Friday, July 29, 2011

W.T.F. Meme…

which stands for Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday… a Meme that runs for 3 days! 10 different questions each day!! Well, what a great idea!

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Click here if you want to join up on today… Friday. It is a separate blog devoted to this Meme Project.

It is sponsored by BPD in OKC.

1) Be totally honest... Could money buy you happiness (even if it's only for a little while)?

In my life, yes! I live with Grumpy McCrankPants!! And if he didn’t work, he wouldn’t be such a SurlyBastard!!

2) Today (July 29) is "National Lasagna Day." What is your pasta dish of choice? If you like lasagna, are you a traditional lasagna type of person or are you into the vegetarian kind with eggplant instead of noodles?

Ravioli is my fav!! a veal, beef with a cream sauce is my favorite!!! If I eat lasagna it’s with meat! I’m not a fan of eggplant.

3) How do you feel about people who get permanent makeup (lipstick, eye shadow, etc. tattooed on the face so the person never has to actually put on makeup again)?

I hate it! Absolutely Hate It!! When I worked at the clinic the young Hispanic ladies would come in with their tattooed eyebrows and I just couldn’t look at them without my eyes being drawn to the eyebrows!! It looks ridiculous!

Now that being said, I realize that there are women that lose all their hair during cancer treatment and have had some tattoo work done. I understand that. That’s fine. There’s a difference between a good self image and being too lazy to pluck!

4) The Nickelodeon company has reintroduced its hit teen sitcoms from the '90s (like "All That," "Kenan & Kel," "Clarissa Explains It All," and "Doug") on its TeenNick channel and has broke ratings records doing it. It has also sent the Twitter trending topics into a TeenNick frenzy. Is it too soon to be bringing back the '90s?

I’m indifferent to it. I think that, teens would relate more to the 90’s than the reruns of the Brady Bunch.

5) Some women go totally insane for men in uniforms and vice versa. How do you feel about people in uniform?

I love a man in uniform… military or cops…. love it!!

6) When you go to a movie theater, what food/drink items do you get from the concession stand?

Always, a large popcorn with butter and large Dr Pepper.

7) My entire refrigerator/freezer is covered in magnets. What kind of magnets are on yours?

 I have a vast array of magnets… fruit, business magnets, and homemade ones the girls made… all to hold up cartoons and family photos.

8) A recent report by the Center for Science in the Public Interest says Cheesecake Factory's Ultimate Red Velvet Cheesecake contains 1,540 calories and 59 grams of saturated fat, but Saturday (July 30) is "National Cheesecake Day." Are the calories and fat grams worth the tastiness of cheesecake?

I say, this, Life is too damn short to worry about calories and fat about All the Damn Time About EVERYTHING!!! You eat healthy most of the time, splurge and have a slice of cheesecake!!

9) Febreze has started a new ad campaign in which they blindfold people and take them into a dirty disgusting room which has been sprayed down with Febreze. When the blindfolds come off, the people are shocked at their surroundings. (Watch a commercial here.) Would you be mad if you signed up to star in a commercial only to find yourself sitting in a room of complete filth?

I would be like that one girl, the one with “What the Hell” look on her face and then crack up laughin’… I see the humor in just about everything I do.

10) Do you think hair shampoo and conditioner bottles really need to have directions?

Have you met some the average idiots on the street?? Yes. Those people need directions.

Remember the lady that sue Micky’D’s becuz SHE spilled her coffee on herself…. I rest my case.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Minnows, Heat Waves, And Relationships…

Oh Lawzy!! It’s Hot!! Oklahoma has had triple digit temps for over 24 days!! It’s awful!!

Roy works out in this heat! He’s not as young as he used to be and the heat gets to him much quicker than it should. So when he’s off work, I just let him veg out on the couch instead of takin’ me to town and runnin’ errands. So I told him I was gonna to see the last Harry Potter movie without him… which was fine. He’s not a Potter Fan and he can’t understand a word they are sayin’… and it’s not just his hearin’! “They speak a foreign language!”

Riiiiight! And DumbAss Okie’s not foreign to everyone?

Anyway, he told me to take the minnow bucket to get minnows for Ruffles. So I did.

