Saturday, January 30, 2010

Division Of The Wealth...

My best friend is on the short end of the stick when it comes to gettin' stuff.
You know Stuff.
Girl Stuff.
The Really Good Stuff.

Those things that make a girl get all giggly and wanna have sex.

I get lots of stuff.
Sparkly Pretty Things.
Lacy Racy Things.
Big Expensive Things.

And we have lots of sex.

My friend just has sex....without gettin' stuff.
You know that is just so wrong.

Her husband gets stuff.
All sorts of Boy Things.
I've told she needs to put her foot down becuz the division of Good Stuff is divied up all wrong!!

Roy gets guns and all that shit that goes with guns. And I get a swimmin' pool.
Roy has motorcycles and all that shit that goes with motorcycles. And I get cruises.
Her husband gets guns and motorcycles and She get shit!
Maybe she gets a nice necklace at Valentine's Day or for her anniversary....that's expected but when he goes out and buys a huntin' thing, he doesn't tell her and she gets shit.
I told Roy, I'd buy him a new muzzle loader and when he bragged about it to her husband, Her husband wanted a new muzzle loader too. She said, "And what do I get?"
They negotiated and it was decided he would take her on a cruise.
Woo Hoo!!!
Which meant I got to go on a cruise!!!
Double BackFlip Woo Hoo right?
No.
It was decided that it wouldn't work out becuz of the pick up needed some work.
Yeah, right.
When she told me that her husband went and bought a fancy bed for his pickup, I said, "and what did you get?"
"I get to use it when I feed cows."

That shit ain't right!!
"Well this is what we're gonna do, we're gonna keep track of what he spends on himself. And what he spends on you. I'll do the same for Roy. And we'll see how the division of wealth goes."

We Shall See.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

A Smattin' Of Crap....

Becuz I don't really have much of anything to blog about, I think I'll answer a couple of the questions left in comments.

The first one that comes to mind is Yes. My cats Have Eat the EXPENSIVE CatFood Sold at Petsmart. I tried to MAKE them eat the Expensive Gourmet CatFood called iams...
Sold at Hellmart but it didn't work out.... They broke out in a rash and 4of6 sat around scratchin'....like the cat hair needs help fallin' out all over the freakin' place!
And I'm not cruel.
DO NOT FEED YOUR BELOVED FURBABIES HELLMART PETFOOD. EVER!

Roy's allergy: The last trip to the doctor's office, he was given some samples of "Singular?" and that seems to have made things much better. He sleeps with me again.
Keep Your Fingers Crossed!

And well that's all the news that's fit to print.
So....

Oh, wait we did get a letter from home...TheOldFolks! RoySr has had surgery on his back and now wishes to die.
Wonderful.
His mother has forgotten how to take care of an invalid and Roy's sister has to cook for her. Great news, Huh?
All that touchy feely warmth from home was written in ROY'S FRICKIN' BIRTHDAY CARD!!!

Saaaahweeeeeet.


And one last thing....Roy hasn't been kilt....just yet.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Bless Your Heart, Honey...

I just couldn't quite put my finger on the title for this entry.
But the woman today at the local Farm&Home Store, put it all in place for me, "Bless Your Heart, Honey" as she shook her head at Roy as she helped him find a coat.

She took pity on me....again.

I have had enough of the allergy thing.....ENOUGH.
When the girls lived at home and I announced that "I have had enough" they would duck and run for cover becuz heads were gonna roll!!
So Roy and I made another trip to the doctor's office.
"Do I have to go back with you to make sure that the doctor understands that I HAVE HAD ENOUGH?"
Roy said that would fine.

