Thursday, December 31, 2009

Careful Of What You Wish For....Part 2.

I knew that the blizzard was comin'....but I wanted to be with my granny becuz Grandpa was in the hospital.
I didn't mind being stuck there with her. But when he came home, it was just a matter of time before I was ready to go home. Blizzard or not!

After havin' to hear him bitchin' about the newspaper and how I didn't know how to figure out the water faucet in the kitchen, I got dressed to go out in the snow. I thought I could clean off the front step.... score some brownie points...We couldn't open the door.
Which meant I had to find a shovel.
"I don't have a shovel. Bo took it."
I just shook my head.
Really?
All of them??
I decided to look in the other garage....he has 2....stuff full of junk.
And yet all of the stuff he has, Bub took all his shovels.
Right.
But to open the garage I have to get into my granny's van for the garage door opener.
It's locked.
The keys to it are in her purse.
Which is in my car.
Which frozen shut.
You ask why is her purse in my car?
It was the safest place on the whole property that my StupidCousins and her children couldn't get into....I try to protect G&G as best I can though they just give it all away to her anyway.

So I can't shovel the snow off the front step.
I decided to wait a couple of hours.....and listen to him bitch about the newspaper.

My sister called, "I'm comin' to get you!"
I got my shit together!
But I made the mistake of askin' Granny if I could use her coat.
"Where's your coat?" Grandpa asked... Like I would take her coat and never return it!!
"It's locked in my car."
"Well, I think it's sat there long enough in the sun that you could get it open."
Really You Think.
I was pissed!!
Look back at that photo.....the side with the sun on it, has a snow drift half way up the door....just like his front frickin' door!!
The side with the ice all over it was not in the sun.
I was pissed!
"Oh Really! You just watch!" I threw on his coat, his boots and stomped out there and tried to open the passenger door.... it didn't open.
And I stomped back in the house. "See! Frozen!!"
"You should have tried the Driver's door!"Like I'm stupid!!
I'm tryin' really hard not to scream but to maintain a level voice with him.
"The driver's door has snow up against it just like your front door. I can not get into my car and get my coat out."

My sister picked me up and took me to my mother's house. The roads were bad!! I didn't care. I didn't want to be with HIM another minute!
I called Roy.
"Come and Get Me!!"
He said, "You knew it was gonna be that way. Tough it out."
"I will not! YOU COME AND GET ME! IF I HAVE TO WALK HOME I WILL!"
He couldn't get out of the driveway right that second so I did spent the night with my mother.
The day after Christmas he trudge thru the snow and ice to drive 75miles, it took him 3hours...it normally takes me an hour to do it....to pick me up at my mom's.

So while I'm at Mom's, Granny calls my sister, "Where's my purse? I need Grandpa's inhaler."
OH Fuck And Shit!!!!
"Granny, it's not in there. When I went thru your purse, I didn't see it."
Thank God For RubyJune!!!
"Sister, where's Granny's purse?"
OH FUCK AND SHIT!!!
"It's in my car."
Case Closed.
Ain't nobody gettin' in that car!!
Granny said, "why did she put it in her car?"
RubyJune said, "StupidCousin!"
RubyJune said to me, she could hear Grandpa in the background bitchin' about it all and he was pissed!!
"Tell her, he has Inhaler in on the shelf with the rest of his meds. I saw one there."
"Oh No that's not the one."
RubyJune just hung up.
There nothing we can do....we can't get in the car.
And she knew there wasn't an inhaler in that purse.
I fretted about it all day. I just could not have any fun knowin' he was gonna lay into me when I went back over there. I just can't deal with him. I refuse to do it!
When my brother left, I gave him my keys so he could try to get in my car and get the purse out.
He did.
Gave Granny the purse.
The inhaler wasn't in it.
It was on the shelf in the kitchen.
I hope he sat there fumin' all day long and all he had to do was go look in the kitchen like I said.


If I sat at home and was snowed in with Roy, I would have wanted to be with Granny if she was going to be alone.
I had to go.
I will never do that again.
And they can't make me!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Me, Grandpa, And My Stupid Cousin...

I thought it best to give you a little background so you have an idea of nature of my relationship with my grandpa. I have come to terms with what I'm about to tell you. I have it all neatly tucked away in the box buried deep in my heart....it's scarred over pretty good back there! I don't sit around, dwellin' on it... at all.
But when I go home and go thru the photo albums, it all comes back up to the front.



