Monday, January 25, 2010

The Top 3 Things I Hate.....

Today!
Becuz If Listed Everything, It would takes months!!

1) I hate all Feminine Hygiene Products!
Mostly, I'm a tampon gal but tampons do not sit well with me at the moment. So I tried a maxi pad. But was so concerned about leakage...despite the hype of the whole wings things... that I just can't do that. Sure I have period panties.
But still.
I. Can't. Do. It.
That whole soilin' of the panties thing goes way back. My mother told me I was the easiest child to potty train becuz all she had to do was buy me pretty panties. And there was no way I was gettin' satin ruffles dirty!
My vanity started very early!

2) I hate my thighs!
A year and half ago I was a short lump of fat with thighs that rubbed together. The only place my jeans wore out was in the thigh area. Not the ass end like some people think.
Now I'm short lump of muscle with thighs that STILL RUB TOGETHER!!!!!!
I hoped that becuz I had PMS and the whole period thing that THAT was why my thighs were larger than normal. Roy's all like but they feel so good. He's just horny!!

Which brings us to 3!

3) I hate Roy!!
I could write an entire blog of 3 things on just That Man!!!!!!
He doesn't get the whole large thigh thing! Years ago when we dieted and I didn't lose the weight, he said, "you need to exercise."
So we join the freakin' gym!
He had THE NERVE to SAY, "you need to diet more."
And then he expects me to feed him every 3 hours!!!

He doesn't understand why it is such a earth shatterin' catastrophe that my left boob is obviously 3x larger than my right one!
"Oh, it's so cute. Look at the little thing. I just want to hold it, squeeze it, and kiss it. Maybe if I blow on it? Do you want me to suck the poison out of the other one?"
Yes.
He actually said that.
I can't make this shit up.

He won't let me play with his new phone. But asked me how to work certain functions ...even after he read the manual.
He added "BadMoon on the Rise" for the ringtone for The2ndWife.
Mine...a police siren!!!!
I guess I'm lucky it's not "Baby's got Back!"

His Doctor told him he needs to start wearin' a hard hat.....Oh wait 'til tell you about that!!

6 comments:

Lin said...

lol, holy cow you made me laugh!

I've never been able to be a tampon girl, I guess I'm oldschool (thanks mom). My stupid thighs ruin all my jeans too, I hate it. And the whole Roy issue is just hilarious, I'm sorry.

Katy said...

Buy black underwear.

Suck the poison out. . . you're killin me!

JQ Brat said...

Mr. Incredible tells me I have legs like a linebacker. Sadly, it is true. They will never be thin...too much muscle under all that fat. Of course, he has chicken legs. Think we could switch?

Miss Thystle said...

I know where there are some abandoned mine shafts. Just saying. Hope he gets the job so you don't have to kill him.

MizAngie said...

Thighs rubbin' together is WAY better than those pleasure-bent girls who couldn't stop a pig if they had to. Tacky, tacky, tacky. I suffered much trauma thanks to tampons. First, my mother screamed and said I was gonna bust my cherry. What the hell was my cherry? Then, my first successful attempt at inserting the tampon was spoiled when I yanked on the string and only string came out in my hand. I dug for hours with tweezers and a mirror to get that dry tampon OUT. Sheesh. Then they caused cramps. Me and tampons just never got along very well...

Gina (Mannyed) said...

I hope you do write those blogs about Roy! My favorite type! : )