Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Cookies, Candy, And Blondes…

So there were these 3 blondes in their Granny’s kitchen to create Christmas goodies… sounds like a good joke.

Just wait.

My oldest daughter was there to make sure we didn’t screw up stuff. EdithAnne actually told her husband that she needed to be there becuz, “Mom broils cookies and RubyJune uses baking soda for corn starch in pies!”

When I arrived, EdithAnne and RubyJune were makin’ a double batch of peanut butter cookies. I haven’t had peanut butter cookies in like 30 years!!! I don’t even buy peanut butter. I’m not fond of it. But peanut butter cookies and Reese’s peanut butter cups… Katy Bar The Door! I could eat my weight in them!

And when it came time to bake them, EdithAnne and RubyJune were perplexed at how to bake them… duh. Roll them in your hand and press them with a fork! It may have been 30 years but I know how to make them! They rolled and Granny forked the cookies flat.

The only thing better than Granny’s peanut butter cookies are her homemade Ginger Snaps. These are THE BEST COOKIES ON EARTH!! I know what you’re thinkin’. Ick ginger snaps. MY Granny’s are soft and not bitter! And do not need to be dunked in coffee… unless you want to make your coffee taste better!

After they made the cookies and I made lunch, EdithAnne and RubyJune wanted to make candy. RubyJune gave the praline recipe to EdithAnne and she took the fudge recipe. Fudge is relatively easy. You just melt all the stuff together and pour in a pan. And that’s why RubyJune took it!

EdithAnne read the recipe and asked RubyJune, “what does it mean, soft ball?”

I wasn’t really payin’ all that much attention to her answer as I was cussin’ and discussin’ the weighty issue of wine with my Grandpa. You know I’m an expert. But I did see her motion with her hands… we talk with our hands. I sometimes wonder if we are Italian… and not German Irish Indians. And RubyJune motioned with her hands like she was holdin’ a basketball.

“Oops! I need chocolate chips! I’ll just run home.” And off RubyJune went.

A few minutes later, EdithAnne said, “Mom! Come look at this and tell me what you think?” I’m an expert Candy Maker!

She said, “It’s supposed to be at the softball stage.”

“Do you know how to do that?”

“No.”

So I asked Granny, “Do you have a candy thermometer?” of course not… she’s old school. She’s made candy for years and never, not one time, used a thermometer.

“Then this is what you do.” I got a small glass and filled it with water and showed EdithAnne what to do by drippin’ the candy mixture into the glass and to watch how the candy reacts… “if it forms a soft ball then it’s ready.”

“THAT is not what RubyJune said at all. She said something about our cookie dough.” I just shrugged it off.

EdithAnne’s pralines turned out very good!! So did the fudge that RubyJune made. EdithAnne decided to treat us to Sonic Vanilla DrPeppers and she went to town.

And that’s when I made the mistake of sayin’, “someone needs to figure out how to make divinity.”

Dun Dun Dun Dunnnnnn…. And Granny’s recipe filled box appeared in front of me.

I found the old recipe and gave it to RubyJune. She read over it and hooray we had all the stuff we needed to make Granny’s Divinity!! I can remember her makin’ it when I was little. She would sit there at the table with her wooden spoon and that big old brown bowl and stir and stir and stir and it was just the best stuff!!! And here we were about to carry on the tradition!

RubyJune said, “it takes egg whites. How do I do that?”

She had never separated eggs! Duh! I can do that!

“Then get over her Miss Fancy Pants and do it!”

And I did! Right into the mix of butter, sugar, and syrup. NOT IN A SEPARTE BOWL!!! RubyJune mixed it up and set it on the stove to cook and reread the recipe.

“We’ve SCREWED UP!!!!”

What?!

“I mixed the eggs into wrong stuff!”

I’ll bet EdithAnne hadn’t been gone 5 minutes and we screwed up the divinity!

“Oh Well. Let’s just see what we get.” I told her. And we let it cook… eggs and all.

And let me tell you, it was a cross between pralines and brittle!! There was no white fluffy candy!

When EdithAnne came back, “What did YOU TWO DO?! That’s not white and fluffy!” And she read the recipe… “mix egg whites in separate bowl. How can you not do that?”

All my candy makin’ expertise is shot to hell!

On my way home, it hit me like a ton of bricks! I laughed and laughed for 3 miles before I was calm enough to call my sister and tell her I had finally figured out what she told EdithAnne about soft balls.

RubyJune told her that softball stage meant the candy would form an actual softball like the cookie dough... one lump of goo.

 

Oh The Memories!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Well Crap Apple!!

I forgot to tell you about the ring!

Once Roy has gotten his new boots and new belt, he takes me to the mall and turns me loose. He hangs around Sears and I run thru it just as fast as I can… There might be new shoes stocked at TJMaxx!! And then he catches up with me later somewhere around Victoria Secrets. That day wasn’t any different except he told me to call him when I get to JCP, the second time.

But I called him just before I entered Victoria Secrets and Poof! There he was!!

“Oh, I’ve already been here.” I make a quick check for a Pink and Red Bag… NONE!

“They looked at me like I was a perv.”

He’s never let that stop him before! He showed me the little pretty thing he liked… which wasn’t too much different from the ONE I BOUGHT FOR MY BIRTHDAY!

But we went on down the road… or I did, he camped out near Santa. I shopped for boots that will fit my massive calves. Found a pair I THOUGHT WOULD WORK… BOUGHT THEM WITHOUT TRYING THEM ON!! I didn’t want to roll around on the floor tryin’ to get them on and then have a cryin’ cussin’ fit tryin’ to get them off right there in the middle of MACY’S!

So I called him to come share a pop with me… he did. I was tired. It was time to go home.

So I thought.

When we get to the corner of JCP and Victoria Secrets with Helzberg and Zale’s on both sides, he says, “which is your favorite Jewelry store?”

What?

Don’t toy with me Roy! He knows I always look at the “clearance rack” at Zale’s.

So he says, “We are going to go in there and buy you something pretty. Whatever you pick out. But do not “cheap out” like you always do.”

I’m a bargain shopper! I am very frugal with my money!

He says, “When you find it, and I like it, you hear ding ding ding! Winner!”

He is toyin’ with me.

I looked over the birthstones, the mother’s jewelry, and down the case to the little dainty diamond cocktail rings, to find a pretty little heart shaped diamond ring.

“I like that.” No ding ding ding.

And I went a little further to find a little diamond bow ring.

“I like that too.” No ding ding ding.

In the same case was a super pretty black and white diamond bow ring. “Now that I love!”

I had looked at something similar in the junk jewelry store… I’da wore a $12.50 ring proudly! Hell I was lookin’ over all this beautiful diamond and gold jewelry wearin’ a $3 mood ring!!

But NO DING DING DING OVER THE BOW!!

What the hell!? He’s not wearin’ it!!

So I kept lookin’… right into the “clearance rack”! He found a huge sapphire pendant that would match my cocktail ring but I just didn’t hear the music!! No trumpets. No cupids. No sunshine.

He looked over all the colored stones… rubies, emeralds, and citron but nothing tripped my trigger like that black and white diamond bow ring. He would have bought me earrings and all the necklaces I wanted becuz he just flat hated that bow ring!

But whatever Baby wants, Baby gets! I’m the proud owner of a black and white diamond bow ring with pretty black diamond solitaire earrings… one for me and one for him.

He made me do it! I was perfectly happy with my boots to be my Christmas!

And my GhostBuster’s DVD set… that’s how I roll.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Boots, Rings, And Roy…

We all know I’m spoiled. And every once in awhile, we HAVE to go shoppin’ for things for Roy. It’s usually an ordeal.

Roy’s not an easy person to shop for… ever. And he wanted boots. The last time we boot shopped for him we were in 2 states and 6 towns and 8 western stores before we found a pair to his likin’! Back when he was in law enforcement, he wanted a certain boot. Black. Tall shafts. No fancy stitchin’ on the toe. The only boot that is made that way is Nocona! The Only Place that handles those is Drysdales! Once, they didn’t have them… OMG!! I thought the sky was fallin’!

Now, he can have any boot in the store, in any color. ANY COLOR!

Did I mention that when I married Roy he only had 2 pair of shoes? 2! A pair of Nocona Trooper boots and a pair of tennis shoes!

Well I had to fix that! He now has flip flops, 2 pair of tennis shoes, 1 pair of Nocona Trooper boots, Biker boots, 1 pair of huntin’ boots, lace up ropers, and 3 pair of work boots.

Anyway, I have to shop with Roy for Roy… it’s not always fun.

That means a trip to Atwood's. I love Atwood's about as much as Love the Academy! Can you see my eyes roll? Hate it!! Roy hears the music in these stores that I never will get… I can’t get over the smell. There were meat smokers, gun safes, salt blocks… ick!

So as we’re lookin’ over the dress boots… brown and not black, Roy heard the music. The clouds parted, the sun shone down on the boots he wanted! Little cherubs flew around playin’ the music on a pair of steel toes John Deere work boots! Roy was so excited that he instantly pulled off his own boot to try on the displayed boot.

“Dude! It’s an 8!” I told him. He was so excited he didn’t even look to see it was his size. Damn cherubs! Had he befuddled!!

I pulled out the box with his size and proceeded to pull it on… come Hell or High Water he was puttin’ that damn boot on! There was no seat for him so he stooped over and hopped and puffed and struggled to get it on… it was his bad foot. That broken ankle with all the hardware in it, isn’t as flexible as the other ankle. So he puffed and pulled. And he his finally slipped in, we both were relieved! And laughin’!

He said, “We’re gonna hafta buy this pair becuz I can’t take it off!” He put the other boot on and I put his boots in the John Deere box. And then we hunted for belts.

When it came time to check out, the tag had to be taken off so he didn’t set off the alarm. The clerk told to put his foot on the counter and she clicked the top off. The back was still in the boot… we all laughed about her feelin’ up my hubby’s leg to retrieve the back of the tag thingy… Made her day!

Good thing he didn’t wear the belt outta the store! That would have interestin’ to watch!

And for the first time in 16 years, I actually enjoyed boot shoppin’. 1 town, 3 stores.

The boots I bought for myself… have to go back to the store… Damn fat calves!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

My Bad MoJo…

I’ve tried to tell you I have no luck. I do not gamble becuz I can’t stand to lose money. That’s a pair of cute shoes or a new purse! I do not enter contest becuz I will not win and that just makes it harder for everyone else who might actually win something. And I don’t need to waste my time by enterin’.

Well.

The CompanyChristmasParty was last night. I was not too thrilled to go to it. We didn’t go to CopParty, why do this one? Okay. There was one but it was just the troop and not the whole state or anything. No drinking. We had good steak but we had to pay so much to go to the CountryClub… It wasn’t one of wild parties everyone tells those stories about all year long.