The nurse lead us back and attempted to take his vitals.
Roy starts cuttin' up. He'll do just about anything to get a laugh.
He started bitchin' about the weigh in...more than I do!
The nurse rolled her eyes, "just get on the scales."
And she made the mistake of tellin' him he had gained weight, "you weighed 10 pounds more than you did a month ago. Do you want to talk about it?"
"Do I look fat?" of course he doesn't look fat. "If you'da let me take my clothes off I'd weigh less!"
She rolled her eyes. "Hold still, so I can take your temperature. Close your mouth. This goes in your ear."
"As long you don't want to stick that anywhere else!'
She rolled her eyes. "Odd. It's normal. And that's just about the only thing I can say about you that's NORMAL!"
So she gave him as good as he gave her! This is his 5th trip to see the doctor, she knew very well how to handle Roy.
She turned to me, "I feel so sorry for you."
I just shrugged, "what's a gal to do?"

When the doctor came in, introductions went like this, "Sir, this is my wife. She's had enough of this crap so we need to fix it."
The doctor smiled, "we'll fix what we can but I can only do so much about the problem Roy has." I totally understood what he meant!
Roy said, "What were we talkin' about?" Like we had been have some sorta long conversation and had gotten off track. "Oh Yeah, Sex."
The doctor smiled, "yes?" expectin' Roy to continue.
Roy pointed to me, "this woman is demandin'. She expects me to perform almost daily. Or she won't cook me any food. It's brutal. I can barely keep up."

I'm not sure who was more red in the face.
Me.
Or the Doctor.
We both tried to keep a straight face...He broke first. But didn't look at me. I was wishin' I'da stayed in the waitin' room!!!!

"Oh that isn't why we are here. It's the allergy thing." Roy pointed to me again. "She won't use Tide. Tell her she needs to use it. That's my whole problem. The other wife used Tide and that's why she won't use it."

Again, the doctor cracked up.
Roy continued.
"But the last wife hated sex, which why I have this one." and pointed at me. "But now I don't get Tide. I have allergies and I have to perform daily."

The whole exam went that way!!
Every time the doctor started to talk seriously about the allergy, Roy come back with some sorta crack.
Is it any wonder he still has the freakin' allergies?????
He won't let the man do his job!!

"Roy, I recommend you stop by the Farm&Home Store and buy a hardhat, because you will need it for the ride home. I expect your wife is going to beat you all the home."

With a rubber hose!!!

Roy's always been a cut up, to the point that he's obnoxious. He loves to make people laugh. He always says just the right thing at the right time that catches a person off guard. And you can't help but giggle. But when you are tryin' to do your job, like clean his teeth or take his blood pressure, it's a pain.
And always, people turn to me and say, "How do you put up with him?"
For 15 years!!
The dentist office, clerks in stores, other cops, other cop's wives...they all say, "How do you put up with that?"
Once a friend, she worked at a bank, said, "The other teller asked, "how do you put up him?"
Yeah!!
I had a buddy.
Someone that had a husband just like mine, someone to commiserate with and I said, "Oh you're husband is like Roy?"
"No. They ask me THAT about you!"


I take it one day at a time.
I get lots of pity.
And we have a lot of "As You Wish Days".

Monday, January 25, 2010

The Top 3 Things I Hate.....

Today!
Becuz If Listed Everything, It would takes months!!

1) I hate all Feminine Hygiene Products!
Mostly, I'm a tampon gal but tampons do not sit well with me at the moment. So I tried a maxi pad. But was so concerned about leakage...despite the hype of the whole wings things... that I just can't do that. Sure I have period panties.
But still.
I. Can't. Do. It.
That whole soilin' of the panties thing goes way back. My mother told me I was the easiest child to potty train becuz all she had to do was buy me pretty panties. And there was no way I was gettin' satin ruffles dirty!
My vanity started very early!

2) I hate my thighs!
A year and half ago I was a short lump of fat with thighs that rubbed together. The only place my jeans wore out was in the thigh area. Not the ass end like some people think.
Now I'm short lump of muscle with thighs that STILL RUB TOGETHER!!!!!!
I hoped that becuz I had PMS and the whole period thing that THAT was why my thighs were larger than normal. Roy's all like but they feel so good. He's just horny!!

Which brings us to 3!