Granny and Grandpa are my daddy's people. I'm not all that close to my mom's family. I grew up in my granny and grandpa's house. When my mother left us to go live an alternative lifestyle, Daddy had custody of us kids, but we lived with Granny and Grandpa becuz of Daddy's work schedule.


When I was born, I was the first grandchild for G&G....I was also the first born Great Granddaughter to my grandpa's mom. She lived about 300 yards from us and played a big part in my raisin'....big! HUGE!


Well, becuz I was the first, I HUNG THE MOON!
I was a little princess.
I had my daddy wrapped around my little finger....and did until he died.

I have that magazine he was readin'. I'm a hoarder.

And I had my grandpa in my hip pocket.
I saw that in the photos I found.
There was one of Daddy, Grandpa, and me workin' on the bull dozer.....I love that one!!


It all came undone when my stupid cousin was born when I was 31/2 years old. My grandpa slipped out of my pocket and he literally pushed me aside for my stupid cousin!


NO more Pepsi, no more ice cream with tooty fruity, Her fat ass was in my place.
I was totally ignored by him. I can remember sittin' behind the cars in the driveway hopin' to get backed over becuz I wanted to die.... AT 4!!


Let me make this VERY clear, there is nothing wrong with StupidCousin mentally....I just hate her.
I know you're not supposed to hate people but you can hang a $5 dollar words on it like loathe, disdain, and contempt but it all boils down to I HATE HER!
As a kid, I hated her with every fiber of my being.
And it's all Grandpa's fault.
His favoritism knew no bounds when it came to StupidCousin. He was unfair in his treatment of the rest of HIS grandchildren... we didn't exist except as an annoyance to my stupid cousin. If we did anything that caused her to cry we were punished.


The only 2 times he spanked me was over her.
I was older than her.
I shouldn't have to go to bed first.
He was being unfair.
But at age 6 I didn't have enough stroke to make him see it my way. Off came the belt and I was whipped and then sent to bed with that stupid cousin smilin' the whole time.
That didn't sit well with Granny. She could see that he was being unfair with me. And she got in the middle of him. That was the last time he ever spanked me. But the damage was done. StupidCousin, knew how to work him.
As we grew up, she was worse. I didn't have do much to get in trouble and have him verbally beat me. Daddy stepped up. Those two went round and round many times over Grandpa's treatment of the rest of his grand kids.
He took our toys from us to give to her.
She was allowed to ride our horse, bikes, and go karts... though she always managed to break something or hurt herself and it was MY fault.
I was the oldest.
I was too stupid to keep her from hurtin' herself.
And then the Twinkie Incident happened, I gave up. I saw right then that no matter what I did, she would always get what she wanted even though she didn't deserve it.
And when he gave her my crochet hook, I was totally heartbroken.
It was a gift from Grandma and I was in the middle of my project. But it didn't matter, she wanted it. He let her take it home with her. I cried to Grandma, his mother, and they had a talk I would have loved to have heard. First chance I got I stole that crochet hook back and I still have it.
Granny, Grandma, and Daddy took up the slack of not havin' Grandpa's approval and the absence of my mother.




That Stupid Cousin grew up to be a total loser.
She's into drugs.
She has no driver's license and he gave her a truck to drive to her job that she doesn't have and more, and he pays her bills.
I have no expectations of gettin' any inheritance that I am due....it will all be given to her.



I can't change how he feels about me. He knows he's fucked it all up with me.
I will never get his approval.
I don't try.
And I don't care anymore.
I am happy with me and my life.
I have removed all the negative people from my life.
And I don't spend a lot of time with him.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Careful Of What You Wish For....

It just may come true!!!

Everyone wants a white Christmas.

The Red Cedar that's been there for 50 years.
I know it doesn't look as bad as it was ...but we had ThunderSnow!!
Granny said, "What was that flash? Someone's here! Flip on the porch light!"
"If anyone is here, they'll knock!"
And then we heard the thunder. "See someone's here! Sister! Flip on the porch light!"
"Granny! Nobody's here. It's thunder and lightening." Holy Jumpin' Catfish!!
They Drive Me Freakin' NUTS!!!
I called Roy and he confirmed it.
And it was blowin' like nobody's business so there are so pretty good drifts around. I've out grown the urge to dive into them....so there are no photos of that!

