Thursday, July 15, 2010

Wanted: New Best Friend

Now acceptin’ applications for my new best friend. The old one sucks!

I text her an invite to meet us at SilverDollarCity Friday… sent Tuesday.  She has a cell phone in her pocket everywhere she goes. Once she emailed from her job to say went off and forgot her phone at home and she felt lost... Totally frazzled!!

Do you know what Roy did???

He rode his motorcycle over to her home and got it for her!!  But when I text a message to her, it’s not answered. So just exactly who’s call is she waitin’ to get if it’s not mine??!!??

My next friend can have a husband but he must not be in control of you… totally unacceptable!!! The last time she was here, she mentioned something about goin’ for pedicures and of course I said sure. I’m the sorta person that you suggest something like that, I’m half way to the car before I realize you didn’t mean RIGHT THIS MINUTE. She wanted to go some Friday… okay. StupidAssEddie spoke up and said something to her that I didn’t hear and she hasn’t mentioned it since… well come to think of it she hasn’t talked to me since that day. And here I sit with faded polish needin’ to trim my nails!!

My next friend may have children but said children will have manners. Children will not chase my cats… should children get their  little asses bit, you were warned! Children will not touch my breakables… I don’t have many but what I have means something to me. They may try on my shoes and hats. Oddly enough, small children can wear my shoes. I have lots. They are cute shoes. I feel I’m sharin’ my love of pretty things with the children something their mother doesn’t do as she looks like she just rolled off a hay truck.

I’m not that demandin’. I just expect friendship, shoppin’, eatin’ out, and maybe a movie. My last best friend, walked out on XMen Wolverine!!!

What the Hell???!!!!!

It was too stressful for her. It’s a fuckin’ fantasy, it’s not real. Lighten Up Francis!!!

I’m not a bar fly. Never have been and I never will be.

If I drive, I don’t drink.

You’re welcome to just about everything I have… even if it my last one or my husband.

I make a great margarita and The Best Guacamole!

Next week Applications will be taken for a 2ndHusband.


♥Georgie♥ said...

damn...looks like I am gonna have to get over my movie theater phobia and QUICK...I wanna apply!

ReRe said...

i'm applying!

Katy said...

Dude, I would so fit the bill. My kid would NEVER chase your cats or touch your breakables. I'm not wild about movies, though.

Big Dog Mom Pam said...

I'm applyin'! I don't have any little kids and Hubby would be glad to have me out the house. Love cats, love movies, love eatin out. Where do I sign up!

MizAngie said...

I wish I weren't so far away! This friend breakup has been building for awhile now. I feel sorry for her.

Billie said...

I'm applying. Do I have to live closer?

I have no husband or children so that part of the equation is solid. I am pretty flexible. I wish I had of seen this post earlier so I could have invited you to an art exhibit I went to - alone - *sob*