Thursday, December 29, 2011

Happy New Year!!!

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2011 was not my year! It sucked for me health-wise! I want 2011 to Jolly the Fuck OUT!!
Next year is the year of the dragon on the Chinese calendar… And I am A DRAGON!!
It is my year and I will make it a good one. My resolution is to be happy and spread as much of my Happy Shit all around!
I think that is a good goal!
Be Positive! I will not let those miserable people get to me. If they want to wallow in their negativity and meanness, they can do it without me!



And just so you know, Roy’s a Tiger!!
Figures! Actually, he’s the ying to my yang!

Don’t drink and drive! Just don’t!
Hugs and have fun... Party like it’s 2012!!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Christmas, Family Bullshit, And Divine Intervention…

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Talk to Us Tuesday with Impulsive Addict and Seriously Shawn… Link Up!

I hope everyone had a good Christmas.

Not all us are so lucky… As you will learn.

On Christmas Eve Roy prepped my car for my trip to my Granny’s for our Christmas dinner. He discovered that I has a hole in my radiator… SHIT!!!

And Yet… SCORE!!!

I called my grandmother to say that I couldn’t make it to dinner and why. And she said, “Sister! Did you hit a deer?”

Isn’t she so cute?

I didn’t have a mom, but I have a granny. She raised me and I would do anything for her… ANYTHING. But with Granny comes Grandpa. And he’s a JackAss!!!

Remember when he ruined my Christmas a couple of years ago?

And remember when he ruined my trip to California?

Or the time he gave my Twinkies to my StupidAssCousin???

Oh Yeah… He’s a JackAss!

Hold that thought.

While I was on the phone with Granny, I could hear Roy startin’ up the pickup! He’s a good man. One Christmas when I was snowed in, he drove me 6 hours… the trip normally takes 4 but with all the snow in my end of the state, it was slow goin’! But he drove me to my daughter’s so that I could spend time with my grandson for his very first Christmas!! I was there 30 minutes. Roy’s a really good man. And now he’s warmin’ up the truck to take me to my Granny’s!

So I let him off the hook, “I cancelled my plans with my family.”

And he smiled. “I guess I’ll cancel my plans with my family.”

Score!!

No trip to OKC!!!

About 1:00, RubyJune called all in tears.

Shit!!!

“Sister, God put a hole in your radiator so that you didn’t have to come and put up with Grandpa!”

Bless her baby heart, isn’t she cute?

Apparently Grandpa jumped with both feet into the middle of my sister and broke her heart to pieces. She the one that comes runnin’ when he needs the TV fixed or if he needs to go somewhere in Tulsa.

Not no more! RubyJune has had her fill! And I’ll you more about all that later. All is part of the story of my life… sadly.

And becuz of the Divine Intervention, it’s gonna cost me $600 to fix my car!

Shit!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Monday, December 19, 2011

Now Is The Time For All Good Men To Come To The Aid Of Their Country…

or women!

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Roy said, “Do you know that to become a fireman, Jason (his co-worker… YOUNG AND STUDDLY co-worker) has to compete for the position. You know, carry the fat woman down a flight of stairs.”

“OH REALLY! Well if Jason needs a volunteer, I’ll gladly be his to do whatever he may need.”

And Roy said, “huh. I’m sure you would.”

“Oh yes. Whatever he needs. Mouth to mouth, chest compressions, ANYTHING Jason needs to become a fireman.”

“Sure.”

“Hey. Far be it for me to hinder a young man’s dream.”

You know. I don’t think Roy took me very serious.

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Oh Yeah, Carry Me Baby!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Can We Talk?

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I just came home from the gym, where I watched a TV Ad selling a man shaver and the man shaved his chest and back and well his whole body… he had hair on his head.

He kept that.

Let’s talk about manscapin’. I’m all for manscapin’ the under carriage… you know… Elvis and the Backup Band. That helps with “face to face chats with Elvis” but when it comes to chest hair, I want my man to be a man and have it!

Remember when you were growin’ up and you teased the boys… what? That was just me?? I did! I teased them as much as they teased me!

Anyway they were so proud of that chest hair, it meant they were men! I would pull on it just for kicks. And every once in a while I’d yank that ONE HAIR OUT!! Oh those boys were so mad at me… and now men shave???

I don’t get it!

Roy’s a hairy man. I love him just that way. 

But how do you feel about a hairless man?

Take a break from all the blogs about Christmas and Giftin’ and all that and tell me what you think about hair on a man.

Maybe one day we’ll chat about “shaved cats”… I don’t get that either.

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Wednesday, December 07, 2011

Becuz I Don’t Have A Thing…

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The Happy Buddha in Galveston, Texas… best Chinese Food!!!

It’s good luck to rub the belly of the Buddha… I haven’t rub it enough! We’ve tried to buy our own Buddha but haven’t found one we like. It has to be JUST RIGHT!

And it’s not that we are Hindu, Jewish, or Evangelical… I carry a 4 leaf clover in my purse! I carried a rabbit foot for years! I need all the help I can get.

It’s not been my year.

But next year… I will shine!!

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

Late To The Party…

I’m slow to get around today. I wanted to finish my sewin’ project but I hit a bump in the road and had to stop until I get more fabric. But none the less it’s Talk To Us Tuesday!!!

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So Link Up and make new friends or converse and catch up with old ones.

Impulsive Addict and Seriously Shawn are couple of really great gals!

It’s been one of those weeks! A real roller coaster!! On my birthday I had a nasty cold that lasted 4 or 5 days! I couldn’t kick it at all! Contrary to popular belief, I don’t mix my drugs and booze! It’s either booze or cold medicine… so I choose booze.

Do you think that’s why I had that cold for so long?

Doh!

My hub did come through like a champ and bought me a pretty necklace and matchin’ earrings of garnets and diamonds. He picked them out all on his own. After I turned my nose up at black diamonds, he just took the bull by the horns and bought what he wanted!

A while back, I bought a couch at an auction. It’s near new! And a sleeper sofa!! Well. Last night we decided that it has bed bugs!!

FUCK ME RUNNIN’!!!

All of my furniture is settin’ outside and all clothes that was in the livin’ room is in my car. Why?

Freezing. Bedbugs are also vulnerable to temperatures below 32 F (0 C) but you'd need to leave the items outdoors or in the freezer for several days… Per the Mayo Clinic!

The upside to this… I get a brand spankin’ new couch. For some reason, I’m not thrilled. I never saw a man move so quickly to throw a couch out in the yard. Roy practically HULKED out and tossed it like a ball! If he hadn’t been in such a hurry to get the rest out and all the carpet vacuumed he would have set the damn thing on fire right there under the red bud trees in the back yard.

I was just so sick to my stomach over it. We both were under our mattress with flashlights and THANK ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY WE DID’T FIND ANY EVIDENCE OF THEM!!!

THANK GOD FOR MY LOVE OF SPIDERS!!!!

