Thursday, January 27, 2011

PANIC!!!!

So I’m sittin’ here mindin’ my own business when I feel something crawlin’ around on my arm.

“EUW! EUW!!” I started squealin’!!! I’ve had such rotten luck lately the last thing I need is for some bug to bite me. Did I tell you about walkin’ into the kitchen and steppin’ on a red wasp?? Ever have a sting on the bottom of your foot?? It felt like I had glass in my foot!!!

Once… All I did was reach into the paper machine and got nailed by a wasp on the arm!!

And now something is crawlin’ on my arm!!!!

“Euw!!! Euw!!! EUWWWWW!!!!!”

Roy was standin’ right there!!

“Don’t move!”

MOVE??? I want to jump up and down and swat it!!!

Oh!! Oh!! The last time I swat something that landed on my arm and I didn’t look to see what it was It stung me!!! While I was drivin’ down the road!!! That’s what wasps do!!! Attack you when you least expect it!!!

Have you ever panicked and had to sit still????

The last time I did that a walkin’ stick attacked me!! While I was drivin’!!!!

I was just mindin’ my own business drivin’ to work when a walkin’ stick bug crawled up on my leg… and me bein' all zen with bugs just picked him up and calmly put WAAAAAY over on the other side of the truck as FAAAAAAR as I could reach and I’ll be damned if that thing didn’t stand up on it’s hind legs and leapt at me!!! KID YOU NOT!! There was sqealin’ and stoppin’ and lettin’ that bug have his way!!! He could drive the truck!!!! I got the jump on him and put his sticky ass out on the side of road and kicked gravel all over him!!!

Sit Still My Ass!!! DON’T PANIC!!! I have a bug on me and I want it off right now!!!

While I’m squealin’ and not dancin’ all over the livin’ room, Roy is tryin’ to get the light turned on so he can see what he has to rescue me from…

It took for freakin’ ever!!!!!!!

The light was on, He took my arm rolled it around until he found my attacker… a friggin’ moth.

It could have been really bad!!

Yes, it could.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Top 3 Things That Roy Did…

that made me smile.

1) While I had Shingles, I had to take the medicine every 5 hours, so he set his cell phone to go off at 2am. If you have ever heard a motorcycle start up at 2am then you have some idea of how high I jumped when the cell phone went off!

Seriously. His ringtone is his Indian motorcycle idling. And it’s loud!!

And he never failed to say, “It’s time for the 2O’clock feedin’!”

Once when I woke up early, I got up. The Phone went off! He jumped up outta bed and went lookin’ for me. “Hey, Babe! It’s 2O’Clock Feedin’ time!! ‘Take Your Medicine, Son!’” Which is a line from another movie he loves… Young Guns 2.

So one mornin’ he jumped up outta bed and went lookin’ for me… I was right beside him. It was 3ish. “What happened? The alarm didn’t go off!! Did you miss your pill?”

“It’s okay. I took it on time.” I hadn’t slept well that night.

But he was still baffled. When he was fully awake he sat down with his phone to figure out what went wrong. “It’s set to go off at 2AM, Monday- Friday! I don’t get it!”

“Honey, Monday- Friday. It’s Sunday morning.”

I love to watch his face when the light bulb goes on… “Oooh!”

2) I have many Victoria’s Secrets bras. I wash them in the washer but hang them up to dry. Roy rotated the laundry one day and I asked him what was in the load. He replied, “colors.”

“Were my bras in there?”

“I don’t know.” but he looked in the dryer and found 2. He gave them to me and I hung them up in the bathroom.

A few days later, I noticed my sports bra hangin’ up. I never hang them up and wondered, “what the hell?” but never asked him why it was there.

As we ate supper, he said, “did you find your bra? I hang it up for you. I know how you are about them.”

I decided not to school him on the different between padded push up bras and unlined sports bras. I’ll just let him hang them all up.

I just smiled and said thank you.

3) Since I’m not allowed candles, I have started usin’ Scentsy. I leave the meltin’ pot thingy on the stove and Roy is good with it. “If there’s a way to burn the house down with it, I’m sure YOU’LL find a way!”

So the Scentsy bars are kept in a basket in the kitchen.

One day I got in the fridge to get out all the sandwich makin’ stuff and found the Scentsy bars… all five packages… in the sandwich bin.

He thought it was cheese.

Yeah, I laughed too.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Fresh Hell Served Daily…

Have a slice.

Or not.

