Sunday, October 30, 2011

Roy’s Dream…

Normally, I tell you about mine. And really like to tell them as a “real” happening… hehehehe, I’m ornery that way. But this is Roy’s dream… or nightmare.

The other night I noticed he got up in the middle of the night for not real reason. He goes to bed so early that it makes sense that he gets up and prowls around at night… I do when I can’t sleep. But him, not so much. So I asked him what the problem was and he replied, “I had too much booze.”

“Bullshit! One! That’s not it.”

“I had a bad dream! Okay. There!”

“Well?”

“I was a highway patrolcar and you were behind me. It was a clear road and then suddenly there were huge logs in the road! I had to swerve around them. I looked back and the car behind me was wrecking!! Lights were flashing all over the sky and road! I was freaking out!!” he said with tears in his eyes, “You were wrecking!!!”

 

I am schedule to go in Wednesday for hysterectomy surgery. And he’s worried.

Monday, October 24, 2011

My Christmas Wish List…

Today is Talk To Us Tuesday and Impulsive Addict had a good idea about making out a Christmas List to post… so…

HiRes

Here’s my Wish List:

1) I would like to have a mom. One that looks like Cher and acts like Lucille Ball. But what I got was Mommy Dearest! No wait. That would mean my mom cared what hangers I used. So She is more like Alan and Charlie Harper’s mom. Cold, selfish and indifferent.

2) I would like to have long legs. My inseam is 30inches. I think I would like to have a 36” inseam. Hell. 6 more inches and I’m still only 5’5”!

3) A winter home in Cozumel. Warm and on the beach… aaaahhh. That is paradise!

4) World Peace.

And since I’m gonna get any of theses things… becuz I have everything I want or need… except long legs… I am content. My girls buy me things and really wish they didn’t. Spend that money on the boys. GiGi has everything she needs!

Link up with Seriously Shawn or IA.

Friend Me!

FB16

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Hold The Laundry!!!

Link Up Day with Mamarazzi, Queso, and Crazymama… It’s We Want to Know Wednesday!!

Thanks for all the positive comments about Roy’s singin’… I haven’t told him yet. When I showed him the video of it the day after, he was a bit embarrassed. “Don’t belittle your husband!”

I didn’t! Did I?

Click Here!!

Anyway…

WWTKbutton3

{1} When was the last time you lost your temper?

Tryin’ to fry eggs for Roy just a few days ago. I dropped an egg! It landed on the rug so not on the new carpet…still there was cussin’!  And the cussin’ brought Roy to the kitchen and he started tellin’ me I was fryin’ HIS EGGS all wrong… and well that pretty much sent me over the edge!

Oh Wait.

Seems like there was another time, same day… but I can’t remember it so it doesn’t count.

I lose it very easy. I’m an Irish-Indian! I can hold my liquor and scalp you in the blink of an eye!

I’m on meds and it helps. Actually since switchin’ meds, SuperMoodyBitch hasn’t showed up at all. No broken dishes and no screamin’ fits.

I asked Roy if he had noticed a difference and he said no.

Jackass!

Really. I’m much better.


{2} What 3 words best describe you?

Dramatic, Goofy, Fun-loving!


{3} What movie could you watch over and over again and never get tired of?

The Great Outdoors… “Big! Big! Big Bear! Big Bear Chase me!”

I love John Candy!!!


{4} If you could do something dangerous, just once, with no risk, what would you do?

Sky dive! I would love to do it.

But Roy won’t do it with me. He’s my safety net in life. I can do anything in the world as long he’s there.

I want to experience that jump into nothing. I want to fall freely without that nightmare joltin’ slam into the ground.

As a kid, I used to jump off the roof of the barn… I LOVED IT!! But now, the fat girl needs that parachute!

It can be done in Tandem!! Roy said I just want a strange man strapped to my back.

WAY COOL!! Sign me up!!


{5} Which is more important intelligence or common sense?

Common Sense!! You can be smart and not have common sense! And that is just sad!

Good Questions!! Right?

Bonus Question From Me: Why do you link up?

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Talk To Us Tuesday Or Sing…

Sometimes the The Spirit Moves You… When it happens it, happens. Just go with it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Link Up with Seriously Shawn and Impulsive Addict.