The only other OfficeParty was for HellMart. Yes, EarlLee worked once. At HellMart. But they frown upon employee’s stealin’… go figure!

Have you ever been blackballed by anything? Or Any One??

I have. You get used to it after awhile. That could be why I set off the HellMart Security Alarms now! I’m still on the list.

Anyway…

Hellmart ChristmasParties are no different than Cops… with children and door prizes. But no booze or LittleSusie RottenCrotch doin’ my husband in the bathroom. Oh wait that was at work!! Not the ChristmasParty. What was I thinkin’??

So I wasn’t real thrilled to go this party. And mostly, becuz of StupidAss Eddie and Loretta.

Eddie hasn’t talked directly to Roy in long while. He will talk at him. And talk about Roy with the guys while Roy is standin’ right there. We hadn’t taken 2 steps in the buildin’ when Roy’s phone rings… Eddie said, “I saved you some seats.”

And Roy says to me, “Be nice.”

I sat next to Loretta. She attempted to chat with me and I was nice but I wasn’t gonna give her any more than that!

While sitting there, a man came up to talk to Eddie and Eddie mentioned Roy, which perked up Roy’s ears, “what did I not believe? Tell me. What did I not believe?” But of course Eddie wasn’t talkin’ to Roy so he never answered him.

After we were LITERALLY the last 2 people in THE buildin’ served, we ate cold ham and tators. I was so ready to go. The first round of prizes were given out and of course Roy’s name wasn’t called. We do not have that kind of luck. We have bad mojo.

The Scooter Evacuation Plan was put into action and I text Roy “Daddy, It’s time to come home. Love Scooty.” … which made him laugh. I think next time, I’ll have to get one you that have my number to text Roy as Scooter… Becuz it would be so funny. He had told me earlier in the evening not call him while we there in that big room with all those people becuz my ringtone is “You tell ‘em I’m comin’ and Hell’s comin’ with me!”

He gets so embarrassed.

But. He said if his named gets called for a prize, I was to call him so he could have that playin’ as he walked thru the audience… men!

Anyway…

I was ready to go. I had all the Christmas singin’ and joy I needed and it was agreed on by the whole table that all the prizes were given out so we boogied.

I almost said to Roy that that ShitAssEddie would call him fibbin’ about winnin’ a prize but we left so… it’s gone.

And I’ll Shit and Fall Back in it if that Bastard didn’t call!! To say Roy had won the grand prize for the night!!

Lie like a dirty rug!!

And we got the call from the Deacon… Roy’s really good Cop Friend, his wife also works for the Company!

OH MY GOD! Roy really did have his name drawn. But becuz he wasn’t there someone else took it home. A 42 inch flat screen TV!!!

If we had stayed, his name wouldn’t have been called… EVER!

Shit!

Beside, what would we do with another TV?

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Letter 16…

To someone that's not in my state or country…

Dear Mr Missouri SUV,

GET OFF MY FUCKIN’ ASS!!

I will drive just as fast as I care to and if that is not the speed that you care to drive then pass me!

Speed On Brother Hell Ain’t Half Full.

Sincerely With Spite and Malice,

Nadine Hightower

Monday, December 13, 2010

Adventures In VickySittin’…

My Father In-Law had the heart surgery and the whole family had him at death’s doorstep… Like Modern Medicine is Just a Load of Crap. Sure it’s a major thing and things can go wrong… But RoySr has come thru it well.

But let’s back up a bit…

When Scooter called and we were getting’ ready to leave at Thanksgiving, Roy’s sister said, “Tell your father good bye. It could be the last time.”

And we left QueenVictoria cryin’ in the driveway.

Obviously EVERYONE was STRESSED!!

So when it was certain that RoySr was going into surgery, I volunteered to help out with his mom. I knew full well what I was dealin’ with and I knew she would be sittin’ home alone cryin’ the entire time RoySr was in the hospital. All that will do is cause her to have health problems. So I went to OKC to stay with my mother in-law.

carrie-nation-1-sized Meet my mother in-law… Carrie Nation.

I made the mistake of jokin’ about bar hoppin’ and I got a temperance speech that literally made me sweat!!! Like a Whore in Church!!! And truth be told, I haven’t had a drink since Dec3rd!!

Though Carrie Nation actually looks like some one from my family! Squat and Stern. I wonder if her hair hangs down her back? One of my grandmother’s hair was 4foot 6inches!! And she was 4foot 6inches!!

Anyway…

The first few days was fine. We got along fine. She wanted something done I did it. No problem. We plucked chin hairs and I told her she had one just like mine… attached to my butt. She just laughed.

But SuperMoodyBitch was lurkin’ about… my period was comin’ soon.

I stopped takin’ my antidepressant becuz it made me feel worse and even more depressed… so I stopped. NOT A GOOD TIME TO STOP!

She wanted to drive, I said no. It was dark and she has no business drivin’ at night. And she squirmed the whole way home and squealed when a car in front of us changed lanes. No fear of danger in anyway, she just squealed. But when we got home and she screamed for me to STOP!!! That was just about all I could take. I was parking the car in the garage. I’m not an idiot, I can do that. I may not have a garage but I can park a car in one. Don’t ask me to back it in but forward… no big deal.

She screamed STOP!!!!! She thought I was about to knock her mirror off!!!!

And you know what I did? Guess what I did to my mother in-law after she screamed at me??

I laughed at her and said, “the force is strong in this one.” She has no concept of the reference but you do and that’s all that matters.

I promptly called Roy to come and get me or I would unleash the SuperMoodyBitch and I will kill her... Like Doc Holiday, my hypocrisy only goes so far.

Thursday, December 09, 2010

What? The? Hell?

I have be familiar with a few of the articles on your website in the present circumstances, and I unqualifiedly like your fashionableness of blogging. I added it to my favorites net page list and resolve be checking assist soon. Divert check out of order my orientation as well and leave to me conscious what you think. Thanks.

 

 

I’m a bit slow… tell me what that says? It was a comment left on Letter 14. Is that one the letter to Dad? Or when I stepped on Scooter’s tail??

Okay, wait. It’s my mother’s language… that’s how she texts! I should be able to figure it out.

Here’s what I think… I am familiar with a few of your blog entries lately. I love your style. I have added it my blog list…blah blah blah… check out mine and let me know what you think. Thanks.

Is Fashionableness even a word?? I guess so, the spellchecker is leaving it alone!

I wonder what their first language is??

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

In-Law Duty…

So that we’re all on the same page and not so much confusion… I’m not home. I didn’t want to announce that fact to the world just yet. I can’t have every Ho in the county runnin’ after Roy!

My father in-law has had major heart surgery. And as many of you know, Roy and I try to stay as far away as possible from his family… parents is more like it.

Sweet people really… but still. Too Churchy! And becuz we stay away, no news is good news. Unless your dad has major heart surgery. And Roy’s siblings were not a fountain of information. I mean really!

“Daddy, having surgery in the morning.” and “Dad’s in ICU.” didn’t cut it with me. I wanted details. I wanted to know how many bypasses. Did they fix the leaky valve? What frickin’ hospital? We knew virtually nothing.

So I said to Roy, “What do you think about me going to stay with your mother?”

He looked at me like I was crazy! “Are you serious? Stay with MY mom?”

I didn’t see the problem. I have relatives that make HIS mom look like a pussy cat… HIS mom is a cakewalk!! I can take some of the burden off his sister and help QueenVictoria get along while RoySr is the hospital. I’m good with little old ladies.

I do not see a problem.

“Well, she’s never come unglued on you.” In the past, with that OTHER WIFE, Roy had to throw his mom out of his house! I wonder what started that…all I know is, it was about that OTHER WIFE!

Now why would she ever do that to me? I haven’t done anything to suffer the wrath of QueenVickie!

Sure I can’t be me around her… but still.

All the way to OKC, he said, “Are you sure you want to do this?”

Of course!

Since being here, I have managed to break the garage door spring thingy… totally not my fault.

Replace a bad answering machine… shitty thing hasn’t worked in years. It needed to be replaced. Merry Christmas to QV and RoySr.

And I am basically, QueenVickie’s personal secretary that cooks and does laundry… everything, right down to pluckin’ chin hairs.

And right now I need to be sewin’ on her jammie!

Tomorrow, I am to do a stint at the hospital. Roy’s sister has to go back to work.

Roy said, “You want me to come?? When?? Now you’re just getting’ pushy!”

I don’t he’s ready for me to come home.

By the way, RoySr is doing well.

Monday, December 06, 2010

Jack Sprat…

Could he no fat. His wife could eat no lean.

Roy and I went out to eat at the Outback and he ordered a KC Strip. He rarely eats another cut of meat. It’s all I buy to cook at home. Sam’s Club has THE BEST steaks!! Thick and Flavorful! My steaks are so much better that many that Roy has eaten out and cooked professionally.
So the waiter brought Roy’s steak and sat it in front of him. Asked if he needed steak sauce, which if it’s cooked right… NO!!
And Roy just sat there… Looking at this beautifully cooked piece of steak. He was bewildered.
“Dude, What’s up?” I asked.
“It looks funny.”
“What? It looks perfect.”
“Really?”
Oooooh… I see the problem.
“Honey, you just don’t recognize it becuz I cut the fatty ends off and eat them so You get the lean center.”
“Oh! Here you can have these.” cuts them off for me… and all is right in the world.

Friday, December 03, 2010

Letter 15…

To the person you miss the most…

Dear Daddy,

She’s done it again. Mom has screwed the pooch.

She made another bad choice. She picked JoJo over RubyJune. JoJo is her friend that took up with her after NormaJean died. You’d like JoJo, if things had been different.

If you were here we wouldn’t be havin’ this conversation.

But. Here we are.

It’s all really sad. Remember all those custody battles you went through with Mom to keep us kids. She was unfit to be our mother then and she’s not much better now. A thought occurred to me the other day, she is actin’ like a teenage girl that has just ran away from home, all wild and crazy.

No not really. She’s not bar hoppin’ this time ‘round or sleepin’ all over town like she did after you died. She took another leave of absence from her job. She said it was stress. But all she does is shop flea markets and garage sales. What’s she gonna do when the money runs out?

Becuz, she has picked JoJo, RubyJune will not allow her move into the “Mother Inlaw” house she was building just for Mom. RubyJune went off on her… big time!

I don’t blame her. I’ve had my problems with her too. Mom had mentioned family counseling to RubyJune and RubyJune told her, she doesn’t really want to know what kinda Hell she would openin’ up if we did that. After the first day, Mom would go home and commit suicide and that would be from just what RubyJune told her! Don’t you know that to be true!

Why does she think she’s blameless?

Do you know she blames you for her smokin’ all those years? Though she said once she smoked when she was pregnant with me.

Anyway, I told her to fix the whole mess with RubyJune. But all she wanted to do is argue about it. It shouldn’t have been that hard. And I have to side with RubyJune.

