Sunday, February 28, 2010

Just A Little Peyton Place...

The world of Facebook. Oh My!

I seem to be in up to my neck.

Let's start with what you know...
Loretta was pissed at a mutual friend. I actually knew it before Loretta told me.
Becuz of the mutual friend's status on Facebook!
I didn't actually know it was about Loretta but I knew that some bitch at pissed off OurFriend!
And of course no names were mentioned, I had an inklyin' it was Loretta... and it played for a couple of days. Like most things, we all move on with the more important things in life.

Get Back Loretta...It was a joke!
Move on.

My brother announced his elopement on facebook...classy.

His kids were pissed. The dumbbitch he married has been livin' with him for awhile now so they just made it legal. She doesn't have a facebook page becuz she knows that I and RubyJune won't befriend her. We have his ExWife. We weren't too fond of her when they were married but's okay.

We've moved on...matured....a great deal.

No Really, I have!

What you don't know...
When I first went online way back in 2000, I lurked.
I was not in a good place in my life and had not been happy for a while so I didn't want to "socialize". I didn't want to have to explain things and I just didn't know how folks would feel about me or anything that I did. I just stayed in the shadows of my own little world of self pity and rejection. Many people I know have said to me, "I don't think I could ever do what you did." People are very judgemental and when they do not know the whole story, they make their own assumptions, which is hurts to the core.

I am still very sensitive to it now, 12 years later.

When I could see that my life was in order and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel I started bloggin', as a way of ventin', which helps me a great deal. I had no idea when I started bloggin' that I would become friends with people....some very good people.
I still don't explain things but I feel better about me...some how that makes it easier to deal with the outside world. Like I don't have a bright orange NeonSign over my head flashin' at the world...anymore.

I held my head high knowin' I did the right thing.

And that's all I'm gonna say about that!

On the outside of my little world that I have built around the Hightower, some people that I know, live their lives based on lies and assumptions about me and Roy.
Like my youngest's daughter's boyfriend. He's fathered 2 boys with her. She listened to her mother and didn't marry the deadbeat. I wanted her to be able to take her things and leave when she needed messy divorce, just leave.
Otherwise I keep my mouth shut. The last thing I want is for her to be beat over something I said.
Well she kicked him out after a DUI and a stay in jail. This is the second time...and so far the last.
But not before he lashed out at me.
On his first day out of jail, he sat down at a PC and went to sayin' all sorts of trashy things about me and my family. EudoraMae spent most that evening deletin' everything he put out publicly. But she could not stop him from sendin' me the most nasty, most hurtful private email that he could.

I stopped dead right there....I'm not doing this again.

I have put all this behind me.
And this is what all these people think and talk about??
I lashed out at the people that perpetuated the lies becuz if that is what people still think after I have alienated myself from all my family to stand beside what was right....then they can all go to Hell. I'm done.

But this time, everyone circled the wagons... around me.
From the top to the bottom of the family, all the ladies stepped forward this time, to side with me and what was right.
My oldest daughter was beside herself. She said, "I have lost 12years of my life with my mom, and I don't want some jerk stirring up stuff that we've let go."

So we've moved on....into a better place.

Isn't Facebook just Fascinating?!

Yea, I know...not all shits and giggles.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

3 Things That Make Me Wanna Shout...

Some Serious Shoutin'!!
As In Come the Fuck On!!!

1) People that do not know Right on Red!!!
People, you stop first. It is a red light.
And then if the road is clear you may proceed to make your right turn.
Whether you be a born and breed Okie or you imported here, you took the same flippin' drivin' test that I did.
We read the same frickin' manual.
Right on Red!!
Come The Fuck On!!!
Right On Red!!!!

Okay, funny story.... I stupidly went with my grandparents to California in 2005. It. Was. Hell.
Some where in California, we needed to stop for relief and food. We only stopped when Granny or Grandpa needed aunt and I had to suffer. She and I drink DrPepper while we drive and needed to stop every hour but with Grandpa bitchin' about every thing, we stopped drinkin' and only peed when G&G needed. My Aunt and I both developed bladder infections after that trip...I KID YOU NOT!!!
So anyway it was a time to pee. I was drivin'. I saw the exit for a truck stop and so I took the it. At the bottom was a stop light and a VERY BIG SIGN that read, "No Right Turns During A RedLight".
What the Hell!!???!!!
I understood it. Truckers would take advantage of Right on Red. I see that.
I am not a trucker.
I had to pee.
I was the only one sittin' at the intersection...THE ONLY ONE!!!
And I didn't care if I got a ticket!!
I turned Right on Red!!
My grandpa came unglued!!!
I didn't drive after that... not until the next day.