3) I hate Roy!!
I could write an entire blog of 3 things on just That Man!!!!!!
He doesn't get the whole large thigh thing! Years ago when we dieted and I didn't lose the weight, he said, "you need to exercise."
So we join the freakin' gym!
He had THE NERVE to SAY, "you need to diet more."
And then he expects me to feed him every 3 hours!!!

He doesn't understand why it is such a earth shatterin' catastrophe that my left boob is obviously 3x larger than my right one!
"Oh, it's so cute. Look at the little thing. I just want to hold it, squeeze it, and kiss it. Maybe if I blow on it? Do you want me to suck the poison out of the other one?"
Yes.
He actually said that.
I can't make this shit up.

He won't let me play with his new phone. But asked me how to work certain functions ...even after he read the manual.
He added "BadMoon on the Rise" for the ringtone for The2ndWife.
Mine...a police siren!!!!
I guess I'm lucky it's not "Baby's got Back!"

His Doctor told him he needs to start wearin' a hard hat.....Oh wait 'til tell you about that!!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Why Is It...

That when I'm bored, people tell me I need a job.

Or that when I do something they can't do that they deem a total waste of THEIR time, they tell me I need a job.

Or if I tell them a funny story about something Roy and I did, they shake their head and say, "you need a job."
I don't really see the correlation between funny shit with Roy and a job. Do you?


Let me tell you what I think it is...ENVY!
That I have my own time to do what I want to do when I want to do it.
And if I want to "farm" or make tote bags for people or do stupid shit with my husband....I CAN DO IT.
Or not....and be bored.

It just pisses me off to no end.
And all those people that have told me that....WORK!
And can't quit.
Not my problem.

Oh by the way, I'm in a pissy mood.

Friday, January 22, 2010

PeeWeeAnything...

Is the shits!
This is what I know....
My friend's son played football. One kid, TheMeanKid, on the team teased the son to the point that it came to blows. My friend's son was on top on TheMeanKid, whalin' the shit outta him when TheMeanKid's Parents saw the boys.
They never saw the tauntin' and teasin'. You know TheMeanKid is an angel and would never bully anyone.
Well, When TheMeanKid's Parents broke up the fight, TheMeanKid's Mom came unglued on my friend. My friend held herself in check. She is a prominent member of the community and stayed calm and collected despite being told she was a whore doomed to Hell becuz she couldn't control her child.

To the boys it was water on a duck's back....a year later, the boys get a long just fine.....It's just water on a duck's back.

But the Parents....now that's a horse of a different color!
TheMeanParents do not want to have anything to with my friend. To do PeeWeeBall in our smalltown you have to deal with her. They said OH Hell NO!!
And formed their own team. But My friend's son plays on that team too.
They do not sit by each other.
They do not talk to each other.
They do not cheer for her child, despite the fact that she encourages their child.
And I ask you, who is actin' like a child?

Well, okay. Me.
I always ask her to point out TheMeanMom, "Oh That woman in the butt ugly blouse!" said none to softly by me.
I'll stir the pot.
I'm not scared.
I'll drop an elbow that MeanMom.
And I think I get invited to go to ball games as my friend's back up.


When I had any dealin's with little league as a child, I was unaware of any back bitin' or petty arguments. We were just kids that wanted to have fun. We weren't gonna make a career of Softball.
When I took my daughter to play soccer, I never saw such shittiness either.
I wasn't raisin' pro athletes here.
I had my girls headed to college becuz they were smart not athletically inclined!
Then one on to law school.
And the other off to medical school.
I had big dreams for them.
I had it going to... One in Gifted and Talented.
And one graduated as Salutatorian of her freshman class....I had it all on track.

But no... that's water under the bridge.

What the Hell Happened to people??

Encourge your child to shoot for the moon but do you have to do by tellin' another mother to go Fuck herself??
Not a good way to win friends and influence people if you want to be on the school board... I'm just sayin'!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Roy's ManDate....

0forgot to add this to the list of things not to forget....becuz well, I'm forgetful.