This is like the time my daughter had head lice. I wanted to burn the whole house down. But just burned her pillows. And I didn’t shave her head but I cried while I combed it every day with that medicine to kill them.

So it’s been a roller coaster… I was gonna buy Roy a Playstation 3 for Christmas but now I get a new couch.

Do you think I may be lookin’ at this all wrong??

So what’s new with you?

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Hi Hooooo, Hi Hooooo, It’s Off To Work I Go…

not!!

You know better. I’m allergic to that sorta thing!!

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So today you should link-up with Queso and CrazyMama… to answer questions about your work history.

1. what is the worst job you have ever had?

Being a mom. I’m just keepin’ real. Those bratty kids get all germy and sick and it just broke my heart to see them suffer. And they fall down and skin their knees or cut open an eyebrow or chin and bleed. I suffered a lot to create those little scampers and they bleed!!! I have miles and miles worth of stretch marks and what do they do??? They had THE Nerve… THE Audacity To Grow Up!!! Worst Job I ever Had!!


2. have you ever been fired?

No. I have never been fired. I usually left on good terms… Well. Maybe not when I worked at Braum’s. For those that are not lucky enough to live within a 120 miles of The Braum’s Diary and are not fortunate enough to have a Braum’s Ice Cream Store in your town… that’s what it is… An Ice Cream and Diary store. It’s good food! I worked for a bad manager and I wrote on my time card the last day I worked, “I Quit!” and walked out. I think I suffered thru it the whole ordeal for 90 days. So I gave it a good shot. I tried. But a person can only take so much bullshit.


3. what would your dream job be?

Travel the world, shoe shoppin’ with someone else’s money… Duh!


4. what did you want to be when you "grew up"?

Seein’s how I’m not all that grown up there is hope that I’ll make one of my dreams come true…

I wanted to be a Marine. I wanted to jump outta planes and hit the dirt runnin’ with a M16. But mostly, to marry real big gunho Marine and make babies.

I wanted to be a Dallas Cowboys' Cheerleader. I wanted to run out on the field in Texas Stadium and do leg kicks and shake my pompoms… and ass! I wanted to wear that outfit and those white boots!! But mostly I wanted to marry a real big Tight End and make babies.

I married a Marine and we keep tryin’ to make babies but he said something about a Vase-Rect-Omy… Whatever that is… so we keep practicin’!

And the only why, I’m gonna wear that outfit, is buy the Trashy Halloween costume!!!


5. how old were you when you got your first job?

I was 16 and I was a dishwasher in a restaurant… I hated that job too.  It interfered with my school work.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

A Smatterin’ Of Crap…

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And it’s Talk to Us Tuesday with Impulsive Addict and Seriously Shawn.

Link Up with the gals. They are great ladies and will welcome you with open arms. And a whole bunch of other really great gals will come around to visit with you too.

I really don’t have a lot of anything but a jumble of thoughts… a smatterin’ of crap!

1) I don’t care for the NFL. The Power’s that control the game have taken all the fun out of it. Let them celebrate in the end zone!

2) I’m sick of hearin’ about Tebow’d. ACK! I can’t believe I typed his name in my blog!!! It’s a game… it’s football. It’s not that hard. You throw the ball. You catch the ball. You run with the ball. This System or That System shouldn’t make a bit of difference, It’s Fuckin’ Football!!!

3) Did I mention I don’t like the NFL? I was forced to watch the Broncos and Chargers… which means I had to listen to the announcers say “TEBOW” every 5 seconds. He’s not God Gift to Football. GET OVER HIM!!

4) I went shoppin’ on Black Friday! Yes, Me! For those that know me, know I don’t do “Black Friday”. It’s amateur day! Sure you may save some money but it will be on sale later in the day and you don’t need to spend the night at Best Buy.

5) Speakin’ of Best Buy… Loretta called me at 8pm on Thursday to tell me that she was in line for a PC! A woman that isn’t allowed to shop with me in the daylight is in line in the dark for a cheap PC. I’m not sure if I’m pissed off or hurt again. She was there until 2am!!! WHAT THE FUCK!?!? She can’t go anywhere with me but can go stand in line with strangers until 2am.

6) Yes. I was shoppin’ on Black Friday with my sister and niece. RubyJune drove up and we spent the day lunchin’ and shoppin’ and havin’ a good time… fuck you, Loretta!!

7) I know that my sister and I are from the same gene pool despite what our mother says, but whoa! Are we different!! She’s not showy like me. And doesn’t buy stuff just becuz it’s a good deal and you could use it in the future… like cute shoes!! You can never have too many cute shoes!! “I don’t have anything to wear them with.” WHAT THE FUCK???  You build an outfit around cute shoes!!! I’ve built outfits around cute purses!!!

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Can you imagine the dress that would go with these shoes??? 181129216232898506_y9qAkKwL_bOMG!!!

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I know! Wild!! And  I would wear them proudly!!

8) That’s all I’ve got. All the crap I in my head.

I have some errands to run this am but I will make to your blog… I promise.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

HumpDay Q And A…

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We Would Like To Know…Time to Link Up with Mamarazzi, Queso, And Crazymama.

Have you missed me? I’ve read some the previous questions only to not feel up to it. I would have loved to participated in the shoppin’ quizzy… That is up my alley!! But I just felt like crap.

And I don’t just link up and leave, I invest my day to visitin’ all the linkers… Call me Crazy but That’s why I link up. To meet new friends!! I want readers. That’s the answer from way back… the last WWTK I did 4wks ago.

Now on with the show… Questions from Queso. I think she must be one of my missin’ sisters becuz all the Q&A’s she asks are so close to my heart!

I LOVE MUSIC!!!

{1} Do you have any musical talents? ABSOLUTELY NONE! I can’t carry a tune in a bucket with a lid! I did teach myself to play 3 songs on the piano. My grandparents have an old upright that is sooooo old and way outta tune. My Daddy took lessons as a child. He could play it and the saxophone… and he was actually in a band in high school but that where that talented ended. My brother, the dumbass sold Daddy’s Sax for drug money. And my mother didn’t go buy it back or tell anyone becuz someone would gone and bought it back but NO! It’s gone forever. Anyway, I can play old MacDonald, Brother John, and Reveille… see, not bound for America’s Got Talent!

 
{2} What role, if any, does music play in your life? No real impact but I have always had a record player or cassette player… for that matter, I’m old enough to have had an 8track player! I have listened to just about every genre of music and the only one I can’t quite wrap my head around is Jazz. It’s just too… for lack of a better word… scatterbrained. I am not fond of country or rap. I have my daughters convinced that if I listen to country music it will make me puke.

 
{3} What is your all time favorite song? Slow Ride by Foghat! My Daddy was shocked when I told him that it was my favorite song… I was 14.


{4} Do you sing in the shower? No. The Cats Hate It When I Sing In There. One of them is very critical of my singin’ and yowls at me when I do sing… LOUDLY YOWLS AT ME!! As if to say, “Shut the fuck up!”