2) This freakin' computer!!
I thought it was becuz it was infected. I don't think so, I have put it thru EVERY FREE Virus Scan I know of and have it locked down to the hilt with one I actually pay's still slow.
I have tons of memory.
I defrag all the time.
I clean out my cookies.
Roy will hear me screamin' cuss words and see me with my head on the desk and he says, "Are you sick?"
"Did you get bad news?"
"Did you break a nail?"
It's like being on dial up!!!

3)People who do things to one person and get all upset when some one does it to them.
It goes along the lines of "Don't dish it out if you can't take it." and "Take a Joke as it's Intended."

Loretta calls me up, "let me tell you the latest." and proceeds to tell me how a mutual friend of ours hit her upside the head.
Loretta was appalled!! "How dare that woman hit me!"
I giggled. I know that it was meant in fun.
I could tell by the dead silence that Loretta didn't see the humor in it.
"She hit me!"
"like you hit Roy?" She smacks him upside the head all the time.
Again silence.
I changed the subject.

I haven't heard from her since Thursday.
Roy said, "you should always side with family."
Seriously, Come the Fuck On....take a joke.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

What Do You Think???

What is the right thing to do? Etiquette wise?
Is the there a proper Etiquette on Facebook photos?

I post old photos of friends on Facebook as well as family photos. And If someone in the photo is a "friend" I tag them.
I think it's fun to see the old photos from when we were kids and teens. I wish more of my "friends" did that. I sent an email to a group of ladies that I've know since kinneygarten to add any that they may have from birthday parties, skatin' parties, slumber parties...anything.
I even told them that I didn't care if the photo was unflatterin' to me....I put it all out there as it is so I really doubt they can do any worse.
My profile photo at Halloween was me in my bunnysuit....with my pink ears...some thought I had a penis on my head!
And from a certain angel... from the gutter that they were in... it look exactly like that!!
And really we are what we are....whether we are dressed to the nines with our girl faces on or with a blue icin' stained mouth, or me with my constance scowl....that's how we are.
People see us every day like that... Even with the ass end of our jeans ripped open.
Roy tells all the time, "Smile. You look like you could kill something."
It's just me.
Go look at my profile photo right now. I'm 10 months old in that photo. And I have a scowl on my face!!
We are what we are....we have to come to terms with ourselves.

Wait. I think I lost my point.

So I posted photos of my stepkids....and tagged them.
I stepped over a line and added them as "children". I knew that would be too much for them.
Actually one accepted the jester only for him to change it later....which I get. I'm not his mom. No Harm. No Foul.
I opened myself up to let them see where they stand.
I haven't seen my stepdaughter in 3 years. That's her choice.
She talks to her father on the phone but that's it. She's had some issues to work thru....and we are not in the loop.
Our choice.

So I tagged RoyJr in some photos. Some where in the last couple of months, he "untagged" himself.
That hurt... These are not embarrassin' photos.
But yet... I didn't flip out.
He's had issues with a girlfriend that is also in the photos ...and a "friend".
One day they're engaged and the next they are not... currently, not.
So I can see if he "untagged" himself to avoid her. I have since moved her to a group that can not see any of my photos... but I can sp...ahhh...."monitor" the relationship.

The Photos...Do I just let it slide?
Do I say anything to Roy?
He won't understand the whole taggin' and untaggin' thing but he will understand the rejection that I feel.
I understood when a young man "untagged" himself from a photo that I have of him as a child with my sister becuz he was runnin' for office. He didn't tell me.
That makes total sense.
I don't understand why a member of the softball team untagged herself.
I'm Clueless. And she didn't tell me either.

Should they say something to me?
I would not be mad...unless they were tacky with me. I would understand if they were gettin' a divorce and needed to lay low or avoidin' an abusive spouse or runnin' for office.

What do you think?

Later we'll discuss the Etiquette of Emails.

Class dismissed.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Industry Standards, Quality Control, and Patches...

I decided to go shoppin' for a new pair of jeans...well...not really new. I went to the resale shop. I spent 2 hours in that shop going thru purses, shoes, coats, sweaters, and jeans! I found some pretty good things!

