, and becuz I was a girl.
I didn’t ask for any of it.
And I don’t carry it around with me either.
I let it all go.
I really did.
I let it all go.
I am not bitter.
I have no regrets.
Do is wish I wasn’t taken advantage of?
Of course not.
Why would any woman want to be raped?
By someone they loved.
And I did.
I loved him so much.
I heard once on Oprah that 1 in 4 women were sexually assaulted.
She thought that number is higher as so many women keep quiet about it.
I believe that.
We keep quiet.
Every girl/woman I know has been sexually assaulted.
But do you know there is a certain group of women that lie about it to get what they want?
For real.
Do you know that?
They get to be a victim.
They get sympathy.
They get people riled up to skin the perpetrator.
And that person did nothing wrong.
Except, maybe love their mother too much.
These same people hold my grandchildren up to me like carrots.
Holdin’ them out for me to grab onto and then kick me in the chest.
And stomp a mud hole in my heart.
Am I wrong for wanting to preserve my sanity?
My emotionally stability?
I love my life with Roy.
He did nothing wrong.
Why do people want to rip him from me?
Stupid people want to rip Roy from me becuz they think I’m hurtin’ him becuz I’m so “in your face”, so brazen,  so real.
And there are those that want to rip Roy from me with lies.
My demons.
I’m damned if I do.
I’m damned it I don’t.

1 comment:

Becca said...

I know it isn't true.
You know it isn't true.
They know it isn't true.
Life is far too short to let people try to take away your good name and your really good life. Stand up and stand your ground. I respect you for being brutally honest.
I love you my friend.