{5} Has a song ever made you cry? Yes! It depends on what mood I’m in when I hear it but certain songs remind of certain people and I cry. “Like a Rock” by Bob Segar reminds of Roy and I cry. That will be playin’ at his funeral.

I burst into tears over “Johnny and June” by Heidi Newfield… AT THE GYM!! Big sobbing tears… becuz I have that kinda love. “When your gone, I wanna go too… like Johnny and June.”

SHIT!!! I’m cryin’ right now!

And then there is that song that Johnny Cash covered by Nine Inch Nails… Can’t think of the name… Wait right here a moment while I google. HURT… That’s it! It just so movin’ and hauntin’ that I was stirred to tears the first time I heard it!

 The video is what does it. It gets me every time.

sssshhh… Don’t tell the girls I listened to country and didn’t puke!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Roy Can Be A Straight Up JackAss!!!

OH YES HE CAN!

3 times that Roy was a JackAss durin’ the last 2 weeks of my surgery and recovery… Oh don’t get me wrong there’s lots of time but these I’m about to tell you are the TOP3!

1) Just before surgery, the surgeon stopped in, to meet Roy, to reassure us that all will go fine, and that I should be out of surgery in about 6 hours. At the same time, the OR Nurse came in to take me to surgery. WOO HOO!!! At 7:45!!!

As I am walkin’ out of the room to get on the surgery gurney, I heard Roy tell the surgeon that I was his best wife and “I sure don’t want to lose her, I have her trained just right. I’d hate to have to start over.”

Yes He Did!! He said that!

JackAss!!

If I hadn’t been so preoccupied with how I was gonna get on that gurney without showin’ my ass to the people in the hallway, I'da come round on him right there! This and he told the…  and I can’t spell it. but that guy that gives you gas in the or… I tried I really tried but even spellcheck couldn’t figure it out…

Anyway… He told that guy I was an alcoholic! They all ask if you drink, If you say yes, they think you are an alcoholic, and try to sign you up a program or some shit, I always say no or occasionally. Roy went to snickerin’ and snortin’ and said, “you drink like a fish!”

JackAss!!!

2) Since he had his ankle crushed and had a plate and 9 screws in it back in 2003, he’s been waitin’ for the day that HE CAN DRIVE ME HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL!!! “I’m gonna hit every bump and pothole. I’m gonna jump the train tracks and I’m gonna tear up the driveway!! Just so you squeal like a girl in pain!”

Right.

I didn’t jump the train tracks. It’s not possible at 15 miles an hour. It’s more likely 80 or so… I’m takin’ the 5th on that bit of know how.

I didn’t hit every pothole or bump. I can’t help it if the road is bad!

I didn’t tear up the driveway either… it’s just something I wouldn’t do. That’s what the rest of the highways and byways are for. Not the last 70 of driveway!

But oh did he squeal!!

When I was released I had 1 3/4 bottles of morphine under my belt with a 2 lortab chaser… I was feelin’ no pain!

So I fake squealed at all the appropriate moments, just to make him feel better.

JackAss!!

3) And my favorite…

So he comes to me and says, “what are you fixta do?”

“Go to bed. You?”

He twirls the tweezers at me, “I need to do a little work on Elvis.” Manscapin’

So as I drifted off to sleep I was thinkin’ about how hairy Elvis was last time I saw him.

What?!

Like you don’t have a name for your hub’s penis!

Elvis and the Backup Band play at the Pink Palace as often as possible. After Elvis sings Viva Las Vegas, He leaves the building! It has been said many a times, “Elvis has Left the Building!”

Next mornin’, I calmly sat down by him on the couch, and said, “the last time Elvis and I had a face to face chat, he was a bit hairy then and that was over a week ago. The Pink Palace is shut down for remodelin’ so why does Elvis need some manscapin’ now??”

He went all beet red. “It’s been needin’ to be done for awhile now. I just don’t want it to get all outta control.”

Yeah, Right… JackAss!!

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Link Up with Impulsive Addict and Seriously Shawn.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Time To Get Back In The Saddle…

Thank you so much for all the support and well wishes from all my peeps and lurkers.

I have been gettin' a bit better each day… my head isn’t spinnin’ today.

Pinerest has been helpful in my recovery… it’s a total daydream to look thru the women’s apparel for shoes and purses or get ideas for my garden and crafty stuff… a way to cut glass!!

I can make fun stuff with all the wine and booze bottles!!

With adult supervision.

You can follow me on Pinerest by following this link… Click Here!

Roy has been fabulous! When I was married to that first man, it was awful! EarlLee was NO HELP! when I was ill. I went to work with pneumonia! He wouldn’t work so I did.

Roy is perfect. He’s in charge of my meds, cookin’, laundry, and the cats… It’s a lot to do but he’s done it. He can’t hardly wait to go back to work!

Once he was outside doin’ whatever it is that Roy does out there, when he comes runnin’ in the house. “Are you all right??”

I just looked him like he was nuts! I was in my recliner with my remote and phone and diet drink and my laptop surrounded by cats… I’m set up great! Unless I tipped over becuz of all the Earthquakes or something, I was fine.

And he said, “I heard someone callin’ out ‘Honey!’ and just knew you were in trouble!”

He’s so cute.

He left me alone yesterday, and was gone only 30 minutes when the flag dropped on CatNASCAR! Scooter went up, over and behind me with Monster on his tail on the table beside me. I turned to tell Monster to Git… he Got! and took off spillin’ my pop all over the couch!! AND NEW CARPET!!!!!!

I had to move quickly… which I couldn’t!

I needed to move heavy furniture to clean the pop… which I couldn’t!

I broke a fingernail throwin’ pillows at Monster… which just pissed me off even more!!

So before I cut glass, I have to have adult supervision.

But he does have his moments being the biggest ass on the face of the Earth! I have a top 3 list of moments for the last 2 weeks.

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I found this on Pinerest… Cracks Me Up!!

Makes me think of me and Roy.

Roy’s the snail.

 

If I’ve heard that once, I’ve heard it a thousand times!!

Sunday, November 06, 2011

Home And Recovery…

Surgery went well… thank you God for modern drugs. We’ll talk about that later.

The first few days, I’ve felt pretty good. But today… total relapse!! And those Modern Drugs are fuckin’ with me… and not in a good way!! We’ll talk about that later.

I just wanted to update my peeps.

I’ll be back around when my head doesn’t want to spin off.

Much Love and Hugs to All.

Tuesday, November 01, 2011

Pre-Op Procedures…

I’ve got things in order around the house for Roy… easy manfood. You know canned soup, microwavable dinners, sandwiches, and of course, Ramen noodles. All things Roy can handle.

For the cats, they have been in training for bedtime. We have 4 of them trained to “go to bed” and they walk out to the laundry room for the night and Roy closes “their” door. It’s cute really. I just say, “Manny! It’s time to put your jammies on!” and he goes to the laundry room. The other 2 sleep with us. I’m sure Roy will ban those 2 to the laundry room while I’m recuperating.