Remember, when you pointed to that Woman at the DairyQueen and said, “that woman should have been your mother.”

Remember she waved at you?

Were you for real or just wishin’ that woman would date you?

Cuz, sometimes, I do too.

Much Love and Big Hugs,

Nadine

Thursday, December 02, 2010

The Last Family Reunion I Will Ever Go To…

Every Fall, my grandpa’s kin get together for… what I don’t know. To eat sandwiches and chat with family members they see every day, I guess. Becuz that’s what all 70 of them did.

My grandpa has 4 sisters… I feel like I’m forgettin’ one… and he had 2 brothers. When his mother, my great grandmother was alive we would have this gatherin’ at her house… the one that burned recently. Imagine 125 people all crammed in a 6 room house! Back then all the kids would play outside in the barns and pastures, everyone chatted with everyone… It was a good time.

We all seemed close.

Now, it’s just so different. AuntRuthy’s family sits together. AuntBecky’s family sits together. AuntEdy’s family sits together… you get the idea. Only 8 people out of 70 actually spoke to me. The rest stood back lookin’ at me tryin’ to figure out who I was!!!

One cousin looked at me, held up a hand, shook her head and walked away… At Me!

What the Hell!!?? Rude! I always thought so much of her!

Forget Me!!

Am I NOT Remarkable enough that people know who I am??

Have they forgot all about my dad?

That I am his oldest???

What the Hell??!!

One of them that spoke to me said I looked just like my aunt, VioletJean… only younger.

And there in lays the problem!! They think I am my StupidAss Cousin!!!!

OMG!!!! OMG!!!!!!!

And they don’t want to speak to her and the thought buzzin’ thru their brain is “HIDE THE PURSES!!”

There is such a difference between she and I… Night and Day!

Me: Clean and Respectful.

Her: Nasty and Ugly.

They could easily compare us… she sat across from me!!

I have come to the conclusion that I belong to one of the most unfriendly families I have ever encountered!!

A couple of weeks later we all got together again to celebrate my grandparents 65thWedding Anniversary and of course family and friends came by to eat cake and congratulate them.

Everyone of those people spoke to me! I was gonna by God leave my mark on their brains. Asked me who I was and how I was related… I can’t expect all those old folks from the Senior Citizen Center to know me… though they should!

I worked the cake and punch table!  They couldn’t help but speak to me!! Them folks got a good dose of Nadine!!

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Family Gatherings…

Some where along the way, my family has fallen apart. I know when some people have left. I didn’t know others did. And I’m caught off guard by that.

My mother is out again. She’s made bad choices all her life, so why should that change now?

My brother didn’t show up for dinner… his dumb bitch wife was hateful to ALL of us when we went to tour Their new home… remember the fire? Bub wasn’t there so she was hateful. I suppose it’s only fair… we are hateful to her.

My aunt must have the good drugs becuz she was so zoned out at dinner table, she didn’t even join in the conversation.

My StupidAss Cousin and her children DOMINATED the room. They smell. They are loud. And Rude.

My Grandpa was so cold he kept bitchin’ about it while the rest of us were wanting to strip off all our clothes becuz the house was too frickin’ hot to breathe!

I text Roy, “Scooter needs to call!”

And he did!!!

I was outta there so fast I didn’t even take home any leftovers!!

Is it any wonder I haven’t had a good night’s sleep? I may not sleep good again until after Christmas!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The Whole Reason…

Roy loves to hunt. I’ve told you that many times. He hunted with his ex-family and when he divorced them, there went his hunting fun.

I told he didn’t need to ditch them just becuz he wasn’t married to their daughter, that’s just silly. He was afraid that they wouldn’t be so forgiving. Some People need to practice what they preach! Forgive and Forget!

But anyway, he didn’t have a place to hunt. Over time, he struck up a friendship with StupidAss Eddie, or he came with my friend and we just put up with him is more to what happened.

Eddie said Roy could hunt. Roy was over the moon!

What Eddie didn’t realize is just how much Roy loves to hunt and that Roy has the good toys. All the neato hunting stuff that men use to hunt proper… Eddie did not.

And everything with Eddie is a competition. EVERYTHING! So of course hunting turned into a competition… who could get the biggest rack and spend the least amount of money. Meaning Eddie used his cheap crappy guns and gear. He had good deer but he was more picky about what he “harvested”. Roy didn’t care about the rack, he wanted to make a good shot and put meat in the freezer.

So this year, Roy made a great shot on a little buck that had one antler missing. One Shot One Kill. He sent me a photo of it. Right behind the ear!

He sent the same photo to Eddie. And he said, “are you not proud of the rack? How many points?” Not one word about the shot. And then Eddie said, “So I guess you’re done hunting.”

Pissed Roy Off Smooth! He can still shoot a doe. But No!!

Roy gutted the deer and loaded it up. Drove over to Eddie’s house, took his gate keys and tied them to Eddie’s door.

Done! No more hunting… the only reason to be “friendly” was to hunt.

4 days without a word from Eddie. I didn’t even get a text from Loretta about Thanksgiving or my birthday… Done.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Letter Number 14…

To someone I’ve drifted away from…

Drifted away from??

I’m more apt to jump in boat and paddle as fast as I can away from them!!

But I will make this one a confession… do not judge me.

To my love…

When I first laid eyes upon you, you peeked my curiosity. And I was drawn to you.

I began to spend a lot of time with you, ignorin’ my responsibilities.

People noticed.

Some snickered, some shook their heads, some were confused and some understood.

I could tell you anything. Everything. You Were My World.

But there was Roy. I would have to tell him about you. I was so scared.

Would he be hurt?

Would he make me stop?

Would he understand why I needed you?

I just couldn’t hold back the tears when I told him about you. But he needed to know. I couldn’t keep my secret any longer.

But Alas, He was not the reason I have drifted away from you. He understood my need for you. He just held me, rocking me, and said, “silly girl, People read this?”

I am sorry, my lover, my second world, my dearest blog.

But I need to farm.

Roy understands the farming addiction and I beg you to understand too.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Drive safely!
 Eats lots of food!
Its the only time of year Granny makes her stuffing so eat up!
Hugs!!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Maps, GPS, And Me…

I learned to read maps at an early age. When Daddy and us kids took trips, he would give me the map and say, “this where we are.” and point to it. “And this is where we are going.” and point to it. He would show me the road we would be takin’ and off we’d go on our adventures. When we got to the closest town on the map from our startin’ point, Daddy would ask, “what’s the next town?” And every town we came to, he would ask what the next town was…until we arrived at our destination… and that’s how I learned read a map.

And since then I have always been the navigator. People have doubted my skills… becuz I’m blonde but have had to step off becuz I know how to get us to where we’re going!

Roy has no sense of direction. NONE!

He gets so turned around it’s just sad. He will argue with me about where places are and what direction we’re going only to be proven dead wrong.

How he ever got out of Vietnam I’ll never know? I wasn’t there to tell him how!!

And now everyone has GPS. I’m the navigator! What the Hell do I need one of those things for??

I can see that it has a place. Like if I need to know where a gas station is or a restaurant, I could look it up.

So we bought one. Next time we go to Galveston, it will be so handy.

And I’ve used it to go to Granny’s Church… I did my best to jack with it! I know the route by heart.

I did not turn where she said and she had to recalculate several times. I expected her to say, “You Dumb Bitch! I told you to turn back there!!”

I have watched the little car as I sped off from a stop sign, I swear to you it looks like it fishtailed!!!

And I didn’t!!

And It knows how fast I’m drivin’!!!

Well sorta.

I called Roy, “Honey!! This thing says I’m drivin’ 90!! There is no way I’m drivin’ 90!! I’m only doin’ 87!!! That’s not right!!!”

He was hung up on the fact that I was doin’ 87 not the fact that the GPS thinks I’m doin’ 90 and that it might be broken or something. I was on the flat road on the turnpike so I was only like12 over the limit… give me a break.

Which lead me to my next thought… what will it do when I hit 100??

“Slow Down You Dumb Bitch!!”

Monday, November 22, 2010

Nobody Knows The Trouble I’ve Seen…

Nobody knows but Jesus… well okay everyone knows about my PC problems!

I have an HP that is 6 years old. I've crippled along with it the last 3 years. It’s sooooooo slow. Roy, spoilin’ me as he does, told me he’d buy me a laptop after we took care of other more pressin’ things, like tires for his truck and my car, and a dishwasher, and a new toaster.

Yes a new toaster. It’s like everything we have decided to die at once. The microwave, the AC, we had to roof the house, and let’s not forget we had to replace the black powder rifle! We bought Roy new glasses… which I think is the real reason he had such a bad time huntin’ the last two years but if he wants to blame the guns… fine.

So we go down to the BestBuy and let them fix me up with a brand spankin’ new Toshiba laptop straight from Japan!!! Well okay it says China on the bottom but still. If you are gonna buy electronics they MUST COME FROM JAPAN! I went down once to buy a DVD player… my first… and I turned every box upside down to find out where it was made and when I found “Made in Japan” I bought that sucker! Damn the price!  That Panasonic Never let me Down!

Hell’s Bells, Our beloved Toyota was made in Japan… not like the newer models. Though funny thing, Roy will not buy a Japanese Motorcycle!!! Silly I know!!

But I have a Toshiba Laptop. It lived for 6 months and blink! It went black! The motherboard had to be replaced. Just like that! I didn’t drop it. I didn’t do anything that would make the motherboard to be damaged!! When I got back from the shop, I noticed the battery didn’t work like it had before goin’ in to the GeekSquad but didn’t really think to run it back in to them. No. I let it go until one day it went black again! 3months later another motherboard!!

I’m not happy. At. All.

So I’m back to the GrannyHP while the laptop is in the shop. I was sittin’ at the desk farmin’ with the cats playin’ under my feet. No biggy. They do it all the time.

And the GrannyHP went black!

What the Hell??!!!

One of the cats stepped on the button on the battery backup thingy and cut the power off. HUGE BIGGY!!!!

I couldn’t get it to come back on! It was stuck in a constant loop of the black screen that says, “your pc was shut down and you may open in 28secs…”

So I loaded her up and took the old GrannyHP to the local nerds… not the GeekSquad. They have long lines and one of my pc’s already. Let’s not confuse the issue.

Roy came home and said, “Let’s just go buy another desktop.”

ARE YOU FREAKIN’ KIDDIN’ ME???!!!!!

He was not. And he did!

I brought it home and hooked it up and sat down to update everything… all the stuff the GeekSquad didn’t do that I like to do… and that sucker froze up!!!!

After 15 minutes!!!

BRAND SPANKIN’ NEW FRESH OUTTA THE BOX, ASUS AND IT LOCKED UP!!!!!!!!!!!

Imagine my frustration!!

Back to the store, for a completely new desktop!! Even the GeekSquad couldn’t figure out what its problem was, he said get a new one!

