Thursday, August 18, 2011

Kicked In The Teeth…

I have told numerous people that writin’ in their blog is indeed cathartic… So I’ll heed my own advice.

Many years ago,  my oldest daughter EdithAnne, left home in an uproar of hate and lies… burnin’ her bridges as she went. She said things that she can’t take back. I think she initially just wanted some attention and sympathy from a couple of boys or as a way to get out of my house.

It worked. The family was divided and I exiled myself from my mom, my sister, and my daughters. They left me. So I built up a wall between me and those people. I was tryin’ to save my own peace of mind, my sanity, and save Roy. I have had people that know me quite well that ask me how I could side against my own child… She lied. He didn’t.

Roy was treated very badly... he forced to retire from a job he loved. If I had left him he would have been crucified. I stayed with him becuz I loved him, I knew the truth.

I wished with all my being my mother had aborted me in 1964 so that 2 very good men would have had very different and very happy lives becuz I hadn’t been born to fuck them up.

I have dealt with my mother issues and do not carry them around with me. Though, it may seem that way. I vent about her a great deal. I have learned to treat her as a distant relative and not get so emotionally attached to her. She will never be the mother I wanted. Never.

So when I blew up on her of Facebook, It didn’t bother me one bit when she deleted me. Good riddance!

A few years ago, EdithAnne reached out to me. She wanted to have me in her life. She wanted her children to get to know me. I was very skeptical. Every time I reached out to her, she pushed me away. But just like I want my mom to be in life as my mother, I want to be in EdithAnne’s life as her mother.

We walked on eggshells around each other.

We chit chatted pleasantly.

We even took a couple of road trips together that went really well.

But yesterday, I was kicked in the teeth… again. She called me brainwashed and toxic.

She went on a rampage against Roy, my sister, and me.

My sister said, “don’t take it personal! she’s on drugs!” This time, my sister sees the truth.

Roy said, “just delete my facebookAcount!” He doesn’t give a flyin’ fuck about it… or her for that matter.

So today I did. I deleted mine real account and his. I don’t want to put him through any more of her bullshit. He is a good man that doesn’t deserve what she’s done to him. I feel like a burden to him.

I don’t care if the carpet never comes.

I don’t care if I ever have surgery.

I don’t care if I wake up tomorrow.

I’m not sure I feel all that better… give me some time though.

Thanks for the good thoughts and well wishes.


bigdogmompam said...

Oh,Nadine! I'm so sorry that you are going through this. All I can say is "been there, done that" with Princess (ex-step-daughter). All drama, all the time! It gets old fast. I'm here for you if you need me . . . I have big shoulders!

Jeankfl said...

I'm so sorry, girl.. you and Roy don't deserve that. What is it with some people that they have to create drama? It's not all your fault!!!! They have choices, just like you do. They just make the wrong ones. They don't put their WHOLE family first. I'm here... come out to the Shoppe on the Island tomorrow afternoon!! Big HUGS

Becca said...

I wish that I had the words to say, but I don't. I know you know I do not have a relationship with my own mom. Wish I did, but now, know that it is not going to happen, makes me sad. Take the time that you need but none of this is your fault.

Big hugs,

Rachel said...

Nadine I am sorry you and Roy are going through this! I have had issues with my own mother for years and I can understand the desire to be taken back in by someone you love only to end up being spit back out again. Some people are not capable of real change and if there are drugs involved there will certainly be nothing positive at the end of the road your daughter is on.

Lin said...

I'm sorry about what you're going through. The best thing is to get all the toxic people out of your life.


M&Co. said...

I'm sorry.

Barbara said...


I'm so sorry for all you and Roy are going thru....I went thru a bit with my boys when I left their father....luckily for me they came back around....all I can say is you do what makes you and Roy happy...screw the rest....

Anonymous said...

Man, that just sucks the big one.

I'm so sorry. When drugs are involved, truth goes out the window.

You're in my thoughts.

Teresa in St Louis

Connie Weiss said...

Sooo sorry that you are going through this...again.

I have serious mother issues and well...Daddy issues. My sister is a liar and a mooch and a animal hoarder.

I refuse to let them in my childrens' lives.

It's sad, but sometimes...we're better off without some people.

Even if they are family.