Friday, Roy's friend, Eddy called him to ask if Roy wanted to ride along with him to Joplin. I was invited to go too. I opted not to go.
Hangin' out in the Academy is not my idea of fun.

So off they go.
When Roy comes home, he has a carry-out box from Red Lobster.
I didn't say anything ....just yet.

When Roy and I go out to eat with Eddy and his wife, we wind up at a restuarant that Eddy chooses. EVERY FRICKIN' TIME!! IF we pick, he bitches the entire time we're there.
If It's not Eddy's Idea, we don't do it. He has to be in control of WHATEVER WE DO.
So when we all go out, Eddy chooses to eat at a place that has "2eat for a special price" though his wife wants to eat at Red Lobster. MrsEddy orders shrimp every where we eat. It's like Eddy hasn't caught on how to have a happy life....If Momma Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy!


So in my fridge is Red Lobster Take-Out.
"Roy, Let me get this straight so we're all on the same page. When we all go out, we are subjected to "2fers special crap places" but when you and your boyfriend go out you eat at Red Lobster?"
He giggled a nervous giggle. "I'll make it up to you."
Oh Yes You Will.

But I'm not done yet.
MrsEddy needs to know about the ManDate.
I ratted the Bastard out!
She was so pissed!!
"You're kiddin' me!! Red Lobster!! No!! You're kiddin' me!!"

I don't think it will make a bit of difference...but I can hope!
She's got to get it in her head, "She who controls the HoneyPot, Controls the HoneyDipper."

Monday, January 18, 2010

The Dead Rat...

It's okay Gina. There are no graphic photos.

Roy's been sleepin' on the livin' room floor becuz of the allergy thing. He doesn't get much sleep becuz of it and even less when you add in the 6 very busy nocturnal critters in house. They are into everything. It's worse than havin' kids.
Well Okay.
Maybe not.
They won't come home pregnant or develop a drug problem.
They do however play all night long.
He was so exasperated with them he locked up 3 in the bathroom! They apparently run in there durin' CatNASCAR.
When I wake up, I give Roy the bed. He says he can't sleep without me but he's normally snorin' 20 minutes after goin' in the bedroom. And he'll be in there for 3 hours or more. So he can sleep without me.

While he's in there, I try to be quiet. It's not always easy.
This one particular mornin' I made myself some oatmeal and poured a glass of milk to eat while I did some "farmin'" on Facebook.
As I pulled out my PC chair, There it was!!!
The Dead Rat!!
As big as it was it wasn't a mice but not as big as those huge rats in barns....It was probably a field rat. But no matter It Was There!!
The outside cats leave their trophies...or what's left of them...on the back porch for us to marvel at their abilities to be hunt. There have been all sort of body parts that only a doctor could tell you what it was. There have been voles, mice, snakes, and birds.

But the house cats, left it right where MOM would Find It!! Right in front of her PC.

I tried not to squeal. But I did gasp loud enough for Roy to hear it. He had only been in there 10 minutes.
He came out of the bedroom, "What? What?"
"Rat!"
"What?"
"Rat!!"
"What??"
I held my hand up so he would see it. If I don't hold my hand up so he can see it and just point, he doesn't look where I'm pointin'!! Why he doesn't look where I'm pointin' is just beyond me. We go 'round and 'round about that all the freakin' time.
So I have my hand in the air, and then point to the dead rat.

"Oh. Huh. How'd you kill it?"
Why would I kill it? That's why I have Roy....to do my rat killin'.
And other manly things.
"I didn't kill it. You have 6 cats in this house and you ask me how I killed it??"
George is lethal!!
He picked it up and disposed of it then went back to bed still grumblin' about the cats being stupid and couldn't possibly have killed a rat.

I want to know How Did It Get In?
And What Kinda Suicide Mission Was It On???

After Roy had some sleep and was in a much better mood.
"Do you know what I heard when you were squealin' Rat?"
I shook my head no.
"Wreck!! Wreck!! I thought you got some email sayin' AuntBetsy had a bad wreck. And it just didn't compute."