So here I sit surrounded by 3 computers… what do I do with 3??

Farm.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Letter Number 13…

To someone you wish could forgive you…

Me?? Forgive me??

That would imply that I have done something wrong.

Oh Wait.

Dearest Scooter,

I so very sorry I stepped on your tail. I know it hurt. You know I didn’t mean it.

Please forgive me.

Mommy

PS: Watch where I step.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Someone Has A Sugar Daddy!!!

Spa Day!!
I had a good time. Though I was pissed about the acrylic nails. And those bastards took 2 hours! I was done at 11:30 and Loretta wasn’t done until 1:30!!!!
My massage was hurtful. The gal said, “you sure have some knots!”
Duh!
Let’s see what has caused that… all the drama that is Eddie and Loretta and Roy fallin’ in a hole. Uhm, Yep! I’ve got some tension!
But the thing that pissed me off the most was lunch.
I took Loretta to the OliveGarden. I told the waitress to bring a sample of the Moscato wine for Loretta to taste. You’d thought I told the waitress to give Loretta a roofy so I could fuck later!! I thought Loretta and I were gonna have a knock down drag-out over a sample of wine.
Loretta held her hand up, “no I don’t like wine.”
Both the waitress and I said almost simultaneously, “Oh this is good wine and it’s super sweet. You’ll like it.” 
What I said was more put out than what the waitress said. I was getting’ frustrated with Loretta. And I wondered what the big deal was becuz I was drivin’ and I ordered a tea. She could have a glass of wine and lunch and not be fazed by it. Though she’s a lightweight. But still.
I wanted to enlighten her, broaden her horizons. Make her into a well rounded person.
That’s not gonna happen.

The waitress poured her about half a glass. And Loretta was like “that’s some sample!”
“It’s good, you’ll like it,” we both said.
“I can smell it!” Loretta said like if she can smell it, that makes it strong or something.
When she said that, I wanted to grab the glass and throw it in her face and say “Duh! Its called a bouquet you stupid bitch!”
She’s a school teacher that prides herself with teachin’ kinneygartener how to read and yet she has no knowledge of current events, whether it be Hollywood or WashingtonDC. She thinks its cool to live life in a bubble of ignorance. That’s just sad.

And the second she put lips on the glass and tasted it, “Yum that is good!”
I think I said it out loud, I know I was thinkin’ it, “No Shit!”

And for the life of me, This is something I don’t understand. Loretta thinks it’s okay to tell people that Roy paid for her spa day… like he’s her sugar daddy.
I’m the one. It’s my name on the credit card receipt. I’m the one that bought her motorcycle gloves, good bras, lunches, and her spa day.
Me.
I have had enough.
It’s been a month since all these events took place and I haven’t talked to her since.
I will not extent an invitation for her to go do anything. Eddie has taken to be an asshole to Roy for no apparent reason and I thrilled by it. The less we have to do with them the better off Roy and I are.

No more drama. I have blocked her from my status updates becuz while I was in Texas she took it upon herself to monitor me. One day when she came home from work, she took her laptop out to Roy who was workin' on her house, and she said, "would you like to know what your wife is doing?" And ratted me out about going to the biker bar!!
Whatta ho!
Roy didn't care. But I think I should be the one to tell him no matter what it is... Bitch!

And another thing... the little boy cried through the meetin' with the SoccerPeople and was punished by missin' 3 team functions. Which amounts to 2 practices and 1 game... big whoop! Do I think the little brat needs to be labeled a sex offender? no. But he needs to know that is not acceptable behavior!

And that is the end of StupidAssEddie and Loretta story... it's time! We need to get back the humor that is Me and Roy.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The Accident, Agility And Roy…

I know we are takin’ the long route about the barn with this StupidAss Eddie and Loretta story but some things need to be told and details are needed becuz when they make the movie of my life, These Things Will Be Important! Okay maybe a sitcom is more my style.
2 days before Loretta and I were to have our Girls Spa Day, an accident happened.
I hadn’t been home from grocery shoppin’ at HellMart 30 minutes, when Roy called me. “I’ve been in an accident. I’m fine.”
That’s what he always says. Cuts to the chase and no sugar coatin’!
When he was in a couple of wrecks in his CopCar, “I’ve been in an accident. I’m fine.”
Or when he was in a shoot out, “I’ve been shot at but I’m fine.”
When he had his ankle crushed, his boss came to me at work and said, “Roy’s been in accident. He’s fine.”
This time, Roy said, “I’ve never seen so much blood in my life!”
Holy Shit!!!!!!
And No Sugar Coatin’!!!!!
Very calmly, I asked him if he wanted me to go to the ER. He said no. He always says no.
I never went when he was a cop. In his mind, I didn’t need to be there. Mostly becuz, he’s embarrassed that the accident even happened in the first place. Whether it his fault or not, whether he was shot or not, he’s embarrassed. Men!
When his ankle was crushed, he had to have surgery… a plate and screws had to be put in… He didn’t want me to stay with him overnight after surgery.
But now he’s in the ER and There’s Blood… lots of it. I got in the car and went anyway. Damn his pride, I needed to be there,
What Happened??
The CityBoys were diggin’ a hole to repair a sewer leak. And they have safety equipment that goes in the hole to help prevent a cave-in. Roy says it looks like a cage. They were done and had loaded the “cage” up and Roy was up on the trailer tyin’ it down. When he stepped off the trailer, he stepped backwards one step too far and fell into the hole. He hit his head on a rock on the way down and landed on a sewer pipe on his right backside… kinda twisted like. He was hip deep in sewer with an open head wound gushin’ blood!
We all know that a head wound bleeds profusely. Roy said, it looked like it was just shootin’ out. I envision cattle de-hornin’. When the horn it cut off blood shoots out in pulses.
Okay too gross.
When I got there, Roy was in clean clothes and had a bandage on his head waitin’ for the doctor to look at him. They were deeply concerned that becuz of where the head wound was… on the temple… that he should have an MRI and some X-rays to see if he had cracked ribs. Blood work and a Urinalysis to make sure there wasn’t any kidney damage.
And there sat StupidAss Eddie.
 I was confused at why he was there. Sure it was a job related matter and sure he was Roy’s friend. I do not feel that Eddie is mature enough to separate the two positions of being Roy's boss and being Roy's friend. Eddie didn’t show up at the hospital when Roy had his ankle fixed. And he didn’t show up to check up on him and hear the story of the shootout. Some of the YoungPupCops did! Eddie did not.
And then I was left alone with him while Roy was off havin’ his MRI and X-Rays done. I took out my phone and sent messages out to Facebook and Twitter about Roy’s condition. Answered questions about him.
I was in my own little world.

There’s a line from Tombstone that fits every situation in life and the one that comes to mind is when Doc Holiday sees Johnny Tyler comin’ at Wyatt Earp with a shotgun.
“Why Johnny Tyler?! Mad Cap!…” Doc and Wyatt begin to speak to each other as Johnny Tyler just stands there stupefied that he just took a beat down from Wyatt Earp and lived.
When Doc turns to him and says “Why Johnny, I forgot you were there. You may go.”
Eddie had been talkin’ to me the whole time and I just ignored him. The one sided conversation turned to “The Incident”.
And I swear to All That Is Good and Holy, Eddie said this, “The Alleged Incident.”

That Son of A Bitch!!! Piece of Shit!!

He has failed his daughter.

So what exactly is he “workin’ on”?
It’s not being a good father.
And by the way, we didn’t go to Branson for 2 reasons, One being Roy’s accident. And the other, Eddie didn’t want to spend the money to take the kids to SilverDollarCity!
But I’m payin’ for his wife’s spa treatment… I’m not impressed by his personal growth so far.


Roy had 3 stitches put in his head and returned to work the day Loretta and I went to the spa. He was sore as he could be and still 3 weeks later uses a heatin’ pad on his side. His head wound healed nicely. I was worried that he had some brain injury becuz he couldn’t remember certain things. Eddie and Loretta were afraid that Roy was losin’ some of his agility… he fell in a hole. What does that have to do with his graceful catlike abilities??

OOOOh wait, see.
I forgot something.
Roy fell in the hole on a Tuesday. He helped Eddie and EddieSr work on the bailer on Sunday. And becuz EddieSr is old and Eddie is a chickenshit bastard, neither could climb up on top of the bailer to loosen a bolt. So Roy did. Roy pushes and pushes on the bolt and when it broke over from the full force of his body weight, he fell from the top of the bailer…. landin’ on his feet though a bit awkwardly. And rollin' over to his back.
And laid there.
Workin' shit out.

So Eddie thinks that becuz of Roy’s age, he is losin’ his agility… Doing something for him that he’s a coward to do.
Ungrateful Bastard.

With Friends like them, Who needs Enemies?

Monday, November 15, 2010

Huntin’, Men, And The Incident…

Yep, It’s deer season. I told Roy I would buy him a new black powder rifle becuz his old trusty Daniel Boone style has let him down the last 2 years.
So off to the BassPro Shop we go… the mothership of BassPro’s… the one in Springfield Mo! The Grandaddy!! You all know I’m not a fan of Bass Pro. But Roy was just a happy as a pig in mud! And that’s all that matters.
When we got home with it, he cleaned it and fired it and cleaned it and fired it… it’s what men do. And he pulled out his old blackpowder and cleaned it and fired it and cleaned it and fired it… And came to the conclusion that it was just needed to be cleaned to fire accurately.
What?? Clean more??? You have got to be kiddin’ me??!!! He cleans it after every shot!! But whatever… he takes both guns with him when he hunts. He’s happy and I have deer in the freezer… Win Win.
Roy called Eddie to make sure who all was huntin’ openin’ day of black powder when the conversation turned to “The Incident.”
And Roy started pacin’ the floor! I knew that StupidAss Eddie was tellin’ bad news.
Turns out They didn’t contact the police and they were gonna let the soccer people handle it.
Now that is just all kinds of color of wrong.
And Roy said, “Man, of all the things you get riled up about, This is something you should be mad over! Your daughter was assaulted!”

So let me refresh your memory: Eddie is uncomfortable with his wife havin’ a harmless massage. But his daughter can be assaulted at SoccerPractice.

What is fucked up with this picture??
Stay tuned… There’s more.
There’s always more.

Friday, November 12, 2010

The Incident…

Now here’s where things get a bit fuzzy for me.

But what I do know about “The Incident.”

But Some History First… When I was a preteen, I was assaulted.

At School.

Durin’ a Boy Scout function.

I didn’t realize it at the time that it was a crime. I was 11 or 12 and I thought that was the way boys acted.

It was okay for them to grab girls.

In the Dark.

In the Bathroom.

The boy was the brother of a boy in my brother’s boy scout pack.

I was not traumatized by it. I can recall it as clear as day but I don’t carry it around with me like a piece of bad luggage.

