Friday, December 07, 2012

Still Here!!!

I have not fallen off the face of the earth… yet.302656037427635888_LjvGaBe0_b

Lots of stuff all happened at once. I’m not quite ready to sit down and tell you all about it.


Yes. I am. One Badass Unicorn!!

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Jill’s Questions…

Jill asked these Questions as part on a blog award. She selected all of her readers to receive the said award and to play along.


so here goes:


  1. You are given a free round-trip ticket to go anywhere in the world for one week. Where do you choose to go? Paris. or London. A free ticket is the only way I would get to go to either. And I’d have go alone becuz there is no way in Hell I would ever get Roy to go with me.
  2. What is your biggest fear? Apparently scorpions. I didn’t realize this until I showered with one. Spiders okay, beetles okay, but scorpions… no flippin’ way!!
  3. Poker, Euchre, or other? (if other, tell me what your game of choice is!) Spades. I love it but Roy and I rarely play becuz it takes another couple. When we played with his parents, I was teamed with QueenVictoria and sometimes we won. RARE. But it was fun.
  4. What is the one TV show you can’t miss, and can’t wait to watch each week? I love Sons of Anarchy. And Justified. I am attracted to bad boys.
  5. Is there a book you love, and have read over and over? If so, which one is it? No. Though I have read all the Harry Potter books twice.  When I’m done, I’m done. Period.
  6. People magazine has given you the almighty power: YOU get to choose the Sexiest Man Alive. Who do you pick? (if you’re a boy – you get to pick a woman, if you want. ;)) Brad Pitt. DUH! EVER!! SEXIEST!!!
  7. What’s your favourite scary movie? I don’t do scary. The Ghost and Mr Chicken scares me. So no I don’t have a favorite.
  8. You’re invited to a party and told to bring your “signature dish” – what do you bring? (bonus points for a recipe!) My salsa!! My sister loves it and that’s all I need to know. I take it every time. Or Cheesy potatoes. I have yet to perfect it but the salsa, I got it down pat!!
  9. What is the #1 item on your Christmas Wish List this year? a new TV for the bedroom. I want a flat screen mounted on the wall at the foot of the bed… a 40 incher or bigger. yep. that’s what I want. Every time I’ve asked for world peace, people just look at me and roll their eyes. I really don’t think it would be all that hard. Geez!
  10. If you could see any singer or band in the world, which would you choose? Band Ac/Dc or Metallica. Singer Joan Jett
  11. They’re going to name a pizza after you, and you get to pick the toppings – what are you putting on your pizza and what are you going to call it? My Pizza would be Hot Mess Nadine and have salsa and taco meat with lots of cheese and guacamole too. On a thin…. crack thin… crust! People! Pizza isn’t about the dough!! It’s about the toppings!! Thick crust… gross.
  12. Bonus question: I just have to ask, in honour of Breaking Dawn Part 2 tomorrow night. Team Edward or Team Jacob? Team Jacob! Poor kid. In love with a girl that doesn’t return the feelings and he “imprints” on a baby!! What the hell? That’s just pervy!!!

And there you have it… my take on Jilly’s Questions!

Tuesday, November 06, 2012

I Got Nothing!!!

I’m not dead.
Or Missing.
There’s just not really anything worth sharing.

No odd conversations with Roy.
Well. That’s not true but I don’t think you really want to hear about our convos about shit.
Literally. Shit.
I’m so blessed to be married to a man that feels so comfortable with me to share his bowel movements.

The trip to Iowa was fine. But nothing wild and crazy… it’s Iowa. You can even put me in Iowa and not find wild and crazy.
Probably Best.

I have had a bout with the Klumzies… I slammed my finger in the bedroom door. That hurt soooo freakin’ bad. About as bad as the night I kicked the bed, or the night I hit the coffee table with my shin. It didn’t hurt as bad as day I did the splits over a stadium sit and bruised my inner thigh.
Yeah. Klumzy!

I tried and tried to think of a way to put a funny spin on the time I found a scorpion in the shower… with me and my nekked ass!!
I know! Right?
Get the Fuck Out!!!
Yeah,  A Scorpion!!
It was dead. Not real sure if it was the shampoop or the shampoop bottle I used on it… but I think if my shampoop will kill a scorpion, I’m changin’ brands.

So that’s about it… what’s new with you??

Link up and let’s chat it up!!

Seriously Shawn

Impulsive Addict

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Ugly Shoes, Road Trippin’, And Creepy Photos…

I didn’t have my camera out to take a photo of Roy’s Ex-Wife’s ugly ass shoes… I get into enough trouble without tryin’ to be stealthy and take photos.

But… They looked like this…


but with a one inch heal and black.

Like my 3rd grade teacher used to wear.





Roy and I are headed out to Iowa for some birthday fun!! Wooo Hooo!!!

Well, as much fun as a you can have at a 90yr old’s party.