Everyday, new blotches and blisters have showed up. Shingles is not for sissys!!!

And it feels like a sunburn. I can get thru this. I am Betty BadAss!!

And then I found a blister in my pubic hair.

I’m freakin’ out again!!

“Honey!!! If I get this rashy shit on my business area I won’t be able to walk!!!”

He didn’t giggle.

He didn’t smile.

He didn’t dare!!!

But he did say, “I’ll get you a bed pan and you can lay in bed all day. I’ll take care of you.”

In sickness and in health… He’s a keeper.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Shit On A Shingle…

Life’s a bitch and then you die.

A few days ago while I was gettin' dressed and as I pulled up my panties, I felt something bite me! Off those panties went and I searched for the bug! I ran to Roy for him to look and make sure whatever bit me wasn’t going to bite me again.

Nothing.

He never saw anything. I never found a bite mark. But it sure hurt!!

Next day, I noticed that my left hip was itchy. I searched for the bite again. Nothing. I made Roy look again.

“Honey, do you see any red bumps or anything? It itches like wildfire!! And I think my hip is swollen.”

He giggled, “how can you tell?”

Jackass!!

My hip felt odd. It felt numb but oh so itchy but no outward reason for all the itching. I’m not the sort that scratches every itch, all it does is make it worse and can cause an infection. I applied hydrocortisone which didn’t really help.

And then a bump came up with what looked like a bite!!!

Okay, then. I’ve been bitten by something. Still not too excited. Bug bites go away. I’ve been stung by bees and wasps. I’ve been bitten by ants, fleas, chiggers, and ticks. Everything runs it’s course and I’ll be better. I have PMS so it’s stands to reason that I feel achy.

Until Saturday AM… my jammies were all screwed up from twistin’ and turnin’ all night long becuz I’m so uncomfortable and I reached down to untwist my panties and the left side of the PinkPalace was swollen and extremely sore!!

BACK THE TRUCK UP!! THIS IS SERIOUS SHIT!!!

I have been so sick that I have sat on the toilet in a McDonald’s off the Interstate with my head restin’ on the wall hopin’ that I would just die so that I would feel better. And didn’t go to the doctor.

I have got up outta bed with chest pains to ride it out on the couch away from Roy so I didn’t wake him up and him take to the ER. I don’t want that bill when all I need to do is fart!!

But now, I have a swollen Hoohaw and there’s a lump!!!

WHAT THE HELL!!!!??????

I take care of the PinkPalace! I’ve only had 2 yeast infection in my entire life and ONE only ONE bladder infection… A gal’s gotta take care of her MoneyMaker!!!

I may have several blotchy sunburn type blisters all over my hip but one small lump in my groin… It’s time to get serious!! And if this is a spider bite and my cooch rots off…

O!M!G!

I can’t get an appointment until Tuesday becuz the IndianClinic is closed becuz of a Federal Holiday. I’m in Hell. It’s not only my body that is fallin’ apart but my mind is on overdrive!!!

I’m freakin’ out.

What’s Roy gonna think?? A Scarred Up Cooch!!!

O!! M!! G!!

Did I ever tell you that everything is an ordeal with me? So not kiddin’!!!

My appointment was at 3:30. The young man that made my appointment asked, “I have only one left and it’s with a man.” I didn’t care. At this point I’ll show anyone that wants to see my business as long as they can tell me what the hell is going on and how can I fix it!!

Do they have cosmetic surgery for vaginas??

I can see that!! Totally!! Think about that… I’ve watched porn. There are a lot of women that need a little work done. Just a lift or a tuck maybe… never mind.

I showed up at 2:30!!! The PA asked me what was goin’ on and he gave my hip a quick peek. SHINGLES!!!

Whew!!

Not a bug bite… I get to keep my VaJayJay!!!

Well…

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The First No That Counts…

I’ve wanted a tattoo for awhile but Roy isn’t into that… Hates those tattooed gals on the PlayboyChannel!! “Why would someone trash their body that way with all those ugly tattoos.”

I just want something small on my ankle… like a daisy chain. But then again… if my ankle get fat, will my daisy chain fall apart??

I know what a tramp stamp will look like on my backside from helpin’ my momma pee every five minutes when she was in the hospital.

Not that she has one… but what my backside will look like when I’m 63. And it doesn’t need a tribal flames or  smokin’ pistols on my Johnson Fuzz!! It wouldn’t be pretty. At. All.

