Saturday, April 30, 2011

Well Sister! Pull Up A Chair!!!

I’ve been on the rag, so I haven’t felt too great. It has something to do with that huge tumor in my uterus, so I’ve been layin’ around the house… about 4 days. And when I woke up Thursday mornin’, I felt like getting’ outta the house. I knew that my favorite resale shop was havin’ a fantastic sale… 50-70% off!! So I put on my big hair and my girl face for a day of shoppin’… I even threw in my bowlin’ ball to get in some practice. I had a good attitude and was feelin’ pretty damn good!!

I had text MizAngie Boomer Sooner to get a rise outta her… She’s a Texas Aggie and I knew that would brighten her day… she called me a bitch. I just love her.

My niece text me she loved me… and we picked at each other back and forth.

I was havin’ a really good day.

At the resale shop, I found a couple of dress that if I was a teeny weeny girl Ida but them! So cute! Little black dress with a fox fur trim around the bottom and a teal dress with a black tulle overlay… just a knock out dress! But alas there was no way I could get my big ass in a size 4!!

I had picked out 2 pair of Keds… never been worn! Both pair for under $10. I was so happy!! I was textin’ Kiki back and forth about the dresses and lookin’ thru the purses when the shit hit the fan!

My mom text me. “RubyJune is tellin’ people that I’m on drugs….you need get this stopped and stop it now”

Here we go again!! The Bullshit and Drama that is my mother.

I tried to handle her like I was do… like an adult. I don’t ever call her names. I don’t get tacky. I just tell her facts that I know and what’s lies and what’s the truth…. and she’s like talkin’ to a 5 year old.

First of all, RubyJune has taken the stance that her mother is dead. She doesn’t want anything to do with her and has no desire to talk about her, good or bad. Other people talk about Mom not RubyJune! And you know small towns… people gossip!!

Secondly, my mother has made bad choices and has surrounded herself with poisonous people that thrive on pickin’ at RubyJune and my nieces. And she condones it!

So after 15 texts back and forth… scarin’ every lady in the store that was shoppin’ becuz my phone was “Woo- Hoo’n” every 10 seconds, my head was just spinnin’!! I had to leave, I was scarin’ the ladies! I paid for what I had found and left to finish this argument in the car.  I finally told her she needed to get over it! She is so preoccupied with who started the fight and who’s on her side like it’s a game! She’s fucked up her children’s lives and she acts like it’s a game!! And me tellin’ her to get over it… was all it took to make her go away!

“Maybe time you and her to get over it… that all… I have nothing else to say to her or you.” she said.

I practically jumped up and down with joy over that comment!!

And I sent her: “I am over it and have been for quite some time but you drug me into this this am. And it doesn’t hurt my feeling if you don’t ever speak to me.”

Seriously. Leave me alone! You realize she’s the reason I developed the shingle last winter.

I called Roy to vent! Went and got a Vanilla DrPepper at the Sonic to calm down.

By the end of the day, she had managed to make all her grandkids either mad or cryin’ from hurt feelin’s becuz of her “tryin’ to get to the bottom of all this.” … It’s just sad.

Sorry, it’s not always shit and giggles around here.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

An I Got Nothin’ Day…

Seriously. Nothing!

I have sat here mullin’ over all the thoughts goin’ thru my head and nothing is interestin’ or anything I can put a humorous spin on it so… I got nothin’!

Though, Scooter is prayin’ at the “Alter of The Router”

IMG_3313That’s becuz he such a devote follower of “All Things Electronic is Good”

Makes me think, I’ll just go thru my photos and see what there is to share…

IMG_3306 My new bowlin’ shoes… while my replacements are on order.

Yes. I have 2 pair of bowlin’ shoes. Well, Why The Hell Not? My other ones are supposed to be purple and pink and glow in the dark!!! I can’t hardly wait!!!

100_2718I have no words… blanket hog comes to mind.

100_2715“Wait! Guys! Come Back! I promise I won’t hog the tub!”

IMG_3314And now the router is a butt warmer.

100_2462z“Get This Off! Right Now!”

100_2466 Medium Web view“Help!!! Me!!!! She’s Killin’ Me!!!! Heeeeelp!!!!”