I think I’ve got everything ready to go… now it’s time to prep me. The doctor gave me instructions to “to do before surgery… And I tell Roy.

“ Gross!!! I have to give myself an enema!”

“You’ll be doing that alone.”

“You’ve never… wait a minute! Back the truck up!! You are after me all the time about anal sex and now that you have a chance to shove something in my ass, you don’t want any part of it? That is just not right!!”

“Sorry but I’m not doing that!”

“That’s just not right!”

Men!

Oh Shit! I forgot to buy laundry soap!!

Shit! Shit! Shit! He’ll buy Tide!!!!

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Link Up with The Ladies of Talk To Us Tuesday!!

 Impulsive Addict and Seriously Shawn

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Roy’s Dream…

Normally, I tell you about mine. And really like to tell them as a “real” happening… hehehehe, I’m ornery that way. But this is Roy’s dream… or nightmare.

The other night I noticed he got up in the middle of the night for not real reason. He goes to bed so early that it makes sense that he gets up and prowls around at night… I do when I can’t sleep. But him, not so much. So I asked him what the problem was and he replied, “I had too much booze.”

“Bullshit! One! That’s not it.”

“I had a bad dream! Okay. There!”

“Well?”

“I was a highway patrolcar and you were behind me. It was a clear road and then suddenly there were huge logs in the road! I had to swerve around them. I looked back and the car behind me was wrecking!! Lights were flashing all over the sky and road! I was freaking out!!” he said with tears in his eyes, “You were wrecking!!!”

 

I am schedule to go in Wednesday for hysterectomy surgery. And he’s worried.

Monday, October 24, 2011

My Christmas Wish List…

Today is Talk To Us Tuesday and Impulsive Addict had a good idea about making out a Christmas List to post… so…

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Here’s my Wish List:

1) I would like to have a mom. One that looks like Cher and acts like Lucille Ball. But what I got was Mommy Dearest! No wait. That would mean my mom cared what hangers I used. So She is more like Alan and Charlie Harper’s mom. Cold, selfish and indifferent.

2) I would like to have long legs. My inseam is 30inches. I think I would like to have a 36” inseam. Hell. 6 more inches and I’m still only 5’5”!

3) A winter home in Cozumel. Warm and on the beach… aaaahhh. That is paradise!

4) World Peace.

And since I’m gonna get any of theses things… becuz I have everything I want or need… except long legs… I am content. My girls buy me things and really wish they didn’t. Spend that money on the boys. GiGi has everything she needs!

Link up with Seriously Shawn or IA.

Friend Me!

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Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Hold The Laundry!!!

Link Up Day with Mamarazzi, Queso, and Crazymama… It’s We Want to Know Wednesday!!

Thanks for all the positive comments about Roy’s singin’… I haven’t told him yet. When I showed him the video of it the day after, he was a bit embarrassed. “Don’t belittle your husband!”

I didn’t! Did I?

Click Here!!

Anyway…

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{1} When was the last time you lost your temper?

Tryin’ to fry eggs for Roy just a few days ago. I dropped an egg! It landed on the rug so not on the new carpet…still there was cussin’!  And the cussin’ brought Roy to the kitchen and he started tellin’ me I was fryin’ HIS EGGS all wrong… and well that pretty much sent me over the edge!

Oh Wait.

Seems like there was another time, same day… but I can’t remember it so it doesn’t count.

I lose it very easy. I’m an Irish-Indian! I can hold my liquor and scalp you in the blink of an eye!

I’m on meds and it helps. Actually since switchin’ meds, SuperMoodyBitch hasn’t showed up at all. No broken dishes and no screamin’ fits.

I asked Roy if he had noticed a difference and he said no.

Jackass!

Really. I’m much better.


{2} What 3 words best describe you?

Dramatic, Goofy, Fun-loving!


{3} What movie could you watch over and over again and never get tired of?

The Great Outdoors… “Big! Big! Big Bear! Big Bear Chase me!”

I love John Candy!!!


{4} If you could do something dangerous, just once, with no risk, what would you do?

Sky dive! I would love to do it.

But Roy won’t do it with me. He’s my safety net in life. I can do anything in the world as long he’s there.

I want to experience that jump into nothing. I want to fall freely without that nightmare joltin’ slam into the ground.

As a kid, I used to jump off the roof of the barn… I LOVED IT!! But now, the fat girl needs that parachute!

It can be done in Tandem!! Roy said I just want a strange man strapped to my back.

WAY COOL!! Sign me up!!


{5} Which is more important intelligence or common sense?

Common Sense!! You can be smart and not have common sense! And that is just sad!

Good Questions!! Right?

Bonus Question From Me: Why do you link up?

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Talk To Us Tuesday Or Sing…

Sometimes the The Spirit Moves You… When it happens it, happens. Just go with it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Link Up with Seriously Shawn and Impulsive Addict.

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Once when we were Branson, at the Lone Star Steakhouse and he had had 2 or 3 drinks, he started singin’ “Hello Darkness, my old friend.” as ne began to sink slowly under the table. I laughed and laughed and laughed… I just let him cut loose and sing.

Why not?

Life too short not to cut loose and sing every once in while… or dance… or whatever your little heart desires.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Color Me Bamboozled!!!

I was sucked into goin’ to a family reunion!!

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It was mine!! MY FAMILY!!! My sister, RubyJune did it!!

My niece has been wantin’ me to come visit with her but becuz I was ill, I just couldn’t do it. So I text my sister to tell her I was comin’ down for Sunday Dinner.

She called me. “Sis, come on Saturday so it will be easier on Granny.” Well, I’d walk thru fire for my granny! Anything to make it easier on her. I wasn’t real sure why Saturday was better than Sunday becuz we all bring food now, so Granny doesn’t have to cook… I was slightly confused.

And then I thought, well, RubyJune knows how I feel about my stupidass cousin and her kids and they ALWAYS Show Up On Sunday. So if I go on Saturday, I’ll miss those idiots and have a good visit with my sister and niece and Granny and Grandpa. And my daughter said she was gonna take the boys fishin’ so she would be there too.

My daughter, EudoraMae, text me, “Mom what do I need to bring?” No clue! Ask RubyJune.

And I let it go.

And then I got to thinkin’ maybe I’d better take burgers or sandwich makin’ to Granny’s so I text RubyJune.

She said, “It’s not at Granny’s it’s at the CAMPGROUNDS!”

OH MY FUCKIN’ SHIT! THE CAMPGROUNDS!!!!!!!!!

I have been bamboozled!! Shanghaied into a reunion!!

I don’t wanna go to a reunion where people don’t talk to me!! I’m not the worse of the relatives… NOT EVEN CLOSE!! But they treat me like a leper!!

I put on my big girl panties and my “Power to the Beaver” tee shirt… and dealt with it. I WAS ME! I made a spectacle of myself… which make me memorable and that’s way better than ignored.