I found a Louis V hand bag! It had seen better days!
And it looked like someone had tried to repair the leather work. It was worn out!
I musta look that bag over for 5 minutes!!!
Real or Fake. It didn't have a China Tag!!
How can I patch it up?
It was just all wrong.... Like it came from the Defective Shop at LV....It didn't pass quality control or something.
Was it worth $12.95!!
I set it on top of the rack, so that when I was across the room I could look up at it and think, "should I buy it or let it stay for another?"

It stayed for another....though I looked up at 15 times!

I found a pair of jeans that fit the bill.... "boyfriend" jeans....straight leg with 5 pockets...size 14. They were stretch jeans. I buy stretch jeans bigger than I normally wear becuz of the shrinkage involved. If I don't they feel like leggin's and shows off every curves and fat roll. So I took the pair to the dressin' room to try on.
I got them just over my hips when my thighs squealed, "What the Hell are You doing to Us??!?!!"
Apparently 14 in Poland is not what 14 in China is....Standards People!!!
We must have Standards and Quality Control!!!

I put them back on the rack for some size 10 gal to rock the world with them.

I felt like shit after that. Though not my fault, I still took it to heart!
All my hardwork meant nothing! I'm still sqeezin' in 14's!!

So yes, I will be repairin' my old reliable magical jeans...with a pink patch on the ass!!

Friday, February 19, 2010

Nadine'sTravelin' Pants...

Last Saturday was PeeWeeGame Day. Roy said, "let's go eat breakfast before we go to the gym."
High Five!
This Girl's Gettin' Pancakes!!
So I dressed for a day of basketball and fun. I put on my favorite jeans and my pink hoodie that 3 sizes too big. Love that hoodie!!
My favorite pair of jeans are a pair I bought at my favorite resale shop, so they're worn...but gently....before me.
When I bought them I stopped wearing my precious Levi's. I love Levi's, so you know these are very good jeans! The brand is some off brand from either DressBarn or Cato or something...doesn't matter....I love them. They fit no matter how fat I get. When I was super fat they fit like a glove and I could still function...and most importantly still eat. They fit perfectly when I was only a bit fat. They fit just so, that I had to pull them up every once in a while. Never once did these wonderful jeans ever show a muffin top...that I could see.

Perfect, they are....were.

Roy and I had breakfast at 8am and then went to watch Eddy and Loretta's kids play basketball and we didn't return home until 4ish.

As some of you know, I'm only 4 foot 11inches tall.
My inseam is 30 inches...and that's stretchin' it.
Roy drives a 4x4 Toyota. I need a runnin' board or step stool to get in the damn thing.
But no. I hafta hop up in it. It looks odd I'm sure becuz I have my left leg hitched up in the air with my left butt cheek on the seat and jump off my right foot and land in the seat. All in one smooth move. I've jumped too hard once or twice and bashed my head on the cab...that smarts!
And it's really quite a show when I wearin' a skirt.

On GameDay, I musta jump in and out that damn truck 4 or 5 times.

So later that night, I was in the bathroom doin' who knows what with my back to Roy when he says, "Do you have a pink patch in jeans?"

I do not!
I have a 6 inch rip in the back of my favorite pair of jeans!!!!
Right along the pocket!!
He was lookin' at my panties!!!

I was mad.
I was mortified.
I wanted to cry.
I wanted to crawl in a hole and die.
I had been up and down bleachers for bathroom runs, for concession runs, for everything, paradin' my bad self ALL OVER the frickin' county.... and my butt was showin'!!!!

Yes. My boobs are on display.
And they have peeked and said hello...numerous times.
But my Butt.
It's NEVER been the daylight!

Guess when I felt them rip?
After breakfast... When I lifted my leg up to hop up in truck.
The only thought that went thru my head was "that's odd" and went on with my day.

Roy said, "well your hoodie is so big maybe nobody noticed."
I can only hope.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Let The Pigeons Fly...

Roy has a job!!!
It's part-time but at least he doin' something! He the sort that needs to do stuff.
I'm not.
I am happy with not doing least not Roy Stuff.
I'll sew and crochet but I'm not diggin' holes or mowin' the yard!

"Piece of Cake!" that's the Official Press Release on TheJob.

UnOfficially, He hates it. "It's the kinda job I had in the Marine Corps and that's why I did my 3 and didn't re-up."