Actually, he’s so over it all, he’s bored.

longhairb-05 Standard e-mail viewz And that’s all I’ve got, kids. Nothin’!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Keepin’ It On The QT…

On the down low…

I’m bowlin’.

And I have my ups and downs.

Why keep it quiet?

Well. StupidAssEddie creeps my FaceBook Page!! And Roy doesn’t want Eddie to know we are bowlin’!

Men!

But I have gone from a 35 average to a 90!!! Woo Hoo for me!!!

You don’t understand. When we went bowlin’ with Eddie and Loretta, they graded their “good skills” by how bad I was… It was awful!!

You see, I’m the idiot. I’m the stupid one. I am the one with no skills at anything under sun. I’m a slut. I drink excessively. I eat excessively. I cuss like a sailor. I will tell you my opinion. And if you didn’t want to hear the truth, don’t ask me.

Only about half of that is true.

But anyway… “Well, Loretta You beat Nadine! Hahahahahahahahaha”… Eddie is a Bastard!

Roy beat Eddie!! ha! Twice!! Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Well, I’ve beat Roy! There are times when I have actually won! I won 3 times in a row one day!! But I have a problem with gutter balls. I can pick up a spare and I can get strikes but I can also throw gutter balls… I have no control. But I was averagin’ 100 per game. I was ready to take on Eddie and Loretta!!

And then Roy said, “You twist your hand all over, It’s no wonder you have no ball control.”

And I was! This will sound odd but I releasin’ the ball like I was shootin’ a lay-up! Sorta. It put a back spin on the ball but no control on where that damn thing went. So I looked around at all the other people in the bowlin’ alley… all of them where layin’ the ball on the wood like they were pitchin’ a softball under handed.

Huh! So I have been usin’ that method… slow and easy on wood.

And my average has gone down. I need more practice before we take on Eddie and Loretta!

IMG_3301

My first pair… they blew out. Too bad! They are so cute!!! Seriously. First time I wore them on the lanes, the heals fell apart!

I tried to hold my ball with my shoes on and no. There was no way I could hold it up there without droppin’ it and bashin’ my head in! So I had to do it barefooted.

IMG_3305

When I showed Roy my photos, he just grinned, “It’s a wonder I didn’t come home and found you dead with half your face eaten. You know those cats will eat your face, if you do something stupid and kill yourself?”

Men!

Yes he actually said that.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Told You So…

I knew it!

I told you I would figure it out!!

How did it occur???

Boredom…

IMG_3305

Death by bowling ball!!!

No I didn’t hurt myself just knew I’d figure it out!

Friday, April 22, 2011

Letter 27…

The friendliest person you knew for only one day…

I’m not sure I’ve ever met that person… my world is small. And that being said, if someone is friendly to me, I know them… and for more than one day.
3 more letters and I’m done with these. They are getting’ to be a pain in the ass!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Runnin’ Bear, Little White Dove, And Pregnant Horses…

One day as Roy and I were drivin’ to the gym I was flippin’ thru my dream book to gain some insight into my latest dream… I was gonna take a horse to a friend’s house that lives north of us so my daddy was saddlin’ up my mare which is cream and white, and Daddy said, “take care of the mare. She’s pregnant.” And I wake up.
Everything in a dream is a symbol… North… Daddy… Horses… Even the color of the horse… And the fact that she was pregnant.
White Horses are a good omen. Daddy is my protector… always was. I’m a little freaked out about my horse being pregnant!
And that’s supposed to be a good thing??
Going North… I am seekin’ to correct my life. And I have a lack of intimacy… again… horny!
So I’m tellin’ all this to Roy and he giggles but says, “well you do have a huge tumor in your uterus.”

So Daddy is tellin’ me to take care of it and I’ll correct my life… easy peasy!

Roy says, “Let me tell you about my dream!”
Sure go ahead!
“Well, I was searchin’ for you down by the river. And I found you in a canoe…”
I don’t do canoes… must be a nightmare.
“…with a young good lookin’ Indian with long black hair down to his waist and you were fuckin’ his brains out!”
It’s just what I want! Runnin’ Bear and Little White Dove!!
Le Sigh...
“And I call out to you, ‘what are you doin’? and you sit up and say, ‘But I’m So Horny!”