I know I'm off-kilter but an email is not gonna make me gasp and yell.
And I know that my dialect and voice is not normal, but come on!!
Clean the mush from your ears, Roy!!

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Making Notes...

Okay, it's early in the weekend and I don't really feel like gettin' into details but I sure don't want to forget anything.
I do that.
Forget things.


But some day soon, I'll tell you all about dead rats and peeweeBazketball...

And who knows what else....

Friday, January 15, 2010

Assholes, Cats, And Allergies...

So I've told you off and on about Roy's Allergies.
We've been to the doctor 3 or 4 times.
We've tried different meds.
He's even had a steroid shot.
He's lost sleep. More importantly, I've lost sleep!!
Some assholes have told him he's probably allergic to cats!!
Everyone has a theory as why he has a problem....so we get advice from everywhere!
He had cats around him all his life.
I have 6 and he now....NOW?? has allergies???

I think Not!
Assholes!!
Only people that hate cats would say such a thing!!

Even RoySr said that!!
And do you know what Roy said.
"Probably, or I'm allergic to my wife", Roy just smiled.
AssHoles!!!
"Oh Really! I feel so loved." And sat there broodin', plottin' revenge for such statements, and where I should start.
Roy.
"Honey," I was calm and level headed, not my usual "I'll kill everyone who opposes me squeal", "you can go to OKC and spend a couple of days with your parents to test that theory."

"I am even more allergic to them! No. I will not test that theory."


Assholes!!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Just Between Us Girls...

After my shower yesterday Mornin', as I was gettin' dressed, I noticed in the mirror that one boob was different.
The left one is bigger!!
Very noticable bigger!!
I've never noticed that before!!
Roy was all like, "yeah I noticed. I've known for awhile."
What?
"Which one?"
"The left one."
So he didn't make it up!
He does pay attention!!
"I think a lot of women have one bigger." he said. Tryin' to make things better.
"I have to ask my peeps about this."
"Your peeps?"
"I've got peeps. Internet peeps."
"Can you keep me out of it?'

Really, Roy.
What would be the fun in that??

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

How'd That Happen??!!

We were watchin' that movie "Nadine"...Kim Bassinger movie....My name sake.
And as the credits were rollin', Roy said, "His name is Vernon. Vernon Hightower. Why didn't I get that name?"

What??
Really? He'd rather be named Vernon?
Does he really want me to yell across HellMart "Vernon!!!"
Or Silver Dollar City??
Half the men in that place would turn around!!
Sure it would be cute to say to him, "Know whatta I mean, Vern!"
And I do that anyway....but still.
You remember Ernest?
Jim Varney character?
Did Braum's ads??
And Ernest Movies???
For those of you that are not lucky enough to have a Braum's...it's the most fabulous ice cream chain in Oklahoma!!

I'd rather named him after that convict rodeo star Wes Hightower from "Urban Cowboy".
HOT!! In a really bad boy way.
But I didn't.

"Honey, You know that crazy whore in "Quigley Down Under"?
"Yes"
"Well she's always callin' Tom Selleck's character, Roy instead of Matthew. And that just fit on so many levels that now the whole world knows you as Roy Hightower."

He has a look of Tom Selleck.
I'm crazy....and I've had my "loose" moments.
And That Is How Roy Dewayne Hightower Was "BORN".....Live with it.

Today's his birthday.
And I'm not tellin' you his age....it makes me burst into tears.
So from now on he'll be 45.
One of us should claimed it!

Saturday, January 09, 2010

Stupidity, Pity, And Cat Food...

I have a vast amount of patience.
I have so much patience that I could fill up a THIMBLE with it!
To be clear, I have no patience whatso ever or tolerance for Stupidity.
None.