In Vietnam, he was a CommCenterMan and hated it....with a passion.
They made him type!
He told me he drove BobHope around when he was on TourW/USO...but I think Roy made that up. He just wanted in my panties.
If he had had a "job" he liked, he'da been a lifer. He'd still be in the Marine Corps!
If he could, he would join up today!

But alas, our pathes would have never crossed had he been a I'm glad he opted out.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Daddys, Daughters, And Conveyor Belts...

When I was 3ish, I was told we were gettin' a baby.
Yea!! I wanted a baby sister!!
I had her name picked out and a back up plan for if SHE was twins!!

Well the big day came, Mom and Daddy went to get me my baby sister and I went to Granny's.
I was over the moon! I'm gettin' a baby sister!!!

Daddy had to tell me the bad news.

I had a baby brother.

"Send it back."
"We can't do that."
"Yes you can. Just send it back."
He was my daddy!
He could do anything!!
If we got something from the grocery store we didn't like we took it back!!
And seriously, all I had to do was stomp my foot and pout....That works with Roy Too.

And that was when he explained to me where babies came from...

"In Heaven, there is a conveyor belt that all babies ride on and whatever drops off the end, is what you have to take home."

Oh well.
If he came from Heaven.... I had a baby brother. So be it.

So... I had just gave birth to EdithAnne, though I was on the table with my legs in a stir-ups and was exhausted, I was mentally doing double back flips!!
I had my baby girl.

And my mother whispers in my ear, "That's becuz your daddy is workin' that conveyor belt."

Oh and you may want to know how the babies get their bellybuttons, the angels workin' the Conveyor Belt pokes each baby, 'boop! You're done.' and they drop off end.

Sounds reasonable to me.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Cats, Pregnancy, And Scars...

I was pregnant when I was 17 with my first child.
It was awful to go thru all that being 17, newly married to a man that I really wasn't sure I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and school, when my father died unexpectedly. I was a daddy's girl. I was stressed beyond comprehension.
One of my cousins told to not stop eatin'... and I didn't!
I ate everything I could get my hands on and gained 50 pounds in no time.
I had to quit school and had a tutor.
We moved back home to be with my family....mostly becuz EarlLee couldn't keep a job.
I laid around in a recliner 90% of the time.
People constantly told me that the way I was carryin' the baby I was gonna have a boy. I don't want a boy!! UGH!!
I was depressed about that and would sit down with a gallon of milk and a bag of Pecan Sandies.
The ultra sound was done. The nurse said, "It looks like a girl but I wouldn't bank on that." Great.
A huge bowl of guacamole and chips was in order.
And then back to my recliner.
We had a couple of dogs and a cat that would crawl up on my lap and we'd all go to sleep. I musta been castin' off good warm vibs....becuz my dog Jake was on one side and my sister's dog Missy was on the other with the cat was on my belly.
EarlLee Hated Jake. Jake had been a Valentine's Day gift from the beau before him.

I didn't go into labor in a natural way, they had to induce labor becuz they thought that I had carried the baby long enough....44 weeks.
I felt like I was carryin' a baby elephant!!
I was as big as an elephant!!

My mother, doing one the BEST things for me that she had ever done, was with me when my daughter, EdithAnne was born.
We were thrilled.....she whispered in my ear something I'll share later.

We were lookin' EdithAnne over to make sure she was a girl....and perfect. I noticed a "strawberry" on her side. It was nothing. She still has it to this day.
My mom left the delivery room to go tell EarlLee about his baby girl.
And she didn't leave out the fact that there was a "strawberry" on her side, she told him it looked like a paw print! "Probably from steppin' all over Nadine's Belly!"
"I'll Kill That Dog!!" he said.


Friday, February 12, 2010

Booze, Crackers, and Body Balls....

I've been percolatin' on this and I can only hope I can convey what happened so that you feel just as I did in that moment...Laughin' My Frickin' Ass Off!!

On the 9th of every February, Roy and I celebrate the anniversary of our First Kiss. It's our Valentine's Day. So I fix something extra special for supper and ply my husband with booze so he relaxed....which was a mistake.


One would think as long as he and I have been drinkin' that he could hold his liquor better but no. I can drink him under the table 10 times over! 3 margaritas and he's asleep in the floor!

Not Good!
Especially not on MY DAY!!

