Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Now Taking Applications For 2nd Husband…

I hate Roy’s job. I think I hate it more than him… which is a lot. He’s cranky. Crankier than normal let me put it that way. I’m used to his demeanor. But to the outside world, he’s an asshole. A cranky asshole. But this job makes him worse. He bites my head off one more time and I’ll lock him up in the pool area again!

I wonder how he got out??

And he sleeps all the time. Well, he makes an attempt to sleep… all the time!! So there’s the lack of sleep which makes him more crankier… if that were possible.

And becuz he has all that shit goin’ on he can’t do the things he loves… well he does do me.

But he doesn’t mow. He loves to mow! You know that! Remember when tornadoes were droppin’ from the sky all around us and he was out there mowin’? '

The grass in my yard is knee deep. The JohnsonGrass is about to head! That shit seeds and I’ll never be rid of it!!

My yard is so bad the grasshoppers can’t keep up!

My yard is  so bad… I volunteered to do it! So you know IT’S BAD! And he said, “oh no! You’ll cut your foot off or something. I’ll get to it.”

A while back we were floatin’ around in the pool becuz I’m hopin’ for him to chill out… unwind… stop bitchin’… something… when he says, “we need to hire a pool boy.”

What?

Now he doesn’t want to tend to the pool either?? I have been thru some pretty tough times with this man and I wonder if this fuckin’ job has done him in! The Shootin’ incident. The Car Wreck. The Ordeal with the Girls. His Loggin’ Days. His Broken Ankle. We have been on a roller coaster of emotions and some piece of shit sit on your ass in the A/C job is gonna do him in????

And he continued, “And we need some to mow.”

He’s got that right!

So I added, “That’s exactly what I need. I need a 2nd husband! Someone to pick up the slack! To take me places, to shop, to travel with, to go the movies with, and not belly ache about EVERYTHING!”

He nearly fell outta his floatie! He tried to have a 2nd Wife so it’s only fair.

“ I suppose he’ll need to be young and handsome with a big dick.”

Men!

“Honey, I don’t care about shit like that! I need a companion to do things with and if he’ll mow the yard, Great!”

Seriously, people. I didn’t quit my job to hang out at home alone. I quit to hang out with Roy!

But hey! If the new guy is younger… cool!

And will mow with his shirt off like Roy did… cool!

But the best part of this whole conversation… The abso-fuckin’-lutly best part… is we had it front of Loretta and Eddie.

Now why would I need a 2nd hub is my best friend was doin’  her job??

Roy, I get.

Her, I don’t.

3 comments:

♥Georgie♥ said...

I would also like to apply for the 2nd husband opening! I have no problem mowing with my shirt off...just sayin...

MizAngie said...

I thought we broke up with Loretta.

Billie said...

What was Loretta doing there? I am with MizAngie... did you not just take applications for new best friend because she was fired?