I cried like a baby during that movie! I really did. I’ve read the books twice and still I cried. But I felt pretty good comin’ outta the theater, so I thought I’d mess with Roy.

That’s my job. To love, honor, cherish, and to keep shit stirred… until death do we part.

I text facebook, twitter, and Roy, “Oops! I shoulda got the minnows after the movie!”

Think about that. Minnows in the car with the windows rolled up in 105degree heat for 3 hours.

And I let the dice roll.

He called me just as I left town. “Tell me you didn’t! Tell me you’re not stupid enough to buy minnows before the movie!”

snicker snort!! and to make matter worse our connection was bad!! So all he got was me laughin’ but did hear me say no.

I hung up!!!

I love jackin’ with him!!

I wasn’t home 3 minutes and he called me again, “You were fuckin’ with me. Weren’t you?”

“Yes I was!”

“I thought if you were stupid enough to buy minnows before the movie, I was seriously gonna reconsider the nature of our relationship,”

“A deal breaker!”

“Yes!”

That’s my job… To Keep Shit Stirred!!Winking smile

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

What WE Want To Know…

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Follow the links… Mamarazzi  or Queso to link up!

 

{1}Who would you call if you had to get bailed out of jail?

Roy! Let him handle it!


{2} If you were a superhero what would your hero name be?

An excerpt… I have been asked this before…

"Let me just slip into my SuperMoodyBitch Tights and Cape... Along with The Tiara of Power.
Put on SuperDuty TrashySlut Sash that holds all necessary items to fight evil... like Painkillers, a flask of Tequila, chapstick, hand lotion,…”

Click Here for the WHOLE TALE!

 
{3} What do you think is one of your best qualities?

I’m a very good listener.


{4} What song would you pick to be your own personal theme song?

I love Queen and this video is the best ever to go with Fat Bottom Girls… Now get on your bikes and ride!


{5} What celebrity do you think is most over rated?

AshtonKutcher… NOT A FAN AT ALL!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Grandpa’s tools…

When my mother’s dad died, my grandma had an auction to sell off the farm equipment and his things… downsize for a move to town. My grandpa repaired and restored old furniture and sometimes made a few pieces. No one in the family had his passion for furniture so the tools were sold at auction.

Sad. Really Sad.

I was standin’ there in the garage, grandpa’s tools hangin’ all around the wall and all the old men with their auction numbers in the front pockets of their overalls. Each watchin’ and listenin’ to the biddin’ and the ramble of the auctioneer. I was deep in my memories of watchin’ grandpa work on a rockin’ chair for me when I heard the auctioneer say, “Sold! To the man in the back!”

I turned to see who had bought all the tools when a drunkin’ Charlie Sheen stumbled forward to claim my grandpa’s tools.

And then I woke up!

 

What the hell!!??

Monday, July 25, 2011

Love And Okra…

I text Roy the other day… “I love you.”

He text back, “I loved you first.”

It’s something we’ve always done… this little “spat”. Done it for years…

I replied, “But I love you more.”

He text, “Oh no! You won’t burn my okra.”

What???

That’s not right!!!

Burnt Okra!!??!!??

I text him, “Well you got me there! ICK!!”

I burned his next batch of fried okra!! That’ll show him!!

Tell me I don’t love him more!! What is he thinkin’!

Now That… That is true love!!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

The Best Laid Plans…

of Mice and Men Oft Go Awry.

And Nadine’s.

Plan A: Start my diet.

   Get a hysterectomy… no more periods.

   Recover in 2 weeks or maybe 2 1/2 weeks.

   Get back in the gym for the next 6 weeks… and bust my ass!!

   Look super hot for the Cruise in September.

And then I got the call.

The doctor that is to preform the surgery became ill and will be out for 2 weeks. HUH? Who the hell can predict a illness to last 2 weeks?? Sounds to me like he went on vacation!!

One week from surgery and it’s cancelled. And I do not know when it will be rescheduled.

UGH!!

This just doesn’t work for me. At. All.

I have a plan!!!  or HAD!!!!!!!