And I haven’t spoke to my brother since the blow up over Mom and his dumb bitch wife. He walked in and I waved at him. He waved at me like he didn’t want anyone to see him do it… so I just marched right up to him and hugged his neck and kissed his cheek and told him I loved him and walked away!

I didn’t do anything to him to deserve him treatin’ me like a leper. NOT ONE THING!

He later came over and chatted with me about how he and Mom are gettin' along… she lives with him. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!

But my mom, I didn’t even acknowledge her. Or Bub’s DumbBitch wife… and she’s gotten all fat again. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!

I survived and very few people talked to me. I kept to my niece and sister… which is what I wanted. Some cousins spoke to me. But you know that awkward silence that happens… I just walked away. People will think what they want and I just don’t give a shit anymore.

Oh and the StupidAss Cousin and her kids… showed up. Nasty Bunch. If my grandparents ever come up dead and their home burglarized, my StupidAss Cousin and her Nasty Bunch did it!

And I’m the one that people treat like a leper!!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Cruise To The Bahamas…

The weather was perfect! The water was warm! We had a great time.

cruise photos1

I love to cruise. I don’t know why more people don’t do it. I’m so surprised that that they don’t. It’s the only way to travel! We were on the Spa deck and it was THE most peaceful room I’ve ever slept in! No party in the middle of the night by the crew… far enough away from the elevator to not hear all that crap… and the room stewards were fabulous!! The new my name! NO ONE CALLS ME BY MY NAME!

We went to the Blue Lagoon, it’s in a cove and is man made but it was very clean and just perfect. I sunburned my boobs… becuz the beach was perfect! I just forgot how delicate I IMG_3861am.

This makes me think of those seals on the beach.

Not so petite but still… delicate.

 

 

I met a Facebook friend on this cruise. She and her hub are fabulous people… even after I spilled my drink on him. He didn’t hold a grudge. I talk with my hands and well the drink just sorta got in the way… and over it went!IMG_3839

If I were to sit on my hands I’d be speechless!

I’m so scatterbrained, While in Galveston, I missed gettin' to have breakfast with another Blogger Buddy becuz I over slept! Damn it! I really hate that!!

My hub got his load on several times but on formal night, the spirit moved him. OMG! Wait until you see that video. Just as soon as I piece it all together.

We love KeyWest!!! We took the OldTyme Trolley around the island and visited the Hemmingway House… yoIMG_3960u know me and my crazy cat lady thing!

There are 44 cats, I looked for them! It was like an EasterEgg Hunt! I found 20 or so. You realize these are special cats… Some have 6 toes.

 

 

 

IMG_3977And of course, we had to go the southernmost point… IMG_3975Roy photo bomb that couple! He is a JackAss!

 

 

 

 

While in KeyWest, we stopped into Margaritaville. Roy is totally happy drinkin’ fruity girl drinks. IMG_4048I opted for Pink Cadillacs… 3! Thank you very much! I could have drank those all day! But someone has to get us back on the ship!

That was our favorite port. We weren’t all that impressed by Bahamas… too much hustlin’ from the townspeople. I don’t care for that. I’m on vacation, don’t pester me to buy shit.

 

 

So that’s the long and the short of it… I’ll work on Roy’s video for later. He just cracks me up!

Save your money! And come cruise with me!

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Up My Alley…

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It’s all about illness. And we all know I’ve been as sick as a dog!!

Link up with Mamarazzi Or Queso Or Crazymama… she’s new. To me. I’ve been away… and sick as a dog!!

{1} What is your feel better remedy when you are sick?

 My feel better remedy, DVR’d shows and my bed! Roy forced me to eat ramen noodles and drink sprite. Which did make me feel better. He made me put PreparationH on my butthole becuz of the excessive diarrhea made my butt raw. GROSS!! 

And it’s burned!! Of course I had to tell him to blow on it. Remember the story about my ex?? and the Seabreeze and his butthole??

And then my butt was squeegy!

And I’m really sure I didn’t like it… I just don’t remember ever likin’ squeegy butt!

And then there’s the cats!! I don’t trust them when I’m sick! Sure they come and cuddle and purr and massage my neck… or are they just tenderizing me??

Monster came into the bathroom while I was sittin’ on the toilet. He sweetly put his paw on my shoulder as to if to comfort me and give me a gently head butt, all the while purrin’ in concern… or was he?

“HONEY!!! Come get Monster!!! He’s just waitin’ for me to fall off the pot dead so he can eat my face!!!

I’ve a fever too… and was delirious.

I am very thankful that I was not vomittin’ durin’ this last illness. Very!

{2} When illness strikes, what is your policy on staying home from work, school or church with yourself and the family?

Stay home. Why spread an illness?  Spread love not sickness!!


{3} What do you think is worse? Flu or cold?

I’m not sure if I’ve ever had the flu… so I vote for Shingles and Hives… which my hives are healin’ nicely. Shingles hurt so bad… it’s unbearable. It’s not like any pain I’ve ever felt before… and I’ve had 2 babies!


{4} Flu shots? Do you get them? Have you yet?

The nurses at the clinic have been tryin’ to give me one for 3 years now, and I have either turned it down or was ill and couldn’t get it. You realize is you are runnin’ a fever you can’t get the shot?? So just before I went on the cruise, I had an appt… and agreed to get a flu shot!! Only my regular nurse was on vacation, and her sub was not quite on the ball so it didn’t get done.

Such is life.


{5} When are are feeling down, what is your usual, go-to therapy? (retail therapy, exercise, comfort food, etc).

Feelin’ down? That encompasses a lot. Not just health-wise. I’m a depression eater… so comfort food… like nachos or potato soup.

I love to shop but it’s not to make me feel good so much as to hunt for a bargain.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Back In The Saddle…

It’s Talk To US Tuesday!!

 HiResBe sure to link up with Impulsive Addict and Shawn… Fabulous Gals!!

A very good way to get my groove back! Feeling better but… funky. The meds are messin’ with my head.

So while I have an audience of women this next subject is something we all need to take heed.

Let’s talk about Formal Night on the cruise.

Underwear Ladies!! USE IT!!

A good bra goes a long way. Invest in one that is can be used as a strapless, racer back, one shoulder, or halter top. Victoria’s Secret makes a fabulous one! The one I have is a push up also. I don’t go for the Playtex crap of “lifting and separating”. That’s bullshit! I want cleavage!! I want my gals High in the Air and squished together!!

Too many ladies had their hair lookin’ fab with their Girl Face on struttin’ their stuff with saggy boobs!! What the Hell??!!

Wear a bra!IMG_3786

And why spend all that time in dieting’ and shoppin’ for the perfect dress only to see panty lines and belly buttons or belly lines?? Spanx!! Or find something at HellMart that will smooth out the lines.

SarahJessica Parker is a size flippin’ 2 and she wears spanx! I kid you not. She’s not tryin’ to control fat… she doesn’t have any!! She’s smoothin’ out the lines!!

I saw way too many ladies with beautiful dresses and lookin’ stunnin’ only to have panty lines!!