So you know I have a problem with funerals, dead people, and caskets… I DON’T DO ‘EM!! My sister in-law knows this fact!

And she mailed us a photo of RoySr in his casket!!!

She wrote on the outside of the envelope that she did it, so I didn’t open the letter. But it just freaked me out! When Roy got home, I showed it to him and told him that he needed to do whatever he needed to do with it so that I NEVER, EVER, FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, SEE THAT PHOTO!

He teased me, “but it’s the best he’s looked in years.”

And the tears just spontaneously fell from my eyes. It was not funny to me. “I can’t deal with it. Please, I just can’t.”

And he folded it up as small as he could and disposed of it.

Am I wrong?

Okay, enough heart breakin’ creepy shit… I hope to come home from Iowa with wild tales.

Or Something.

Wednesday, October 03, 2012

Spreadin’ The Love…

My neighbor, Nicole, from Life’s a Beach … I say she’s my neighbor, she live in Missouri… ANYWAY… she has a really cool idea… a way to share your blog and location with other bloggers!!

Click Here—> NICOLE’s Map and join in!!

She has really simple instructions to follow… I did it. So it’s really easy!!


Tuesday, October 02, 2012

3 Ex's And A Funeral...

Roy's dad, RoySr, passed away last week. He was 89 years old and lived a good life. He will be missed.

I am not a person who enjoys family get togethers and make it a funeral ...well, that's too much for me. I have never been to a "visitation". To Roy's family, it was a social gatherin' to talk about RoySr and visit with old friends. And Roy's Ex-Girlfriends!!

Roy's a catch!!

I don't like funerals or funeral homes or anything to do with the dead. I stayed off to myself behind a plant... in the sun... and a had a hot flash!! Of all the times to be sweaty!! Roy could introduce me to his old flames at any moment!!! So I went for ice water and some cool spot in front of an air vent, when Roy found me. He pointed out a woman with teeth missin' and said she used to chase him around in high school. He had no desire to be her beau!

I just laughed at him... Silly Man!

He went back to minglin' and mixin' with folks comin' in to pay their last respects to his father, when his brother come over to me and said "You need to get in there, his old girlfriend just came in."

I just laughed at him... Silly Man!

I have no problem with Exes. What happened before me is in the past... and I don't care. And then Roy came back to tell me his old girlfriend had shown up and she wanted him. "All I have to do is crook my finger and she will drop her panties right here!"

I just laughed at... Silly Man!

She wears a mullet! But he was right! She couldn't keep from touchin' him!! I couldn't help but laugh out loud!!

On the way back to the hotel, Roy began to rethink his whole "crook his finger and droppin' her panties" thing, becuz he said, "do not let her get you alone. I'm afraid she'll hurt you." And he was serious! So I agreed that I wasn't gonna make any trips to the bathroom for fear of being Shiv'd by her in the bathroom of a Church!

Luckily, she didn't show up. But as we were sittin' there watchin' the people file past the casket and hug and shake hands with Roy's sister, I noticed another one of Roy's Exes!!

His Ex-Wife!!

I thought she might come with her kids but I just let that thought go out just as quickly as it went in... and there she was!

"Honey!" I elbowed him. "Look who's here!"
"What?" he couldn't here me, I was on the wrong side of him... his kids were on his good ear side. I pointed up at her.
She hugged my sister in-law and my mother in-law and walked out.

Hold that thought.

While the service was goin' on, Roy's uncle was sittin' behind us and had a spell... he's almost 90 yrs old!! There were whispers of 911 and ambulances, as he was escorted out of the sanctuary. Roy followed his cousins and his uncle out... his uncle is like his 2nd father!!

Roy came back into the service in time for the family to have alone time with RoySr for a final farewell. It was our turn to walk past the casket... we stood up... and I'll be damned if I didn't loose my balance!!
 I wore flats!!
No Heels of any kind after what happened the last time!!

 But No, I Still lost my balance!!

I grabbed Roy's arm and his face went red and he looked at me like "OH NO! NOT AGAIN!"
I just smiled at him a weak smile, "no, no. I'm fine."
I took 3 steps... NOTHING HAPPENED... whew!! all was good!!
I stepped aside and found a seat away from the family so they could have their alone time and not worry with me and my issues. His cousin came back in and said her dad was gettin' better, that Roy's Ex was with him at the moment so she could be with the family. Roy walks up and sits with me. I told him his uncle was better and his ex-wife was with him.

 "WHAT! WHY?" He was shocked!!

I have no idea of why he was so surprised by her being at a funeral of her ex-father in-law or being so kind to his uncle but I figured there more to her than he says.

I do have moments of being a grown up. They are rare. But I do. I invited his ex-wife to stay for lunch with the family.

See. I know how to be a grown up.

But That Bitch had some ugly shoes on her feet!!! UGLY!!

And I digress...