HiRes

Once when we were Branson, at the Lone Star Steakhouse and he had had 2 or 3 drinks, he started singin’ “Hello Darkness, my old friend.” as ne began to sink slowly under the table. I laughed and laughed and laughed… I just let him cut loose and sing.

Why not?

Life too short not to cut loose and sing every once in while… or dance… or whatever your little heart desires.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Color Me Bamboozled!!!

I was sucked into goin’ to a family reunion!!

100_0065

It was mine!! MY FAMILY!!! My sister, RubyJune did it!!

My niece has been wantin’ me to come visit with her but becuz I was ill, I just couldn’t do it. So I text my sister to tell her I was comin’ down for Sunday Dinner.

She called me. “Sis, come on Saturday so it will be easier on Granny.” Well, I’d walk thru fire for my granny! Anything to make it easier on her. I wasn’t real sure why Saturday was better than Sunday becuz we all bring food now, so Granny doesn’t have to cook… I was slightly confused.

And then I thought, well, RubyJune knows how I feel about my stupidass cousin and her kids and they ALWAYS Show Up On Sunday. So if I go on Saturday, I’ll miss those idiots and have a good visit with my sister and niece and Granny and Grandpa. And my daughter said she was gonna take the boys fishin’ so she would be there too.

My daughter, EudoraMae, text me, “Mom what do I need to bring?” No clue! Ask RubyJune.

And I let it go.

And then I got to thinkin’ maybe I’d better take burgers or sandwich makin’ to Granny’s so I text RubyJune.

She said, “It’s not at Granny’s it’s at the CAMPGROUNDS!”

OH MY FUCKIN’ SHIT! THE CAMPGROUNDS!!!!!!!!!

I have been bamboozled!! Shanghaied into a reunion!!

I don’t wanna go to a reunion where people don’t talk to me!! I’m not the worse of the relatives… NOT EVEN CLOSE!! But they treat me like a leper!!

I put on my big girl panties and my “Power to the Beaver” tee shirt… and dealt with it. I WAS ME! I made a spectacle of myself… which make me memorable and that’s way better than ignored.

And I haven’t spoke to my brother since the blow up over Mom and his dumb bitch wife. He walked in and I waved at him. He waved at me like he didn’t want anyone to see him do it… so I just marched right up to him and hugged his neck and kissed his cheek and told him I loved him and walked away!

I didn’t do anything to him to deserve him treatin’ me like a leper. NOT ONE THING!

He later came over and chatted with me about how he and Mom are gettin' along… she lives with him. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!

But my mom, I didn’t even acknowledge her. Or Bub’s DumbBitch wife… and she’s gotten all fat again. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!

I survived and very few people talked to me. I kept to my niece and sister… which is what I wanted. Some cousins spoke to me. But you know that awkward silence that happens… I just walked away. People will think what they want and I just don’t give a shit anymore.

Oh and the StupidAss Cousin and her kids… showed up. Nasty Bunch. If my grandparents ever come up dead and their home burglarized, my StupidAss Cousin and her Nasty Bunch did it!

And I’m the one that people treat like a leper!!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Cruise To The Bahamas…

The weather was perfect! The water was warm! We had a great time.

cruise photos1

I love to cruise. I don’t know why more people don’t do it. I’m so surprised that that they don’t. It’s the only way to travel! We were on the Spa deck and it was THE most peaceful room I’ve ever slept in! No party in the middle of the night by the crew… far enough away from the elevator to not hear all that crap… and the room stewards were fabulous!! The new my name! NO ONE CALLS ME BY MY NAME!

We went to the Blue Lagoon, it’s in a cove and is man made but it was very clean and just perfect. I sunburned my boobs… becuz the beach was perfect! I just forgot how delicate I IMG_3861am.

This makes me think of those seals on the beach.

Not so petite but still… delicate.

 

 

I met a Facebook friend on this cruise. She and her hub are fabulous people… even after I spilled my drink on him. He didn’t hold a grudge. I talk with my hands and well the drink just sorta got in the way… and over it went!IMG_3839

If I were to sit on my hands I’d be speechless!

I’m so scatterbrained, While in Galveston, I missed gettin' to have breakfast with another Blogger Buddy becuz I over slept! Damn it! I really hate that!!