I laughed the rest of way to the gym!!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Link-Up…

I am linking up with Impulsive Addict for a “We Want To Know Wednesday”. The topic is Friendship.
Link-Up and meet some new bloggers… this is how I found Bird five years ago! And we have been friends ever since.
{1} Do you make friends easily? No. I do not. I keep people at a distance until I’ve been around them for awhile and I feel comfortable around someone new. I’m very picky about women. Women are catty. And I don’t do catty. I can be petty too but I’m not hateful. I tend to get used as a doormat so I keep a wall up for a long time.
{2} What 3 qualities are a MUST in a friend? Loyalty, Loyalty, Loyalty! A gal to be my BFF must have my back! I’ve gone toe to toe with people for my gal pals… I expect the same in return. Pure and Simple. In the 8th grade, I threatened to beat up a boy that out weighed me by 50lbs and he had 10 inches on me becuz he insulted my BFF! 3 years later, she let her boyfriend tell lies to her mother to keep us apart when I need her the most… I was pregnant at 17!
{3} What makes YOU a good friend? Now that I’m not sure… I’m honest, funny, and will be there when you need me. You call me to come and get you… I will by God be there to get you! And then Loretta, chickens out and I take the abuse from her StupidAss husband!
{4} Have you ever met a bloggy friend in real life? Yes I have. I have met Jean. She is a friend from MSNSpaces. She doesn’t blog anymore. She and I are Facebook Friends. She lives about 20 minutes from me. She a is super sweet lady.
I have met the RedNeckDiva… while at lunch with Jean. She too lives close by. She’s a busy gal! And I’ve meet Conner, the little boy she babysits… whatta cutey!!
I have also met MizAngie. I met her when I went to Texas with my mom last October. I love her! She offered to board her dogs and come take care of me after surgery!
I know! Right? Everyone that knows MizAngie just fell outta their chairs!!
And unfortunately she doesn’t blog anymore either.
{5} Who is your best friend?  Tell us about them. That’s Roy. He’s puts up with my shit. And calls me out when I need it. He’s there when I need him no matter what.
Jesse is a good friend too. She and I have so much in common, we like the same movies, we read the same books, we love the same foods… Love Her!!
 
Now all of you out there in BlogLand… Link up!


Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Me So Horny!!!

I told Roy all about the bizarre dreams and of course he thinks I’m a totally lunatic anyway. He’s convinced I’m bound for a straight jacket and a rubber room!
But when I told him that my whole problem was the fact that I was horny… he cheerfully volunteered to do his part to help me solve my problem. Good man!
And it was so nice. Perfect.
A couple of days later, “Honey, I am still in need of your attention.” He was all for it! Rip Roarin’ and Ready to Go!!
And it was soooo nice. Just Total Bliss!!
A couple of days later, “Honey, I have an itch that needs scratched. Can you help a gal out?” Sure thing.
And it was okay. Not his best effort. Hhmmm…
Next day, “Honey, Can we do a quickie?”
“Really? Woman! You are killin’ me!!”

No Vlog Tracie... and I'm still laughin' about that!

Monday, April 18, 2011

Dreams, Books, And One Horny Toad…

With all the bizarre dreams I’ve been havin’, I finally went and bought a book to help me interpret them. Whoa Baby! The things I have learned!!
Well. Sorta. The book was for those that believe dreams are premonitions. As much as I would love to think that I’m Psychic… more apt to be psychotic… I’m not. Not psychic. Not once in over 40 years of dreamin’ has anything been a foretellin’ of events! My ESPN is totally NOT in tune!
So back to the bookstore for The Dream Dictionary for Dummies.
Perfect. Sorta. It gives me exactly what I was lookin’ for in definin’ the symbolism in all those wild dreams! But the book is like a Psyc 101 Textbook!! I’m supposed to keep a “Dream Journal” and do writin’ assignments!!
Do they make a Cliff’s Notes for Dream Dictionary for Dummies???
So What does all those bizarre dreams mean??
Are you ready?
I’m horny.
I need some manly attention and affection.
And I needed a book to tell me that??
horny-toad-catherine-g-mcelroy

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

A Smatterin’ Of Crap…

I’ve been tryin’ all freakin’ am to load my first actual Vlog… See it? Yea, Me Either!!! Shit! I’ve tried 3 times. I’ve trimmed it.. and still nothing!! I’ll just have to keep workin’ on it. I didn’t want to open up a YouTube account as VelvetTush… Again! It’s so friggin’ stressful havin’ a “split personality”. UGH!! I’m really bummed about it.