Sunday, September 30, 2012

A Must Read Post...

There has been a death in the family and there's stories to tell! But so we all are on the same page, you need to read this entry from Years Ago...


With Respect... this one time Roy and I attended a funeral for a friend and partner of Roy's. He died at relative young age, 62 I think, with cancer. So sad.....
As he was a retired cop, he received the full treatment! The honor guard and the Chief was in attendance with a few of the other "Brass". Roy and I sat right behind the Chief. Roy still carries a deep respect and fear of the Chief.
I do not.
The cops have two uniforms, one for summer and one for winter. The winter one is what is important to this tale. It is long sleeve and they have to wear a tie along with a black patent leather strap the goes from one hip in the front and over the opposite shoulder to the hip in the back.......I leaned over to Roy and ask, "Honey, What is that black strap thingy they have on, is that for formal affairs?"
I said it loud enough for the row in front of us could hear this. I know this becuz a woman turns around and tells me what it is.......Roy leans over ever so slowly so as one can't see him move......a skill he learned in Marine Corps boot camp......and thru gritted teeth ever so quietly, he says, "SSSSShhhhh."
I didn't even look at him!!
I could see he was RED!!
But I made my point!!
You see, Roy NEVER WORE the "DRUNK STRAP"......and that was a HUGE DEAL....It's Called a drunk strap becuz when a drunk has you by the strap, he is in control!!
I knew full well what I was doing!!
But what goes around comes around........
This funeral lasted 2 hours. And I sat there stock still and not fidgeting like a small child. I was not going to bring any further shame to Roy.
2 friggin' hours!!!
Now people, when you die, make arrangements ahead of time to have someone that knows you or someone that can maintain composure during the eulogy. The man doing this funeral didn't know the deceased man at all. And the one that did just cried the whole way thru.....I couldn't do it for a close friend either, I am just too emotional!! But I swear to you that I thought that minster was going to have an alter call!!! It was getting pretty preachy!! I had a cousin once do his own father's eulogy and he did a great job. Retold stories and we laughed and celebrated his life at the passing of my great a grand way.
So back the cop funeral......I am sitting there fretting about the viewing of the body.
I don't do the "view".
When my Dad died, I went runnin' from the chapel and hid in the bathroom.....that was not my daddy!! He had rosy cheeks and dark red hair......the person in that casket was not my daddy! I haven't viewed a body since.
I am worried about this cop.....and I don't want to embarrass Roy any further so I am not sure what to do. I could do like normal and step out the back when everyone rises but we are in the 3rd row. I reasoned it out that I don't really know this man and it will be okay to "View" the body and move along. I can always close my eyes and it will look like a prayer.
YEAH that's the ticket!!
So our row rises and I take 3 steps and I stumble.
My foot doesn't feel asleep. So it must not be.
I am walking slower than normal becuz Roy has only been out of his cast on his leg for a week so he limps and is VERY SLOOOW.
I take 3 more steps and over she goes.....NOW....I am in the middle of the aisle.....all eyes are on me.....Roy gives me this look of "What the Hell are you doing?" and I shrug back, " I have no idea!"
I wait for him to catch up and let him go in front of me.
Two Reasons....he can't see me!
And I can walk slower and give my foot time to wake up!!!!
3 more steps and I stumble again...........Then It hits me......"OH GOD NO!!! Don't let me fall in the casket!"

So I really am praying as I approach the casket and chanting, "Please don't let me fall!"
Quick look and out the door of the chapel!!
Only to be met by Roy.....he was not laughing!! "What Shoes do you have on? Can't you walk right in one inch heels? All MY people will be wondering who the drunk woman was that I brought to the funeral!!"
and what was most important to this man was...."Thank God the Chief wasn't in the room!!"

We laugh about it now.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Sex, Gas, And The Mechanic…

