One night last week Roy said, “what are your immediate plans?”
“Findin’ some underwear.”
It’s 8pm. We’ve had sex. There’s nothin’ on TV… but I’m not ready to go to bed and I’m not sure where this is goin’.
And he continued, “are you goin’ to bed?”
Dude! It’s 8pm and the sun’s still up. He may get up at 4:45am but I don’t… he’s makin’ me feel guilty.
“No, I’m not sleepy.”
“Okay, then 8:30 or 9?”
Seriously, What! The! Hell!!
Guilt is washin’ over me. And I don’t know why.
So I head to the bedroom to straighten up the bed. I hate sleepin’ on wrinkles. HATE!!!! He just gets in despite the wrinkles goes to sleep.
After I straighten the bed up, I get in and get all comfy. At 8:15!! With the Sun still In The Sky!!
He opens the door, and is surprised to see me! “I thought you weren’t tired.”
“You made me feel guilty.”
“I didn’t mean too.”
He lays down and covers up, “I wasn’t plannin’ on you being in here.”
What!! The!!! Hell!!!!
And he continues, “Shit! Now I have to lay still. And I can’t fluff my pillow or fidget!”
And that’s what he gets!! Makin’ me feel guilty and all. NO Fluffin’ the pillow… or my ass, and NO Fidgetin’!!
But he goes on, “And I’ll lay awake for hours becuz you’re in here!”
Jackass!! “You’ll be asleep in 10 minutes and snorin’!”
“I will not!”
“Oh yes you will!”
“Okay then wake me up with it happens and I’ll prove to you I wasn’t asleep!”
And now it’s time for me to mess with his mind!!
I laid just as calm as could be, thinkin’ about how to form this little tale into a blog when I hear snorin’… gently easy snorin’! I let him snore about 4 times. And I rolled over and shook the bejeezus outta him. “Ha! You’re asleep and snorin’!!”
“I was not!!”
“Oh yes you were! I let you snore 4 times before I shook you!”
I rolled back over gigglin’ at him. It’s what he gets for makin’ me feel guilty! No fluffin’, no fidgetin’, and I was right!! And about 10 minutes later… he started snorin’ again!!
This time, I just giggled to myself. I had proven my point. I let him sleep.
The next night, we were chit chattin’ in bed, and I said, “Honey, you remember the conversation from last night about you goin’ to sleep and snorin’ in 10 minutes?”
“Yes, Smartass so what’s your point.?”
“Well, Honey, after I shook the bejeezus outta you when you were snorin’ and you bitched at me…”
“Yeah, Yeah, what’s the point?”
“well, I swear, it wasn’t 10 minutes after that you were snorin’ again! I just laughed at you instead of wakin’ you again.”
He just laughed, “Smartass!”
And he’s a Jackass!!
10 later, he was asleep and snorin’!