Wear Spanx!IMG_3790Yes I’m a fat girl.

I had a pair of leopard sling backs that I have been diein’ to wear so I bought a leopard scarf for my hair and carried my brown beaded clutch along with my black and white pearls… I looked foxy!

IMG_3792

And as Roy zipped me up into that snug dress, he stated a fact. “We are goin’ on a diet when we get home!”

Amen to that!

Oh and a wee piece of important information… too short is not formal, it’s tacky! I saw several young ladies with dresses that were so short that you could see the candy store! TACKY!!

I have no good advice as to how to break in high heels and not get blisters. So let me tell you how to battle the blisters. I use Band-Aid Blister Healer Things… They are soooo good! And Band-Aid Friction Block… it is the best to keep from gettin' blister on heels and the top of your foot.

And walk in your new shoes as much as possible! Nothing looks more sad than a fabulous lady that can’t walk in 6 inch heels. I know I have troubles in stilettos! I much prefer wedges.

IMG_3811I could run a foot race in these!! I kid you not!

Trust me! Next time you have to get all gussied up for a weddin’ or a formal night on your cruise, you’ll look much more stunnin’ with the right foundation under that beautiful dress.

And By The Way… Some undergarments are made crotchless! So you don’t have to get totally undressed to pee!

Monday, October 10, 2011

THIS IS NOT MY YEAR!!!

I was ill at Christmas and it lasted well into the New Year. 2 weeks or so into the New Year.

Then I had shingles. Another not fun thing that lasted for 3 weeks or so… very painful stuff!

Then I discover that I have to have surgery to remove my tumor filled uterus ASAP… that was in March. I’m scheduled for Nov 2nd. I guess on the grand scale of things that 8 months is ASAP.

And now I’ve taken my vacation and come down with a cold that settled in my head and chest. And started my period all at the same time.

OH WHAT FUN THAT IS!

NOT.

Imagine. Driving 12 hours home sneezin’ and coughin’ enough to dislodge a tampon about every 40 or 50 miles.

Imagine. Driving 12 hours home with Grumpy McCrankyPants with a cold and blowin’ snot and sneezin’.

NOT FUN. AT. ALL.

Once I get home, I shower, take the Nyquil, go to bed… and slept like a baby.

I thought all the troubles were over.

But no.

Apparently, if you dislodge your tampon every 40 or 50 miles and have to stop at every shitty bathroom comin’ across Texas you pick up a viral disease designed to kill you.

Becuz, I did.

Fever, diarrhea, and chest cold… and a period.

I AM NOT THE PRIZE I APPEAR TO BE!

But oh wait, I’m not done yet.

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This is just my feet… See that red stuff on them… I have this all over my body.

4 hours in the ER!! Hives. Though the Dr said a contact allergy. I don’t think so DAVE! I’ve never been allergic to anything in my life! EVER!

It’s Hives!

Do you know that hives move around?

Oh Yes. My boobs were covered with them… like sunburned covered and itchy… And later they look normal. A couple of hours later, it was back to my boobs!!!!!

The deciding factor to go to the ER was the fact that my normally lily white ass was as bright red as a stoplight!!!

So how do you know IT’S GONE!!!

Just shoot me.

Tuesday, October 04, 2011

Home!!

cruise photos (2)

I’m washin’ clothes and gettin' photos posted.

I have a cute video clip of Roy singin’… I can’t wait to show it!!

I brought home a shells, sun burned boobs, and a nasty cold!

Friday, September 23, 2011

I Am Outta Pocket!!!

Way Out!!

I’ll be back in October with loads of stories of wild adventures… I hope.

Past cruise adventures… showerin’ with a groom on his honeymoon on the beach in Mexico. I was soooooo drunk. I had sand in my swim bottoms… I was fully clothed.

It took me, PanchoVilla and a lesbian couple to get Roy back to the cruise ship in Mexico. He was soooooo drunk. And fully clothed.

We won’t be going to Mexico this time.

Mick the Drunk Aussie tried to pick me up on the Alaskan Cruise.

No one tried to pick me up on the Hawaiian Cruise, as my mother inlaw was with me the whole time. Try going on a cruise and not drinking!! We had so sneak it in!!

And let’s see I’ve been to Hell and back and swam in string ray infested waters… That was soooooo scary!!

cruise 2009 004

So I am hopin’ that going to the Bahamas is no different. Well maybe not the scary part.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Talk To Us Tuesday…

This is a repost of a blog entry I did when I worked. Many of you do not know what I did for 12 years.  So I thought this was a very good way to let you know.

HiRes

Link Up with Shawn or Impulsive Addict. This is a great link-up that the followers and other players actually visit you. I don’t understand link-ups that the people do not visit all the peeps that link-up… what the fuck? Why link-up?

Anyway…

I was a vet assistant.

************************************************************************************

Once upon a time in a land not so far away, lived a man that thought he would never ever own a cat. But one day while camping a lump of fur in the shape of cat mosey'd into his campsite. Having such a warm heart to all creatures, he took pity upon the lump of fur shaped like a cat and took it to his favorite and very wise veterinarian... the one with the very beautiful vet assistant!

The KindHeartedMan dropped off the Lump O'Fur with the Beautiful VetAssistant and said. "Do what needs to be done."

She smiled ever so sweetly, "Sure thing!"

The WiseVet takes the Lump O'Fur out of the carrier and exclaimed in highly technical veterinary terms, "Holy Smokes! This cat is full of fleas!"

So with that diagnosis the WiseVet proceeds to pill the Lump O'Fur with a product that kills fleas. He takes ahold of the Lump O'Fur by the head and cocks its head back causing the mouth to open. He then throws the pill to the back of the throat and quickly shuts the mouth... but not before the Lump O'Fur spit the pill out.

The WiseVet turns to his Beautiful VetAssistant and says,"Grab on!"

Gripping the scruff of the Lump O'Fur with her left hand and steadyin' herself with her right, the Beautiful VetAssistant was ready. The WiseVet grabbed the head of the Lump O'Fur and cocked its head back causing the mouth to open. He then throws the pill to the back of the throat but before he could close the mouth, the Lump O'Fur thought he would like to close his own mouth. He did so, biting the slow but WiseVet on an open wound on his finger. He quickly releases the Lump O'Fur and clamps down the wound to put pressure on it to keep from losing any blood... Which brought on a cussin' fit like the Beautiful Vet Assistant is prone to do... It is called a Blue Streak!

And the pill was spit out on the table.

Rethinking the whole procedure, the WiseVet asked the Beautiful VetAssistant to hold the fronts legs also. So she grabs onto the scruff of the Lump O'Fur with her left hand and grips the legs with her right hand. The WiseVet grabs the head and cocks it back causing the mouth to open. He then throws the pill to the back of the throat and quickly closes the mouth.

The Lump O'Fur has had enough and contorts itself around until its back feet are on the arm of the Beautiful VetAssistant revealing its switchblades! The Lump O'Fur slashes the wrists of the Beautiful VetAssistant which brought a cussin' fit like she is prone to do. She quickly releases the Lump O'Fur and clamps down on her wrist to put pressure on the wound and not lose any blood.