One day last week I was feelin’ a bit horny so I text’d  Roy our code for sex, “Come home and take out the trash.”
He came home, ate supper, took a bath, and went to bed… no sex! He was too tired.
So the next day I had things to do in town. While at Hellmart, outta the corner of my eye I spy one hot guy! And add that my Facebook status… “Holy Crap! That Hellmart mechanic is hot! I need a lube job!”
Over supper, Roy and I discussed the day and I asked him about a TV for the bedroom and if he got my text about it. NO! Crap! I really want a new TV for the bedroom. But he said, “I did get a text about a mechanic and you needin’ a lube job!”
I just smiled.
Later he while he was takin’ his bath, he called out to me, “do you want my bath water?”
“not if you farted in it!”
Which starts the whole conversation about fecal matter and his shit/gas separator and there wouldn’t be any fecal matter in the tub… we have this whole argument about fartin’ in the tub all. the. time.
When he did finally get out and was dryin’ off, he said, “in 30 minutes, I’m gonna give you a lube job. And you better be ready!”
OH YEAH!! I went to the bedroom to “prep” with Hitachi my Japanese boyfriend.
30 minutes later Roy comes into the bedroom and says, “close your eyes and pretend I’m the sexy hot mechanic coming to lube you up.”
OH YEAH!!! Put me in coach, I’m ready to play!!
So we’re engaged in passionate love makin’… or freaky pretend role playin’… whatever… when I suddenly have the urge to fart.
I have my butt cheeks clenched together hopin’ that will keep me from blowin’ Roy’s balls off.
It just keeps buildin’ up. No matter how tight I clinch, it’s not goin’ away!!!
And if he’s willin’ to not fart in the bath tub or the swimmin’ pool, then I can refrain from fartin’ durin’ sex!!
And then I have the most horrible thought! What if my shit/gas separator doesn’t work properly?!
So I put my hands on Roy’s chest and push. Buck my hips in odd ways all while still clenchin’ my butt cheeks together. Well, Roy, bless his heart, thinks that I’m really… REALLY… gettin’ into it and he shifts into overdrive.
Which makes matters worse! But my one savin’ grace, is that in overdrive, there is so much slappin’ noise being made that if a little gas slips out he won’t hear it.
Thankfully, Elvis sings Viva Las Vegas and I can relax most of my body… not my butt cheeks.
Roy is happy he got to take out the trash.
And what little dignity I have is still intact.

Link Up!!
Seriously Shawn and Impulsive Addict

Stacy Uncorked

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Droughts, Deer, And My Peaches…

Do you see the deer?
She’s out there eatin’ the peaches becuz there isn’t any grass for her to eat. There was also a rabbit with her… like Bambi and Thumper.
There was also coons and skunks that came around at night to eat them. The coons pooped in the driveway and the skunks just stunk up the place!! Not very good guests... sorta like relatives.
We did get 2 inches of rain over a week… so we are greenin’ up!

Link up with the lady’s… Shawn and Impulsive Addict!

Oh and the Bad Apple... The ladies did contact her and I sent emails to remind her but when you are dealin' with a person that apparently is an idiot... and that's a mild word for her... you can't expect her to come thru.
That was in Feb. And Nothing!!

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

One Bad Apple...

A few months ago a couple of great gals held a gift swap. These ladies are super fun!! And the story I’m about to tell you has nothing to do with them.
I was so excited! Who wouldn’t be? To get stuff in the mail?? Great Fun!!
I was just as excited to send my gifts to my swap partner. I had bought a universal scarf… leopard print… and I made her a tote bag to match! This lady would be stylin’ and profilin’! I added m&m’s to the box along with nail polish and my favorite lip balm.
I know I went over the set amount of the gift swap but I wanted to do this woman right!
And I trotted my happyass down the to Post Office to ship it out.
And I waited.
and waited.
and waited.
and do you know that the woman wearin’ my leopard print scarf and carryin’ my tote bag NEVER SENT ME A FREAKIN’ THING!!!!
I am curious to know what you kids think about that.
The ladies that held the swap made it up to me, like I said, they are great gals.
Worst of all, This one stupid and selfish woman has ruined a good thing.

Thanks for Nothing!!

Link up with Shawn and Impulsive Addict

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Plannin’ And Messin’…

It is my goal in life to keep shit stirred.
And to have someone roll their eyes and say “Oh Sister!” or “Oh Lord!” or in Roy’s case, he just shakes his head and sighs.
But I always get a smile. That's what is important.
The Baby Shower is comin’ together nicely. I have let my sister be in charge of decoratin’ since I have not been blessed with a “martha stewart gene” and she has too many to count.
And I’m lettin’ her find the cake since she won’t let me bake one.
We have come to terms on a cute theme. The mother- to- be refers to the baby as bean so we are gonna use Jelly Belly Beans in different flavors and colors. We’re all pullin’ for lots of pink but for some reason this is the year for boys… what’s up with that??
The mom in-law and grandmother- to- be has reserved her church for the big day. Huge weight off my shoulders!!
I am in charge of invitations. Easy Peasy!!
But as I like to mess with people I have been droppin’ stupid ideas and hintin’ about stuff so that the lovely mother- to- be wonders just what the hell she’s gotten herself into. That way when she walks in and finds a beautiful little baby shower, she’s be tickled pink.
I hope.
Please be a baby girl!!

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

A Smatterin' Of Crap...

