Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Bless Your Heart, Honey...

I just couldn't quite put my finger on the title for this entry.
But the woman today at the local Farm&Home Store, put it all in place for me, "Bless Your Heart, Honey" as she shook her head at Roy as she helped him find a coat.

She took pity on me....again.

I have had enough of the allergy thing.....ENOUGH.
When the girls lived at home and I announced that "I have had enough" they would duck and run for cover becuz heads were gonna roll!!
So Roy and I made another trip to the doctor's office.
"Do I have to go back with you to make sure that the doctor understands that I HAVE HAD ENOUGH?"
Roy said that would fine.

The nurse lead us back and attempted to take his vitals.
Roy starts cuttin' up. He'll do just about anything to get a laugh.
He started bitchin' about the weigh in...more than I do!
The nurse rolled her eyes, "just get on the scales."
And she made the mistake of tellin' him he had gained weight, "you weighed 10 pounds more than you did a month ago. Do you want to talk about it?"
"Do I look fat?" of course he doesn't look fat. "If you'da let me take my clothes off I'd weigh less!"
She rolled her eyes. "Hold still, so I can take your temperature. Close your mouth. This goes in your ear."
"As long you don't want to stick that anywhere else!'
She rolled her eyes. "Odd. It's normal. And that's just about the only thing I can say about you that's NORMAL!"
So she gave him as good as he gave her! This is his 5th trip to see the doctor, she knew very well how to handle Roy.
She turned to me, "I feel so sorry for you."
I just shrugged, "what's a gal to do?"

When the doctor came in, introductions went like this, "Sir, this is my wife. She's had enough of this crap so we need to fix it."
The doctor smiled, "we'll fix what we can but I can only do so much about the problem Roy has." I totally understood what he meant!
Roy said, "What were we talkin' about?" Like we had been have some sorta long conversation and had gotten off track. "Oh Yeah, Sex."
The doctor smiled, "yes?" expectin' Roy to continue.
Roy pointed to me, "this woman is demandin'. She expects me to perform almost daily. Or she won't cook me any food. It's brutal. I can barely keep up."

I'm not sure who was more red in the face.
Or the Doctor.
We both tried to keep a straight face...He broke first. But didn't look at me. I was wishin' I'da stayed in the waitin' room!!!!

"Oh that isn't why we are here. It's the allergy thing." Roy pointed to me again. "She won't use Tide. Tell her she needs to use it. That's my whole problem. The other wife used Tide and that's why she won't use it."

Again, the doctor cracked up.
Roy continued.
"But the last wife hated sex, which why I have this one." and pointed at me. "But now I don't get Tide. I have allergies and I have to perform daily."

The whole exam went that way!!
Every time the doctor started to talk seriously about the allergy, Roy come back with some sorta crack.
Is it any wonder he still has the freakin' allergies?????
He won't let the man do his job!!

"Roy, I recommend you stop by the Farm&Home Store and buy a hardhat, because you will need it for the ride home. I expect your wife is going to beat you all the home."

With a rubber hose!!!

Roy's always been a cut up, to the point that he's obnoxious. He loves to make people laugh. He always says just the right thing at the right time that catches a person off guard. And you can't help but giggle. But when you are tryin' to do your job, like clean his teeth or take his blood pressure, it's a pain.
And always, people turn to me and say, "How do you put up with him?"
For 15 years!!
The dentist office, clerks in stores, other cops, other cop's wives...they all say, "How do you put up with that?"
Once a friend, she worked at a bank, said, "The other teller asked, "how do you put up him?"
I had a buddy.
Someone that had a husband just like mine, someone to commiserate with and I said, "Oh you're husband is like Roy?"
"No. They ask me THAT about you!"

I take it one day at a time.
I get lots of pity.
And we have a lot of "As You Wish Days".


jen said...

you really do have a gift for humor. you're one of my top 5 bloggers i want to meet in person!

Becca said...

Oh man, I can take humor and all its ramifications..to a point. Did you get him the hardhat or is his head hard enough it wouldn't hurt too much?

Katy said...

I would have died.

Did he recommend anything for Roy?

MizAngie said...

I can't believe you didn't mix it with him at the doc's office! YOU? RED IN THE FACE? No way!!!!!