But a small Flutterby or my upside down heart with Roy’s name in it on my ankle… that’s more my style. Seriously… ROY in it.heart

Something like that… I’m sure a real artist can come up with something less crude. I’ve told him hundreds of times I would get “Roy” tattooed on my ass anytime. He just rolls his eyes.

I’ve wanted to buy some of those airbrushed shirts with Roy and Nadine in the upside down hearts on them but he just rolls his eyes. That’s not really a “no” but rather an “oh please, don’t and if you do, don’t make me wear it” look.

Seriously. Wouldn’t that be so cute??

And it’s not like as if we’ve had the knock down drag out over it… I just choose my battles and what I’d really rather fight for… purses, shoes, swimmin’ pools and cruises.

Well.

He may not like the tats on the gals on the PlayboyChannel but he does like the nipple piercin’s.

I’ve put my foot down.

He’s offered to buy me diamonds to wear in them to entice me.

He could buy be a Corvette to dangle from them but I’m not doin’ it!!

A friend of mine told me a tale of young lady that pierced her nipples at a biker rally and was drunk and moanin’ all night long about how much pain she was in…. ALL. NIGHT. LONG.

My daughter did it. Someone told her when she nursed her future babies that the milk would come out all sorta holes… she took them out and let them grow back after a week.

And then he started tellin’ me NO!

The Battle Lines Were Drawn!! I have chosen something to fight for!!

So I said, “I’ll gladly pierce one if you allow me to get a tattoo.”

I’d do the right one. Poor little thing, it pops out all the time and that would be a bedazzled “wardrobe malfunction”. Becuz, I’d have my nipple all glitzed up. He did say diamonds. That incident with the stripper… remember that? Her nipples were pierced.

And if my daughter could do it… I can do it!

He went from elation to despair in 0.2 seconds!! His fantasy was about to come true. “She’s gonna pierce her nipple for me? What? Tattoo?? Fuck No!”

But he said, “where and what?”

So he’s thinkin’ about it. But I got my note pad and I marked it as one NO!

JackAss!!!

Monday, January 17, 2011

I’m So Spoilt…

Well How Spoilt Are You??

I’m so spoilt that all I have do is ask and my husband will leap over tall buildings and swim across gator infested waters to make my every wish and desire a reality.

He carries me around on a pink satin goose down feather pillow so that my tiny feet do thread where mere mortals walk… And when he needs a rest, I’m place upon a tall ivory pedestal. He paces the bottom and pees on the bushes to deter others from comin’ too close to his Baby.

He’s growled at men… I kid you not!

I don’t ask for everything becuz of that very thing. It a wicked awesome power that I have… the man is bewitched.

The last thing I want is have to take care of his gator munched ass when I could be drivin’ around in my brand spankin’ new Corvette!

I’m not a good nurse.

He likes to tell a story of when he had a broken ankle and was in the kitchen on his crutches while I was less than 10 feet away and he fell.

And Sat There on the Kitchen Floor. I didn’t do a thing to help him.

I didn’t know it. I never heard him fall. He says he yelled and yelled for me.

Right!! I never heard a word. Seriously. Less than 10 away!!

If I didn’t’ hear his cries for help, it was becuz He ALWAYS has the TV turned up so high becuz HIS lack of hearing!!!

I’m not a good nurse. I am for adult entertainment only. I used to be a show pony… I’m more of a chunky over-fed shetland now.

So my point is I weld a lot of power. I test drove a cute little 2 seater BMW… Oh did I look cute in it!! The power was awesome!! And when I came back to the lot and got outta the car he said, “Don’t pull out that hoop. I can’t jump thru that one.”

And I didn’t. I know my limits. I know when to stomp my foot and pout.

Once we looked over a Corvette… OMG!! It molded to me… my shortness and all!! I was sittin’ in HEAVEN! But I didn’t pull out my hoop on that one either.

It’s an awesome feelin’ knowin’ I have such a power… He is the best man.

Last year, we kept track of which one of us had the most money spent on other, I easily won. He may have had scopes, boots, coats, and a gun but I won. I always come out on top.

But this year, for the first time ever he started sayin’ a foul word that I haven’t EVER heard before… Ugly Word. NO.

He has told me no.

Yes. He said no. I know I was caught of guard the first time I heard it come out of his mouth… but he said it and to add insult to injury, he stopped in his tracks and turned around.

There was no jumpin’ thru the HOOP!

There was no leapin’ over tall buildin’s!