Joan Jett is comin’ to a local Casino. I LOVE JOAN JETT LIKE A FAT KID LOVES CUPCAKES!!! OMG!! I could pee my pants over this news!!!

But now that I don’t know where my surgery fits into my own schedule I can’t buy tickets to her concert becuz what if… WHAT IF?????? I’m re-coopin’ from SURGERY!!!!!!

If the surgery is scheduled for August I can still cruise but not do the concert.

If surgery is gonna be scheduled for any time in September… I will put on the brakes for that!! I have the cruise paid for!!! I will not… WILL NOT… miss that!!

Can you see me crawlin’ up the gangway to board a cruise ship??? I WILL DO IT!!

But I know that I will also put the surgery off until I return.

Plan B: Start my diet.

    Start the gym… next week. I’m still mad and I don’t want to take that mad to the gym. I might get bitchy… bitchier than normal.

    Look super hot for the cruise.

    Schedule the hysterectomy for October.

 

Do you know what the really truly sad thing is about this whole problem??? Besides not getting’ to see Joan Jett… I WILL BE ON MY PERIOD WHILE CRUISING!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Hump Day Q&A…

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There are some changes to the We Want To Know Wednesday… A new Host!! Queso!! 

And of course, Mamarazzi… the drill is the same so link-up!

 

1} What would you do with an extra $1000 a month?

This actually happened… We paid the house off and Roy dropped his State health insurance when he went to work for the City. So, there is extra money each month… I know!!! Right???

And what did we do with it???

Nothin’. I know!! Right???

It just sat there. And you know what was super cool… it grew!!

I know!!!!!! Right????

Honestly I have no idea how much money is in the bank. I truly don’t. But I am getting’ new carpet and we are takin’ a cruise!!

Don’t hate me becuz I’m debt free.

{2} What category of blogger do you think you best fall under?

I am a life blogger. I will tell you stories of my life with Roy… and whatever else may pop into my head.

{3} What is your go to solution when you are having a bad hair day?

A hat and dark shades! And I had Hellmart security tailin’ me!! Seriously!! They stopped me at the door and checked my receipt!! All becuz I had a bad hair day!!

{4} If you were a Crayon, what color would you be?

Red.

{5} They say love is in the little things. What is a little thing someone does to show you love?

For years, Roy would carry his cell phone in his hand so he never missed my call while we were out shoppin’.

Let me ‘splain…

Once many years ago, durin’ the Dark Years, Roy and I were at Hellmart. He went his way and I went mine. After a few minutes, I called him to ask him if he needed shavin’ cream… no answer. HUH?

I tried again. And again it just rang and rang and went to voicemail. So I went to that horrible section of the store known as SPORTING’ GOODS… totally section foreign to me. And Roy wasn’t there, all the while I’m still callin’ him. I walked on over to AUTOMOTIVE… not my area and Roy wasn’t there either!!

He’s not answerin’ his phone and he’s not where he should be!! I abandon my cart and start searchin’ the store! All the while still callin’ him… no answer.

After a quick scan of the store… and you know how big HellMart is… it hit me like a ton of bricks!!!!

ROY HAS LEFT ME TOO!!!!!!

Total panic set in… and I went out to the parkin’ lot to see if the truck was gone!! And as I reached the truck, he finally answered his phone!!

He could tell by the panic in my voice and the hyperventilatin’ that I was totally freaked out!! It wasn’t 2 shakes of a dead lamb’s tail that Roy Dewayne Hightower was standin’ right there with his arms wrapped around me.

I had a full on panic attack all becuz he’s nearly deaf. And too, becuz I was a neurotic head case durin’ the Dark Years.

From that day and until the invention of downloadable LOUD ringtones, he carried his cell in his hand so that he NEVER missed my call EVER again.

The Dark Years were bad. And that’s all I got to say about that.

Monday, July 18, 2011

3 Reasons Why Roy Screamed Like A Girl…

And all done while we were rippin’ out the carpet!

Whatta Wiener!!

 

screaming20girl

1) While rippin’ out the carpet I found a dead beetle… a pretty good size one… about the size of a quarter.

Well Roy was so busy with what he was doin’ and totally trusts me with just about everything under the sun, held out his hand when I asked. And then promptly, squealed like a 5 year old girl when I placed the dead bug in it!