I finally broke down and bought a couple of dream books… Holy Shit! I can’t wait to tell you all about that. I knew I had issues but still! Holy Shit!! Workin’ on the Vlog has zapped me! Later on the dreams.

I think I like bowlin’. Does that make me a nerd or something? We have tried pool, golf, fishin’, boatin’ and motorcyclin’ as a couple but Bowlin’ may be the thing that clicks! We bowled 5 games last Friday night and I actual hung in there without getting’ all pissy like I did with the “other hobbies”… though I think motorcyclin’ was a huge thrill. I can’t tell you what a great feelin’ it is to have rode my own bike to Sturgis!!  But Roy feels much better with me not ridin’ my own bike and throwin’ a heavy bowl down the lanes! I can’t actually kill myself with a bowlin’ ball.

Shit! I’ve jinxed myself. If there’s a way to die by bowlin’ ball… I’ll figure it out.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Thanks!

All I need is encouragement to Vlog.

That man on the motorcycle behind me… Roy. I was filmin’ him from the rear view mirror. And I know that if he saw what I was doin’… He’d ground me. Again.

Probably take away my camera.

The other day, when he wanted me to mow, and I walked out there with my cell phone in hand, textin’ away, he said, “Oh No! You can’t text and mow! You take that right now back in the house!!”

I didn’t.

He took my keys from me once. But I deserved it. I backed into a Brand Spankin’ New Car!!! I felt soooo bad for that owner!! Sure it was icky white compact Ford but it still had the sticker in the window. And you know when you work so hard to buy something and then some dumb blonde backs into it… you tend to freak!

I have trouble backin’… That new car wasn’t the first thing I’ve backed into… a U-Haul Truck! Mailboxes! Trees! Gas Meters!

I’ve been lucky though… I’ve never damaged anything but my pride.

Friday, April 08, 2011

Vlog...

video

Tracy, It's something like this. I know I can do better. I may have to have Roy's help.

Thursday, April 07, 2011

What Do You Think???

I’m been goofin’ around with my webcam… not like you think. I’m fully clothed.

Well, I’m barefoot… but still.

I have been kickin’ around the idea of a vlog.

So much for being anonymous… right?

There’s got to be a way to do it and still be “unknown”.

Ooh I could be all like LostGirl15 or was is it 16?

Or Not.

I’m Nadine Frickin’ Hightower for Pete’s Sake… I’m my own drama.

Not vlog every entry but maybe something every other week or so… I need to do something to keep people comin’ to visit with me.

So tell me what you think?

Are you in some office cubical and can’t watch streaming videos? So many people can’t access YouTube at work.

Does your PC freeze up when watching videos? My old one did.

Your input and feedback mean a great deal to me… so tell me what do you think about vlogs?

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

Old Men, Vanity Plates, And Tag Offices…

The other day, I changed my Facebook profile photo to my car tag… only to realize that it was outta date!! The VanityPlate was 34 days late!!

Which no real big deal. Becuz, it’s the VanityPlate. My real car tag isn’t due until July. Roy checked! When I told about the VanityPlate, he was a bit insecure about the real tag… which is in the trunk of my car.

A year ago, the Fine State of Oklahoma Tax Commission decided to cut costs… and not send out renewal notices for your freakin’ car tags!!!!!

Guess how many people forget about that???

Guess how many people have to pay extra fines?????

Another way TheMan sticks it to the LittleGuy!

My VanityPlate states for all the world to see that my car belongs to a retired law enforcement officer.

Let that sink in a moment.

I drive 70 miles an hour every where I go… And the tag is out of date.

People will call in and report such breeches of the law… to TheMan!

And Roy.

Both have been done. And I got grounded that day!!

Anyway…

He found all the proper paper work for me to go get the new sticker. He was a little afraid I would have to re-file for the that same tag number, like it would magical be up for grabs on Feb 28! And every retired cop would be sittin’ around just waitin’ for that particular tag number… I really frickin’ doubt it!

“Call first and make sure that there isn’t going to be a problem. And be nice.”

“Be nice? I’m always nice at the Tag Office.”

"Oh no you’re not! You hate those ladies in Miami!”

