Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Old Habits Die Hard…

Memories,
Like the corners of my mind,
Misty watercolor memories
Of the way we were….

So I was drivin’ home from HellMart the other day when the car in front of me slowed so I did… no biggy.
And then again.
And again.
I pulled my car to the left to see what the deal was… I was actually 3rd in the train behind a van that was had it’s turn signal on to turn left… no biggy. Maybe just a person out trackin’ garage sales. Unfamiliar with the area… no biggy.
But after two miles, it still never turned. And we’re all drivin’ about 45mph. You know me, I’m gettin’ pissed!
After goin’ thru HellMart with Someone’s Screamin’ Kid, “IIIIIIII WAAAAAANT AAAAAA POPPPPPPPPPPPP!”
“IIIIIIII WAAAAAANT AAAAAA POPPPPPPPPPPPP!”
“IIIIIIII WAAAAAANT AAAAAA POPPPPPPPPPPPP!”
“IIIIIIII WAAAAAANT AAAAAA POPPPPPPPPPPPP!”
“IIIIIIII WAAAAAANT AAAAAA POPPPPPPPPPPPP!”
I WANT TO GO HOME!!!!!!
So I thought that at the first opportunity I get, I would pass them all and go home!
Just give me a clear 1/2mile and I’m gone! Blow Their Doors Off!
And then the van went into the Right Ditch!
Dust Flew Up and WE ALL Said, “Oh Shit!” All the cars in the train put the brake lights on.
But it wasn’t until the van went over the center line… twice… with on comin’ traffic… that we Realized The Driver of The Van WAS DRUNK!!
I called Roy.
“Honey!! I’m followin’ a drunk!! I’m fine. I’m 3rd behind him.” I had to make that clear.
“He’s been in the right ditch and over the center line twice. He’s gonna hit someone!”I said in my most UnFreaked Voice, which isn’t easy for me. My Freak Measurer it set on High.
“Well give him plenty of room!! Don’t follow to close!!” He yelled at me!!
All he heard was “Following a Drunk”. And he thinks that I tailgate EVERYONE! And I don’t! I’m gettin’ ready to pass, that’s all. And believes that I drive 70 mph EVERYWHERE I go.
“Honey! I’m 3rd car back. He’s a good quarter mile…whoa shit! He’s over the center line again!!”
“BABE!!!!!” You know he’s freakin’!!! “Don’t follow to close and slow down!!”
See. All he heard was “Whoa SHIT!” and envisions me tailgatin’ a drunk drivin’ at the a reckless speed of 70mph.
“Dude! I’m doin’ 40mph at the frickin’ moment and I’m 3 cars back and we are 1/4 mile behind him. Your baby is fine!”
There was a long pause… I thought I was cut off or something. And then he said, “We aren’t the cops anymore. I can’t do anything about it.”
Oh yeah… Shit!
I followed the drunk until he pulled into a convenience store for more beer. I drove home… safely. I didn’t tailgate or speed recklessly! My car handles very nicely at 70!
So it's the laughter,
We will remember,
Whenever we remember,
The way we were…

1 comment:

Tracie said...

I think your call should have gone to the current hwy patrol - get the idiot off the road before he does kill someone