At the time, I didn’t know it would happen to me several times in the future… with a couple of sexual assaults.

I thought that was the way boys were… until I met TheThug. After that, I didn’t have to worry about being grabbed, de-pants or raped again. And when he left high school, he assigned a “underling” to be my body guard.

Problem solved.

These things happen. More than people think. So many young people do not speak up about it.

I didn’t.

Why? I don’t really know. Mostly I think becuz I didn’t want the boy or boys to get into trouble… Boys will be boys.

Even I believed it… then.

Now… I have a whole new attitude.

Eddie and Loretta believe that if they put their daughter on teams with boys her sports ability will improve. The boys will make her feel the need to compete and not sit on the bench playin’ patty cake with the girls.

Loretta called me one evenin’ just fit to be tied!! She needed to vent and she called me.

Her daughter was de-pants’d at soccer practice. Her daughter was mortified!!! And of course she didn’t want to ever go back.

“Did you call the police?” No.

“That’s Assault! You need to contact the police.” It’s the coach’s son.

“So? Were there witnesses?” No.

But we all know WITNESSES are not needed!!

Especially not when you have a 10 year blubberin’ about havin’ her nekked fanny out at soccer practice!!

“Are you prepared to pull her from the team?”

Now this is where I just wanna slap a hairlip on her… she said, “no.”

“Loretta this your daughter and she has just been assaulted and humiliated and you want to keep her in a situation where she doesn’t want to be becuz of a stupid sport? Do not fail her. Call the police station in the mornin’ and get this tended to immediately.”

I thought it was sound advice.

Bare with me… There’s more.

But I want to make sure I have everything in order.

I had a fleetin’ thought once that I might not be paintin’ a fair picture of StupidAss Eddie and Loretta but when I’m done with this little tale, you’ll see EXACTLY what I see.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

He’s Workin’ On It…

Just to refresh your memory, after Eddie shit his pants over the crab legs, the followin’ week, we treated them to crab legs.

I paid for them to eat crab while I ate crow.

I was so keyed up over being forced to go out with them, that I was visibly shakin’… It didn’t help the situation that Roy kept sayin’, “Calm Down.” The more he told me to calm down the madder I got… why do men think that way?

And now I’m payin’ for mani’s, pedi’s and massages.

Reward someone for bad behavior… right.

Roy was all like, give it chance. You’ll have fun. I don’t mind payin’… blah blah blah!

We had supper with Eddie, Loretta, and kids. When Loretta got me alone, she said she asked Eddie but he didn’t say anything.

He’s workin’ on it.

Workin’ on what??

Being a good friend?

Being a good husband?

Being a good father?

Being a human being?

And then Loretta said, “you ask him.”

What the Hell??

And I don’t think it clicked in my head until just that moment, but she was usin’ me to fight her battles with him. I had to ask him permission. It was like crab leg night all over again! She wanted me to come and get her but I had to ask him for permission… For Her!

Oh yeah, he workin’ on it!!

My last nerve!

I waited for the right moment when Roy could back me up. “I need to know if we’re doing this thing so I can make the appointments.”

He took a deep breath… like it was hard for him! “I guess so.”

My dad used to say that… I guess means yes!

Roy told him he was doin’ the right thing.

ON MY DIME!

I have a salon in mind that Roy and I went to for my birthday one year. It’s posh and they do a great job. They make a person feel comfortable and that’s the main goal… right?

I sent Loretta a link to their website so she would know where I was planning to go… and luckily for me they had a special! A massage, mani and pedi or a massage, facial and salt scrub…. sign me up for the facial and salt scrub!!! And that’s what I told Loretta. She said that Eddie didn’t feel comfortable about her havin’ a massage. So she would just have a mani, pedi, and acrylic nails.

Are You Fuckin’ Kiddin’ Me???? Acrylic Nails??? Son of a Bitch!!!!!!

But if she wasn’t getting’ the massage… okay, I reasoned with myself.

I made the appointments.

When Roy got home everything went wonky!!! He just couldn’t believe that Eddie would be so immature about Loretta havin’ a massage.

DUH! I did!!

He called Eddie and told he was fuckin’ up! That he needed to lighten up and stop tryin’ to control the whole thing. And Eddie Said, “Don’t Push My Buttons!”

Yep!

Well you know that washed all over me wrong! Push His Buttons!!??!! How many times I have been so stompin’ mad that I couldn’t see straight over StupidEddie and his Antics!!??!!

And it didn’t sit well with Roy either!

So just exactly what has Eddie been workin’ on??

His personal growth?? I don’t think so!!

And then Loretta called me the next day to say she wanted to sign up for the massage… and mani, pedi and those freakin’ acrylic nails!!!!

ON MY DIME!!!

So I asked Roy, “I suppose that I have to pony up for lunch too?”

He smile that goofy grin that says, “sorry but…”

YES!!!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Mani, Pedi, And My Credit Card…

The day after I came home from Texas, Loretta wanted to go to lunch. She wanted clear the air.

Holy Shit!

I’m not a rehash person. And I didn’t do anything wrong, it was me that had hurt feelings so I wasn’t about to apologize for anything.

For years, I’ve asked Loretta to go places and do things with me. Whether it be shoppin’ or go for lunch or whatever… that’s what friends do. But my friend’s husband is an asshole and wouldn’t allow her to go.

Allow Her To Go!!

Once I suggested that we go to see Reba when she was at Country Fever. It would be something we all could do. A harmless concert. It’s Reba!!! Eddie sat there and looked me in the eye, held his finger up and swirled it around as if to say “Big Whoop”. I told Loretta, if he doesn’t want to go he can stay home. And she said, “that’s what he’s afraid of. Sittin’ at home while we are out havin’ fun.”

His choice!

AssHole!!

So not long after he shit his pants over eatin’ crab legs, and sealed his fate with me, He Allow Her To Go A Casino With A Friend… He didn’t go!!

Let that all sink in… She went somewhere without him. She went to a concert at a casino.

I was crushed! I don’t care that she went with someone else… power to her. I think its super that she got let off her chain. But me, I’m the devil and I can’t go places and do things with Loretta.

And when he wanted to “treat me” and let her go to the Mall with me, I had to let him fuck her in my pool.

That was all she wrote!

Done!!

And I told Loretta all that. That I was hurt. That it’s not right that he treats me like I’m the devil. She agreed. “He’s workin’ on it.”

Oh Really!

I thought I would just test his personal growth… see how much he had lightened up.

“Let’s get our nails done. A girls day with manis and pedis.” She liked that idea. During the summer, Eddie wouldn’t let her do it with me.

And then I said, “and we can take the kids and go to Branson.” She liked that idea. Eddie didn’t want to take the kids to Branson becuz he would have to A) spend time with them and B) spend money on them. I’ve come to the conclusion that the only reason he wanted the kids was to keep Loretta tied to him.

“And then the men could black powder hunt on the followin’ day. Everybody’s happy.” She liked that idea. Eddie doesn’t hunt with a bow, there’s tree climbin’ involved and he’s a chicken shit bastard that’s too scared to climb the tree. He doesn’t hunt black powder becuz Roy told him his gun is a piece of shit and he’s afraid of it. He doesn’t hunt with a rifle either… scared of the gun. Seriously. Roy had to give him lessons on shootin’.

So we ladies had it all planned out. Girls Day. Family Day. And Man Day!

Roy was home when we came home. And he wanted to rehash it all again to make sure we were all good. I suffered thru it.

“well why didn’t you go get the manis and pedis done today? you have my credit card!”

Loretta jumps all over that! “As long as we have your credit card, let’s get massages too.”

What??!!

What The Hell Just Happened??!!!

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Get Back JoJo!!!

So my mom spent time in the hospital. They ran all sorts of test but couldn’t come up with one single thing that caused her to go off her nut. They think maybe stress. No stroke. No seizure. Clean bill of health… she just went off her nut.

Insanity runs in our family.

The day she went into the ER, my brother, sister, and I were right there by her side… as we should be.

I have often wondered about what I would do when I get the call becuz of our relationship. You know “The Call”.

Would I go?

And If I do Do I take my pillow?

My mom told me years ago that she didn’t want to be hooked up to life support. She knew that RubyJune wouldn’t be able to “unplug” the machine. That I was to bring my pillow and snuff her out. “Becuz I know you would do it!”

Doesn’t that say a lot about our relationship?

I didn’t take my pillow. I did take a change of underwear just in case I needed to stay overnight. I am the only one that doesn’t have kids to take care of, I could stay with her.

And then JoJo showed up.

JoJo is my mom’s friend. They’re not gay… I think my mom is done with that. JoJo is younger than my sister and mom treats her like one of the family. We’ve referred to JoJo as the baby sister. RubyJune hates her. HAAAYYTES!!! Her!! JoJo is full throttle drama.

I didn’t know this.

I didn’t know that JoJo felt that she knew my mother better than I did… I do now.

And that just pisses me off. There isn’t a soul on this planet that can tell me that they know my mom better than I do… not one!

When JoJo showed up, she set up camp. She was takin’ over! She was determined to stay the entire time Mom was in the hospital. And instead of havin’ a knock down drag-out over my mother while she lays in a hospital bed becuz of stress, I just took my panties and went home. It was one of my adult moments. I didn’t want to cause any further problems for Mom.

My sister told Mom that certain people weren’t comin’ to visit her becuz of JoJo but my mom didn’t tell JoJo to leave.

When Mom and I go to Texas to see her niece who is the same age as she is… they are more like sisters than Aunt and Niece… Mom tells her niece what a wonderful thing it was for JoJo to stay with her. Everyone else left. But JoJo stayed. She told that story twice… INSANE! She’s INSANE.

We were watchin’ “The Secret Life of Bees”… and of course its about a daughter that was abandoned by her mother. I told mom she couldn’t pick the movies anymore. “Why not?”

“I have mother issues!”

You’da thought I made her suck on a lemon!!

“Can we watch “The Color Purple” or do you have sister issues?”

“As a matter of fact, I do! And I can’t watch it either.” The whole separation of the sisters from each other just rips me in two. I love my sister. I hate being away from her. I can’t replace her.

My mom wants to write her “memoirs”. But RubyJune doesn’t want her to do it. I told her to do it, “what would it hurt? You have other kids.”

On the way home, I told her that I would have stayed with her if JoJo hadn’t forced herself into the situation. “I was not about to make you worse. I was not gonna have a pissin’ contest with her. Gettin' you well was the most important thing on my mind.”

She stopped throwin’ JoJo in my face.

Within a week of comin’ home, RubyJune had her fill of JoJo. And she drew a line in the sand.

It was gonna be RubyJune or JoJo, Mom couldn’t have both. JoJo had overstepped her boundaries and butted into family business becuz she thinks she knows more than we do about our mother and the dynamics of our family. She has no idea who she’s dealin’ with… at all.

I stayed as neutral as possible.

She chose JoJo. My mom loves drama.

