Sunday, August 15, 2010

Letter Number 3…

To my parents…

I was Daddy’s Little Girl… we’re good. He’s been gone now for 27 years. So that leaves Mom… And we’re not so good at times.

We’ve had our ups and downs. I’ve shut her out many times. She’s not the mom I wanted. I wanted Lucille Ball or Cher to be my mom. But what I got was Joan Crawford! There were no beatin’s but the neglect was just as painful. It’s not like she left me in the car in the heat or anything. It was more like indifference. Some people are not cut out to be moms.

And when I stopped tryin’ make  her be my mom but more of a person that just happens to in my family… like those cousins that I  saw only in the Summer during their vacations in Oklahoma, I was more at ease with her. I lowered my expectations of her and I was much happier with our relationship.

So we were in one of  “high spots” when I closed the door to my family. There were people that were caught off guard and cut out needlessly… causalities of war. It was easier to cut  them all out than to make them feel the need to choose sides.

My mom was one of them.

She wrote me this email:

I am very up set about the things that have happen in our family.  I just got my little girl back and now she is gone again.  I do want you to feel that you can come to my house anytime that you want.  I'm 63 and I want as much time with all of you that I can have.  As we all know, all too well, life is short and we need to thank God for ever day that we have.  I just wanted you to know that I love you and I miss you and would love for you to be in my life.   Mom

 

My reply and Letter Number 3 …To My Mother.

I know that.

Thanks.

I love you too.

2 comments:

Katy said...

That's tough. I talk to my mom every couple of days. She reads my blog. Can't imagine.

Mom Mayhem says: said...

Yep -I keep my mom at "an arm's distance." My dad got custody of me and my sis since we were little -She was not the best mom -I think now especially she tries to make up for it. Even if she's better now and we're closer (She seems to call me almost everyday) -I don't tell her everything -I certainly don't tell her about my blog -It's just better that way...