Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Roy Can Be A Straight Up JackAss!!!

OH YES HE CAN!

3 times that Roy was a JackAss durin’ the last 2 weeks of my surgery and recovery… Oh don’t get me wrong there’s lots of time but these I’m about to tell you are the TOP3!

1) Just before surgery, the surgeon stopped in, to meet Roy, to reassure us that all will go fine, and that I should be out of surgery in about 6 hours. At the same time, the OR Nurse came in to take me to surgery. WOO HOO!!! At 7:45!!!

As I am walkin’ out of the room to get on the surgery gurney, I heard Roy tell the surgeon that I was his best wife and “I sure don’t want to lose her, I have her trained just right. I’d hate to have to start over.”

Yes He Did!! He said that!

JackAss!!

If I hadn’t been so preoccupied with how I was gonna get on that gurney without showin’ my ass to the people in the hallway, I'da come round on him right there! This and he told the…  and I can’t spell it. but that guy that gives you gas in the or… I tried I really tried but even spellcheck couldn’t figure it out…

Anyway… He told that guy I was an alcoholic! They all ask if you drink, If you say yes, they think you are an alcoholic, and try to sign you up a program or some shit, I always say no or occasionally. Roy went to snickerin’ and snortin’ and said, “you drink like a fish!”

JackAss!!!

2) Since he had his ankle crushed and had a plate and 9 screws in it back in 2003, he’s been waitin’ for the day that HE CAN DRIVE ME HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL!!! “I’m gonna hit every bump and pothole. I’m gonna jump the train tracks and I’m gonna tear up the driveway!! Just so you squeal like a girl in pain!”

Right.

I didn’t jump the train tracks. It’s not possible at 15 miles an hour. It’s more likely 80 or so… I’m takin’ the 5th on that bit of know how.

I didn’t hit every pothole or bump. I can’t help it if the road is bad!

I didn’t tear up the driveway either… it’s just something I wouldn’t do. That’s what the rest of the highways and byways are for. Not the last 70 of driveway!

But oh did he squeal!!

When I was released I had 1 3/4 bottles of morphine under my belt with a 2 lortab chaser… I was feelin’ no pain!

So I fake squealed at all the appropriate moments, just to make him feel better.

JackAss!!

3) And my favorite…

So he comes to me and says, “what are you fixta do?”

“Go to bed. You?”

He twirls the tweezers at me, “I need to do a little work on Elvis.” Manscapin’

So as I drifted off to sleep I was thinkin’ about how hairy Elvis was last time I saw him.

What?!

Like you don’t have a name for your hub’s penis!

Elvis and the Backup Band play at the Pink Palace as often as possible. After Elvis sings Viva Las Vegas, He leaves the building! It has been said many a times, “Elvis has Left the Building!”

Next mornin’, I calmly sat down by him on the couch, and said, “the last time Elvis and I had a face to face chat, he was a bit hairy then and that was over a week ago. The Pink Palace is shut down for remodelin’ so why does Elvis need some manscapin’ now??”

He went all beet red. “It’s been needin’ to be done for awhile now. I just don’t want it to get all outta control.”

Yeah, Right… JackAss!!

HiRes

Link Up with Impulsive Addict and Seriously Shawn.

11 comments:

Krista said...

Haha! The Hubs and I have nicknames , too. He's Gumby. I'm Pokey, Gumby's horse... Because Gumby likes to ride on Pokey, of course...

Gotta love someone's sense of humor at the most serious times, right?

Or not... lol...

Jill said...

If Roy was my husband, I'd probably call him a jackass too - but READING about Roy is quite a hoot! LOL

Sarah Kate said...

My husband would have received a drop kick to the face if I heard him make a remark about training me! I don't even care if the whole hallway saw my bare naked heiney in the process! :o)

Hope you get fully recovered soon!!!

Stacie said...

I am so sorry that you have had to put up with all of that....but it sure does make for an entertaining read for us!

becca said...

Men can't live with them and you can't shoot them unless of course you know how to hide bodies properly..lol

Impulsive Addict said...

Oh girl! Your husband is a MESS!!! But yes, we have names for body parts. I thought everyone did. =) I'm glad you're doing so well and feeling almost like yourself again.

I hope the trimmin' went ok. ;)

Thanks for linking up with us and making all the rounds to other link-uppers. I appreciate that and I know they love getting your comment love too! Have a good evening! =)

Shawn said...

Elvis and his backup band play at the Pink Palace. I am absolutely dying, I have never heard that!

His prep better have been in anticipation of your next "face to face".

Glad you haven't lost your sense of humor, thanks for linking up we love ya!

Anonymous said...

A-n-e-s-t-h-e-s-i-o-l-o-g-i-s-t


Sorry, I can't help it...I'm a walking spellcheck!

And now I've got to clean my screen. I should know better than to read your blog while drinking lemonade.

(Elvis and his backup boys playing at the Pink Palace)

Teresa in St. Louis

Amanda said...

Hmmm. See, I hit the wrong button to scroll down your blog and ended up reading the last part about Elvis and manscaping and thought you had a dog. Then I read the whole story.

Now I'm singing Elvis songs. :) Thank you. Thankyouverymuch

Billie said...

I am not sure if my previous quick comment went through...

Sorry I have not been around. It is a long story.

Glad to hear the surgery went well and you are recovering nicely.

Date Girl said...

bahahahaha, pink palace and Elvis. You are hilarious.

Oh man what a turd, selling you out to the docs.