My car is snowed in....and frozed shut. The driver's side has snow about half way up the side. We'll come back to that later.
Do you really want a white Christmas???
Becuz all the wonderment and fun of a white Christmas is nothing but headaches!!
Becuz some stupid person thought it would be a WONDERFUL IDEA to send my Grandpa home from the hospital in a blizzard, so that he was home for Christmas.
Now once again you would think that it would be a wonderful thing to have your loved one home from the hospital for the most wonder time of the year and a white Christmas and all.....NOT!
My aunt dropped him off at 2:30pm and left.
One becuz the roads were gettin' bad with ice.
And two SHE didn't want to take care of him!!!
The man's not nice. There's a reason why I don't spend more time with him!!!!
I covered him up in 5 blankets....he had just came in from a blizzard. Temps in the teens with a wind chill in the single digits. And the house was not as warm as it should have been becuz we all were there....all 20 of us!!!
And They Had Left!!
The Weather Was Bad!!!!!!!
And the power went out at 12:30!!!!!!
So They All Left!!!!
Before HE Got There!!!!!
All that warm fuzzy feelin' you're supposed to have over all that shit went right out the Flippin' window!!!
So that just leaves me, my sister, my granny, and HIM!
And then my sister left after she fussed with him....she needed to be home too. Though, she only has to drive 6 miles....that 6miles of ice, sleet and blowin' snow.
This is Oklahoma People....we don't do snow and ice. We do Heat and Humidity!!
One freakin' flake falls from the sky and people wreck their car!!!
Plus she didn't wanna be there when he wanted the newspaper!!
Any way, I had him all bundled up and he was nappin' off and on.....more off than on becuz Granny wanted to talk to me....I was readin' a book.
"No Granny I don't want to watch TV."
So he just gave up and decided to watch TV as the power came back on about 3:30....LOUDLY!!
People in Kansas could have heard it!!
I went to the kitchen.
Granny followed me....I might be into something she didn't want me to be into....once I got into her paint pen things that she used to color her t-towels with....bit them I did to get the paint out....she was so mad!!!
And she's never let me live that down....I was 4.
"Sister, do you want something to eat?"
"No, Granny, I'm not hungry."
It wasn't too much later, Grandpa comes in, "Looks like Bo's been tendin' the stove!" and reaches down to turn the flame up.
"Grandpa, Bub didn't touch the stove." You see, If anything is fucked up, Bub did it. Or RubyJune trashed it.
"Now Fred, don't burn your PEE BAG!" Granny yelled at him.
Yes that right People, He's got a catheter attached to him!
"Where's my PeeCan? I need it."
"Can't you just go down the hall and dump it in the toilet?" I said.
Now one would think that would be the case....easy peasy. Just dump it in the toilet. But NO!
My sister COULD NOT STAND IT!! He would sit in the livin' room and dump it in a can so that SOMEONE ELSE HAD TO DO IT!!!
So she tossed all of them in the trash....and hauled it to the dump...and burned it so he would not go get it! He would!!!
So he had to walk down the hall to the bathroom and dump his OWN urine in the toilet!!! That's not what I signed on to do. I will not... EVER.
He came back to the kitchen and sat down in front of the stove and said, "I think I would like to have some pumpkin pie." And looked at me.
Now here's where I don't mind takin' care of him. There's no way I can fuck it up!
I'm Golden!!
I gave him his pie and some CalfSlobbers, pick up my book and went back to the livin' room, picked up the TV Remote and Turn that Bitch down!!
After he ate the pie and came back in the livin' room, I rebundled him up and he napped for a bit. When Granny woke him up, he wanted some bread and gravy.
Again NO PROBLEM!! I whipped him up some and pick up my book and went back to the kitchen.
After that, he wanted to read the newspaper. The one that my sister had thrown away....and hauled it to the dump....and burned it.
Or he'da sent me up there to dig it out!!
I swear to God we had an arguement over that damn newspaper. I had nothing to do with it.
I had looked thru it but Granny just kept talkin' to me and she was tryin' to make stuffin' so I quit readin' the paper....rolled it up and RubyJune trashed it. END OF PAPER!
OMG!!
He harped on it and bitched that there shoulda been 2 puzzles to do....which there wasn't. I had to point that out.
"There's been 2 puzzles in that paper for the last 10 years!!"
"Did you see the paper at all Grandpa?"
"I skimmed thru it." in the hospital.
"Well I looked at it too. I read most of the funnies. And I looked at the puzzles. And there wasn't 2 in it!"
Roy's all the time tellin' me I should just keep my mouth shut around Grandpa becuz it just drives me so crazy tryin' to prove I'M RIGHT!!!!
We managed to get thru the night without incident.
Next mornin' after we fought more about the paper, I washed the dishes and the water wasn't hot...at all. "I've been standin' right here for 10 minutes lettin' it run as washed the dishes and it is not hot!!!"
"OH that water is so hot it will burn your hand!!"
He sat right there and watched me!!!
"You don't have it on strong enough." So I opened up wide....like that makes it hotter?!!??
"You don't have the handle turned to the hot side!" I worked back and forth.
NOTHING!
"It's got to come all the way from the back of the house. And you're not doin' it right!" becuz I'm stupid and I fuck up everything!!!
"I've been standin' here for 10 minutes with it runnin'. Granny, when you took your bath yesterday, how much water did you run in the tub?"
She looks down and shakes her head, she hates to be in the middle of our fights, "I had 6-8 inches."
"And did you water ever get hot?"
"No."
HA!
Who ever the hell thought it was a good idea to have one handle to run both hot and cold it a totally fuckin' idiot and should be shot!!!!
Later....I went out to take the photos of the freakin' white Christmas everybody wanted, tried to get in my car, tried to get in the garage to get the shovel.....
Wait.
That's enough for the day.
Oh I've got more to tell you!!

