Thursday, April 22, 2010

3 Things I Learned At Church…

This time.
My granny turned 87 on Sunday. What do you get a woman that's 87 years old. She has EVERYTHING she needs. So my sister thought it would be a super thing if she had all her family with her at Church.
That means I have to go. I have to sit up straight and behave….again.
I’m not thrilled.
But I did learn 3 things while goin’ to my Granny’s Church.
1) That God works in mysterious ways! I couldn’t text the entire time I was actually inside the sanctuary. My niece sat DIRECTLY in front of me and text the ENTIRE time!!
Why Not  Me?? Smite down the Heathen Texter???
2) That its okay to say Oh God in the confines of the Church. That its praise. But outside the buildin’… it some how not okay.  I’m confused.
RubyJune said, “It’s all in how you say it.” OOOOH!
3) That its okay to clap after a song is over. Like at a concert. Let me ‘splain that, Ricky.
When I was a small child and went to Church with my granny, All the ladies would sing a joyful noise in praise of the Lord. Bringin’ in the sheaves and fly away ol’ glory, I’ll fly away. My Granny would cut loose! An Uplifting Thing…  Well the Spirit moved this 5 year child to clap her hands when the song was over. Granny quickly grabbed my hands, “we don’t clap! We say Amen!” From that moment on….I didn’t clap!! I have never been spanked or sat in a corner by her… EVER!  If she told me not to clap… I didn’t do it!
So here I am 40 years later sittin’ in Church with my Granny…. on her birthday and when the song was over people clapped. What the Hell??
Still Confusion!!
RubyJune said, “Oh No We Clap now and throw our hand up in the air to say Amen!”
“We’re still Baptist? Right?”
And there was a lot of clappin’!
I went to Church and a Honky Tonk broke out!!
They had a singin’ instead of a sermon… RubyJune was not thrilled. If it hadn’t been Granny’s Birthday she wouldn’t have went at all. But it was so we all went. The whole Church clapped their hands and sang Happy Birthday to her. A big fuss was made. And after it was over, she turned to me and said, “I didn’t need all that!”
She’s gettin’ cranky in her old age!
One little funny side giggle: My niece is 19 yr olds… The One that Could Text! She was in the pew in front of me and she said something that I didn’t catch. Next thing I know she’s feelin’ me up! She reached right over and copped a feel right there in the Sanctuary! Pushin’ on my boob, She said, “Whoa Sister! Those are real!”
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine! It’s alive and burnin’ at the Church of the Holy Nadine.


MizAngie said...

The Lord DOES work in mysterious ways. And he has a tremendous sense of humor - as evidenced everytime I see my ass in a mirror.

Dawn said...


I'm NEVER the first one to clap at church. I refuse to have everyone turn and look at me. Ha!

You are such a funny storyteller!