“That would be correct and I’m not goin’ to THAT office, Thank you very much! I’m goin’ to MY TAG OFFICE!!” That whole door slammin’ callin’ & fuckin’ bitches incident over this EXACT TAG 6 years ago… OH NO!!! I’m not goin’ there!

So check book and info in hand, I went to the Tag Office in Grove! It was busy. It was a Monday. There was very little parkin’ area… one lady parked in what was the ditch out front. I didn’t dare do that it was muddy and I don’t need to be stuck in the mud. Again.

I watched the lady get outta her car and walk in front of me, while I waited for a man to leave so I could take his spot. In the mean time, the lady’s husband got out of the passenger’s side and went around to the driver’s side… for one instant I thought he was goin’ to move his car to MY SPOT I WAS WAITIN’ ON!!! Don’t you just hate when you wait for someone to move only to have someone else zip into that spot from a different direction???

I wasn’t gonna let that happen. I will be nice the ladies IN THE TAG OFFICE but old men on the OUTSIDE… They are fair game! Luckily for him, he stayed put in the car and I took my spot I waited for and walked into the Tag Office. I sat down to wait my turn and eavesdropped on the old ladies talkin’ about the OLD MAN IN THE CAR.

“I had to take away his driver’s license becuz of his Alzheimer’s and his eye sight isn’t what it was…”

WHAT???!!! AND HE’S BEHIND THE WHEEL!!!!

There is a law called, "Actual Physical Control” Which means if you are behind the wheel and have the keys and are impaired… like drunk… You can be arrested!!

AND THAT OLD MAN HAS NO LICENSE WITH ALZHEIMER’S AND BAD EYES!!!!

I got up to go see what he was doin’ out there! I hadn’t made it to the door when I saw him pullin’ into a spot right in the front of the Tag Office!!

HOLY SHIT ON BRICKS!!!!

I turned to the lady, “Is it okay that he moves the car?? Cause, HE DID!”

“Oh yes. He can drive. I just took the driver’s license to slow him down.”

 

IT’S NOT WORKIN’!!!!

I hope I never have to do that with Roy.

Oh and I got my tag just like I thought… easy peasy and I was real nice. I even told the SuperNice Gal that My Tag Office was way better than my husband’s Tag Office. I left out the part about door slammin’ & fuckin’ bitches incident… They totally deserved it!

Sunday, April 03, 2011

Illness, Bowling, And Second Chances…

I don’t know what the Hell is goin’ on but I’ve been ill most of this flippin’ year!! Last week, I had a cough and a bit of chest congestion that really took me outta the game! I did make it to town one day but it was like every last bit of my strength was used and the next day I laid all day in bed!!

And I don’t know where I came up with it! Roy doesn’t have it this time, so he didn’t bring it in.

Rats! I like blamin’ him!

So since I’m a big dumb blonde…

And my daughter is still “friends” with Loretta…

And I stupidly, told my daughter I was havin’ surgery…

Loretta saw it.

So she and StupidAss Eddie called to make a dinner date to mend fences. Out of guilt for not being a closer friend?? Whatever.

So Yes, she’s gettin' a second chance… I’m keepin’ up my guard!

Dinner went well.

But after dinner, becuz we couldn’t agree on what movie to watch, it was mentioned that we go bowlin’.

Roy used to be team captain in a league… He’s not too bad! He has his own ball and shoes!!

We played 3 sets and I was always the lowest scorin’ person. I don’t really care. I had fun.

I did manage to get a strike and I picked up a couple spares… But mostly gutter balls.

But I also pulled a muscle in my butt!! My left butt cheek started crampin’ it was so bad. I asked Roy to rub it out but with all those people watchin’ and the little kids, he wouldn’t do it!!

And those people that run the joint, came and took my ball from me!! Rude!! “You can’t throw that ball.”

“Well why not?” It worked perfect… It was light enough that I wasn’t throwin’ it half way down the lane where it crashed with a thud!!  What’s he mean “Throw”?

“It’s a child’s ball.”

OOOOh.

“Well I’m wearin’ kiddie shoes…” But no. He took my ball.

So I had to use a heavier ball… no wonder I sprained my butt!

Me and Roy we are gonna practice!! But we’re gonna rest up… Captain or not, his hip hurts too!

Loretta volunteered to take care of me after surgery while Roy worked… we shall see.