Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Talkin’ To The Surgeon…

Was so not fun!
He is a nice enough man and all but ugh!
Roy took the day off to take me. I was told that I may start a drug to prepare me for surgery and that drug has side effects and I didn’t know if I could drive the Hour Back Home Without Getting’ Sick! So Roy went along with me. You all have known me long enough to know that Roy drives me crazy when he drives my car! T-Totally Crazy!! He is a very good driver and all, we just have different styles. I tend to drive more aggressive than him. That doesn’t mean I drive wild… just different.
So when I go back for the nurse to take my vital signs, I have Over The Top Blood Pressure!! So high she asked if I was on medication for it. NOT YET!!! She said,”well comin’ in here to talk to the doctor about surgery, a person does tend to stress.”
Yeah. That’s what it is. Not my husband’s OLD MAN DRIVIN’ WAYS. Or Parking. Seriously. We even park it differently. Knock down drag out and all!
I can feel my blood pressure risin’ just thinkin’ about him in my car!!!
So anyway…
I went alone in the exam room to talk to the doctor. He spoke briefly about the size of the fibroid… which is about the size of 2 tennis balls. And the different procedures that he could perform, but he would know more after he did a biopsy.
My inner alarms went off!! I’ve been in on biopsy on animals and I know what all takes place and I sure as shit don’t want to ever be awake when someone take a scalpel blade and cuts bits of me off!! Once, I had a mole removed and I thought the doctor was NUTS when she said she wasn’t even gonna give me valium to take the edge off!! This doctor was just gonna give me Motrin!!!!
I seriously thought I was gonna run screamin’ from the room!
You can make me have a vaginal ultrasound and shove that magic wand up my VJayJay  but YOU, BY GOD, ARE NOT GONNA CUT ON ME WITH JUST MOTRIN!!!
And then I grew up.
It’s a part of life. You are born. You go to kinneygarten. You learn to throw rocks. You learn to drive the tractor. You have sex. You get married. You have babies. You get divorced. You see Ted Nugent. You have a hysterectomy. You have dementia. And You die.
So Buck Up Girl, You are About to Have a Biopsy While Awake!!
I don’t know what all the doctor did, though he talked all the way thru it about what he was doing… I just held my breath to keep from cryin’ and jumpin’ off the table. It felt like he grabbed on to my uterus with a pair of vise grips and shook the Hell out of it!!
And I hurt! I was dizzy! I felt like I was gonna throw up! And 30 minutes later… after havin’ some blood work done… the motrin kicked in… aaaahhhh. I was very glad Roy was there. No way could I have drove while I felt like that. But I didn’t have to take that other drug with all the side effects… woo hoo!
If this is what the hysterectomy feels like, no wonder my sister was pushin’ the button on her morphin drip every 5 minutes.
Her hub told her, “Honey, you can press it all you want but it will only give it to you every 30 minutes.”
Oh and get this, I’m only supposed to be in the hospital overnight! We’ll see about that! They have no idea who they are dealin’ with!


Lin said...

I'm sorry hon. I went with my mto have a biopsy done, hers was done while she was awake too & I she cried because of the pain the entire time. It was difficult to watch and she told of the doctor afterwards since he promised her it wouldn hurt lol.

Tracie said...

They'd find a better way if it was the man that had to go through all that! (Hugs) to you!

Becca said...

I agree, when this gets done to a man, it would be so much easier for us. Hugs to you. I am still dealing with the hormones and the drug to force it, or me, into menopause. Upside right now, no periods. I will take it for now..

Territory Mom said...

OMG, bless your heart.

Katy said...

My mom had a biopsy done of a tumor in her uterus and she said it was incredibly painful--I'm cringing just thinking about it.

I know what you mean about arguing over the parking--I'm constantly telling my husband where to park and he never listens!!! Always picks a spot I wouldn't have. Sheesh. And he drives like an old man too!

Billie said...

My doc actually told me it would hurt a bit (btw, I got nothing for pain) - clearly his idea of pain and mine were vastly different!

But 5 minutes later... it was all gone.