NO GATORS TO SWIM THRU… but he said no anyway.

To carpet samples, to chinese food, and to a new piece of furniture!!

Well, this year, we are gonna kept track of all the times he says no to me.

But we are not gonna count those times… we are gonna  start with this one…

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Letter 19…

Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad…

Who to Pick?

That’s a long list… good or bad!!

Bad:

Eddie,

What the Fuck is your problem?

Are you so insecure with your being, manhood that you are afraid of me?

That I might make your wife see that just becuz you do not hit her that you are abusing her just the same?

Well. I’m outta the picture. Enjoy it.

Fuck you very much,

Nadine

**************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Good:

To My Beloved, Roy.

Happy Birthday!!

Hugs and Kisses!!

Your Little SugarPlum

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

A Smatterin’ Of Crap…

Welcome Lurker Barbara!!

I love my lurkers. You are amongst friends, feel free to comment.

I’ve spent my first few years on the World Wide Web being a lurker myself. And look at me now!

Resolutions! Why do resolutions have to be about weight or not smoking? I think a resolution should be about self improvement and something a person can accomplish becuz if you haven’t quit smokin’ in July what makes you think January is better?

My resolution is to not have confusin’ status updates for my niece.

“Sis, I just don’t get them.”

Well Sweetie they are meant for adults.

She’s 20.

I DVR Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. There. I said it out loud. I will also DVR New York and New Jersey and maybe the OC. Them gals and the ones from Atlanta are not my faves. Too much bickering. Why would I want to be entertained by something that looks like one of our family functions??

And becuz, I like to watch the Real Housewives series, I read the Real Housewives of Oklahoma blog. That’s been entertaining and no drama! Recipes, free stuff, and get togethers… Woo Hoo!!

Speakin’ of Real HW of BevieHills, I feel so sorry for Taylor. She is in a loveless marriage. I think I would cut and run! She’s got the child and can get a nice settlement and look for someone that will love her the way she needs to be loved.

She’s from Oklahoma by the way. I favorite quote, “I’ll take you out back and put some Oklahoma on your ass!”

Just as good as Kim from RHofAltanta, “Lord, Don’t let my wig fall off.”

The last day Roy work, he got a call from his daughter the other day… which has never been a good thing. If she called every day or even once a week, I wouldn’t be so suspicious about her motives. The gist was she was just kicked out of her Mother’s home for not followin’ the rules. She’s 32. With 3 boys. It’s long past time to grow up and take responsibility for her actions.

First words outta my mouth was, “she’s not comin’ here!” And I said it before I realized it was comin’ outta my mouth. She lived with us when she acted up in high school and couldn’t follow the rules way back then… she lasted 2 weeks with her dad!

Roy agreed. She’s not comin' here.

Whew! But his worried about her. Her birthday was yesterday and we all gave her a Facebook Birthday but no response from her.

The boys have been livin’ with Roy’s ex and her hub for more that 2 years now. Sad.

And that same day, Roy got a call from his aunt from MO. Not one his close to at all. His mother’s sister. And she’s so tactless she said, “we are comin’ to OKC to see your dad before he dies.”

Yep. That washed over Roy all wrong! Sure RoySr is havin’ some health issues but do not trash our hope of his havin’ a recovery!! Bitch!!

And to put the cherry on Roy totally shitty day, a high pressure hose broke and showered the whole crew with water and cracked Roy in the knee. The boys were all laughin’ becuz they were wet and Roy was holdin’ his wonderin’ whether or not it was broke! It looked like he had 2 knee caps on the same leg.

“Why does everything happen to me? I was standin’ there with 3 other people and the hose hit me!”

I’ve asked myself that many times… Why me?

Becuz I’m just unlucky that way!!

Monday, January 10, 2011

Thieves, Paranoia, And Missed Opportunities…

Several weeks ago, I was readin’ a book while Roy paced the floor. He was tryin’ justify goin’ to bed at 7:30 in the evenin’ and why I should go bed with him… “I’m not sleepy. Leave me alone. Let me read my book until I get tired.” But he ranted and paced anyway.

Until he noticed headlights on the road. They were goin’ pretty damn slow! Like to a halt in front of our house. An in an instant the car pulled into our driveway and out went the lights! The driveway buzzer told me that the car pulled in but didn’t back out.

For many years we had this place lite up like FtKnox! Paranoia overload… and then he turned into his dad.