He's back has been hurtin' him for 4 or 5 days now. He really wants me to walk it but I refuse to do it. I'm not gonna be the cause of him being crippled for life if I break his back! I pack around enough guilt as it is that I don't need that! So I suggested he stretch his back over one of those big balls at the gym.
I'm so glad he didn't do that at the gym!
Instead he bought one.

Maybe not.
Witnesses would have been good.

Roy drank too do I put this....Elvis refused to go on stage. But Roy was still bitchin' about his back. I suggested he blow up his ball and give that a try.
And while he was doin' that, I snacked on cheese and crackers.
When the ball was blown up, he put on his tidy whiteys...becuz he all gladiator that way....Commando Baby!
I was suprised by this, "What are you doing?"
He knows I want sex and he's gettin' dressed!!
What the hell??
"I don't want to all vulnerable and exposed while I stretched."
Good Point.
And come to think of it, I don't really want Elvis and the Boys stuck on the ball. Talk about a Buzz Kill!!
The Ball was on the floor in front of me and the couch. I sat there cross legged so I didn't get in the way, while he stretched. But Thank Goodness I was There!
I held the ball still while he sat down on it. He wasn't exactly graceful either and went backward too quickly and to keep him from hittin' his head on the floor I had to grab his leg.....and keep from spewin' crackers and cheese all over the livin' room!! While he was hollerin',"Oh! Oh! Oh Shit!"

Imagine a 6 foot HeMan Type stretched out long and lean stiff as a poker on a gigantic ball while his wife balanced him to kept him bangin' his head on the floor....It was too funny.
You know if he gets hurt there's no sex! Save him and I get laid!

I'm laughin' now.
Tears in my eyes.
I've cracked up 3 different times in the last 16 hours and he'll say "What??" and I'll reply, "Oh you and that ball."

I held him steady while he balanced as best he could. I moved around to his feet and started to pull him by his ankles to right him when he said, "We'll not talk about this to anyone!!"

Oh Yeah Right!! I can't wait to tell Loretta!!!

And as he sat upright he said, "Do you know what we have learned from this? Never use the ball alone."

Okay, You Had To Be There!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Bulls, TapDancin', and Roy...

Remember this.....The BigRedBull Story?? You should be able to click that link but you know me. It's more likely to not work.
But anyway, You know about that monster bull that lives next door....

So last Saturday, Loretta called me to go over the menu for the SuperBowl Get-Together and as I talked to her, I was casually walkin' thru the house. I can hear that bull. But I don't really pay him no mind....That bull bellows all the time...and really that's not how I would say that, but The SpellNazzzzi would be more me, that bull bellers...see. She cringed.
I love you, Susan!
So anyway, he's always out there makin' that GodAwful noise, callin' that BigBlackBull across the road, when I glanced out the front door. The BigRedBull is standin' in the corner of His pasture, pawin' the ground. My eyes naturally go to him. He's huge!
And when he's riled up, You Will Take Notice!!

And then I saw Roy. He was stopped dead in his tracks 20 feet from the BigRedBull!!

In a matter of a few seconds, my brain went from cheese dip and sandwiches to the BigRedBull to "OH SHIT MY HUSBAND'S FIXIN'TA DIE!!!"
And that's what came out of my mouth!

Becuz just at that instant that BigRedBull went to TapDancin' and slingin' his head back and forth.
If you've ever seen a BigRedBull TapDance, You'd have a whole new respect for bulls. It's impressive.
Roy was fixin'ta die and I was gonna watch the whole thing!!

Roy knew he was fixin'ta die and he slowly backed away!!

The BigRedBull stopped TapDancin' and took off runnin' down the fence line and Roy was in the back door!!

For some reason, that flimsy barbed wired fence keep that BigRedBull on his side. If he truly wanted to kill Roy, he'd come thru it like it was nothing!! I tried to get video of the two bulls but it's dark and I do not have a steady made me sick lookin' at what I got. The last thing I need is to make people sick in the cubicles...ICK!
I have a photo of Roy pettin' that bad boy...but couldn't find it. I don't know what gets in That Man's mind!!! I've been told to keep my Roy.
That BigRedBull Growls at Me....I'm peein' my pants!!!

Monday, February 08, 2010

The Eruption Of Mount Loretta...Part 3

Oh Yeah.
She was set up Big Time!!
It was a mistake to think the kids should come. That was her first mistake. And the second was marryin' Eddy!!
Total Mistake.
And Eddy's such an Ass, He can't resist to make a point....and he doesn't mind laughin' in your face about it.
For Reals...At All.