RubyJune was hurt. And that made me so sad.

I asked Mom to fix it. She said no.

I thought she would be different after her lesbian lover died. My mother was her puppet. She’s JoJo’s puppet now.

Her “memoirs” … Lies about my dad. She has told people that he was a drunk that beat her all the time. She told RubyJune that he wasn’t even her father!!

She’s insane.

I still have mother issues.

Monday, November 08, 2010

Like Sands Thru The HourGlass…

I’m not sure where to start… I’ve sorta slept since I last sat here to type out a blog. The timeline gets a bit blurry. The details get a bit fuzzy. And the hurt and aggravation lessens.

But…

Roy and I had a heart to heart… it was more like a heated discussion.

Okay Okay, a knock down drag-out 3 round match! But the gist of it was Eddie and Loretta.

You see when I say “I’m Done!” I’m Done. And he knows that all too well. Once we were out biking… with bicycles… and he made go up a huge hill and I cycled about a mile down the road when I stopped. Got off the bike. By that time he had come back to me, annoyed, and asked me “what the hell?” I told him, “I’m Done.” and down I went!! He caught me just before I hit the pavement!! I fainted or blacked out, does it really matter? The lights went out! I saw an Angel and I wake up layin’ on the side of the road!!!

I was done with Eddie and Loretta. I cut them out. But at the same time, I had a spat with my daughter and I announced, “I’m Done!” And deleted my Facebook account. Most of you know that.

Roy had calls from his cousins, his brother, and an old trooper friend, “are you and Nadine still together?” and “Is Nadine sick?” Apparently, I was missed. People kept track of Roy and me by my freakin’ status updates and you know I do not hold a lot back. I was just keepin’ my kids out of my life by closing it. Those 2 girls really piss me off to no end. I do not need that bullshit any more and I will not tolerate it… I’m Done!

So for about 8 weeks, I was totally cut off from family and friends… ‘cept for Jesse. Roy was concerned that I was slippin’ into depression or becomin’ a hermit or a hoarder. But I was totally content to not be frustrated with so-called friends and ungrateful children. But I did start to mend bridges with my mom. You know I have Mother Issues. Well I still have them but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

Roy however was not so thrilled. He wanted to help Eddie and Loretta work on their house. They are buildin’ it themselves… They need professional help. On many levels. And I wouldn’t let Roy go help.

He said,”you are punishin’ Loretta for something she has no control over. He is the asshole!”

If Roy hadn’t been workin’ with that asshole, it wouldn’t have been so hard to keep him away from them. Roy had a man to man talk with Eddie about the situation. And Eddie said he knew he had fucked it all up and that he was workin’ on it.

Workin’ on it?? How?? Was he comin’ to me to apologized for treatin’ me like I was the devil?? NO!

Then Roy decided to play dirty… Roy told me that his co-workers were laughin’ at Eddie becuz he’s such chicken-shit bastard that he can’t climb up on the roof, that Eddie makes Loretta go up there. Eddie’s afraid of heights.

Well that just washed over me all wrong!! I can’t have that!! If the roof leaked or the shingles blew off in a storm, she’ll catch hell for it! Chicken Shit Bastard!!! Eddie’s not a smart man and his co-workers know it. You can’t hide stupid!!

So I let Roy go to help. I told him that I have no desire to be invited over. I have no desire to do things the kids do. I do not find it to be a treat to eat out with Eddie. I do not want to be a part of any of it.

The day went over to help them, I start gettin' text from Loretta. I ignored them. That’s what she did to me. I felt it was only fair to give her a dose of her own medicine. I can be childish too.

I opened my Facebook account. I didn’t ‘unfriend” anyone out. I just proceeded with life like nothing happened. That’s how most of the people in my family deal with things. We just move on, we don’t rehash the problem or apologize. We just move on.

My daughter asked me if we were good. I lied. I told her we were good. We are not good… I’m not openin’ myself back up like that again. I’m not gonna be hurt again by her or my other daughter.

And then Mom and I went to Texas…

Friday, November 05, 2010

Early Christmas…

I’m just about ready to get back into the swing of things… I have missed this!!

And I have missed you all!!

Monday, October 18, 2010

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Meetin’ A BlogBuddie!!!

A year ago… wait. Let’s back up further…

As I was goin’ on my blog walks, I kept seein’ the comments by MizAngie57. And they were funny comments!! MizAngie57 had the same sorta sense of humor as me. So I had to visit her blog to see more… And I was hooked.

Over the years we have chatted back and forth… thru the blogs… thru emails… She followed me and I followed her. We had crossed over the line between “blog commenter” to friends. We’ve sent gifts back and forth and we poke fun at each other. We  have been known to cry “together”. Never actually meeting each other.

Last year, she tried to get her duck in a row to come to Oklahoma with her Football team… it didn’t work out.

I tried to get together with her when Roy and I went to Galveston for our cruise… it didn’t work out.

So when I told her I was goin’ to Texas with my mom… I was Hell-bent to meet her face to face. She told me she’d drive the hour to meet me.

I love her. I wished she lived next door. I don’t know how many times I have done something or gone somewhere and thought, “Angie would love that!”

When I told her that face to face, do you know what she said? You’ll never guess!

“You’d drive me crazy! ‘oh god here she comes again’ !”

We drank margaritas. We laughed. We talked about sex. And we laughed some more… we even peed together.

Best Friends Forever!

Letter Number 12…

To someone that I hate or has caused me lots of pain…

Really??

Lawsy!

Let’s check the list:

StupidAssCousin

StupidAssEddie

EarlLee

TheThug

TheDumbBitchADA

LyingAssKids

You know about my cousin, Eddie, EarlLee, theThug, and I’m not writin’ about the ADA or the kids.

So… pass.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Trippin’ With Mom…

I asked Mom when we’re loadin’ up the car if she had a map. “Oh No, I know it by heart!”

I’m not sure but I think it’s my navigator’s fault for me not turnin’ on the right roads or missin’ an exit. Becuz no matter where me and my passenger go, we always get lost.

Call me crazy but I think my navigators do not pay attention to where we’re goin’!!

Someone that’s been to Texas Umpteen Bazillion times should know the way blindfolded!

“Oh No, I know it by heart!”

I’m thinkin’ it was becuz my mom talked the ENTIRE WAY to Texas. It’s a 5 1/2hr drive and she talked the whole way!!!!

Once while we were lost, we stopped in some Podunk store for her to go pee and she came out with FRESH BAKED BROWNIES… Freshly baked in India 6 months ago and shipped to Oklahoma!!! They tasted like shoes smell!! I kid you not!

Thank God!! She bought vinegar and salt pork rinds to kill all that icky brownie taste in my mouth!

So after being lost in Oklahoma, and the history she has had with Paris, Texas, she called her niece for directions to get thru Paris.

“Oh No, I know it by heart!”

It’s not a big town. But once she was stuck on the loop around Paris and circled 3 times before stoppin’ and askin’ for directions.

Her niece told us to stay on Hwy 19… just a little bit on 19.

After driving 8 miles I began to get a bit nervous. To me a little bit means a mile or two. But this is Texas. Everything is bigger in Texas!

Mom said, “don’t get your panties in a wad. We’ll come to the turn in a bit. We’re not lost. I know where you are and you know where I am and I’m not lost.”

Right.

“Oh No, I know it by heart!”

Turns out a bit in Texas is 22 miles!!

When we drove to Gainesville, I asked my cousin, “Is everything in Texas an hour away?” Every time we went somewhere it took us and hour or more to get there!!

Ask MzAngie!! She had to drive an Hour Just To Come See Me!!!

In Oklahoma, everything is 20 minutes away. I kid you not!

Except Tulsa… it’s an hour from me.

Well when we finally came to an area that Mom actually knew by heart, it was all good. We arrived safe and sound to the Lake Tawakoni area… which is translated into DumbBlonde and called Lake Mini Tonka Truck.

Numerous time.

Hey! You see things one way and I see things in a whole different light!

And that’s just the drive down…

Monday, October 11, 2010

Been Trippin…

With my momma!

And we had fun!!

What?? You want details???

Purdy Damn Nervy of you to want details…

Later.

I have housework to catch up on.

Teasers… I met MzAngie!

I made a trip to the state hospital for lunatics.

I went to a biker bar without Roy!

And have I ever, in the history of this blog, mentioned to you that I have mother issues??

Has that slipped out???

I still have them!!

They are just not as important anymore.

On the HomeFront… Roy was all along for 5 or 6 days.

I have developed issues with him and his mowin’ and lack there of!!!

And I had lunch with Loretta… there were tears and I almost died.

Details, I know. You want details.

All in good time!

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Mom, Aging, And Tramp Stamps…

As you know, my mom was in the hospital for havin’ some sorta seizure… they couldn’t tell what happened to her. All those tests and still don’t know have a clue why she was on the bathroom floor and outta her mind.

She’s did this before. When I was 3, I can remember her mom yellin’ at her over the phone as Mom crashed to the floor. And outta nowhere, Grandma came rushin’ in the door to help Mom. Grandma lived 3 miles away. Gram Hauled Ass!!

That was just Mom… she crashes. For no reason. I think it had something to do with a bladder infection.

This last seizure is the first time I had to deal with her being ill. It’s hard to explain, but you could talk to her and she would try to respond but nothing happened. It was like it took time for her brain to process what we told her and then her body didn’t respond.

So my sister and I helped Mom in and outta bed umpteen bazillion times to sit on the commode…haha I got that right! As I helped, I saw my future!

It wasn’t pretty.

Years ago, when I brought home my first baby from the hospital, one of the first things we, my mom, sister, and I do… with any of the babies in the family, is inspect them. You know. Undress them and look for birthmarks… everyone does this. I know it’s not just us.

Well, my mom rolled over EdithAnne onto her stomach and pointed to a small patch of peach fuzz above her bottom, “Oh look she has JohnsonFuzz!”

We all have JohnsonFuzz. Maybe all people have JohnsonFuzz but maybe not. It seemed to be a “POINT” with her. A Cool Thing to her. She was so proud of it.

I’ve always wanted a tramp stamp. But was afraid to loose my JohnsonFuzz. Silly I know. I know people with Tats are not hairy people so it makes me wonder if hair doesn’t grow on a tattoo. And since my JohnsonFuzz is fine fuzz, surely I’d loose it… It’s mine. I don’t want to lose it!

And Roy’s not keen on tattoos.

And ReRe won’t let me get one either.

It’s Okay ReRe. I’ve seen my future… my mom’s 62 year old backside complete with older JohnsonFuzz and I don’t want a Tramp Stamp any longer.