And the pill was spit out on the table.

The WiseVet thought it was time to bring out the highly useful and very expensive piece of veterinary equipment to subdue the Lump O'Fur. "Go get a towel!"

So now the Beautiful VetAssistant has the Lump O'Fur wrapped in a towel and WiseVet grabs its head and cocks it back causing the mouth to open. He then throws the pill to the back of the throat and using a syringe, he pushes the pill down and quickly closes the mouth.

We all breath a big sigh of relief as the pill was not spit out.

The KindHeartedMan came in later to check on the new addition to his family and consult with the WiseVet. He asked the Beautiful VetAssistant, "How's my Cat?"

She smiles ever so sweetly, hiding her wounds, at the KindHeartedMan that never thought he would ever own a cat, "He is doing just fine. We will draw blood from him later."

And all is right with the world.

Just to let you know..........The Lump O'Fur turned out to be a beautiful and very loving Persian that someone had turned out. He was not harmed in anyway. He sat calmly on the table lickin' the blood off his claws. I am sure he was thinkin' of his next move while we went running for Band-Aids!

Monday, September 19, 2011

Cowboys, Turtles, And Packin’…

I’m gettin' to be a pro at this… 6th cruise!!

Headed to Galveston and board a Carnival Cruise ship bound for the Bahamas.

I’m so excited!!!!

The Babysitter for the cats is ready to go. She’s not too excited about Ruffles but… he pretty much takes care of himself.

IMG_3502 

He’s even bigger than that now. But still too little to be set free. There has been talk of keepin’ him for a while and even an outside pool. Remember how big they get??

alligator-snapping-turtle

Yeah.

I’m excited.

No Really! If you’ve ever seen him do his ballerina moves, you’d think about keepin’ him too.

Anyway…

I’m tryin’ to talk Roy into stoppin’ in Dallas on the way home to do the tour of Cowboy Stadium… I want to do it!! I’ll stomp my foot and pout if I gotta!!

I can hardly wait!!!

Thursday, September 15, 2011

WTF…

wtf3

Link-Up with WTF and J-Dubb 

 Friend Me!!! Not a requirement… I’m needy. That’s all.

FB16

And I would like to say that I’m sorry for any stress and anxiety I caused over my last entry… I’m just ornery that way.

Okay on with J-Dubb’s Questions.

1) I recently received a gift from my employer for making it through five years of employment. It was a stupid pin and keychain. What would you want your employer to give you for a five-year gift?

 I would want a pin to throw in a drawer to find later and say “Oh yeah! I remember that shitty place.” I have a pineapple pin from Hardee’s.

And I want a gift certificate to purchase something I want… it’s only 5 years so maybe a certificate to lunch somewhere.

 
2) The fall season of television is starting. What show are you excited to have return or what new show are you excited to make its first premiere?

 CSI and Survivor. I also like The Big Bang Theory.

I am not too thrilled by Ashton Kutcher being added to 2 1/2 men but I’ll have to watch at least one episode of it to see what happens to Charlie. The whole reason I watched it was Charlie. Not he is my favorite actor or anything, I just liked to see what his character did.

 I’m gettin' tired of How I Met Your Mother… Let’s meet her already!!

3) One of my favorite restaurants recently added a chocolate fountain. What would be your favorite thing to dip into the chocolate?

 Not a fan of public chocolate. Some bozo sneezes or wipes a booger off their finger and then dips it into the chocolate… gross!!! NO!!

You’ve been to Buffets… it happens!!!


4) I've bought more things on eBay in the last couple months than ever before. What is the last thing you bought over the internet?

Books… I think. Or videos I can’t find local. I do not shop online so much. I’d much rather get out of the house and go shop at the mall or where ever. I want to touch it and try it on.


5) If you come across a homeless person on a street, do you give him or her money?

 No. They will just spend it on booze or drugs. They get free food at the day shelter. And they are right back on the streets.

There is a supposedly homeless man that works a corner off I44, he has a sign and dog. The sign says he’ll work for food and dog food. He is always there. ALWAYS THERE!!! He doesn’t work! He can go right down to the truck stop and apply at the MickyD’s or the Love’s store to work and earn money respectfully. He gets more money on that corner!!! Lookin’ all pitiful with that dog.


6) If you knew you were about to die and had the opportunity to write your own obituary, what is something you'd want to make sure is included?

I Am a Byrd You Not Change… Fly High Free Byrd.

7) State fair season is in full swing across the U.S. What is your favorite thing to do at a fair?

 I haven’t been to the Fair in years. It’s something I’ve outgrown. I like to walk down the midway but I’d rather watch the cattle show or the pony pulls.


8) By some weird twist of fate, you wake up as another person one morning and must carry on with his or her life. What do you miss most about the person you were before?

Well, that would depend on who I turned into… I could turn into Roy. He’s a male version of me… with a tad bit more maturity… and hairier.

If I turned into a slob that hangs around the house in her jammies and a baggy sweatshirt… I got that covered now.

If I turned into a sexy supermodel… well then not a stretch… tall, thin, and look good in a bikini… and I’d miss nothing.

If I turned into a rock star… still I’d miss nothing. I can now sing and look good in tight pants.

Or a local Indian Chief… I’d get to govern (boss people around and sling orders)  the people and create programs that help my tribe with all the money we rake in at the casinos. No I’d still miss nothing.

So this is a question that I not really sure how to answer… Okay, I’d miss my sense of humor. It’s all mine. MINE, MINE, MINE.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

O!!!! M!!!! G!!!!