Dude! It’s just a dead bug!

“Well you shoulda warned a guy!” whippin’ his hand around like it was just shocked!!

Wiener!!!

2) We had to move the hutch… damn things heavy!! And it’s probably becuz it’s covered in a “Protective” layer of dust, so Roy tells me to dust it.

He’s standin’ at one end of it scoochin’ back and forth inchin’ it forward, while I was getting’ the dust stuff. I being the “dutiful” wife begins to dust, thus closin’ the drawers on the hutch so that the pledgy stuff doesn’t get on my things… and slammed the drawer on Roy’s hand!

And he squealed like a 5yr old girl and cussed like a sailor!! “Oh! You Bitch! Son of a Bitch That Hurt!”

Now that little incident I was truly sorry for becuz That HURT!!! I felt bad.

But I still laughed.

Only when he did!

3) After rippin’ out all the carpet, Roy decided to take out the “mop” board… for lack of a better word… that trim board that goes around the room. He carried it all outside. Some of the boards are 6 foot long… and one went up into the ceiling fan!

A “Protective” layer of dust fell in the middle of my sewin’ project!!

And he squealed like a 5yr old girl and cussed like a sailor and looked at me all red in the face… to see if he was in trouble!!

I just laughed.

I like it when he squeals!! Especially when I don’t cause it!!

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Road Trippin’…

Normally when we make the trip to OKC, Roy’s a SurlyBastard! This trip… You’ll see…

And there you have it… MrsGrumpyMcCrankyPants.

Friday, July 15, 2011

I Picked Out Carpet!!!!!!!!!!!!

YES!!!!

In 3 weeks I should have new carpet!!! There is a pix to the Right----> in the tweetpix.

I have film… shows my age… digital imagery of our road trip to OKC… to be posted when I have a chance to edit it! That means, when Roy isn't home… you’ll see.

And while at the book store I found a book by the PIONEERWOMAN FOR CHILDREN… are you freakin’ kiddin’ me???

For the record, I’m jealous.

And not a fan.

I know!!! Shallow!!! Right????

I’ll show pix of my hub’s ass!!!

I’ll shut up now.

It Would Take Too much Chocolate Vodka to smooth that mad over… And yes I’m shallow.

imagesCAZ48P3S

Yeah, something like that.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Outta Pocket…

It’s a road trip to OKC and it’s somethin’ like this…

pic00912

Becuz I drive like this…

driving too fast

I can’t help myself… I can’t drive 55!

 

 

eyeeye

 

See You Later!!

Friday, July 08, 2011

Boobs, Boys, And Bathrooms…

Last week, Roy said, “I need to go to HellMart to get dog food. Do you wanna come along?”

Sure. Why not? I was reasonably dressed with Capri pants and a halter top… not too tacky or trashy. My belly wasn’t hangin’ out so you know I was chic for HellMart in Oklahoma.

When I got in the truck, Roy said, “Do not ask me why people are starin’ at you?”

What?

I was fine. Sure I kept makin’ boob adjustments but Hey! The Left one is bigger and so I had adjust it every so often. And people do stare! At me enough to make me wonder if I have a booger hangin’ out or a nipple or something?

Once at Red Lobster, a man across the room wouldn’t stop starin’ at me. Roy can’t hear nothing in a restaurant so I text him, “are my nipples hangin’ out?” and he text back, “yes!”

Good thing I had my nipple covers on!! Jackass!! Roy was pullin’ my leg!

080700_1331[00] 

See! This Gal’s Got Boobs!

So by the time we got to HellMart, I needed to pee… you know my bladder problems and all… Roy stayed with the cart and my purse and I took off to the bathroom. As I rounded the corner, I put my hand in my top and pulled the left one up just a bit and looked up just as I took my hand outta my top to see two teenaged boys standin’ in the women’s room!!!

“Hello!” One said Totally Shocked!!

“Hello, Aaaah! This is the women’s bathroom!” I said.

And then I began to doubt my own choice, sanity, and readin’ ability… and walked out to double check to see if I was in the right place! That has happened to me… several times.

