Thursday, February 09, 2012

Our First Kiss…

Today is our Valentine’s Day.

This is a reprint of the story of our first kiss…

The phone is ringing again!
I wonder if it is the girls with a Dorito Emergency. It's only 2:30....can't be.
I'll bet it's my stalker.
He comes in here 3 times a day...once after I get to work....sometime in the middle of the shift....and one last time before I go home. I only work 4 hours!
He plays me music over the phone...Bad Moon on the Rise.....Secret Agent Man....and his favorite, "Robbin' people with a six gun, I fought the law and the law won."
He has a crush on me.
I knew it the first day he walked into my store. I made him nervous.
I made a grown man with a gun on his hip, NERVOUS! ME!!
He knocked over a display rack becuz I touched his hand. Geez!!
And he loves my short skirts.
He watches me stick the tanks.
He watches me restock the cooler.
But he really loves holding the ladder when I change the gas prices.
"What are you doing up there?" he said.
"What does it look like I'm doin'?"....Idiot! He loves to give me grief!
"You are going to cause a wreck! You know you are showing your panties to the people that drive by."
"What color are they?"
All nervous and blushing, he said, "I can't tell, all I see is butt cheeks."
"Okay then if you can't see the panties, there is no problem. Why do you care? Are you afraid you will lose your place in line?"
Blushing with a goofy grin, "I have a place in line? Let me help you down."
And he loves beyond all things, is to argue with me!
I don't understand that! We have debated about everything from Onside kicking to VietnamVets vs DesertStorm Heros.
The man is impossible!
He loves to make me mad!
He came in all pissy once becuz he couldn't wash his windshield becuz there wasn't any water in the squeegie thingy.
Ticked me off....he made such a big deal of it.....with all those people standin' around!
I grabbed up a bucket of water and trotted my HappyAss right out there.
He was sittin' in his CopCar with that StupidAss grin on his face. I'll bet he is thrilled to be near me!
I stopped at the front of his car and reared back with that bucket of water and threw it all over his windshield!
Take that!
"You're welcome!" I said as I turned on my heal and marched back inside.
He just sat there like what the hell just happened!
And then he started laughing!!
He apologized later and confessed, "You're so cute when you stomp your feet when you're mad."
The phone is still ringing. This has gone on for 6 months....It's gotta be him?
What song will he play for me today?
All he said was, "Meet me."
I wasn't outta the car 3 seconds when he leaned down to kiss me.
That kiss went all the way to my toes!!
I had my hands on his a solid as a rock!!
He backed up and shivered and shook his leg...he felt it too. "Wooooh! I have wanted to do that for so long!"
I smiled, "I'm glad I can do that for you."
He leaned down again and this kiss went for my groin.....and it felt good!
I pushed him back. "I'm married and I'm miserable."
He replied, "I'm married and I don't want a divorce."
To make myself perfectly clear, "No strings! This is just for Shiggles and Git!"
He smiled, "Shiggles and Git!"
That was 15 years ago.......Roy and I have not been apart since!

And now 20!

DrPhil Screw you!

Another reprint…

One night durin' supper...

"Honey, We were on DrPhil today."

Roy looked up from cuttin' his steak and said,"Splain that one, Lucy."

"Well it would seem that this woman was being neglected by her husband and she started an affair with another man. They fell in love. They both were gettin' divorces and her husband was upset becuz he didn't realize that she was unhappy and was shocked that she wanted a divorce. I mean...Come On! He was neglectin' her how could he know?"

I paused to let that soak in.

"Doesn't that sound really familiar to you?"

He nodded his head, "So how did we fair?"

"DrPhil ripped us a new one! He said we had disrespected our spouses and our marriages even if there wasn't anything left in those marriages. That we had acted irresponsible by starting our relationship before fully ending our first one. That our marriage wouldn't last becuz our relationship was based on selfishness."

Roy just grinned.

DrPhil....You can kiss my lily white ass!!!

We were just with the wrong people the first time around.


becca said...

great stories loved them

Impulsive Addict said...

Bwhahahahaha! You are so witty! GOOD FOR YOU!

I wonder when I'll realize I'm with the wrong man? I hope never because the thought of dating again makes me nauseous. And then there are the STD's....

Nicole said...

hehehe... Dr. Phil is a quack. My grandma watches Dr. Laura and she says if you remarry and there are kids involved, you and your new spouse shouldn't have kids until the others are grown and out of the house.

Date Girl said...

Dr. Phil is a douche. To each their own. And I love that you two have been together for so long. Suck on that Dr. P!