Don’t tell him I said that. He gets all pissy about being compared to his dad when it comes penny pinchin’. Roy buys the best stuff. Damn the price but has started to turn off lights and bitch at me when I don’t. I step out of a room for 2 seconds and not shut off the light, knowing full well that I am goin’ right back into that room but NOT BEFORE WE HAVE A KNOCK DOWN DRAG OUT over it.

Anyway, he let the lights around the outside of the house burn out and didn’t bother to replace them, thinkin’ he was savin’ money. Well, it looks like nobody lives here! The grass has grown up in the ditch and the yard is needin’ to be mowed and now it’s freakin’ dark at nights!! People have asked about the ditches! I just tell them, “my lawn dude has a payin’ job now.”

So it looks like nobody lives here!

Despite the fact that my car is in the carport, I have a car in my driveway with it’s headlights off. We have had neighbors’ homes and cars broken in to, so there it was in my driveway.

Roy said, “turn off the light.” I did. And then he said, “what do I do?”

What?

“Dude! Put your pants on and go out there!”

Armed with his flashlight and his gun he went out. I had my phone ready to call for backup.

I heard him yellin’ “Get the fuck out! Get the fuck out right now!” The driveway buzzer sounded as they backed out and went on their way.

Roy said he saw a man standin’ outside the car and he told Roy he was just parkin’. “I thought about firin’ off a couple rounds but I knew you’d call the cops, when you heard gunfire.”

Damn straight! Officer in need of backup!! Shots fired!! Shots fired!!

The night we went to the ChristmasParty and missed the opportunity to win a TV, remember that? Roy has taken a lot of ribbin’ about leavin’ early and not getting’ the TV… But as we drove up our road, there was a car drivin’ really slow… again! With the passenger either getting’ in or attemptin’ to get out… the door was open for some reason. This time we run the little red truck up their bumper and chased them off.

Had we stayed and won the TV we would have stayed another 30 to 45 minutes chattin’ it up, laughin’ and havin’ a good time only to have come home to a burgled and trashed house. I have to think we came out ahead.

After that night, he put new lights around the outside of the house. I feel better.

Sunday, January 09, 2011

Letter 18…

To the person that you wish you could be…

I wish I could be tall, tan, and wealthy.

Mostly wealthy… it could actually happen if I purchase the right lottery ticket.

I wish I could be more open, less judgmental, and not so high strung.

Everything is an ordeal… I know there are drugs for it but what I was on wasn’t it.

I wish I could be more guarded, less jealous, and be accepted.

I am who I am… if you can’t handle it, then move along. We don’t mix well, there nothing wrong with that.

And you ask, how can you be more open and more guarded?

I don’t tell you everything… though it seems like I do. Becuz everything’s an ordeal. But I don’t you about it.

Roy says I’m too trustin’ and that world is filled with low-lifes scum-suckin’ maggots just waitin’ to take advantage of me.

That just becuz someone holds a title of authority doesn’t mean they are a good person… learned that one the hard way. I have no faith in the justice system.

That just becuz someone professes to be a ‘Good Christian” doesn’t mean they are… learned that one the hard way too. I have no faith in “Good Christians”. Put your Jesus where you mouth is! If he’s in your heart, be it!

I am who I am. I know it. And I don’t profess to be anything but who I am.

Is there room for improvement?

Damn Straight.

Do I wallow in self pity?

Not every day.

Not really a letter but that’s the person I wish I could be.

Friday, January 07, 2011

Why I Don’t Have That Photo…

You know.

The dead mouse... Some times it’s just better for all concerned that the corpse be removed immediately.

Roy has talked pretty hot and heavy about carpet but hasn’t just run down to the carpet store and ordered it. He’s overwhelmed by all the stuff we have in the rooms that need carpeted… why I don’t know. The installers will move furniture.

“It’s not the furniture, it’s all your shit that’s all over the place!”

What?

Okay well I do have my sewing business all over. It’s neatly put in tote boxes but there are many. I’m about 3 totes short of being called in for that hoarding show. And we all know that the tote business didn’t go the way I wanted. I deeply appreciate those that bought one or two or three… LOVE YOU! And if you want one, I’ll be happy to make you one… just ask.

Anyway, it was time to put all those totes upstairs. So Roy packed them upstairs. I stayed downstairs to work the door and pick out what I wanted to go up. And then I heard a clatter, like he had knocked something over… I have breakables!! He had no idea what I was talking about. So I had go up there to look around… and see just where he was puttin’ my shit!

