Friday, February 12, 2010

Booze, Crackers, and Body Balls....

I've been percolatin' on this and I can only hope I can convey what happened so that you feel just as I did in that moment...Laughin' My Frickin' Ass Off!!



On the 9th of every February, Roy and I celebrate the anniversary of our First Kiss. It's our Valentine's Day. So I fix something extra special for supper and ply my husband with booze so he relaxed....which was a mistake.

Seriously.

One would think as long as he and I have been drinkin' that he could hold his liquor better but no. I can drink him under the table 10 times over! 3 margaritas and he's asleep in the floor!

Not Good!
Especially not on MY DAY!!

He's back has been hurtin' him for 4 or 5 days now. He really wants me to walk it but I refuse to do it. I'm not gonna be the cause of him being crippled for life if I break his back! I pack around enough guilt as it is that I don't need that! So I suggested he stretch his back over one of those big balls at the gym.
I'm so glad he didn't do that at the gym!
Instead he bought one.

Okay.
Maybe not.
Witnesses would have been good.

Roy drank too much...and....well...how do I put this....Elvis refused to go on stage. But Roy was still bitchin' about his back. I suggested he blow up his ball and give that a try.
And while he was doin' that, I snacked on cheese and crackers.
When the ball was blown up, he put on his tidy whiteys...becuz he all gladiator that way....Commando Baby!
I was suprised by this, "What are you doing?"
He knows I want sex and he's gettin' dressed!!
What the hell??
"I don't want to all vulnerable and exposed while I stretched."
Good Point.
And come to think of it, I don't really want Elvis and the Boys stuck on the ball. Talk about a Buzz Kill!!
The Ball was on the floor in front of me and the couch. I sat there cross legged so I didn't get in the way, while he stretched. But Thank Goodness I was There!
I held the ball still while he sat down on it. He wasn't exactly graceful either and went backward too quickly and to keep him from hittin' his head on the floor I had to grab his leg.....and keep from spewin' crackers and cheese all over the livin' room!! While he was hollerin',"Oh! Oh! Oh Shit!"

Imagine a 6 foot HeMan Type stretched out long and lean stiff as a poker on a gigantic ball while his wife balanced him to kept him bangin' his head on the floor....It was too funny.
You know if he gets hurt there's no sex! Save him and I get laid!

I'm laughin' now.
Tears in my eyes.
I've cracked up 3 different times in the last 16 hours and he'll say "What??" and I'll reply, "Oh you and that ball."

I held him steady while he balanced as best he could. I moved around to his feet and started to pull him by his ankles to right him when he said, "We'll not talk about this to anyone!!"

Oh Yeah Right!! I can't wait to tell Loretta!!!

And as he sat upright he said, "Do you know what we have learned from this? Never use the ball alone."

Okay, You Had To Be There!

4 comments:

♥Georgie♥ said...

OMGosh LMAO...I do not even know where to begin...gladiator whitey tidys, elvis and the boys,ROY rollin around on a big ball...if you tell me it was a 'blue' ball i will die LOL, you just helping him out 'for THE cause' LOL
you are soooo funny! and I felt like I was right there with you...so I am not sure I could ever have dinner with you and roy without this mental picture and a big red face!!!!

Katy said...

Moral of the story: no drinkin' and stretchin'!

MizAngie said...

Elvis wouldn't get on stage? HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!! One time I decided I'd get one of those balls to sit on at the sewing machine. Strengthen my core while I sewed... HA! I totally relate to Roy's predicament. It was like that old birthday party game of trying to pop a balloon by sitting on it. I'd sit and it would squirt out behind. Hilarious post, Nadine.

Lin said...

lol...those balls are dangerous.