Thursday, March 24, 2011

3 Things I’ve Taught Roy…

You can teach an Old Dog New Tricks!!

When I married Roy, he was 44 years old. He didn’t come with an owner’s manual. He was pretty much ruined. He was neat and organized!!

That shit had to stop!!

My first hub, EarlLee, we had known each other since we were 14! We taught each other the ways of life for many years… So he was “fixed” right! My way!

And his new wife had to deal him not comin’ with an owner’s manual. What goes around, comes around!!

But back to Roy…

1) I taught Roy the wonders of Tequila.

He was a cop. And he arrested drunks. He couldn’t drink! It just went against all the morals he was raised with… remember his mother, QueenVictoria is a tee-total’r! A woman Carrie Nation would be proud of!!

So one night, I taught him to do tequila shots. I got him drunk and had my way with him.

Led him right down the primrose path… to hedonism!! We’ve had so much fun!!

2) I taught Roy that Kleenex’s are to blow your nose not toilet paper.

Seriously.

Dude. Use the Kleenex.

He would tear off 3 sheets of toilet paper and fold them in half so that they would be the “right thickness” and blow his nose. In a few days his nose was raw for wipin’ and snottin’.

“Honey, when is the last time you used a Kleenex?

“Kleenex’s are too thin. And I just blow a hole in it.”

“They have improved.”

So when I got sick I pick up 3 boxes of the really good ones with aloe and they were so soft. He tried one.

“Huh. These are softer.”

Ya Think?!

He’s gone thru all three boxes.

3) I taught him that it’s okay to dance.

Seriously.

Dude. You can dance.

The Powers That Be will not strike you down. I don’t care what QueenVickie told you… you can dance in your kitchen… in your livin’ room… nekked in your yard.

It’s okay.

Well. Whiteboy does have 2 left feet. But I guess the main thing here is be happy and have fun.

Life’s too flippin’ short to not dance… and not drink tequila… or blow your nose on shit paper!

2 comments:

Lin said...

lol...I think you & I married the same kind of man.

MizAngie said...

Was Roy raised a baptist? Cause, ya know, they won't even screw standin' up so people won't think they're dancin'.