Saturday, January 09, 2010

Stupidity, Pity, And Cat Food...

I have a vast amount of patience.
I have so much patience that I could fill up a THIMBLE with it!
To be clear, I have no patience whatso ever or tolerance for Stupidity.
None.

And I'm 8 deep, waitin' in line at PetSmart.
Behind this woman with two kids.
Holdin' 17 lbs of CatFood.
I think I stood there for 10 minutes.... And That shit got heavy!!
I'll bet you after waitin' that 10 minutes that bag of catfood weighed 30 lbs!!
So now as I'm next in line, I'm VERY ready to set the catfood on the counter!!
I refrain from makin' noises.
I refrain from rollin' my eyes at her.
I refrain from shiftin' my weight impatiently.
I just flat stand there with a dorky smile on my face wishin' she'd come the fuck on!

She had made her purchase. She's done.
She stands there.
"Kid1, put your hat on."
"Kid2, put your coat back on."
As she slowly puts her wallet back in her purse which sittin' on the counter, where I very much want to put my 78lb bag of cat food!!
And then she puts her hat on.
And then she puts her gloves on.
The clerk is watchin' me, becuz I'm the one the lady needs to pay attention to, not the snot nose kids....I'm fixin' to blow!!

She turned to look at me.
That was pretty damn nervy of her.
She smiled.
I smiled back.
And threw that 99lbs of catfood on the counter....on her purse.
Sin of all sins.

But she still stood there.

Let me just say, I'm all for lettin' people finish there transactions and puttin' their shit back in their purse. I need time to get my shit together.
Do it and move on.
And I do not appreciate the person behind me PUSHING ME! Standin' too close bugs the HOLY SHIT outta me!!
I have a invisible barrier around me, it's my space. And I don't want anyone in my space uninvited. If someone where to bump me as I conducted my business at the register much less throw stuff on my purse, I would Lose MY Shit Right There!
There would be a throw down!!
A person can conduct their business in a timely manner and move along.
It can be done.
I've done it. Time and time again without invadin' some one's personal space!!

But some people do not get the hint.
I have my 200lb bag of cat food on her purse.
And she still stands there.
In the way of the credit card swiper thingy.

I'm holdin' my credit card in my hand after givin' the clerk my PetPerksCard. We had powered on with business. The world didn't stop just becuz StupidLady needed some personal time to get her coat buttoned up.
I'm wavin' my credit card.
Seriously.
WAVIN' IT!!
It's quite obvious to EVERYONE What Was Going To Happen Next....but NOT to the Slow-Ass StupidLady In the Red Coat.

Okay, there are some people that even I have to pity.
Just a smidge.

I did the one thing I really hate and that was invade her space.
Whatever she has...which is probably DumbAss Disease...I don't want it.
But I did it.... like The Sioux on Custer!

And bumped her.
I didn't just nudge her with my elbow either ...it was full body contact!!
The clerk smirked.
StupidLady never said a word.
But She picked up her shit, wrangled up the 2 kids, and out the door she went.
One Bourbon.
One Shot.
One Beer.

And I'm thinkin', "OHoly Shit!! I need to get to the pick up before she gets to her car!! She might run over me in the parkin' lot!!"

8 comments:

MizAngie said...

Hate, hate, hate people who get right up next to me in line! Especially if I'm doing my payment transaction, whether it's a check, cash, or credit card. I feel like they're trying to steal my identity or something. Ugh. You had a LOT more patience than I would have.

You don't buy your catfood at Wallie World?

P.S. I'm still fuh-reeeezin'!

Lin said...

lol, that's hilarious! I hate it when people dont get the damn point & get out of your way. She got what she deserved.

Katy said...

I HATE it when people crowd me in lines--haven't they heard fo personal space? That said, I totally would have been cramping that lady's style.

Tracie said...

Good post!! I hate slow people in front of me in line! Atleast the checker got it - sometimes they're the problem

Vicki said...

I so many times wish I had the guts to do what you did!! I hate it when they've even checked me out and some stupid broad is sitting there, subtracting her purchase, putting her register back in her purse, putting her credit card back into her wallet, putting her jacket on, picking up her purse, checking 'one last time' she hadn't forgotten something before I finally get to pay for my damn gallon of milk.

Gina (Mannyed) said...

I have noooo patience for space invaders. At all. It's sooo rude, but damn, that lady! She deserved it. YOu were holding a 500 lb bag of cat food!

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Sherrie said...

Oi........kinda like the freakin bingo players that ask if they can touch me for luck and without my having a chance to say "touch me and I'll break your freakin arm" they touch me anyway. UGH!

LOL @ the bag weighing more and more as the episode went on!

Love ya!