OH YES HE CAN!
3 times that Roy was a JackAss durin’ the last 2 weeks of my surgery and recovery… Oh don’t get me wrong there’s lots of time but these I’m about to tell you are the TOP3!
1) Just before surgery, the surgeon stopped in, to meet Roy, to reassure us that all will go fine, and that I should be out of surgery in about 6 hours. At the same time, the OR Nurse came in to take me to surgery. WOO HOO!!! At 7:45!!!
As I am walkin’ out of the room to get on the surgery gurney, I heard Roy tell the surgeon that I was his best wife and “I sure don’t want to lose her, I have her trained just right. I’d hate to have to start over.”
Yes He Did!! He said that!
If I hadn’t been so preoccupied with how I was gonna get on that gurney without showin’ my ass to the people in the hallway, I'da come round on him right there! This and he told the… and I can’t spell it. but that guy that gives you gas in the or… I tried I really tried but even spellcheck couldn’t figure it out…
Anyway… He told that guy I was an alcoholic! They all ask if you drink, If you say yes, they think you are an alcoholic, and try to sign you up a program or some shit, I always say no or occasionally. Roy went to snickerin’ and snortin’ and said, “you drink like a fish!”
2) Since he had his ankle crushed and had a plate and 9 screws in it back in 2003, he’s been waitin’ for the day that HE CAN DRIVE ME HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL!!! “I’m gonna hit every bump and pothole. I’m gonna jump the train tracks and I’m gonna tear up the driveway!! Just so you squeal like a girl in pain!”
I didn’t jump the train tracks. It’s not possible at 15 miles an hour. It’s more likely 80 or so… I’m takin’ the 5th on that bit of know how.
I didn’t hit every pothole or bump. I can’t help it if the road is bad!
I didn’t tear up the driveway either… it’s just something I wouldn’t do. That’s what the rest of the highways and byways are for. Not the last 70 of driveway!
But oh did he squeal!!
When I was released I had 1 3/4 bottles of morphine under my belt with a 2 lortab chaser… I was feelin’ no pain!
So I fake squealed at all the appropriate moments, just to make him feel better.
3) And my favorite…
So he comes to me and says, “what are you fixta do?”
“Go to bed. You?”
He twirls the tweezers at me, “I need to do a little work on Elvis.” Manscapin’
So as I drifted off to sleep I was thinkin’ about how hairy Elvis was last time I saw him.
Like you don’t have a name for your hub’s penis!
Elvis and the Backup Band play at the Pink Palace as often as possible. After Elvis sings Viva Las Vegas, He leaves the building! It has been said many a times, “Elvis has Left the Building!”
Next mornin’, I calmly sat down by him on the couch, and said, “the last time Elvis and I had a face to face chat, he was a bit hairy then and that was over a week ago. The Pink Palace is shut down for remodelin’ so why does Elvis need some manscapin’ now??”
He went all beet red. “It’s been needin’ to be done for awhile now. I just don’t want it to get all outta control.”
Yeah, Right… JackAss!!