But it all goes down like this...

So while Roy played silly games with the waitress and the kids, Loretta listened to Eddy say the dreaded words, "This is why we don't come to Red Lobster....", she was white knucklein' her menu!! Her whole face went red. She turned to him, "Go to the car! Now! Go! Just Leave!"

Yep. Just like some child throwin' a hissy fit, she was sendin' him to the car!!
But was he smart enought to JUST GO?
He had the nerve to argue about it. "If I go to the car, I'm leavin'. And then how are you goin' to get home? Who are you gonna call?"

Set up again!!
Becuz the people she would call ...WAS WITH HER!!!
I was just about to intervene becuz This FatChick Is Not Walkin' Home 30 Frickin' Miles!! In the cold and ice!!
But something in the back of my mind said to just keep my big mouth shut and LISTEN!!
You know my brain was screamin' "Damn Good BLOG MATERIAL!!!!! Damn Good Material!!!"
Yeah Baby, I kept my big mouth shut!!!

As they bickered, the rest of the table was totally oblivious to the entire meltdown. And before I knew it, Loretta grabbed up her purse and out the door she went!
One bourbon!
One shot!
One beer!!

The BoyChild noticed that. "Where's mom goin'?" And instead of coverin' up the mess, EddyDumbAss said, "Oh your mom's throwin' a hissy fit."
And he sat there.
Mad and mullin' over the menu of what to feed the ungrateful children.

Now if I had "thrown a hissy fit"....which I don't.
That's a total misconception that I do. I don't have any idea what makes people think I throw hissy fits....I don't do it.
In public.
But still....If I had....Roy would have followed me. He would have to smooth it over. That's just the sorta guy he is.

And I sat there too.
If I had followed her out, StupidAssEddy would have come out too. He would not have been able to stand NOT knowin' what we're were sayin' about him.
Or if we were plottin' his death.
So I did the only thing I could do, I sent Roy.
I leaned over to him and 'splain'd it him....He went flush red. Like I said, He was totally oblivious to the whole thing.
We have hearin' aids. He just refuses to wear them.
So out the door he went.
And as he walked across the parkin' lot, he's walkin' the walk of a man on DeathRow.
Seriously. He thought he was the reason for the meltdown!!

You just have to laugh at him. Go ahead, I am. Really.
He was goin' out there to face the music.

See that's what Eddy should have done.

I have the best husband.
Sure he wears on my last nerve and I wanna slap a hairlip on him 95% of the time but he a good man.
It wasn't too long and they came back. It doesn't take long to convince her that Eddy's an Asshole and not allow him to ruin the evening for everyone. Loretta ingored Eddy thru the rest of dinner.
And that pissed him off even more.
And who did he take it out on....the GirlChild for orderin' the RootBeer.
Becuz it came in a bottle!
"Stop Drinkin' That! They won't bring you another refill for free. I'll have to pay $1.25 another one."
I wanted to slap him. That poor baby looked like he beat her!
Everytime she wanted a drink, she'd look over to him before she took a drink.

He's an asshole.
And one day, he'll be a lonely asshole.
Surely, Loretta will come to her senses.
But 'til then, their blog fodder.

Sunday, February 07, 2010

The Eruption Of Mount Loretta...Part 2

Patience, Miss Thystle.
And Of Course Gina, There is always more.
My story are long winded and I don't want to lose anyone in tellin' it.

I love love rub a dub love those cheddar biscuits!!!

It's just my opinion but I feel that children are so spoiled now that they do not know what a treat it is to EAT OUT!
They eat out all the time.
The True Treat is eatin' at home....home cookin' is rare!
Go Figure.
When I was a kid, Daddy only took us out to eat maybe every other month and that was to eat at Pizza Hut. It was a treat. We loved it.
Granny didn't stop by KFC and buy a bucket and sides. She fried it up herself and made all the trimmin's to go with it. We ate at the table and listened to Grandpa tell stories of how his day went. We didn't fuss about what was served, except when there was liver and onions, we ate it. It didn't have to be 4 different meals. We ate what we were given.
And thank all that is Good and Holy about Granny that she made hamburger patties on liver and onion night!!
The first time I ate at Red Lobster, I was pregnant with my first child!
It was at Christmas!! It was a treat!!
The HappyKids have no concept of what a true treat it is to be taken out to eat becuz they eat out all the time.
It's their parents' fault....totally!