And I'm 8 deep, waitin' in line at PetSmart.
Behind this woman with two kids.
Holdin' 17 lbs of CatFood.
I think I stood there for 10 minutes.... And That shit got heavy!!
I'll bet you after waitin' that 10 minutes that bag of catfood weighed 30 lbs!!
So now as I'm next in line, I'm VERY ready to set the catfood on the counter!!
I refrain from makin' noises.
I refrain from rollin' my eyes at her.
I refrain from shiftin' my weight impatiently.
I just flat stand there with a dorky smile on my face wishin' she'd come the fuck on!

She had made her purchase. She's done.
She stands there.
"Kid1, put your hat on."
"Kid2, put your coat back on."
As she slowly puts her wallet back in her purse which sittin' on the counter, where I very much want to put my 78lb bag of cat food!!
And then she puts her hat on.
And then she puts her gloves on.
The clerk is watchin' me, becuz I'm the one the lady needs to pay attention to, not the snot nose kids....I'm fixin' to blow!!

She turned to look at me.
That was pretty damn nervy of her.
She smiled.
I smiled back.
And threw that 99lbs of catfood on the counter....on her purse.
Sin of all sins.

But she still stood there.

Let me just say, I'm all for lettin' people finish there transactions and puttin' their shit back in their purse. I need time to get my shit together.
Do it and move on.
And I do not appreciate the person behind me PUSHING ME! Standin' too close bugs the HOLY SHIT outta me!!
I have a invisible barrier around me, it's my space. And I don't want anyone in my space uninvited. If someone where to bump me as I conducted my business at the register much less throw stuff on my purse, I would Lose MY Shit Right There!
There would be a throw down!!
A person can conduct their business in a timely manner and move along.
It can be done.
I've done it. Time and time again without invadin' some one's personal space!!

But some people do not get the hint.
I have my 200lb bag of cat food on her purse.
And she still stands there.
In the way of the credit card swiper thingy.

I'm holdin' my credit card in my hand after givin' the clerk my PetPerksCard. We had powered on with business. The world didn't stop just becuz StupidLady needed some personal time to get her coat buttoned up.
I'm wavin' my credit card.
Seriously.
WAVIN' IT!!
It's quite obvious to EVERYONE What Was Going To Happen Next....but NOT to the Slow-Ass StupidLady In the Red Coat.

Okay, there are some people that even I have to pity.
Just a smidge.

I did the one thing I really hate and that was invade her space.
Whatever she has...which is probably DumbAss Disease...I don't want it.
But I did it.... like The Sioux on Custer!

And bumped her.
I didn't just nudge her with my elbow either ...it was full body contact!!
The clerk smirked.
StupidLady never said a word.
But She picked up her shit, wrangled up the 2 kids, and out the door she went.
One Bourbon.
One Shot.
One Beer.

And I'm thinkin', "OHoly Shit!! I need to get to the pick up before she gets to her car!! She might run over me in the parkin' lot!!"

Friday, January 08, 2010

The Gym, Resolutions, And Methods....

So I've missed almost a month at the gym....illness, cruise, holidays....and just flat didn't feel like it. But have to get back into the routine again.
Truth be told I like it. But let's not tell Roy....that I like it.

And it hurts!!! I'm tryin' to do what I had done before and it hurts!! I feel like I've been beat with a baseball bat!
While I was gone from the gym, the people in charge of it decided it needed a facelift. I hate it. They've moved around stuff and the floorin' black! It's gonna take some time to get used to that!!
But the point of my whole blog entry is the new people, those that have made resolutions to join the gym and lose weight. Good for them. They tend to be gone by March.
If they stay....great! Power to them!

So Roy's on his treadmill. I'm on the elliptical thingy....basically mindin' our own business when 3 women came into the gym. Each had an IPoop in their hands. Each got a machine.....no biggy!
But the funny thing was, each got off their machines at the same time! After about 2 minutes!! Roy looked at me like "What?"
I shrugged, "I don't know!"
Okay so we don't mind our own business....and we watched the ladies.