It’s been awhile since we’ve sat down and chatted. Last week I was down with back troubles.
I’m plannin’ a baby shower.
Yes. I know.
Me. hahahahahahahahahahahaha… but I have help.
As we all know I can’t bake, I’ve been teasin’ my sister, RubyJune, that I will bake the cake. hahahahahahahahahahhaa…. she insists we buy one.
So I’ve broiled brownies and burnt cookies and made pecan soup… I could make a cute cake for a baby shower.
I know. who am I kiddin’?
We are still under a drought and burn ban… sucks not being able to cook out!
I have a huge rack of ribs that needs to be grilled…. GRILLED RIBS!!!
But no.
I’ll wrap it in foil and put it in the oven.
Back to the baby shower… Remember the weddin’ I went to back in Feb??
 The one that my shitty sister inlaw made a face at me???
Should I send her an invite??
Last week, we had to bomb the house for bugs… one of us was gettin' overly creeped out by the amount of spiders in the house… and so we had to catch cats put them outside for the day. I can now see that I will not be able to catch them if the house should catch on fire.
That is rather soberin’!
Or get Ruffles from his tank… he didn’t want to leave the safety of his cave and went to snappin’ like a big turtle!! Good thing Roy is so fast!!
Come Spring, Ruffles will be set free.
Another rather soberin’ fact.
Oh you know I’ll send the bitch an invite. That’s how I roll.
Just save up bail money for me.
Link Up!!
Linny’s Vault
Seriously Shawn
Impulsive Addict
Stacie Uncorked

Friday, August 17, 2012


Yes. I did it. Look up and see what my web address is… go ahead. Look.

I’ll wait.

Cool Huh?

I waited and cried and bitched and cried some more. Well. I cried right off the bat. Somebody stole it from me. I waited his ass out! It’s mine now!!

Tequila for everyone!!! I am officially

Monday, August 06, 2012

Break In Case Of Fire…

We are in a drought. The temperatures have been over 100 for near 2 months… I don’t care what the weatherman says… I have a digital thermometer and it’s not in the sun… OVER 100 FOR NEAR 2 MONTHS!!!!
So Oklahoma is under a burn ban… the entire state.
Roy gave me the speech on what to do in case of fire… Call him! Call 911! Open the gate, and start waterin’ around the house!
“Don’t drag hoses! In this heat, you’ll die!!”
He has laid the hoses out already so I don’t have to drag them.
I have packed a bag with a change of clothes in it, packed up my laptop and all back up thingys, laid out a huge pillow case to scoop up cats into, and if I have time I’ll come back for photo albums.
I can put Ruffles in a bucket in the livin’ room that Roy uses as a trash can… the fish are on their own.
I can get Trixie into the car without a problem… Ralph may be a different story. He acts like such an ass when you let him out!
I just hope I don’t have to use my emergency plan… ever!
I think a fire is so much more worse than a tornado. With a tornado, you might be able to find some mementos and personal items but with a fire… it’s all gone!
Link up with Shawn, Impulsive Addict and Stacie UnCorked

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

A New Rule…

We were sittin’ at the Outback, drinkin’ tasty adult beverages when Roy said, “I gonna to make a new rule.”

Oh shit!

What have I done now?

I’m not allowed to mow… without supervision. I am not allowed to use the weed eater, becuz I hurt myself the one and only time I used it.

I’m banned from havin’ candles. Set one cat on fire and all candles are banned!

I am not to flirt, dance, or sit in cop cars becuz all those things lead to sex.

And those are just the tip of the iceberg!

And he wants to add another one to the long list of rules.

Don’t think that the rules don’t go both ways. I have decreed many myself.

And he sticks to them… If I can’t get in a cop car, he can’t shoot furry critters! Both of those goes against our grains!!

He’s must always remember what team he’s on at all times… MY TEAM!! Team Nadine!! Defend my honor at all times against StupidAss People… like Eddie and Loretta! I may be off my rocker but I still should be respected!

He is never to drink alone. If I’m out and about I may need him to come and get me. He said, “I have provided you with a car that is in tip top runnin’ condition and you should never break down.” But what If I am taken to jail!!??!!

He’s not allowed to fart in the bathwater! I think that is just self-explanatory.

So there I sat fearin’ the worst, and he said, “I feel we should never have a major conversation while drinkin’.”

Whew! Good call!! He was so mad at me for the last major conversation we had, he barely spoke to me for 3 days!! And we are on day 4 and he’s makin’ a rule.

And then he sewed up the loophole…. “no conversations good or bad.”


There goes gettin' him drunk and talkin’ him into cruises!!!


Oh yeah! I GOT SCREWED!!!


Link up with Shawn and Impulsive Addict!


Stacy Uncorked!

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Visit People!!!

I have things to do today so I’m pressed for time.
I will leave you with this to ponder…

Roy and I are just like this!
Wait ‘til you hear his latest “rule”!

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Random Thursday…


Check them out!!

This week’s Question: RT2100_3194pencil
I can’t find the original of me in the bunny suit but I guess with as much skin that’s showin’ it’s for the best!

Can you guess who is mine?
She will play me when they make the movie of my life. She’s willin’ to put on a few pounds for a role.
And Reese Witherspoon will play my baby sister as she will die her hair to RubyJune’s Natural color… brunette!!!

