Monday, November 08, 2010

Like Sands Thru The HourGlass…

I’m not sure where to start… I’ve sorta slept since I last sat here to type out a blog. The timeline gets a bit blurry. The details get a bit fuzzy. And the hurt and aggravation lessens.

But…

Roy and I had a heart to heart… it was more like a heated discussion.

Okay Okay, a knock down drag-out 3 round match! But the gist of it was Eddie and Loretta.

You see when I say “I’m Done!” I’m Done. And he knows that all too well. Once we were out biking… with bicycles… and he made go up a huge hill and I cycled about a mile down the road when I stopped. Got off the bike. By that time he had come back to me, annoyed, and asked me “what the hell?” I told him, “I’m Done.” and down I went!! He caught me just before I hit the pavement!! I fainted or blacked out, does it really matter? The lights went out! I saw an Angel and I wake up layin’ on the side of the road!!!

I was done with Eddie and Loretta. I cut them out. But at the same time, I had a spat with my daughter and I announced, “I’m Done!” And deleted my Facebook account. Most of you know that.

Roy had calls from his cousins, his brother, and an old trooper friend, “are you and Nadine still together?” and “Is Nadine sick?” Apparently, I was missed. People kept track of Roy and me by my freakin’ status updates and you know I do not hold a lot back. I was just keepin’ my kids out of my life by closing it. Those 2 girls really piss me off to no end. I do not need that bullshit any more and I will not tolerate it… I’m Done!

So for about 8 weeks, I was totally cut off from family and friends… ‘cept for Jesse. Roy was concerned that I was slippin’ into depression or becomin’ a hermit or a hoarder. But I was totally content to not be frustrated with so-called friends and ungrateful children. But I did start to mend bridges with my mom. You know I have Mother Issues. Well I still have them but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

Roy however was not so thrilled. He wanted to help Eddie and Loretta work on their house. They are buildin’ it themselves… They need professional help. On many levels. And I wouldn’t let Roy go help.

He said,”you are punishin’ Loretta for something she has no control over. He is the asshole!”

If Roy hadn’t been workin’ with that asshole, it wouldn’t have been so hard to keep him away from them. Roy had a man to man talk with Eddie about the situation. And Eddie said he knew he had fucked it all up and that he was workin’ on it.

Workin’ on it?? How?? Was he comin’ to me to apologized for treatin’ me like I was the devil?? NO!

Then Roy decided to play dirty… Roy told me that his co-workers were laughin’ at Eddie becuz he’s such chicken-shit bastard that he can’t climb up on the roof, that Eddie makes Loretta go up there. Eddie’s afraid of heights.

Well that just washed over me all wrong!! I can’t have that!! If the roof leaked or the shingles blew off in a storm, she’ll catch hell for it! Chicken Shit Bastard!!! Eddie’s not a smart man and his co-workers know it. You can’t hide stupid!!

So I let Roy go to help. I told him that I have no desire to be invited over. I have no desire to do things the kids do. I do not find it to be a treat to eat out with Eddie. I do not want to be a part of any of it.

The day went over to help them, I start gettin' text from Loretta. I ignored them. That’s what she did to me. I felt it was only fair to give her a dose of her own medicine. I can be childish too.

I opened my Facebook account. I didn’t ‘unfriend” anyone out. I just proceeded with life like nothing happened. That’s how most of the people in my family deal with things. We just move on, we don’t rehash the problem or apologize. We just move on.

My daughter asked me if we were good. I lied. I told her we were good. We are not good… I’m not openin’ myself back up like that again. I’m not gonna be hurt again by her or my other daughter.

And then Mom and I went to Texas…