Monday, September 06, 2010

RHOK’d Out SuperHeros…

The Ladies of RHOK want to know if I were a super hero, what would my name be; what would my abilities be; what my costume would be. I wrote this three years ago… And you all don’t click the links. I know what you do here. It’s one of my super abilities.
So without further ado…
Super MoodyBitch…
I have been taken over by some supernatural force... over-Freakin'-night!! I have become Super MoodyBitch!!!
Dressed in my costume of the largest pair of Levi's I could find and a baggy sweatshirt, I face the day with 4 hours worth of sleep... the time change has not effected me... I don't sleep!
Under my baggy sweatshirt, I have a baggy t-shirt... it may be 50 degrees out there but it feels like 30 below zero!!!!
And I am wearing the best ever Victoria's Secret bra built for packin' around 2 50 pound boobs.
How that happens over-Freakin'-night I have no clue!?!?
Seriously, I think VS should have a government contract to arm all women with this bra... one that can maintain those monsters and those nipples that are so hard that they could cut glass is just amazing!!!
Normally, these big boobs are used for good... getting doors opened, extra ice cream and the all important... FREE BEER!!
But today...LETHAL WEAPONS!!!!!
And must be strapped down for all concerned.
The one thing that Super MoodyBitch has no control over is my hair... it rebelled!!! It has a fantasy life all it own... today it's off in a rock band.
I washed and dried it like normal but when I flipped it over and looked in the mirror... it was hair that even David Lee Roth would envy.
Super MoodyBitch said "Fuck it!" and sprayed it with the hairspray... "It's a step up from the DL photo, just go with it!!"
I can only hope that Super MoodyBitch doesn't take the dog clippers it!!
Super MoodyBitch comes and goes at will......I am not in control of my powers just yet!
Like on the way to work, I had to stop by a friend's house to feed her cat. But I couldn't find the garage door opener. Super MoodyBitch took over the search!!
It seems that if you cuss and throw things around, the lost item magically appears!!!
She is able to leap over the desk in a single bound and choke the life out some unsuspecting dumbass that only wants to look at my kittens!!!!
While screamin' at the top of her lungs... "I'M NOT RUNNING A PETTIN' ZOO HERE!!!!!!!!"
She can cry faster than a speeding bullet... DON'T TEST THAT!!!!
And She has this weird ability to smell everything.
She has more tenacity that a 50 pound pit bull and 2 Jack Russells... THAT WAS TESTED!!!!
And She Won!!!!!!
I am still not sure if the powers are for good or for evil... so tread lightly children... tread lightly.
And when some poor spammer was held against their will by the Russian Mafia and forced them spam my blog so I would buy a penis enlarger, becuz we all know I need a bigger tool… Super MoodyBitch leapt into action…
"Let me just slip into my SuperMoodyBitch Tights and Cape... Along with The Tiara of Power.
Put on SuperDuty TrashySlut Sash that holds all necessary items to fight evil... like Painkillers, a flask of Tequila, chapstick, hand lotion, a $20 for Just In Case They Don't Take My Debit Card, and a tampon... oh and the debit card... complete with Magic Diva Scepter for bashin' heads and wavin' around arrogantly... And I'll Be Right There!!"
Even Roy doesn’t mess with Super MoodyBitch. The day she told him everything smells like shit, from the cat box to his breakfast, he just smiled, walked to the backdoor, and said, “Lock me out. Please.”

You can read all about SuperMoodyBitch in Altered Egos. The things you miss by not readin’ the archives and clickin' the links.

tsk tsk tsk.

Join the Hall of Justice and link-up at the RHOK!


Yogi♪♪♪ said...

Uh, I'll just be on my way.

♥Georgie♥ said...

LMAO@yogis comment!!!!

Real Housewives of Oklahoma said...

ROTFL: I thought about going in this direction: but I just stuck to the script bc I'm lazy. Hilarious & amazing you were so prepared for the question 3 years in advance. That's serious super power. :)

Mrs. Sinclair

Julie Jabbers said...

Well, I guess you covered the Super Moody Bitch pretty well! lol

The Gaelic Wife said...

Now that's a super woman!

Baloney said...

I'm kinda scared.

ShaRhonda said...

I am so glad you didn't even try to cartoonize her! LOL!