From now on we're gonna call my best friend ever, Loretta....not HappyWife. Becuz she's not happy!!
And becuz I wanna say, "Get Back Loretta!"
Last week, the weathermen predicted gloom and doom in the form of ice and snow....several inches of both! They panicked for NOTHING! Oh sure, I'm sure there was people without power for a few days in some parts of the state but they, the weathermen, covered it all day long like we were gonna have a tornado drop from the sky at any moment! People of made BMT runs to HellMart...Bread, Milk, and Toilet Paper.
Roy and I, we made a Batteries, Munchies, and Tequila run. A girl can live with Batteries and Tequila when the power goes out!
Thursday, Roy and I holed up waitin' for the sky to fall....and it didn't.
By Friday, He was stir crazy. I didn't mind.
He made phone calls. I just made totes or farmed.
His phone calls ...well that's where the real story starts.
He calls his boyfriend, Eddy. "Dude, let's just load up and go to Red Lobster. Fuck the Ice!"
Roy didn't get anywhere.
So he calls Eddy's wife, LORETTA! "Let's just load up and go to Red Lobster. Fuck the Ice!"
She just giggled...which means she's mullin' it over.
Saturday Am, I was farmin' and I noticed that Loretta was online....Facebook has chat! I came outta hidin' to chat with her, "So are we goin' to Red Lobster?"
See I told you. She was mullin' it over.
I was kiddin'! She was serious.
By 3:00 she made up her mind, "I'll be at your house at 4 to pick you up, we're goin' to Red Lobster!"
Do you remember me tellin' you about rattin' out Eddy and Roy when they went on their ManDate?? How they went to Red Lobster??
She was Pissed!!
With a capital P!
There was no way on Earth she was gonna eat anywhere else but Red Lobster when we all go out to eat!
Roy asked her, "Are the kids comin' along?"
That was her first mistake.