About the bunny suit, my daughter needed a photo of me for her Facebook Profile photo for Mother’s day… “Mom, tag a photo for me to use and Not the Bunny Outfit.”
It’s as close as I’m gettin' to a pinup photo!
The ladies provided a link for you to follow to find a doppelganger but I already knew!

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

The Liebster Award…

Jill has been so gracious to bestow upon me a Liebster Award… I am blessed to have such fabulous friends.
What Is The Liebster Award?
"Liebster" is German for "dearest", from Liebe, the verb 'to love'. This award is given to bloggers who are up and coming and who have less than 200 followers.
Cool Huh?
Here's How It Works:
  1. Each person must post 11 random things about themselves.
  2. Answer the questions that the tagger set for you and create 11 questions for bloggers you've tagged.
  3. Choose up to 11 bloggers and link them in your post.
  4. Go to their page and tell them.
  5. No tag backs.
Well I don’t tag… so no pressure there! Whew! I never know who to pick becuz someone always gets left out… and I Leibe Everyone!!!
Yeah, that’s not the right way to use Liebe… sue me.
Check out Jill’s World! She’s a doll!
11 Random Things:
  1. For the past 25 years I’ve had a problem with sleepin’. I basically catnap. Sleep for 3 or 4 hours and lay awake for 3 or 4.
  2. I sleep with a body pillow to be more comfortable and to aid in sleepin’ more that 4 hours… Maybe.
  3. Roy hates the body pillow. “Don’t you let that get between us.” We call it my Extra Husband. I kept it from being between us for about 2 weeks, but my Extra Husband is between my knees and he just rolls with me.
  4. Roy has bad sleepin’ habits too. He snores, farts, makes strange noises, and worse of all, he fidgets.
  5. I hate fidgetin’!! With a passion. I used to share a bed with my sister as a child, she fidgeted. I would give her to the count of 10 to make her nest and then not move again or I would kick her outta bed. And she took me serious! When the girls were babies, they would wave their arms around in the air and I would reach over and pull their arms down and we all went back to sleep. Roy though, I would have to hog tie him!!
  6. He sleeps with a pillow between his knees… up until 3 weeks ago. “It’s time to grow up. And I think there’s a critter livin’ in it, bitin’ me at nights.”
  7. There wasn’t. But he’s been sleepin’ without a pillow between his knees. He hasn’t slept well since “Growin’ Up”!
  8. Roy told me to get a pillowcase for my Extra Husband, “he’s furry and I hate that!” And I replied, “you’re furry and I don’t put you in a pillowcase!”
  9. My Extra Husband is cuddly and warm. He doesn’t snore, fart, make strange noises, or best of all HE DOESN’T FIDGET!!
  10. The other night, I rolled over with my Extra Husband between my knees and was oh so comfy when Roy rolled over and thru his leg over MY EXTRA HUSBAND!! He slept peacefully all night long.
  11. And in other news, Roy brought home a crawdad for Ruffles. We both thought Ruffles would eat it. The crawdad, Claude, is at home in the turtle tank. This am, we watched Claude sneak around and tickle Ruffles’ butt with his feelers! Scared Ruffles!! He took off to hide in his cave!!! So freakin’ funny!!
My questions:
If you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would you choose and why?
Marilyn Monroe! I want to know if JFK was all that and if I can borrow some of her clothes… Hello! Vintage!
How did you come up with the name of your blog?
It is a play on “All Along The Watchtower” a Jimi Hendrix song. You know Hightower… Watchtower. And my Velvettush ID is a Damn the Man thing. My personal ID was blocked from the work pc, so I re-created myself as The VelvetTush. A ZZ Top song… Tush.
What is your dream vacation destination?
Europe or Bora Bora… both trips would fabulous!!
When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? (Did you end up where you thought you would?)
A Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader or a Playboy Pinup. Since I was pregnant at 17 and wrecked my body with fat and stretch marks, that didn’t happen. No calendar of me anywhere! Dammit!
Put your iTunes, iPod, or whatever on shuffle…what’s the first song that comes up?
Allman Brothers, Whippin’ Post. Someday I feel like I’m tied to the whippin’ post and it feels like I’m dyin’.
What is your all-time favourite book?
It’s a series, Lee Childs, The Jack Reacher Novels. So good.
If you could buy anything right now, what would you buy? (Cost is irrelevant.)
A world cruise. Last time I priced it, it was like $10K per person!! I’d better start buyin’ those lottery tickets!!
What are you craving right…now?
Ice Cream… or more specifically a DQ M&M Blizzard!
What is your absolute favourite song lyric?
Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you can not change.

Fly High Free Byrd
I am a byrd you can not change.
Damn The Man!!
What is my dream car?
Dad2 001
Dad2 002Dad2 003
My Daddy started for me what would be a life-long obsession of Camaros.
My oldest daughter was conceived in a Camaro.
I love that Red Car!! I drove the shit outta it for 14 years. Roy bought it for me right off the showroom floor… I kid you not!!
I was Zen with it. I drove it more than Roy!