My hub got his load on several times but on formal night, the spirit moved him. OMG! Wait until you see that video. Just as soon as I piece it all together.

We love KeyWest!!! We took the OldTyme Trolley around the island and visited the Hemmingway House… yoIMG_3960u know me and my crazy cat lady thing!

There are 44 cats, I looked for them! It was like an EasterEgg Hunt! I found 20 or so. You realize these are special cats… Some have 6 toes.

 

 

 

IMG_3977And of course, we had to go the southernmost point… IMG_3975Roy photo bomb that couple! He is a JackAss!

 

 

 

 

While in KeyWest, we stopped into Margaritaville. Roy is totally happy drinkin’ fruity girl drinks. IMG_4048I opted for Pink Cadillacs… 3! Thank you very much! I could have drank those all day! But someone has to get us back on the ship!

That was our favorite port. We weren’t all that impressed by Bahamas… too much hustlin’ from the townspeople. I don’t care for that. I’m on vacation, don’t pester me to buy shit.

 

 

So that’s the long and the short of it… I’ll work on Roy’s video for later. He just cracks me up!

Save your money! And come cruise with me!

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Up My Alley…

WWTKbutton3

It’s all about illness. And we all know I’ve been as sick as a dog!!

Link up with Mamarazzi Or Queso Or Crazymama… she’s new. To me. I’ve been away… and sick as a dog!!

{1} What is your feel better remedy when you are sick?

 My feel better remedy, DVR’d shows and my bed! Roy forced me to eat ramen noodles and drink sprite. Which did make me feel better. He made me put PreparationH on my butthole becuz of the excessive diarrhea made my butt raw. GROSS!! 

And it’s burned!! Of course I had to tell him to blow on it. Remember the story about my ex?? and the Seabreeze and his butthole??

And then my butt was squeegy!

And I’m really sure I didn’t like it… I just don’t remember ever likin’ squeegy butt!

And then there’s the cats!! I don’t trust them when I’m sick! Sure they come and cuddle and purr and massage my neck… or are they just tenderizing me??

Monster came into the bathroom while I was sittin’ on the toilet. He sweetly put his paw on my shoulder as to if to comfort me and give me a gently head butt, all the while purrin’ in concern… or was he?

“HONEY!!! Come get Monster!!! He’s just waitin’ for me to fall off the pot dead so he can eat my face!!!

I’ve a fever too… and was delirious.

I am very thankful that I was not vomittin’ durin’ this last illness. Very!

{2} When illness strikes, what is your policy on staying home from work, school or church with yourself and the family?

Stay home. Why spread an illness?  Spread love not sickness!!


{3} What do you think is worse? Flu or cold?

I’m not sure if I’ve ever had the flu… so I vote for Shingles and Hives… which my hives are healin’ nicely. Shingles hurt so bad… it’s unbearable. It’s not like any pain I’ve ever felt before… and I’ve had 2 babies!


{4} Flu shots? Do you get them? Have you yet?

The nurses at the clinic have been tryin’ to give me one for 3 years now, and I have either turned it down or was ill and couldn’t get it. You realize is you are runnin’ a fever you can’t get the shot?? So just before I went on the cruise, I had an appt… and agreed to get a flu shot!! Only my regular nurse was on vacation, and her sub was not quite on the ball so it didn’t get done.

Such is life.


{5} When are are feeling down, what is your usual, go-to therapy? (retail therapy, exercise, comfort food, etc).

Feelin’ down? That encompasses a lot. Not just health-wise. I’m a depression eater… so comfort food… like nachos or potato soup.

I love to shop but it’s not to make me feel good so much as to hunt for a bargain.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Back In The Saddle…

It’s Talk To US Tuesday!!

 HiResBe sure to link up with Impulsive Addict and Shawn… Fabulous Gals!!

A very good way to get my groove back! Feeling better but… funky. The meds are messin’ with my head.

So while I have an audience of women this next subject is something we all need to take heed.

Let’s talk about Formal Night on the cruise.

Underwear Ladies!! USE IT!!

A good bra goes a long way. Invest in one that is can be used as a strapless, racer back, one shoulder, or halter top. Victoria’s Secret makes a fabulous one! The one I have is a push up also. I don’t go for the Playtex crap of “lifting and separating”. That’s bullshit! I want cleavage!! I want my gals High in the Air and squished together!!