Each went to a different weight machine....2 minutes later they went back to the treadmills....2 minutes later the weight machines....and so on and so on.
This whole thing with the ladies went on for a half hour.
And when they circled their wagons, one said to the other 2, "So that's what we're supposed to do. Workout on something until the songs over and then change."



OH I SEE, says the blonde woman!!
Who am I to question someone's methods, I'm all the time tellin' people that there's a Method to My Madness!

Thursday, January 07, 2010

Mottos, Facebook, And Age...

I try to live my life by these principles...well ideas rather:
"The More, the Merrier." Except if it's kids....Ick! I'd rather have a broken leg.
"You're only as Young as YOU feel."
"You can either be Happy or you can be Miserable." I chose to be happy!

Now add Facebook to that.

I accept most every "friend" request. I am not "friends" with my brother inlaw or my daughter's stupid ass boyfriend but I am "friends" with some stranger from Denmark and several from Indonesia.
My daughter said, "Mom, how do YOU know people in Indonesia? I know missionaries in Guam. But you?"
Like I'm not worldly!
She knows I'm not Godly!
But I do like to play MafiaWars and I need strangers in my crew! Becuz, some days a gal just needs to whack some one!!
So there you have "The More, the Merrier."

I have classmates that have not befriended me.
I'm a little miffed about that.
Almost hurt.
People I've known since kinneygarden!!
But Oh Well...I feel closer to people I've "met" on my blog!!
My sister said, "Who are those people and why do they want to be my friend?"
She doesn't live by that "more the merrier" motto.
So I have to explain to her who people are without sayin' "Oh she's read all about you and really wants to get to know you on a personal level."...which actually comes out as, "I read her blog." And she says, "oooh."

But between you and me....OMG!!!
My classmates got old!!
I don't feel that I look that old!!
As I look at their photos, I'm thinkin' some of them haven't aged well. Like they were rode hard and put wet!!
So maybe it's a good thing I think I'm younger becuz if I give up, I'll look that old!!
Ack!!
I'm so vain.
And I'm feelin' pretty damn young...or at least 35.
And that makes me happy!!

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

BeCuz I Got Nothin' Better To Do....

I've been readin' The Sookie Stackhouse Series by Charlaine Harris. It's good!
The 5th book faltered a bit but still apart of the story that needs to be told.
I picked up the first 2 to read on the cruise while I lolled about by the pool peakin' over the edge lookin' at the men.
The HBO Series has taken the basic concept of the Series but has created characters and storylines that are not in Charlaine Harris's books. And I don't know which is better or if that is the case of one being better or not. I love the books. I love the show!.

Just like Harry Potter. YOU MUST READ THE BOOKS! You can't just watch the movies and think you know the series.
Hollywood pretty much does what they want to the books.
The YaYa Sister's was different.
Where the Heart is was different.
The Shopaholic was so different it thru me for a loop!! NOT EVEN CLOSE TO THE BOOK!!
Bridget Jones was different but it worked.
I haven't read any of Candace Bushnell's books so I don't know how closely related it is the series Sex and the City. That show has a life of its own!!

So anyway, I'm ramblin'.....if you like Vampires and Supernatural beings with a humorous bite to it, try The Sookie Stackhouse Series.

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Best Friends, 2CupBras, and Huge Favors...