After confirmin’ that I was indeed correct… this time… went back in to make them leave! “Yes! This is the women’s room and you need leave right now!”

They were gigglin’ at their “mistake” but didn’t give me any crap and just left.

I went on with my own business. I watch two other sets of shoes come back in… both women’s! I have the worst luck with teens and really wasn’t up to being trapped in a stall with my panties down while they fucked with me!!

When I walked out, Roy was standin’ there and I said, “did you see me throw those boys out of the restroom?”

“Yes, I did. And did you see the woman they were with go in after they came out?”

Now did those two shits go tell their momma I was nasty to them for THEM being in the wrong place??

Wouldn’t that be about like me have a knock-down drag-out in the women’s room at HellMart??

Roy thought so!! He was there outside the doorway waitin’ to come in and back me up!

I Love Him.

Wednesday, July 06, 2011

We Want To Know Wednesday…

WWTKbutton
Click a one the names:
Impulsive Addict
Janette
Mamarazzi
Seriously Shawn
And link up!!
1. Name five of your favorite new blogs that you're reading. Question Courtesy of Homesick Cajun
I am takin’ the 5th! And I’m not talkin’ about Jack Daniels!! I refuse to answer the question on the grounds that I may hurt someone's feelin’s. I hate to name people like this becuz there are so many good people out there and if I leave someone out… their feelin’s hurt.
Shit!! What if NOBODY NAMES ME!!!!!!!!?????
ugh!!! I’ll be crushed all day long.
att00005
2. When you were a young child or teenager, did you have an idea of how many children you wanted and what their names would be? Did you follow through on your ideas?  Question Courtesy of Lindicious Life
When I was 10 I had my children’s names all picked out. I wanted 3… all girls but I did have back up boy names just in case. For those that are new to the Church of the Holy Nadine, I have 2 girls, EdithAnne and EudoraMae. I wanted to name them Roxanne and Sharona so that they would have songs with their names in them. But That Didn’t Happen.
The 3rd child, well, was just a fleetin’ thought and only came close to happenin’ when I dropped off EudoraMae for her first of day of first grade. She’s my baby. And she was growin’ up. I was so sad. I was gonna go home and make another baby with EarlLee. He was at home, The LazyAssBastard didn’t have a job! I had picked out a name for my next baby girl! EarlLee wouldn’t talk me out of it this time! AssHole!! Tell me He’s can’t have his Daughters referred to as “RoooooxAnne You don’t need wear that dress tonight! Or My my my Sharona!” Jackass! Talk me outta that again!! OH hell no!
And by the time I drove the 10 miles home I was so mad… no baby was made!!
mad-cat
3.  "What is the silliest thing you fight with someone about? Could be your spouse, sibling,parents, co-worker etc." Question Courtesy of Jessica McCoy
Silliest? Geez! Roy and I argue over what shade of blue the sky is!
It’s what we do… bicker. It makes other people uncomfortable. Roy’s Mom, QueenVictoria, has asked if our are marriage is stable… a couple of times… and if you’ve read my blog long enough or friended me on Facebook… you will wonder about that too.
We do not have lights in the kitchen becuz of we can’t agree on it.
We haven’t went carpet shoppin’ becuz Roy knows there will be a knock- down drag- out over it.
Most of the time, we’re over it pretty quick and we don’t carry it around with us… whatever it was about. We fight fair with each other. Although I do tend to throw things… we don’t call each other names… the occasional jackass or bitch comes into but nothing really mean. And he’s never threatened to divorce me… or hit me… contrary to popular belief!
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4. What is your favorite scent that other's may not find very nice? Question Courtsey of  Amy King
Diesel… and I’m NOT talkin’ about that men’s cologne either. Roy will get laid every time for smellin’ diesel!
People - Cat &  Human - Kittens, Feline Sensitivity in Human Brain, Sleep Together

5. Thoughts on Plastic Surgery? (had it? want it? regrets?)
 If I could afford it, I would do it. I would have a tummy tuck, liposuction, and my right boob enlarged to match the left one! A little botox for that crease in my forehead. And that’s it! I think some people take it too far!
I want this…
Catwoman20002     Not this…4884765_f260

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