Friday, December 25, 2009

Gone Fishin'....

Not really but I'll be away.
In This Gal's Army we do GrannyDuty.
And it's my turn.

So Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

Monday, December 21, 2009

Bah!! HumBug!!

As we were drivin' home from the gym, I said, "Honey, I want to go to the mall and..." He wasn't really thrilled with the whole idea and hardly listened to all that I was tellin' him.
Yes, we started back the gym.
We've both been ill and thought best to keep our germs to ourselves....I couldn't make it thru my entire routine. Too much for me!
I walked out.
But now here I am tellin' Roy I wanted to go to the mall.
3 days before Christmas Eve.
Can you imagine the all the people at the mall???
OMG!!!
But still I wanted to go.

"I'll buy you lunch." I begged.
Still not thrilled.
"Do I look like someone that wants to go shoppin'?"
Well no...not really but if I had said, I'd buy him a gun or something, he'd be jumpin' for joy!!

"I'm takin' a shower and we're going to town."
And that's what I did, Showered.
And some where between shampoopin' my hair and soapin' my legs the world took a spin...not in a good way.

I stepped out of the shower tryin' to re-gain my balance and glanced up at Roy. He was slouched on his couch, legs sprawled out, with his thrown back like he had taken a spin in his own world. "Babe, I'm just not feelin' it. I don't want to go to town."

"I'm not goin' alone." He smiled. "It's that time of year where people are not so nice with their holiday cheer and they steal and carjack."
I had just talked myself outta going.

"YOU will take me some time soon. So you'd better get to feelin' it!"
"Why do you want to go?"
"I just do."
"But you don't feel any better than I do. Why??"

"I have a coupon!!"

He had the energy to laugh at me!!
Geez!


Okay, I'm only moderating comments for just a bit.
Bare with me.
There's a method to my madness.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

It's Just Gross...

So he made me keep my doctor's appointment...jerk!

I mean really!

If I had a job, wouldn't I call in sick??



Seriously, what???



So as I sat there with the doctor tellin' her all my symptoms of my cold.

"There's phlegm."

"What color?"

Ick!

I don't know.

It's like poop.

I don't look at that either!!



Though I do know the color codes. I have had children.

Clear...healthy...just snot.

Yellow and small chunks...cold and infection.

Green and large chunks....possible flu or pneumonia

Brown and has pieces of lung mixed in....time to consult the mortician!



This Am, after a coughin' spell, I felt compelled to look at what came up....ICK!!!

"Honey!! It's Brown!!! But keep in mind I just ate a chocolate Zinger!!!"



He just laughed me.

"We'll not call an ambulance yet."

Friday, December 18, 2009

Delirious...

I'm sick.
My very best friend...I adore her.
I'd give her a kidney!
And she gave me bronchitis!!

I was propped up on the couch...tryin' to suppress a cough.
"Honey, I feel so shitty! Do you think I should cancel my doctor's appointment?"

He had the nerve to laugh at me.

What????

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

The Christmas Swap...

So there was a package stuck in the fence by the gate....Jammed in the barbed wire!
Roy was like, "Why would they do that?"
I mean really!
First off, we have thieves that live in the neighborhood.
Hello!
They stole my yard furniture off my front porch!!
And.
And.
Annnnnd, Roy's Rocks!!

And Secondly, let's not forget the poachers!!
If they'll steal a deer ... They'll take a package that someone sent me for Christmas stuck in the barbed wire!!
Oh and in the mailbox is a notice that there's a package at the post office.
Hello!
They could have kept them together!!
We're not talkin' about a Post Office that deals with millions of people here. The Post Office it's self has 500 PO Boxes for rental!!
The school...maybe 1000 kids??
Come on!!
Think!!!
It is soooo hard??
And do you know what notice slip was for....the package crammed in the fence!!!
What a waste of my time!!


