I have issues.
Like you didn’t know that.
You know I’ve been havin’ weird dreams. My favorite thing to do is spin them into a cute little story and zing you in the end with, “And then I woke up.”
But this one…
I was in the bath tub tellin’ Roy about my day… which is filled with cat exploits and the latest gossip from Facebook… which he doesn’t understand the whole concept of Facebook and Twitter but I try to keep him informed… I wind up tellin’ him “Just Go With It.”
I said, “And let me tell you about my dream last night!”
“Oh Boy.” and he rolled his eyes. He knows they are always doozies!
“In my dream, I was feelin’ my boobs and discovered the left one had a huge lump in it. And I turned to you and said, “Honey! Feel this! Tell me what you think!”
He just grinned… in real life. He is always havin’ to check my moles, warts, odd things in places I can’t see or pluckin’ that weirdo hair that grows on my back or makin’ sure I don’t have a tick on my ass. He always fusses about it, but does it. Becuz, he knows who checks his odd things and ticks… me!
In the dream, He rolled his eyes and took off runnin’!!
I screamed, “what the Hell? Come back here and feel this!!”
Only he ran faster… like Grandpa McCoy!
Yep I’m totally showin’ my age on that one!! Grandpa McCoy walks with an odd limp and his elbows go up and down in a funny way and the faster he walks the funnier it looks… and that’s actually how Roy runs with his ankle and all the metal he has in it.
And I hollered after, “There’s a huge lump in my boob and I’ll bet that’s why it’s bigger than the right one!! Get back here right now!!”
And you all know that my left boob is bigger than the right one… which bugs the shit outta me.
But no he just ran and ran… and I woke up. I was so mad!
All the while he’s just standin’ there in the bathroom laughin’ at me while I’m rantin’ and ravin’ about my dream… and as he walked outta the bathroom, I’m still mad at him for runnin’ away in my dream, so I yelled, “What’s wrong with you that you wouldn’t feel my lump!!”
He came back in the bathroom with the biggest grin on his face, “You are nuts.”
You know, he could be right.
And Now You Know What's Going On In My Neck Of The Woods!