All the way in the back room!! On the other side of the bed!!

And there’s a funky smell.

The bed is an old iron bed that I had cleaned off so he could sleep in it when he was drivin’ me nuts with his allergies… or me to sleep in. I didn’t care. One of us was getting’ some sleep! And I used it as a flat place tie fleece together for blankets and dog beds… it’s cat hair free! So there is stray material all over the floor… I’m a messy seamstress. As I was standin’ there talkin’ to him about knockin’ over stuff, I had one foot under the bed and I notice my foot on something soft. The thought went thru my head that is was that stray fabric and I would just get it and take down to the trash. So I turned my ankle to pull the fabric out from under the bed.

The whole thing didn’t take 2 seconds… it takes longer to type it all out.

And when I looked down to pick up that stray fabric I saw a dead mouse under my toes!!!

EEEEEEUUUUUUUUWWWWWWW!!!!!!! IIIIIICCKKKKKK!!!!!!!! EEEEEUUUWWW!!! EEEUUUWWW!!!! IIICK!!!!! I was hoppin’ up and down squealing!!!

You know when you paint your toe nails, how you spread your toes out and walk on your heels??? That’s how I ran thru the upstairs bedrooms and all the way down the steps and into the bathroom!! And kicked my foot in the sink to wash off the dead mouse germs.

Squealin’ every step of the way!! I have fallen down those stairs tryin’ really hard not to fall and how I flew down them hobbled I have no idea! Roy was right behind me with the corpse… Cats were runnin’ for cover!!

“Cut off my foot!! Cut it off and sew it back on!!! EEEUUUWWWW!!! I’d rather have stepped in cow manure!!!!!” as I’m scrubbin’ my foot! I think if I hadn’t been so concerned about getting’ my foot scrubbed I’da been pukin’!!

Roy didn’t say a word. I think he was tryin’ to suppress his laughter. What I do know, is he was in the way! He could wash his mouse hands in the kitchen! My foot was infected with dead mouse cooties and that was way more important than his mouse hands!!! And I don’t care what fell and broke or where he put my shit!! I was polluted by dead mouse germs!

ICK!!!!!

So there’s no photo.

Thursday, January 06, 2011

The House That Nadine Owns…

IMG_2933This is Nadine…

IMG_2637This is the House that Nadine owns…

IMG_2673These are the cats that live in the house that Nadine owns…

 

 

 

See this blank white spot…. no photo of the caught mouse that plays in the knife drawer in the kitchen that those cats live in… in  the house that Nadine owns!!!!!!!!!!

You all know how much I love furry creatures. I’m like EllyMae Clampett… SnowWhite…  I’ve raised orphaned baby opossums for Pete’s Sake! A law has been passed out our house that All Furry Creatures are ALLOWED to eat cat food from the back porch without fear of the Shotgun… could be my opossums!! Or relatives. Opossums only live about 3yrs and Pete and Pattie were released in 2003… long gone. But all opossums with white tipped ears are given a free cat food. I’m a freak about it.

Roy called one day, “There’s a dead opossum in the road. I’ve done a quick autopsy and have determined it’s not yours so don’t freak! Just keep drivin’.” Becuz he knows how I reacted to the dead one at the end of the driveway… which wasn’t mine either but you know there’s still a scream of horror anyway!!

So here we have mice in the house… a whole different critter!

We have talked about puttin’ out poison but I’m not thrilled by it. And totally scared to death the cats will get into it. A long time ago… back when Monster was an outside/indoor cat… Roy and him were out workin’ on the truck. Roy noticed that Monster had what looked like antifreeze on his chin. He called me to see what he needed to do and I told him. I would have loved to see him tryin’ to get that cat to ingest peroxide!! Monster is THE easiest cat to doctor but Roy is not the best doctor. Scary stuff until that cat puked!!

Crisis averted.

And then I opened the knife drawer…

“EEEEUUUWW!! EUW!! EUW!! RAT POOP!!!”

Roy comes runnin’!! “It’s not rat poop.”

“GROSS ICK GROSS EEEEEEEEUUUUUWWW!!!!!! GET RID OF THE RAT POOP!!!”

“It’s not rat poop, it’s mouse poop.”

LIKE IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE!!!!!

Poison was promptly bought and put out in places the cats can’t get... lazy bastards!!