Too many ladies had their hair lookin’ fab with their Girl Face on struttin’ their stuff with saggy boobs!! What the Hell??!!

Wear a bra!IMG_3786

And why spend all that time in dieting’ and shoppin’ for the perfect dress only to see panty lines and belly buttons or belly lines?? Spanx!! Or find something at HellMart that will smooth out the lines.

SarahJessica Parker is a size flippin’ 2 and she wears spanx! I kid you not. She’s not tryin’ to control fat… she doesn’t have any!! She’s smoothin’ out the lines!!

I saw way too many ladies with beautiful dresses and lookin’ stunnin’ only to have panty lines!!

Wear Spanx!IMG_3790Yes I’m a fat girl.

I had a pair of leopard sling backs that I have been diein’ to wear so I bought a leopard scarf for my hair and carried my brown beaded clutch along with my black and white pearls… I looked foxy!

IMG_3792

And as Roy zipped me up into that snug dress, he stated a fact. “We are goin’ on a diet when we get home!”

Amen to that!

Oh and a wee piece of important information… too short is not formal, it’s tacky! I saw several young ladies with dresses that were so short that you could see the candy store! TACKY!!

I have no good advice as to how to break in high heels and not get blisters. So let me tell you how to battle the blisters. I use Band-Aid Blister Healer Things… They are soooo good! And Band-Aid Friction Block… it is the best to keep from gettin' blister on heels and the top of your foot.

And walk in your new shoes as much as possible! Nothing looks more sad than a fabulous lady that can’t walk in 6 inch heels. I know I have troubles in stilettos! I much prefer wedges.

IMG_3811I could run a foot race in these!! I kid you not!

Trust me! Next time you have to get all gussied up for a weddin’ or a formal night on your cruise, you’ll look much more stunnin’ with the right foundation under that beautiful dress.

And By The Way… Some undergarments are made crotchless! So you don’t have to get totally undressed to pee!

Monday, October 10, 2011

THIS IS NOT MY YEAR!!!

I was ill at Christmas and it lasted well into the New Year. 2 weeks or so into the New Year.

Then I had shingles. Another not fun thing that lasted for 3 weeks or so… very painful stuff!

Then I discover that I have to have surgery to remove my tumor filled uterus ASAP… that was in March. I’m scheduled for Nov 2nd. I guess on the grand scale of things that 8 months is ASAP.

And now I’ve taken my vacation and come down with a cold that settled in my head and chest. And started my period all at the same time.

OH WHAT FUN THAT IS!

NOT.

Imagine. Driving 12 hours home sneezin’ and coughin’ enough to dislodge a tampon about every 40 or 50 miles.

Imagine. Driving 12 hours home with Grumpy McCrankyPants with a cold and blowin’ snot and sneezin’.

NOT FUN. AT. ALL.

Once I get home, I shower, take the Nyquil, go to bed… and slept like a baby.

I thought all the troubles were over.

But no.

Apparently, if you dislodge your tampon every 40 or 50 miles and have to stop at every shitty bathroom comin’ across Texas you pick up a viral disease designed to kill you.

Becuz, I did.

Fever, diarrhea, and chest cold… and a period.

I AM NOT THE PRIZE I APPEAR TO BE!

But oh wait, I’m not done yet.

IMG_4101

This is just my feet… See that red stuff on them… I have this all over my body.

4 hours in the ER!! Hives. Though the Dr said a contact allergy. I don’t think so DAVE! I’ve never been allergic to anything in my life! EVER!

It’s Hives!

Do you know that hives move around?

Oh Yes. My boobs were covered with them… like sunburned covered and itchy… And later they look normal. A couple of hours later, it was back to my boobs!!!!!

The deciding factor to go to the ER was the fact that my normally lily white ass was as bright red as a stoplight!!!

So how do you know IT’S GONE!!!

Just shoot me.

Tuesday, October 04, 2011

Home!!

cruise photos (2)

I’m washin’ clothes and gettin' photos posted.

I have a cute video clip of Roy singin’… I can’t wait to show it!!

I brought home a shells, sun burned boobs, and a nasty cold!