Back at the HappyHome, the conversation between Eddy and Loretta went like this...
Loretta: "I want to go out to eat."
Eddy: "Where do you want to go?"
Loretta: "Red Lobster."
Eddy: " Are we takin' the kids? I'm sure they would like to eat there too."

What the Hell???
Remember that comes back to haunt us!

Loretta says, "That will be fine. I don't mind the kids comin'."

So we all load up and go to Red Lobster.
Roy and I sit on one side of the big round table, with Loretta and Eddy to my right and the kids all around the rest of the table with the BoyChild to Roy's left....Roy needs to learn to sit where he can hear the adults...that's where the action is!!

The waitress comes over and takes the drink order and Roy starts in with his usual jokin' banter with her....she didn't miss a step and joked right back with him. I tip really well becuz of it. I figure they deserve extra for puttin' up with him.
One of the GirlKids orders a RootBeer....Remember that too.
Now that we've all had time to look at the menu, which to me is a bit redundant becuz we all know EXACTLY what we want....except the children.
"I want a hamburger."
"They do not have burgers here."
"Then why did we come here."
"I wish I'd stayed with grandma!"
"Me too."...and it went on like that for about 3 more minutes. That fussin' that kids do becuz they ARE NOT GETTIN' THEIR WAY!

When Eddy, Stupid Man That He Is Says, "And this is why we don't eat here. They do not have anything on the menu that the kids will eat."

And that was all she wrote.
Katy, bar the door.
Get Back Loretta!
Thar She Blows!!

Mount Loretta Erupted.

Thursday, February 04, 2010

The Eruption Of Mount Loretta...

From now on we're gonna call my best friend ever, Loretta....not HappyWife. Becuz she's not happy!!
And becuz I wanna say, "Get Back Loretta!"

Last week, the weathermen predicted gloom and doom in the form of ice and snow....several inches of both! They panicked for NOTHING! Oh sure, I'm sure there was people without power for a few days in some parts of the state but they, the weathermen, covered it all day long like we were gonna have a tornado drop from the sky at any moment! People of made BMT runs to HellMart...Bread, Milk, and Toilet Paper.
Roy and I, we made a Batteries, Munchies, and Tequila run. A girl can live with Batteries and Tequila when the power goes out!
Thursday, Roy and I holed up waitin' for the sky to fall....and it didn't.
By Friday, He was stir crazy. I didn't mind.
He made phone calls. I just made totes or farmed.

His phone calls ...well that's where the real story starts.
He calls his boyfriend, Eddy. "Dude, let's just load up and go to Red Lobster. Fuck the Ice!"
Roy didn't get anywhere.
So he calls Eddy's wife, LORETTA! "Let's just load up and go to Red Lobster. Fuck the Ice!"
She just giggled...which means she's mullin' it over.

Saturday Am, I was farmin' and I noticed that Loretta was online....Facebook has chat! I came outta hidin' to chat with her, "So are we goin' to Red Lobster?"
See I told you. She was mullin' it over.
I was kiddin'! She was serious.
By 3:00 she made up her mind, "I'll be at your house at 4 to pick you up, we're goin' to Red Lobster!"

Do you remember me tellin' you about rattin' out Eddy and Roy when they went on their ManDate?? How they went to Red Lobster??
She was Pissed!!
With a capital P!
There was no way on Earth she was gonna eat anywhere else but Red Lobster when we all go out to eat!
Roy asked her, "Are the kids comin' along?"

That was her first mistake.

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

So Spoiled...

On the way home, after buyin' him a coat, I asked him if this new coat goes on the list.
"What list?"
Oh Shit.
I didn't tell him about the BoyStuff Vs GirlStuff List.

So I told him about the division of the wealth.

"That's not fair. You always come out ahead."
Mockin' me he says," 'Oh Honey look it shiney buy that for me.'"
He mimics my gasp, "'It's pink, couldn't you just die!' You always come out ahead."

So true...I'm Spoiled. I'm carried around on a pink satin goose down pillow so that my feet do not touch the ground where mere mortals tread, and am lavished with pretty sparkly things.
But just the same, we're keepin' track.

"I know that, But OurBestFriend does not. She always gets the short end of the shit stick."

"True. It won't help."


No, we haven't heard back from the job interview....It's been a week.