IMG_4199 (2)
I still learnin’ to love the yellow one. I have more boys… 5-25 ogle the Bumble Bee.

Beach, pool, or not a fan of the water?
I love it all!! I can’t swim but I don’t let that stop me from being in the pool or going to the beach.
Link up with Linny’s Vault, Stacy Uncorked, Impulsive Addict, and Seriously Shawn.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

New Link-Up…

I have been reading Linny’s Vault for a while… she and I have the same funny bone. We like the same TV shows and we both love Jeans and Converses. Her music runs a lot younger and funkier than my head bangin’ style but I won’t hold that against her. She does swaps and giveaways too.

She has a couple of friends that have joined her to create a Link-Up called Random Thursdays.randomthursday

You can sign up for a subscription and they will send an email with the subject for the week.

This week is What Is Your Favorite Summer Pastime?



Floatin’ in the pool and drinkin’ Margaritas!!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Rethinkin’ Being Zen…

 Oh Jilly!!!
Have I got a story for You!!
You know how I’m all Zen with spiders… I shower with one. One day I noticed one relaxin’ on the couch with me. It’s all good.
Right? They leave me alone and I don’t kill them. They eat the bugs I hate. It’s all Good!
And how I'm all brave with them... riiiight.
Friday morin’ Roy and I was out in the pool. He was vaccumin’ and I was just there for moral support. After we got out we went to the house to change. He got a towel and was dryin’ off and I pulled one down from the shower door to use.
I didn’t have my glasses on but out the corner of my eye I could see a spider on my boob!
HOLY O’SHIT! wolf-spider
Takin’ a shower with him is one thing or sittin’ the couch watchin’ TV is okay but him actually invadin’ my private space… like my boob… is entirely a horse of a different color!!!
All that passed thru my brain as I jumped up and down squeallin’ for Roy to get it off!!! I didn’t just slap it! I did that once and was stung by a wasp as I was drivin’ down the road!!  And that hurt like Hell!
So as long as Roy’s standin’ right there he can brush it off and I’ll be fine. The Shower Spider can go his way and I’ll go mine!!
So I stood perfectly still!!!
And squealed, “euuuuuwwww get it off! get it off!!!”
Roy brushed it off into the floor… and then trapped in a cup.
OH! MY! GOD!!!!
brown_recluse1It was NOT MY Shower Spider!!!!!!
It was a brown recluse!!!!!
Have you seen the damage that those little bastards can do??? Your skin rots off!!! Large patches of skin!!!!! I wanted to post a photo but I just can’t do that and think about my boob rottin’ off.

I was so not brave!!
I may rethink my whole Zen with Spiders approach to life.


Link Up with Shawn and Impulsive Addict

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

A Smatterin’ Of Crap…

1) I’m not sure if I can get into this season of True Blood. It’s too far off track from the books… The Sookie Stackhouse Novels… And if there’s not a Bill-Sookie-Eric Triangle… and sex… with Eric… well I don’t think I can get into it.
Oh Yeah!! That’s how I roll!!

2) It’s Summer. 107 degrees!!! Iimage001 don’t like that. At. All.

IMG_45993) I cried over that frickin’ Turtle!! Remember that turtle I didn’t want… it can grow to be huge… and a killer… I cried over the thought of turnin’ it loose. It’s either keep it another year or let it go now so it can get acclimated to the river.
We are keepin’ it… another year.

4) The battle of the wasps is still pretty much going on. They are everywhere. In some the oddest places… gates, around the pool, the carport, the back porch, and well everywhere. Roy’s opened the gate to the dog pen and hornets came out after him. He opened the driveway gate and a red wasp went after him. He retrieved the pool floaties from the chicken house and found a hornets nest attached to them… he didn’t get stung not one time. He leads a charmed life.
5) I would have gotten stung… over and over and over.
6) I do not lead a charmed life.
7) Shit just happens to me.
8) I was makin’ salsa the other night, and cut my fingers twice and trimmed off a nail. Roy said, “how much booze have you drank?”
“Dude! None! I wish I had. It would give me a reason for doing stupid shit!”

9) Caption This Photo:401813_4201524238579_1336487532_n

I was told I planted the seeds backwards.

