Thursday, November 26, 2009

Toes In The Sand, With A Drink In My Hand...

I'm a bum in the sun and havin' fun....All I need is a cabana boy with refills for my drink!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Damn It!!!

Roy said, "Huntin' is wearin' me out. I don't think I'll have enough in me to drive to Galveston."
"Honey, I can drive and you can sleep."
He grinned great big, "and I'll wake up in Tyler, Texas!"


He knows me all too well.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Blondes, Deer, and Poachers...

It's Hunting Season....no deer in my freezer...yet.
But someone shot something just outside of my property!!!
At zero Dark thirty!!
I kid you not!
6Am, I sittin' here going thru my email and heard a gun shot that sounded like it was in my front yard!! Like an idiot I go to the front door and LOOK OUT!
If Roy were here HE would have KILLED ME!!
So I shut the door and went upstairs....in total darkness.
Which is dangerous too.
Not just the trip UP but the WALK ACROSS THE ROOM.
There's a lotta shit up there!
I made it thru the first room and the second room doesn't have a clear path so I was almost on my hands and knees feelin' my way thru the room in the dark....pitch black people.
And some one shot something outside my property!!!
IN THE FREAKIN' DARK!!!!!!!
I made it to the window and peeked out. I couldn't see anything.
But I heard an old rattle-trap truck comin' down the road. I watched for its lights to hit someone on the property across the road... so I could see the poachers.
NOPE! It dropped someone off!!
And LEFT!!
I watched as best I could the person that was dropped off, cross the pasture....I could see him every little bit, he musta been usin' his cell phone as a light. THAT'S HOW DARK IT WAS.
I totally lost him behind one of my trees. Another truck drove by but I still never saw a thing from its headlights but the rattle-trap truck came back. I heard the sounds of doors shuttin' and tailgates slammin' ....And they were gone!!!
As they drove past the house I couldn't tell what type of truck it was....IT WAS THAT DARK!!!
They Poached their Deer by 6:20!
Is it any wonder why hunters shot each other??? If they are stupid enough to shoot in the dark??
I haven't even had a chance to tell Roy yet. He's doin' his own huntin' ....the right way.
I wonder if there was more than just the two...the driver and the dropoff but also someone in the pasture, the actual shooter, becuz those deer are not lightweight. I can't imagine one person draggin' a 100pounder alone. And it happened way to quickly to gut it and then move it. I have a feelin' there were 3!

I managed to get thru that whole incident without a bruise or stubbed toe.
Or fallin' down the stairs....again.
Or Shot At!!

When I tell Roy about it I'm leavin' out the part about openin' the front door.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Sit Down And Drop All Sharp Objects!!

So Roy and I sat in the Doctor's office waitin' to hear the results of the bloodwork. You know I've had some issues about high cholesterol.

Well, the doctor comes in all happy, "Mrs Hightower I have good news! You're Pregnant!!"



What the Hell??!!??



Roy's all excited!!!

The Dr's all excited!!!

So I was all excited!!!! I'm dog-like in that way, get all excited becuz everyone else is....I don't really know why but Woo Hoo!!!

Me. Pregnant!!!



Roy was so excited he wanted to sell the house and move to Texas!!!

Yep Texas! And live like gypsies on the beach.

I've heard it's like Heaven....I guess he wants to raise our baby in Heaven.

Personally I think it's way to hot to be Heaven but rather maybe ....well.

You Know.

And like a dog, I'm lettin' him lead. If he wants to sell the house and live like gypsies in Texas so be it.

But as we're talkin' to the RealEstateDude, It Hits Me Like A Ton of Bricks!!



I Can't Be Pregnant!!!!

Roy can't impregnant me!!!!

He has a vasectomy!!!!!



And He's Freakin' Happy????



Just before all Hell broke loose....I woke up.

In a Cold Sweat!



Worst.

Ever.

NightMare.

Pregnant???

Geez!!!

And I've had some doozies!!!

Like the time dreamt we were playin' hide and seek....and I've runnin' thru the house to find my hidin' spot and a drop of water or something drips on my face and as I look up to see what it is... my cousin...the one I HATE....is swingin' an axe at my face.

That's Scary Shit!!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Rude!!!

I called Roy, "Honey is there anything you need from HellMart?"
"YES! Chocolate! Lots of chocolate. I NEED Chocolate!"

"Dude! Are you havin' your period?"

He hung up on me.

Must be!!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

3 Things Said To Me As A Brunette...

1) From Roy: "You need to fix that before we Cruise or you won't get screwed!"
Har Hardy Har Har!!
Ass!!

2) From Roy: There was hair in the bathroom sink,
"See, Even your body is rejecting it!"
Kiss My Lily White Ass!!
At least I have hair!!!

3) From my Mom: Left on Facebook...for all the world or at least the people we know.
"You are a blonde! If I had wanted you to be a brunette, I'da made you that way!"
"Mom, I was born a redhead."
"Oh yeah. I forgot."

She's on medication for insanity....I just sure of it.

Monday, November 16, 2009

My Days Are Numbered!!!

As a brunette....I've walked on the Other Side long enough.

Roy was sittin' on his couch...he'd look over at me.
He'd look at the TV.
He'd look at me.
He'd look at the TV.

"What??"
"Fix it."