Wednesday, January 05, 2011

3 Blind Mice!

See how they run!!
Runnin' rampant in Nadine's house!!
With not a one of cats in sight!!
All the while She screams and cries ICK!!
Oh how it just makes me gross and sick!!
Three Blind Mice!!!


While I was in OKC VickySittin’, Roy was left home alone to tend to things… the cats. He told me this little tale…
“I came home this evening, to find the cats in the kitchen. They had circled the wagons! They had a baby mouse surrounded. He looked like he was on his last leg and I helped him along.”
Euw Gross!
I have mice.
And 6 cats.
What is wrong with this picture???
Oh Wait! I stand corrected… I have 9 cats!! Don’t forget those 3 outside the house, guardin’ the perimeter from of all things birds!
Birds!!
Do you know what a pretty little blue bird looks like turned inside out?? Not Pretty! And gross!
Once, one of them was chompin’ on a bird but yet... the cat looked like it was gaggin’!! So I had to pull out the dead baby mockin’bird by it’s dead legs out of the that cat’s mouth!!!
ICK!!!!! GROSS!!! ICK!!
But I have mice!
Oh I’ve found dead body parts from what looked it came from a furry creature so Those Outside Cats do know that they are supposed to keep out the mice but obviously, they’re FED TOO WELL BY ESTABLISHMENT!!! Roy!!!
Wait I’m strayin’ from the point… the mice actually in the house. With my 6 cats.
EEEEEUUUUUWWWWW GROSS!!!!!!
Once, last spring, we heard a commotion and cats went runnin’… away from it. Which is not a good sign! Roy found two of the cats had found a baby mice. And was that baby a sqealin’!! Which is why the other cats were runnin’! Poor little thing was tryin’ so hard to get away, but Scooter and Monster were not lettin’ it go!
Have you ever seen what cats do with mice? They play with them. They chase and pounce and let it go to chase it again only to catch it and throw in the air and let it run to pounce it again…and do it over and over and over all the while it squeals. Until it dies… play with it until it dies!
Oh the squealin’!!! It’s torture!
The Last Thing I Want To Do I Pull A Squealin’ Baby Mouse From Scooter’s Mouth!!!
IIIIICCCKKKKK!!!!!
Roy helped them send him on his way.
I didn’t give it a thought! They found it and Roy tended to it. End of that Mouse Tale.
Wrong!
They had circled the wagons on a 2nd one!! And their all babies!!
Where is Mom and Dad??

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Let’s Review 2010…

It was a Hellva Year!
Something you know:
I am debt free. We paid my house off. It’s mine. Good or bad, come Hell or High Water… this dump is mine.

Something else you know:
I lost my best friend.
Yep. I know where she is... she lives with a JackAss!!

Something you don’t know:
I gained 25 pounds. I’m a short woman and I really didn’t need that extra 25.

Something you know:
I became GiGi… loved every minute of it.
And now I’m not.

Something you don’t know:
I was one foot out the door to becoming the next Ex-Mrs. Hightower.
Giving up GiGi, losin’ my BFF, and becomin’ a divorcee’ happened all that once… so I stayed.
I will not stay in a situation where I am not wanted… Roy worked his shit out. He had plenty of time to figure it out locked in the pool area!
So no more GiGi… They didn’t want me as much as I thought.
My BFF didn’t either… and Roy just needed enough incentive to see that.
Me or Her!
Plain and Simple.
Is there really any wonder in why I gained 25 pounds?? Geez!

Something you know:
Roy started a job… and we both are ready for him to be fired. He wouldn’t quit. But we both are sick to death of it.
If he didn't have it, he'd be less surly. And he'd have his full attention on me again!

Something you don’t know:
We are cruisin’ this year! A BloggerBuddy is comin’ along… should be a blast!! Geez, I would like to say who she is but I’m not sure which ID she goes by these days. MzDarleneButts is fabulous though. If you would like to come along... email me, text me, facebook me... you know how to get in touch with me.

Something to look forward to… There are babies comin’ and the sun’s a shinin’!!

Monday, January 03, 2011

Letter 17…

To Someone from My Childhood…

 

Dear Casper,

Remember the time you, me, and Mom made gingerbread men?

That was fun.

I’m not sure when I lost track of you. I guess you couldn’t go to kinneygarden with me.

My inner child misses you.

Hugs!!Casper

Did you have an imaginary friend?

Saturday, January 01, 2011

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

fishing1[1]
May we all have LOTs of that thru out the year… yummy!!
Yes we all need to fish more.