So a long time ago, I went on a cruise....seems like a lifetime ago....though it was a month ago....My bestest friend in the whole wide world had the keys to my house to take care of the cats while we were gone. Cat Camp at home.
It was a HUGE favor for her to do it. Roy teases her, "were you drunk?"
Yes, she was....I gave her the booze!
When we left for Texas, We had it all laided out for her....easy peasy!!
The Catboxes....we put out an extra box. Now you realize that these are not normal catlitter boxes but storage containers. HUGE storage containers! So now the cats had a 2-holer! They were thrilled. You can tell by the way they get in there, INSTANTLY and kick litter all over!!!
We left her plenty of water, cat food, dog food, and extra litter.
She didn't have a bit of trouble.
We bought her a small gift in GrandCayman. I wanted to get her something else too. A VickySecretBra! That 2Cup Sizes Bigger Bra. I knew she wouldn't buy one for herself.
I had tried one on and just laughed.
OMG!!
I do not need that at all.
A boost, yes.
Bigger, no....which is what she needs.
Roy and I went shoppin' for her 2CupBra, and of course he and I have got to argue about it. We argue about EVERYTHING! I was with her when they measured her for the last bra I bought her, so I know.
After, some texts and more bickerin' between me and Roy, we bought the bra. She turned 14 shades of red when we gave it to her!
"Oh you didn't have to do that!"
Yes I did. That was a BIG favor she did.
When we went out for New Year Eve, I asked her if she had it on. "Can't you tell?"
NO!!
She dresses like a boy!
"You need to show yourself off." and pointed to my chest which is always showcased. This night, in a black velvet halter. I guess I'll to buy her cute blouses too.
"Can you see your shoes?" I asked her.
She stood up straight and looked down, "yes, just the tips."
I stood up straight and looked down, "I can't see mine. We're gettin' you there!"

Roy just cracked up.
Her husband too wrapped up in his laptop to notice.

Monday, January 04, 2010

The Twinkie Incident...

Granny made Grandpa his lunch to take to work everyday for 30 years. He worked for a major airline maintanence company in Tulsa.
And everyday, she packed in metal lunch pail a sandwich, some kind of fruit, and sorta snack cake.
When I was 10 or so, for some reason, he stopped eatin' the snack cake.


I, being the oldest, always set the rules to all things for me, my little brother and sister, and my stupid cousin.
I made up the yard games so naturally I set the rules....and it was fair for everyone. Really, it was. I can't help it if I was better at it. But my little brother benefited from it too. He never "shined" so he didn't know how good it had been before my stupid cousin was born. He was born 6 months after her.

Whoever found the new litter of kittens got to pick first....seems fair right? 9 outta 10 times it was me. I always picked the biggest or the one that wasn't yellow. We had a lot of yellow cats! So when there was a kitten that was a different color, it was a big deal.
It was not fun to find them half eaten. You do know that a tomcat will eat them if he didn't sire that litter. Tidbit I learned the hard way!

Whoever got up first on Saturday Mornin' was in charge of what cartoons we watched....which was me. I think that is why have always been a mornin' person.

So naturally when it came to the snack cake, whoever got to Grandpa first, got the snack cake! Grandpa thought that was a good idea. Every one of us had a chance to win. As opposed to him just pickin' my stupid cousin every time.
I thought that totally fair becuz my brother had an even shot at it that way.
The race was on!!
They knew just as well as I did what time Grandpa came home.
They knew it was right in the middle of Gilligan's Island.
They could wait on the front step just like I did. I had seen Gilligan's Island 20 times over!! I could afford to sit on the step and beat them.
I can't help it if I got there first.
I never tricked them.
I never held them down.
I never held the door shut.
I didn't have to do that to win.
This went on for about 2 weeks. I got the twinkie!
Well one day, we were all in the house doin' who knows what when we all heard Grandpa's car pull in the driveway.
The race was on!!
I flew out the door and had my hand on the car first. I win!
Just about that time, my stupid cousin came out the door and tripped over her big feet and fell on her face. She got up whinin' and cryin'! "She always wins!"

Guess who got the twinkie that day!!
That stupid awkward pig with flat feet and the lazy eye!!!

I never raced to get the twinkie ever again. I knew right then and there that no matter what I did or how well I did it, StupidCousin would always come first with him.
After I quit, it was an even race between my brother and StupidCousin....some days he won the twinkie and some days even BabySister did.

And now you know about the Twinkie Incident.
Like I said, I have come to terms with all of this crap.
I'm good with me.

Sunday, January 03, 2010

My New Year's Resolution....

I resolve to wear better bras, tighter swimsuits, and sport an iron will to NOT show my boobs to strangers.
Roy said, "why stop now?"