Friday, November 13, 2009

Well Hell!!

forgot completely what I was gonna tell you....That's a bad habit I have acquired.
Oh yeah, right....
First, Thanks for the pep talks, ass kickin', love, advice, and support, and most importantly the graphic images that came to mind as MizAngie told me about her pubic hair.

Love, love, love you gals.

Secondly, Let's do the Christmas Swap. Check Out Becca's Blog for info....You will not regret it.

Thirdly, The Cruise with ThatIdiot was cancelled....woo hoo!!!
There are just some things that should not be tainted for me.
And Cruisin' is one of them.

I didn't start this blog to whine or be a big fat cry baby but shit happens.
I hate that.


One the funniest things said to me recently:
I was in the chair at the beauty salon and my hairdresser said to me, "Honey, You're lookin' a little Amish. Let me shape up brows."

Good thing she couldn't see my crotch!!!

2 weeks...and I sail the Caribbean!!!
Toes in the sand with a drink in my hand....with freshly waxed eyebrows.....what could be better than that?

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Major Changes...

I had a breakdown.
Not a full fledged take me to the rubber room kind but a cry over a cup falling outta the cabinet and I can't stop kind.
Cry like a baby....big sobs.
And I don't really know why.

Well...
It's more like a bunch of shit.
I'm turnin' 45.

There.
I said it.
Forty fuckin' Five.
For those of you that really thought I was perpetually 35...you had to know that was a big fat fib.

I found grey hair.
I feel I'm a fortunate woman that I have gone this long without it...or at least see it.

My car was left in the dust by a much younger faster model....read all the metaphors and analogies you want to read into that. You could be right...but not.
But I wasn't drivin'....that Man was. I told you he didn't drive as aggressive as I do!!

I've busted my ass off at the gym for a complete year to weigh more now. I took pride in the fact that I had done all the sweatin' to decrease my cholesterol from 229 to under 150!! Sure I've toned up but my ass is still a size freakin' 12!!
The day I had my cholesterol checked I also donated blood. I wanted to know what type I was. Back in the 7th grade we did it as a science project but I had since forgotten the results. Except that the teacher told me I had a rare blood and that I might want to donate later in life.
Cool.
Not only did they take my donation but they performed extra bloodwork. And my cholesterol is 227.
227!!!!
I sweat my fuckin' ass off for 2 fuckin' points!!!
Totally pissed off!!
But the icin' on this shitty cake is my best friend from high school had a heart attack and had to have triple bypass surgery.

That was what tipped me over the edge.
I was up at 4AM one mornin' bawlin'...I got up outta bed so I wouldn't wake up Roy.
I was tryin' go get a cup outta the cabinet with tears streamin' down my face when a cup fell outta the cabinet....sobs.
Oh Shit That will Wake Him Up....Big Sobs!
He'll come in here and gripe at me....Bigger Sobs!

And there he was, "What are you doin' up?"

"I don't know!"
"Why are you cryin'?"
"I don't know!!!"

He took me back to bed and we talked for a couple of hours.
"We'll fix the grey. You look great. She smoked. And when you go in to talk to the doctor about your cholesterol, you might ask about happy pills."

Oh we fixed the grey...I'm officially a brunette.

And for the record, I'm B Positive.
Ironic isn't it!!

And I blew my chance at a great "Church of the Holy Nadine 700th Blog Entry Sermon"....maybe at 800.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Sunday, November 08, 2009

Case Of The Crazies!!!!

Yeah.


Severe.

I'm workin' some shit out....and makin' bags.
I'll be back later.

Friday, November 06, 2009

Best Cat Toy Ever...

The plastic thingy on the jug of milk.
I'd take a photo of it and show you EXACTLY what it is but I'd hafta take it away from Manny.
He has played with it all over the livin' room.
It gets hooked on his paw and he rolls around shakin' his paw.
It gets flipped up in the air and lands a foot away from him, he lays on his side a stretches way out to barely touch it.
He will jump up and run around...watchin' it. It could run off!
He talks to it.
He carries it around in his mouth.
He'll play that way until he loses it under the couch.

Manny loves those things.
When I open up a new jug, I will call him. He comes runnin'!!
I will show him the thingy and he bumps my legs....HE LOVES THOSE THINGYS!!!!
He sometimes watches me get in and out of the fridge hopin' it's milk day.

Roy misplaced his glasses and we decided that he needed to look under the couch....there were 12 of those milk jug thingys under there!!!
And his glasses.
I got a photo of Manny...
Whisperin' sweet nothings to it!!

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

I've Been Lied To, Been Mistreated....

Yes.
Me.
Roy did it behind my back.

We were on our way to the CellPhoneStore when he confessed to his secret.

I was shocked.

The sad thing...he didn't feel any remorse.
"But you don't text. I knew you wouldn't mind if I added textin' to only my phone."


Whatever!
I hate it when he's right.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Christmas Swap...

I know it's early but I'm a planner....It's not early if you think about it.
And I want you to participate in the Christmas Swap that Becca is organizin'.
We did this last year and it was fun sharin' my Okie Stuff with Angie and Becca shared her Oregon stuff with me.

And the best part was findin' new friends!
So Contact Becca to be a part of the Christmas Swap!
You won't regret it!