It’s not pretty!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Letter Number 11…

To a deceased person you wish you could talk to…
This one is simple.
Dear Daddy,
I guess I have to tell you that Mom had to go the hospital. She may have had a stroke maybe just a seizure. Not like those she used have or maybe it’s that she’s older now and doesn’t bounce back as fast. I didn’t like it then and I don’t like it now. She and I are goin’ to Texas in a few weeks. That should be fun.
Bub’s house burned to the point that they had to tear it down. It's sad to see it come down. Not really for Bub but becuz it was Grandma’s house. It was like when Mom sold your car. It finalized everything. All I could think about when I saw your car on the used car lot was, You will be so pissed when you come back and your car is gone! And now Grandma’s house… she’s gone.
Roy made me sign up for a stupid weight loss thing at the gym… people will expect results. I’m not thrilled. I don’t mind goin’ to the gym, I just don’t like being pressured. Kinda like when you made me take swimmin’ lessons and what did they do?? Throw me in the deep end!! And that was the end of that!
He’s only lookin’ out for me. He’s a good man. He told me to mend fences and to stop being so hard headed… like that will happen. But I did. I started with Mom. Not where he wanted me start… at all. He wants his huntin’ buddy back.
Oh well. Tough Shit.
I nearly forgot… RubyJune blew up at Grandpa. He’s still a pill. Some things never change. And Granny is still chooglin’ along.
That’s all I got for now.
Will Miss You Forever,
Nadine

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

The Great Debate…

Or at least the one happenin’ now.

Becuz, you know there have been many!

I have no idea how much money is in my checkin’ account. I have an inklin’ of how much is in the nest egg and that’s only becuz we went to EdwardJones together and the EJDude seems to be lookin’ out for me. For some odd reason, he thinks that I will outlive Roy.

Geez, He doesn’t know me too well.

Point being, I am in the dark about our finances. Roy is in charge of that… and I like it that way. I do not pay the bills. I do not balance the checkbook. And becuz of it, Roy and I are debt free. My house is paid for and so is my car… and has been for a long time.

So one day, he was ponderin’ over the checkbook… I don’t really pay too much attention to him when he’s goin’ over the damn thing. Mostly, becuz it’s “why did you buy that?” or “Did you use the credit card or the bank card?” And all it does is make me mad. So I tune him out.

But when he said, “Carpet”, my ears perked up!

New Carpet??!! The carpet in this house is 45 years old!

We are not like normal people.  Normal people, when they buy a house, they paint and add new carpet. Me and Roy, we just live here… I’ll never make Better Homes and Garden. Oh we have remodeled here and there. Only becuz we had to do it!

When I fell thru the kitchen floor… He had to do something.

When you could see the curtains blowin’ in the winter and our monthly propane bill was $350… He had to do something!

I have bitched about this carpet forever. I can’t vacuum it without it snaggin’. And once you’ve snagged it, it just rips more! I can’t move my furniture around… and I really hate that. I like to change it up and give it a good cleanin’ but no. It just rips. And too, Roy hates to move the furniture… that TV is a bitch! All those freakin’ wires!!

I have told him numerous times that if he ever leaves the house for more than 3 days, when he comes home there will be new carpet in this house! Funny. That backfired on me. He’s never left me alone long enough for me to do that.

8 years ago, I dragged him, kickin’ and screamin’ down to the carpet store to look at it. I wanted him at least see what’s available. I want burber and, of course, he doesn’t. And that backfired on me too.

He bought me a Harley instead.

True Story!

So This Time… I went down to the Chevy Dealer to look at new cars.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Letter Number 10…

To someone that you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to…
Hey CyndiLou,
What has happen to us?
What did I do?
We were so close. You lived with us when your parents needed help gettin’ back on their feet. I always included you  in my slumber parties, birthday parties, skatin’ parties. We camped together and we ski’d together. We shared everything… clothes, boys, and laughter.
You were there when I told everyone I was pregnant… unlike my best friend. The Dumb Bitch!
Sure, I beat the shit outta your brother. He had it comin’ and I have a scar on my chin for it. He threw a chunk of concrete at me.
Sure, we got on each others nerves. I don’t know how to not be annoyin’ as child. Or bossy… I’m first born. I have to be bossy.
I warned you about that boy. I knew he was bad news. But no. You had to find out on your own.
But who were you mad at… me! You weren’t mad at him when he stomped your heart in the ground.
That’s it isn’t it. You think I did something to him. I didn’t send my thugs to do anything to him. If they did something to him, they acted on there own.
And you’ve held that against me for 25 years.
Do I ever cross your mind… ever?
Nadine

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Back To The Gym…

Roy made me sign up for a weight loss program at the gym. A “Burn it and Earn it” program.

I’d rather sign up the Bench Press Program. I can pump it up at 50 pounds!!

But Roy… he has to lift 150! He’s not so sure he can do that. “why do I have to lift 100 more?? Becuz I have Balls?!!?”

So Burn and Earn… Yes.  He Made Me.

I’m not thrilled. I feel pressured to actually lose weight. To stick to a diet… bummer.

If I lose 5 pounds, I get a medal.

Cheesy.

But whatever… I have track medals.

“yes, Boys, this is GiGi’s Gold Medal. From High School Conference Track meet. GiGi ran like the wind. And this is GiGi’s weight loss medal becuz she lost 5 pounds. GiGi has a fat ass.”

But WhatEver… Roy made me sign up.

JackAss!

If I lose 10 pounds, I get a free tee shirt. And Roy said, “I think I’ll bulk up. I wanna be sure I get the shirt.”

He plans on gettin’ it next week.

JackAss!!

If I lose 15 pounds, I get a trophy. I’d rather have another shirt.

I have a trophy for softball… I don’t know how we got that trophy as we were the worst team ever. We had fun. But we just couldn’t win a game. Apparently, we managed 2nd place though. I used it as a necklace holder… I’m not sure where it is now.

If I lose 25 pounds, I get a plaque. I don’t have one of those. That might be cool. Roy has 2… CopAwards. And one for the Indian, Best American Made Custom Motorcycle… or something like that.

Anyway…

While Roy was still on the treadmill, I got the trainer and told her I needed to sign up.

“We better weigh me in now becuz, I could wake up in the mornin’ a Victoria’s Secret Model  and I won’t need the program.”

It could happen.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Long Live The Rock Brigade!!!

Just So’s You Know…

In Tulsa, there’s a Rock Station with the call letters of KMOD. And of course there are those that do not care for “the Head Station” and call it KMODE. I don’t know why anyone wouldn’t like this station?! It plays modern and classic rock… it’s the best radio station on the planet! I’ve listenin’ to it since the 70’s!

If you know of Roy D Mercer… He came from the minds of the boys at KMOD.

This one time, my brother had an old car with one of those old type radios that you have to find the station and pull the button out and push it back in to set the stations… remember those? Well, he thought he had all his stations set to right ones… Oh no! I had to correct that! No more Country which was for his wife and no more of that weird rap crap or Seattle grunge stuff from the Edge either… I set all his stations to KMOD!

Shake your fist in the air… Long Live The Rock Brigade!!!

Oddly, enough I never got to borrow his car again… ever.

Soooo… It never occurred to me and apparently, Spell Check for DumbBlondes that Kmode is really Commode.

Thank you so much Teresa.

 

There’s a method to my madness.

Monday, September 20, 2010

My Chosen Profession…

It’s Career Night at the school and EdithAnne has to get up and tell all the school about her mom’s job. Her daddy didn’t work… come on! Can’t have a career if his lazy ass didn’t work!
Maybe EudoraMae is speakin’ to her class at her graduation ceremony… she was Salutatorian of her class. Just a 1/10 off the Valedictorian.
I raised smart girls. They worked the system in more ways than YOU may realize.
But that’s a story that will never be told… not here.
But her speech was indeed about paths to take later in life and make good choices. It was actually about me.
Anyway… my career, what would they say? That’s the question the Ladies at the RHOK asked this week. My girls… Lawsy!
Once those silly girls wanted me to be their DenMother for Scouts, or at least EudoraMae did! EdithAnne, looked horrified!! And I said, “do you really want me to have one of my fits on a group of strangers?”
‘nuff said.
But I think, I’ll go a different die- rection all together…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Welcome Parents,

My name is Nadine Elizabeth Hightower and I’m here to tell you about my parents jobs.
My mom is a jack of all trades. She has been all dolled up to work in downtown office buildin’s and has worn steel toed boots to make log chains. She’s done just about everything. She’s done what she’s had to do get by in life.
Some folks have to do that. They play the hand they were dealt. I think she’s had fun at it. I know that she’s made a lot of friends over the years. Whether she was makin’ reels at Zebco or drivin’ a school bus, she’s made friends. Late in life she went to college and got herself an education! But she still just drives a school bus.
My Daddy worked in a downtown office buildin’ for OklahomaNaturalGas. Something he did for all of his adult life! He started out diggin’ ditches for them and took some night classes to better himself. When the opportunity came up to get out of that ditch and into a suit and tie he jumped at it!
For years, he worked odd shifts. There were days, I didn’t even see him for nearly a week! I would just leave notes at his spot on the kitchen table for him, becuz I knew he would come and have coffee or eat lunch before headin’ out to work or off to bed for the day.
Once, he even took me to work with him when he worked the late shift. That was so cool! To ride up and down in the elevator, to see what his job was like… which was to answer the phone and push a button at a certain time. He told me if he didn’t press that button, gas lines all over Tulsa would blow up.
I didn’t believe him about that. If I grew an 1/2inch every time he pulled my leg… I’d be 130 foot tall!
When the company added a new computer system, they sent him to Kilgore Texas to study up so he could run it and help train the others on system. He brought us back t-shirts with the Rangerettes on them. He even got his picture in the company flyer for it.
One of the neat things about his job and I really don’t know why he did it but he mapped out the weather like the weathermen on TV. It was like he was forcastin’ the weather… seriously. I learned about low pressure fronts and what all the symbols were that the weathermen use from my daddy! Not in school but at ONG!
And then he died.
There is no tellin’ how far he could have gone… He did the best he could with the hand he was dealt and had fun at it.
Now go out there and be who you are and make good choices!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Laughter Is The Best Medicine…

3 things said that cracked up someone while my mom was in the hospital.
Yes. She maybe had a mild stroke. Doctor’s only know what they’re told. And unless you have a knife stickin’ outta your chest, then and only then, do they actually know what’s wrong!
Personally, I think she may have had some sorta bladder infection or a drug interaction sorta episode.
But what do I know.
1) My sister, RubyJune, put a photo of Mom on FB for all the world to see her… or at least all the people back home… Which is much worse!
She was Out Of It!! Mom didn’t care if she was sick and lookin’ all bad… without her teeth!
After a catheter and a BloodPressurePill, she cared!!! “Well That’s Just Rude!”
I get all my vanity from her.
2) While the nurse was admittin’ my mom in, the question came up about the DNR and LivingWill, and RubyJune said, “Oh we’re the sorta people that do not want you to plug her in, so we have no problem unpluggin’ her.”
The nurse cracked up.
A few years ago, Mom said to me, “If I have to be on lifesupport, You come with a pillow and smother me. I know that RubyJune won’t pull the plug. But You’ll smother me. I know you will.”
3) After helpin’ her in and out of bed umpteen bazillion times to sit on the kmode… well hell what’s the right way to spell kmode??
Anyway…
The nurses… 3 of them… came in to insert the catheter. I guess my mom’s hoo-ha was being used as a classroom experiment… probably not the first time. She was pregnant at 16 with me… I’m just sayin’.
My sister and I stepped to the other side of the curtin. We’d seen enough of her lady parts to last our lifetime just helpin’ her in and outta bed umpteen bazillion times!
So the nurse told her to “just relax and let your knees fall apart like at the gynecologist” … and my sister burst out laughin’!!
Of course I’m thinkin’ sex and I added, “Not something that happened in awhile!”
I don’t think the old gal has had a date in 2 years! RubyJune told her stop datin’ old men… even though that’s her age group.
And Honorable Mention…
Every time the nurses would come in, they would ask her where she was and what day it was and the month… and every time she would tell them something off the wall. As the day progressed, she did improve and got it down to the right hospital and when she was born. But still thought it was May of 1999.
The last nurse came in just before I left and asked her who the president was and she replied proudly and without hesitation, “George Bush!”