ANYWAY... Roy said, "Who's it from?"
"It's from a friend in Arkansas. I'm part of a gift swap, like last year. Remember when I got a gift from Oregon?"
No.
I'm VERY lucky he remembers the Cruise!

"I'll open it later. Go bring in the groceries."
"You need a knife to open it."
"Okay. I hafta pee. Go get the groceries."
From the bathroom, I heard rippin' noises, "Honey! What are you doing??"
"Nothing! It popped Open!!"

Sure it did.


You had your chance my blogger friends....you shoulda sign up!
This the cool stuff I received from Southern Drama Mama.
Stuff to make puddin' and seasons to make dip....which I think I'll use one of them for a spread.
And Christmas bulb, note pad, a spoon and a caramel brownie mix.

Love It!!
Thank you so very much.

See in the corner....Manny's feet.
He's a wee bit jealous of my new slippers.
Falalalala.....

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Damn It All To Holley!!

Is it just me or is that middle cat cross-eyed??
And I think that first is thinking up an evil plot!

Meowy Christmas!!

Well shit! that was suppose to be published like say the twentyfreakin'3rd!!!

So gather 'round my pretties, and let AuntieNadine tell you a vital piece of advice...Never, Ever, Blog Heavily Medicated.

Or Drunk Blog either.

I'm just sayin'.

Falalalala..la.la.la.la.la

Friday, December 11, 2009

Sorry Kids...

I'm busy with makin' Christmas stuff.
I've mailed off my Christmas Swap package.

I'll Be Bloggin' Soon.

Much Love, Big Hugs and Many Shots Of Tequila

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

The Ick Factor...

For those that do not know....I've been gone on a cruise.
Standard Cruise Stuff Happened....but for one lone thing....



My biggest fear in life is that I'll drown, so I don't swim.
That fear doesn't keep me from gettin' on a cruise ship.
Or going to the beach.
Or ownin' a swimmin' pool for that matter.
What it does keep me from doing, is snorkelin'.


So when I was lookin' over shore excursions I wanted to go to see the sting rays. I get to be in the water and enjoy Grand Cayman....and Roy can snorkel.
"Honey, Is that okay with you?"
He said no.
"Well do you want to parasail with me? Becuz it's one or the other."
Like he really had a choice.
The excursion says it would be in knee-deep water, with dog gentle sting rays.
I'm game.


So we loaded up and off we went with our underwater camera and sunscreen to play amongst the sting rays.

Roy looked over the top of the boats to where all the other boats had dropped anchor and said the water was chest on him!!

I'm in over my head...literally!!
When we actually dropped anchor and others had gotten in the water is wasn't as deep as first thought. I could manage....ON MY TIPPY TOES!

So as I worked my way out to the shallow water the waves pushed me around like a fishin' bobber. I was bumpin' into strangers as I bobbed back and forth.
Then I began to notice that there were things bumpin' into me!!!
ICK!!
I squealed, "ewah! ewah!"
A sting ray would swim by and graze my legs.
The others on the excursion thought that was funny and laughed at me.
HA HA! ICK!!!
When I was about stomach deep I had a small sting ray graze my shins.
"ewah! ewah! ewah!"
And then a 2nd small one bumped me a bit higher.
"Ewah!! EEWWah!!! EWAH!!!
I noticed as a opened my eyes that a 3rd one .....huge one....It looked to be 15 feet wide...more like 4 foot across was headed my way and bumped me.
I thought that thing is gonna knock me down and all 3 would cover me and NO ONE WILL EVER SEE ME!!!!
That was all she wrote!!!
I let out the alarm!!!
I screeched "HONEY!!!!!" in that voice that he hates!
That voice that I yell across HellMart at him.

My knight in shining armour....The love of my life...The one that carries me around on a pink satin goose down pillow so that my feet do not touch the ground where mere mortals tread....stood there!!
Beet Red!!
Blendin' in with the others that had turned to watch me drown and wondered who was HONEY?!!

The tour operator told me to come to the group....that whole safety in numbers thing.


Later after I had gotten used to the ICKy feel....we kissed and made up.
Me and the littlest sting ray....not me and Roy!!


Home!

I am wantin' to get the underwater camera developed first before I tell you all about what happened. I hope they turn out.

It was a great trip!!