10) Link Up!!
With Stacy!
Seriously Shawn
and Impulsive Addict.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

My First Cruise…

For Nicole:
In 2002, Roy and I rode our motorcycles to Sturgis South Dakota. It was grueling!! I wrecked once, nearly wrecked twice, almost fainted, and suffered from dehydration. My ass hurt!! It was one the most impressive things I’ve ever done!! Most men do not ride their our bikes to Sturgis! I would do it again in a heart beat!!
On our way home, we went through Iowa and visited his family. While there, Roy said, “we could have gone a cruise for the same money.”
NO SHIT!!! Jackass!!
So in 2003, when my friend said she and her family were going on a cruise, she invited us. Roy likes her so it didn’t take a lot of beggin’ to get him to agree. Especially, when he found out about the topless deck!!
All the ladies lost lots of weight for this cruise and my friend said we’d all look good on topless deck!! Oh Yeah! I lost 20lbs!! I was the only “lady” and I use the term loosely… the only one from our party that went to the topless deck! My tatas were out tannin’ for all to see!
Do you know that it really hurts when your nipples are sunburned?
One of our ports we stopped at was Cozumel. I love… Roy Loves… WE ALL LOVE COZUMEL!!!
Open Bar on the cruise04bwozBeach on a Private Island!!! Pure Hedonism!!
I had 3 margaritas and 6 coronas in about 4 hours. I was feelin’ no pain!!
There was a 15 minute boat ride to the bus, then a 30 minute ride on a bumpy road back to the ship, so I thought it best to pee before leavin’ the island. I staggered my happyass to the banos only to wait in line… I mean really! Why do women take so long in the bathroom? Just yank your panties down and squat your ass and let her rip! And get the hell outta the way!!
Once it was my turn, I pulled my swimsuit bottoms down only to discover they were full of sand!!! Oh Hell!! Not only will my cooch be wet for the ride back to town but it will be rubbed raw with the sand!!! OH HELL NO!!! I staggered my happyass out the banos to the shower on the beach. There was couple using it. And there was a line!! What is the deal with lines?? I had my fill and staggered my happyass up to the front of line, and asked if I could shower with them!
Of course, the man said sure no problem!! He worked the water while is rinsed the sand out of my bottoms. I don’t know if I exposed myself or what but there was no sand when I finished. Where his lady friend was, I have no idea.
I saw Roy!
He was just standin’ there with a “woman! what the fuck?” look on his face and just shook his head and lead me off down the path to the boat. I nearly fell off the dock and got on the wrong bus! I was so trashed!
On the boat ride to the bus, I learned that the couple was newly married and I apologized over and over for my bustin’ in to their shower! I think the wife was a bit tacky by this point… I mean really! A bit of understandin’!! Please!!! I had sand in my cooch!!!
Before we got on the ship, Roy wanted to stop at shop to check the prices of booze. There were armed guards all over the docks. Roy stopped cold! Turned to me and said, “You pull yourself together! You do not want to be in a Mexican Jail!”
I sucked my shit up!! He stood me up against the wall and held me there with one hand and checked prices with the other.
I saw the newlywed couple later on the cruise ship using the shower on the pool deck, and I thought about going down and joinin’ them but Roy wouldn’t let me go… probably best.
Roy and I have been on 6 Cruises!! We love it!! It’s the only way to travel!

Stacy Uncorked
Impulsive Addict
Seriously Shawn

Monday, June 18, 2012

And The Award Goes To…

Dearly Beloved:
We are gathered here today to honor the Holy Nadine. That’s right Becca at Every Day Life has deemed me STYLISH!!!
So be it!
And as we all know it’s all about me here at the Church of the Holy Nadine, I’m to recant 5… just 5 of my most favorite moments of my life.
th_stylish_blogger_award81) Riding to Sturgis on my motorcycle… I am very proud of this one!
2) Meeting Roy… I’ve told you about.
3) Being at the birth of my grandson… We’ve been over that.
4) My first cruise… I don’t think you know about me and topless deck, or showering with a totally stranger on his honeymoon. Not so proud of this! What happens in Mexico should stay in Mexico!
5) Playing softball as a teen… after findin’ out about the honeymooner… this pales! It sounds so wicked! There was a great deal of booze involved and sand.
Which story do you want to read about??
Let me know and I’ll post it for TTuT for IA, Shawn, and Stacy.
I’m very sorry I’m just sittin’ down to blog but it’s been a real trip through sunblock hell… And Roy had 5 days off. I never made it around to visit with all my peeps. I’ll do better in the future.
So as we part ways for the day and you proceed with your lives… Just know that Hedonism is Name of the Game.
It’s about Jewels and Booze
Purses and Shoes.
The Good Times… Let Them Roll.
I bless thee in the Name of Jose, Chanel, and Jimmy Choo.
Big Hugs, Much Love, Drink Too Much Tequila!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Doin’ Hard Time…

Forget my wedding anniversary will you??? He’s remembered it every day since he forgot it!
He’s actually diggin’ a storm shelter… or a man cave. I wasn’t with him went he picked out the size of shelter so he bought one that will shelter 17-20 people!!

That’s me in the hole. It need to be 53 inches deep. It’s deeper than that… it’s 63! and I’m 59inches tall.

Link Up!!
Impulsive Addict

randomtuesdayI have errands to run and then it's girl day in the pool, so I'll try to get around late in the day to visit with my peeps.