Get a cup of coffee and sit down!
You may need a whiskey!!
The other mornin’ I was layin’ in bed goin’ in and out of sleep… I could hear a motor runnin’. It sounded really close. George was a little antsy too. So when I became more aware of what was goin’ on, I could see lights in the trees that line the driveway. Someone was in the driveway!!
I tiptoed over to where I could see out the window and yep! There was a pickup sittin’ there with a couple of boys in it! There were 2 other pickups in the road, parked so that the drivers could talk to each other and blocked the pickup in my driveway. I just watched. When the trucks in the road moved, the other one pulled from the driveway. The passenger leaned out and pushed over my mailbox!
WHAT THE HELL!!!
Someone from the other trucks, picked the mailbox up… cream can and all… and threw it in the back of the truck!!! All the trucks took off to the north!!
GASP!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!! NOW I’M PISSED!!!
I am freakin’!! I went lookin’ all over the livin’ room for my cell phone and once I had it, I wasn’t sure if I call 911 or *55!!! Shit!! I was so nervous and pissed, just wasn’t thinkin’!! I finally got a 911 operator and I was so flipped out, I could barely convey what the hell just took place.
You know I freak out soooooo easy!!
I went runnin’ outta the house and jumped in the pickup to follow those little bastards!! That is my fuckin’ mailbox and I want it back!! I by God painted that cream can pink and it’s mine!!
So as I get to goin’ on the road, there are broken parts of mailboxes all over the road where the little bastards have taken the neighbors’ mailboxes too.
And I guess seein’ that I wasn’t being picked on… that other’s were being fucked with too… that I come to my senses and stopped followin’ the boys. So I turned the truck around to go back home.
And the damn thing stalled.
Can it really get anymore shitty? Can it???
By now, the local police had caught to me and was on the trail of the boys. But he stopped to talk to me, and offered to take me back home. Another pickup that was followin’ the cop, said that they would take me home… which I was in no shape mentally to think… and that I had NO IDEA WHO THESE MEN WERE!!!
Oh they took me home alright. And they watched me walk into the house. I watched them walk back to their truck. And I watched them stop and START WALKIN’ BACK TO THE HOUSE!!! They knew I was home all alone!!
OH HOLY FUCK AND SHIT!!!!!
I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!!!
I WENT FOR THE GUN!!!
Just as I walk outta the bedroom, one of the men kicked in the backdoor!! I did what Roy had told me to do. “Wait for them to be in the house… Aim for the middle, squeeze the trigger, and hold on tight!”
I was so scared!!! I mean just shakin’!! I put 2 in his chest and he went down. The other man was tryin’ to talk me outta shootin’ at him but when he stepped over the threshold and was in my kitchen, I fired at him!! He dropped right there!
Blood all over my new carpet!!
 I AM SO FUCKIN’ FREAKED OUT!!
 I just shot 2 men!!
AND THEY WERE BLEEDIN’ ALL OVER MY NEW CARPET!!!!!
I’m lookin’ for more ammo, when a neighbor comes in the backdoor, “Don’t shoot!! It’s me!!! Susie!! You’re Okay!! Don’t Shoot!!!”
She and her friend come in and doin’ their best to calm me down.
 “I need my husband. I need Roy!!”
Her friend is into Buddha and looked like the Dalai Lama… He says, “Deep Breath. Be Calm.”
I took a deep breath…  



And then I woke up.


Really, The Dalai Lama in Oklahoma?? What the Hell???

Link up With IA or Shawn!!

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

It’s Almost Cruise Time!!!!

In less than 20 days, we leave for Galveston!!! WOO FRICKIN’ HOO!!!! I am so lookin’ forward to this!!! One of my FaceBook Friends is going on the same cruise. I can hardly wait to actually meet her in person.

I have all the things I want to take and some I don’t… extra fat on my ass. All my fault. I’ve known about this for months.

You see, I thought I was gonna be laid up recoverin’ from surgery and I didn’t want to waste all that hard work at the gym by going to mush… so I just went to mush anyway… STUPID!!!!

I tried on my cocktail dress… the one with all the bead work… it’s heavy!! Roy hates it. It makes me look old. Whatever! I love it!! But I couldn’t get it on over my hips!!!

So I had to go shop for another dress. I came home with two.

I started the gym again. I work harder when Roy goes. I feel compelled. I’ll walk 4 miles with him there but only 2 when I go. I work more with the weights and he doesn’t so I would say it evens out.

He hit the 2500 mile club, yesterday. Woooo hooo!!! Now he can slow down and work on his body more. He’s a lean man and doesn’t bulk up like some but when I first laid my hands on him… his stomach actually… OMG! solid as a rock!! Sigh.

Well, I’ve fattened him up. He’s still in good shape though, he tips the scales at 200 and not 165!

Anyway, I’m just ramblin’.

I didn’t to the link-up for Wednesday like normal… it’s about holidays and that involves family… and that’s just not a good subject for me. Holidays are just another day to me and Roy.

Like Labor Day… He worked. I sat at home. Like every day.

Surgery… not until after the cruise and I’m still not on the schedule. Oh Well.

Roy was pissed. He wanted it done before the cruise! We had a “Come to Jesus Meetin’” and I set him straight! NOTHING IS FUCKIN’ WITH MY VACATION!!

And that’s all I’ve got… What’s up in your world??

Thursday, September 01, 2011

No Cat Comes Between Me And My Carpet!!!

I was so tired and sore when I went to bed the day we got the carpet, I just knew I would sleep until noon.
At 5:30am, I rolled outta bed and slowly walked the carpet to the bathroom. I was still pretty groggy and I sure wanted to go back to bed.
And then it happened!
I stepped in something wet!!!!!!
I was wide awake and hoppin’ to the bathroom to get a washcloth to clean up what ever it was… cat pee or vomit or hairball!!!
I had no idea!! I could see cats wipin’ their paws on the carpet as if to cover something and when I flipped on the light, there was cat shit on my new carpet!!!!!!!
Damn the wet spot!!!!!
I quickly cleaned that up and went to lookin’ for the wet spot. I retraced my steps, back and forth and couldn’t find it!!
So I laid down spread eagle and waved my arms back and forth and pushed with my feet across the floor… I musta looked like I was swimmin’… and a lunatic!!
But I found the wet spot!! It was about the size of a quarter. And as I’m cleanin’ that up and cussin’ the cats… I look up to see Scooter with his butt to the wall. He was shakin’ his tail like they do when they are markin’ their territory… and he was peein’ on the wall.
That was It!! I totally lost it!!
I went to scoopin’ up cats in pairs and puttin’ them out in the laundry room! Manny and I had a knock down drag out, He didn’t want to go!! But I won!! 5 was put out. George stayed out with me. He has manners. He is the good cat!!
Roy didn’t roll outta bed until 10am. He asked, “what are you doin’ up?”
“Guardin’ my carpet!!!” and told him the whole story about Scooter. Scooter got blame for everything. His the one that always does it!! He’s a rude little bastard!!
I passed an Executive Order: All cat will sleep out in the laundry room at night but George. He sleeps with me and Roy. He has manners!

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

WWTK…

 

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This week’s questions are about your cell phone… Link up with Mamarazzi or Queso!

{1}Do you prefer to text or call?

 If it’s important I call. If it’s not I text. Though I have been in some stiff arguments with my mother thru texting. It was ugly.


{2}What is the last text message in your phone and who is it from?

From an actual person and not FB, it says, “I have a weird question. Should I color my beard?”

I have no idea who it’s from. NONE.


{3}What are your favorite phone apps?

Apps??? My phone isn’t that smart!!

I’m old school.

I don’t want the back of my hair shorter than the front.

I don’t care for the new low waisted jeans.

I do not like auto-tuned songs.

And I do not have a smart phone.


{4}At what age do you think kids are ready for a cell phone?

When they are old enough not to lose things. My oldest was 14 and was still losin’ her glasses!! The kid couldn’t see without them!! She lost 3 coats one winter. Oh and the retainer!! Let’s not forget the mad searches for the retainer!!!

My youngest, the only thing she lost at 14 was her virginity. So I don’t think I’m one to ask about if a kid is ready for a cell phone.

Geez, I wish she had just lost a coat too!!


{5}Share a current pic or video taken with your phone.

 

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