PS: She's was much better and pretty much back to herself last night or I wouldn't have left. She has a balance problem and we still don't know the results of her tests. It's weekend and harder to get things done.

PPS: Thanks Ladies. Some times I feel like I'm talkin' to the wall.
Chief Peep, I've tried to comment. It says I'm not a member?

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Hello…

Hello!

Is anybody out there??

I need more than a nod if you can hear me… I need comments.

Or am I just pourin’ my heart out to spammer that want me to enlarge my tool???

Is there anyone home?

Reading this blog??

Am I alone?

Come On.

Now.

I hear you’re feelin’ down.

I can ease your pain.

I can get you on your feet again…. at least I thought so.

Give you a giggle… Make you laugh with me.

Laugh at me.

Whatever.

As long as you leave with a smile.

Okay that’s as far as I go with Pink Floyd… I’m not pushin’ dope here. You can get Comfortably Numb on Your Own.

I just need to know you are out there. If what I doin’ is being read.

I’m in an odd spot and I really need my ego stroked... Comments.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Fire In The Hoooooooole!!!

As You Wish… The Fireman photo.

whereistheotherhand

And my husband had THE nerve to be mad about this!!

Jerk!

Becuz I can’t be Wordless.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Letter Number 9…

To someone I wish I could meet…

I have no clue.

I’m not deep enough to say Clinton or Einstein.

Seriously. No Clue.

Celebrities? They are just like us, they just happen to be in the limelight.

Do I love some? Yes.

Meet? No.

And find out they are arrogant or ignorant?? Personally, I not sure which would be worse, arrogance or ignorance!

Blog Friends?

There is only a truckload of those and again that’s like choosin’ a favorite… and I refuse to do that.

So I have no other choice…

Are you there, God? It’s me Nadine.

I’m goin’ straight to the top and I request a sitdown. I know you’re shocked to hear from me. I don’t take this stuff lightly.

As you know, Roy is older than me and I really need for him to out live me. If you could arrange that, I would greatly appreciate it.

I am doin’ everything I can to help out… much to his dismay! He just doesn’t see the bigger picture here.

He goes last.

As you know, I asked you once before to take me and leave my sister’s baby boy and you come thru with flyin’ colors, so I know you can pull this off too.  You’re God.

Thank you so much for your time.

As I have so much to do, I will now go on my merry and hedonistic way.

Sincerely,

Nadine Hightower

Monday, September 13, 2010

McLinky Monday At the RHOK…

It’s a MeMe… Favorites. Be a sport and link-up at the Real Housewives of Oklahoma!

Favorite Actor: Brad Pitt…Duh! Legends of the Fall is practically porn for me! Brad Pitt and all that long blonde hair… oh my.

Favorite Actress: Sandra Bullock… she’s just so cute.

Favorite Movie: The Last Mohican… Daniel Day-Lewis with long hair.  “Stay alive! I will find you. No matter what! I will find you!”

Favorite Band: AC/DC… For Those About To Rock, We Salute You!!!

Favorite Musical: Oklahoma! Duh!

My grandpa says “Catoosie” just like they do in the Musical. Not Catoosa. For all you non-Okies, that’s pronounced Ca- Toosa!

It brings a tear to my eye when they sing Oklahoma at the end… seriously. When we went to Discoveryland to see the play live, I didn’t think I could keep myself in check. The horse run by with the rider holdin’ the Oklahoma goin’ one way and another carryin’  Old Glory runnin’ the other way… quite Patriotic!

Favorite Novel: The Harry Potter Series. I know. I know. A child’s book but that is good readin’! Very Good!

Favorite Cuisine: Tex-Mex

Favorite Wine: I very recently discovered a very good wine. Bosc Moscato Asti…$14 a bottle!

As much as I like it, I could put Roy in the poor house spendin’ his money on expensive wines! So I’ve been searchin’ for a cheaper version.

Martin & Weyrich Moscato Allergo…$7 per btl!! Wooo Hoooo!!!

Favorite Store: Victoria’s Secret

Favorite Vampire: Louis from Interview with the Vampire… Brad Pitt with long hair.

And Eric Northman of course from the Sookie Stackhouse series.

Favorite Prime Time Series: True Blood. And I have to say if Eric had not showed up on Sookie’s door step all covered in cement, I’da never watched it again!

Favorite Time Waster: I farm… I have 2 virtual farms.

Favorite Chore: Laundry. I have machines to do the hard part. All I have to do put in, rotate when needed, and take it out.

Favorite Quote: “You tell ‘em I comin’! And Hell’s comin’ with me! You Hear! Hell’s comin’ with me!!”  From Tombstone.

Which is my cell phone ring on Roy’s phone.

Says a lot, doesn’t it.

And when we are out in public and are separated like at the mall or HellMart, he carries his phone in his hand on the off chance I call… and it will embarrass him.

Favorite Smell: Hardworkin’ man smell mixed with diesel… mmmmmm.

Favorite Vacation Spot: Carnival Conquest Cruise Ship!!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Where Did That Come From???

My mom and I are plannin’ a trip to Texas.

Mom drives a school bus and sometimes she takes the band to a nearby school. I went to visit with her and Roy tagged along.

It was like a family affair. I saw my nieces and nephews, my bub… I didn’t realize that they were such fans of High School Football. Football is King in Oklahoma. And We love Our Team but to travel with it? Odd.

We all sat together and chit chatted and all were havin’ a good time but Mom. She was edgy and figdety, so I turned to her, “Spit it out.”

“We are goin’ to Texas and You can’t come.”

What? It was my idea!

I just sat there lettin’ it soak in… I realize RubyJune is her favorite. And if RubyJune wants to go and there’s limited room, I’m out.

But still.

“Who is WE?”

“Jason and JB.”

WHAT THE HELL!!!????

I wanted to run. I was fixta have a meltdown and I didn’t want to do it in public. It ain’t pretty.

Jason and JB aren’t even family!!!

I jumped up and quickly left the stadium with Roy on my heels and I looked around and my mom was comin’ too!

I whipped around to face her, “you’d rather take Jason and JB than me?”

And she just shrugged her shoulder.

I burst into a ball of flames!!

And I didn’t care who saw it becuz I was tellin’ That Woman how the Cow Ate The Cabbage!!

I pointed my finger at her and said, “you have hurt me for the last time.”

And then I woke up.

 

In real life, my mom and I are plannin’ a trip to Texas. And all the family is excited about it. I haven’t visited my Texas Crew since I was 15.

In real life, my mom has let me down in that manner… chosen others people over me. Non-family and RubyJune… RubyJune, I get, but those non-family people I don’t… never have.

In real life, I have forgiven my mom for a lot of things. But my inner child apparently, has not.

In real life, I don’t know any Jason or JB in my mom’s life… Where’d they come from??

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Can We Talk???

On the Real Housewives shows, whether it be Atlanta or New Jersey, there is someone looking for their birth parents and it raised several questions to me.

1. Why do you want to know your birth parents?

2. What makes you think they want a relationship?

3. If you in fact gave up a child, do you want to track them down?

4. If you in fact gave up a child, Do you want to have a relationship with them now?

I have no desire to judge or editorialize or scratch an old wound. I just want to know the whys and what fors. Educate me.

I understand being a pregnant teen… Been there. Done that.

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Shoes, Purses, And Couches…

There was an argument  the other day about my shoppin’ habits.

What the Hell??!!'

He accused me of spendin’ all his money.

We’re not even gonna touch that “HIS MONEY” comment… That’s just a horse of a different color! Whole ‘nother rant!

Sure I have umpteen bazillion shoes and several I haven’t even worn.

Sure I have umpteen bazillion purses and one I haven’t taken the tags off.

All bought at a resale shop or off the clearance rack.

And I have several hundred articles of clothing… mostly panties. And they are my huge expense… bought at Victoria’s Secret.

But spendin’ all his money???

I spent $3 on the last pair of shoes… and they are so cute!! Red Polka dots high heeled sandals… so cute!! $3!!!

I found a Coach bag at a garage sale for $7!!!! Can you believe that??? $7!!!!!

But what brought on the whole “spend all his Money” comment was when I said I wish I knew of a used furniture store.

USED.

Has it sunk in that I’m a bargain shopper??

We bought our livin’ room set 17 years ago. It’s so trashed. Cat hair aside… The kids had a food fight while I was at work and cream colored sofa and love seat was the battle field. The arm of the love seat was damaged during the battle. Roy sits on the love seat all the time so it’s got that man hole in it. I would love to get rid of it. I would have to replace it the same day I pushed it out in the yard.

And freakin’ burn it!!

That’s what he did to my lawn furniture!! And then told me the neighbor’s stole it… He confessed.

Jesse told me she would help me haul it off but she was not about to burn Roy’s couch. “That’s not a line I’m gonna cross!”

Me? Spend all his money?? He’s the one that wants to put in a hot tub. And don’t think he’ll be happy with one of those $1500 ones either! We’ve looked at one that was closer to $15,000!

That’s frickin’ 4 cruises!!!

Me?? Spend all his money???!!!

We all like nice things but come on! Let’s be reasonable!!

I just want a good couch and a recliner for him. My granny has a chair that I want. It’s a really nice chair. It’s huge. It’s heavy. And I can’t fit it in my car or I’d already have in my house and Roy’s couch burned to the ground!

Do you know where she got it?? You’ll never guess where… from the dump!! It’s a really nice chair!!!

Cost???

Zip! Zilch! Nada!!

Now that Bub’s house burned, I’m sure he’ll take it. I can live with that.

Tell me, I spend all his money… Roy Hightower has another think comin’!