Monday, February 28, 2011

Bad Weekend…

My mother had a seizure on Thursday. She fell and smashed her face on her porch. She laid there in the rain for 2 1/2 hours before a cousin found her. He called my sister.

She called me. “I’m only stayin’ long enough to get her help and then I’m gone.”

She and Mom are not on good terms. My sister treats Mom like she doesn’t exist. My mom lives in a house owned by my sister’s inlaws, which is just down the hill from them. And just around the corner from my sister. It was the perfect place for my mom, near family… when those two were speakin’.

When RubyJune got there and saw her mom all bloody and confused, she softened. I mean, she’s her mother! She was caught between wantin’ to help her and turnin’ her back on a woman that has rejected her children time and time again. We both have mother issues… we have the some mom.

Once, Mom was so mad at RubyJune that she told her Daddy wasn’t her father! Who does that??!! RubyJune was devastated!!!

Anyway, there was Mom all bloody and confused. RubyJune text me, “come!” And I went as fast I could.

RubyJune ended up stayin’ a whole lot longer than she intended to stay, takin’ care of her mother and makin’ sure the doctor had all the answers to the necessary questions… we both did. She left to go to a school play with the intention of comin’ back after school on Friday.

We did make some mistakes. To keep the drama to a minimum we didn’t tell everyone… my brother and my mom’s closest niece and her best friend. The so-called best friend is poison and the reason my sister and mother do not talk to each other. And my mom can’t see that her friend is a mean spiteful bully.

We should have told my brother.

But it wasn’t life or death, or I would have. Regardless of how much of an asshole he can be! She wasn’t dyin’!

But when you live in a small town it doesn’t take long for the word to spread… and the drama to start.

I walked away.

I left my mother in ICU.

It is killin’ me.

The seizures that she has are not being controlled by the drugs any longer. Her brain continues to seizure but without the convulsions normally associated with her seizures. It impairs her memory, her judgment, her thoughts process is slower, and she has headaches. The doctor kept her in ICU strictly for observation and to try her on a new drug that may control the blind seizures.

And I knew all this and I walked away.

Once upon a time, I stood my ground becuz of a lie that hurt Roy. It didn’t matter how much I fought to tell the truth. Nobody listened. But I fought. Roy has never let me down.

My mother has let me down. She has rejected me over and over. So I didn’t stand my ground. I let the poisonous person have her way so my mother wouldn’t be any more confused or stressed while going thru this latest episode.

My deepest darkest wish is that my mother would have aborted me in 1964 and 2 very good men wouldn’t have such fucked up lives.

I had all those feelin’ of hurt and rejection buried deep and then she says, “But I need her, she’s my friend.”

And it all comes back.

She doesn’t want me or my sister to help her. She misconstrues our help with us tryin’ to control her life. We are tryin’ to protect her from a bully.

My sister never made it back on Friday becuz of the drama that the poisonous person started. Threats were made and cops were called.

I told my brother where Mom was... he took over.

I walked out… one more time.


Becca said...

You have to do what is right for you. I have a mother like yours and it is hard to do what is in your heart because of words and deeds done. You do the best that you can and at the end of the day hon, you have to leave the rest of it to God to sort out. Hugs to you my friend..

M&Co. said...

I'm sorry. It sounds like an awful situation. You do what you have to do.

Jeankfl said...

Oh, my friend, I'm sooooo sorry you have to go through all this. But, I like the person all this has made. But, like Becca said, you can only do the best you can, then leave it for God to take care of. It's her choice, and she has made the wrong one, but it's hers.. Make Roy give you some BIG hugs tonight..

tami said...

So sorry,I know deep down it hurts,but you can't do any more, than to put it to God. (((HUGS))).

Anonymous said...

We need to drink margaritas until we pass out.


Anonymous said...

It hurts when the people that are supposed to love us the most continually make bad choices. Sometimes you have to walk away to keep your sanity. I've had to withdraw from my own family to protect my heart from continually being broken, and it's a hard path to take. But know that you have to protect yourself from toxic people, even when you are related to them.

You're in my thoughts.


Teresa in KC

bigdogmompam said...

You made the best decision for you. You have to stand up for yourself and if someone doesn't understand, then they don't know the whole story. If they know the whole story and still don't understand, they don't have your best interests at heart. Been there, done that, I've got your back my friend! {{{hugs}}}