Friday, October 30, 2009

Compromises, Idiots, And Guns...

Life has taken an odd turn...sorta.
It's one of those things that makes think, "What the Hell did I just Agree to??"

It's hunting season here...muzzleloader.
Roy's not havin' such a good time. He lives for this time of year. I live for Cruises and Summer....and booze....and shoes.
It's that neat how all my "live for's" go good together?
I can't fit huntin' into any of that!
But yet....

Roy has decided that his gun is the reason he's havin' problems....I have to agree. It couldn't possibly be him.
It just totally bummed him out. It's done. He loves that muzzleloader. It looks like something Davy Crockett would carry. It's beautiful....I told him to hang in on the wall for decoration...he rolled his eyes and pouted.
So I told I'd buy him a new one...not this year but for next season.
OH MY GOD!!
You have no idea what wheels I set into motion!!
He was so happy!!
He had to brag. He told all his friends what great wife he has...or at least he said he was gettin' a new gun.

His friend's wife called me.
She was so excited!! Roy's gettin' a gun!!!
"So?" She wasn't thrilled when Roy bought that Colt or the Judge.
"Now my husband wants a new gun!" Shit!
That Idiot!!
If Roy farts juju's does that mean That Idiot should too???
"My husband said he'd take me on a cruise if I buy him a new gun!" Good. He's makin' a compromise for the first time.
But will he follow thru?
I know that Idiot well enough to know that she'll get the short end of the stick on this like EVERYTHING ELSE!!

Roy told her, "Get the Cruise First. He doesn't need the gun until next year."
See.
Even Roy knows that Idiot won't follow thru!


She called me last night, "My husband says he can't go to Mexico without Roy."

OH HOLY SHIT!!!!

Guess what??

Yep!!
This will be interestin' to see how this unfolds.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Don't Jinx Me!!!

As I laid out the material for a special bag for a fabulous woman from Nebraska, Roy walked by on his way out to hunt, "You'd better not fuck that up!"

"Whooo Boy!!"


I'm a frugal seamstress.
I get the most from my fabric.
That stuffs not cheap!!
I ironed some OSUFabric, laid my pattern out on it to cut, cut it out, pressed it again, sewed a seam, and ironed the seam open....when I noticed PistolPete's Head Was Upside Down!

Shit a Brick!!!
If it had been Longhorns Upside Down, I'da giggled, finished it, and carried it myself....PROUDLY!!
But no.
I had to go buy more fabric.

"True! We'd be makin' an emergency road trip to Omaha!"

The finished bags were awesome!!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Bazaar And Cracked Up...

3 Things that happened that Cracked Up Someone... and we needed some levity.

1) As I was puttin' out my display, I hesitated over the CasinoVegas bag, turned to my sister and asked if it was too much. The PastorWife which was standin' right there, said, "no it's fine."
"Good. I did have enough sense to leave my nekkedCowboys at home."

This woman standin' at another table whipped her head around in horror!!
I'm thinkin', "Good Lord What Did I Say?"
"Well Half Nekked. I sewin' beads on them, to "Gay" them up a bit."
That...Cracked my mom up.

2) My brother was just standin' there doing nothing. And I was outta DrPepper. So I gave him some money to make a pop run. He said something, a line from a song and my mother and sister burst out sing that song.
I just shook my head. "And you people" as I motioned around at the 3 of them, "THOUGHT I was gonna embarrass you!"
And That ....Cracked up the MaryKayLady!!

3) My mother was talkin' to me about something, when I realized I was lookin' down at her.
I'm the shortest one in the family.

It's a big deal.


And becuz I'm short I know how tall some famous people are, like Bette Milder, she's 5' 2". Dolly Parton is 5' 1" and Linda Hunt is 4' 9".
Linda Hunt is on a show NCIS:LA and she walked into a room of men....she looked to be as tall as a 5 year old!!
"Honey, Do I look that short?" Roy didn't say a word....he just rolled his eyes.
But I continued, "You realized that I do not see myself as being that short and carry myself as if I'm 6' 4", don't you?"
With a giggle and big grin, he said, "YES! I Know!"

I'm 4' 11 3/4".

So here I am lookin' down at my mother....thinkin' "is she shrinkin'??"
Turn to my sister, "RubyJune!"
And I'm never quiet about anything, so everyone turns to see what I want, "Is Mom Shrinkin'?"

You would have thought I slapped my mother's face!!

And that cracked up RubyJune.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Bazaarly Disappointed...

Roy was right.
I was disappointed.

But I'm about as bullheaded as they come. I was determined to make a go of it. I had to try.
So I sucked it up and bought the "inspirational" fabric, made a few bags in different sizes. I took 17 in all.
I was dolled up....I looked better than the pastor's wife!
I wore the spiked spectators and the hat... was cuter than my sister. Seriously the hat was a hit. The MaryKayLady told me I was stylin'!
I greeted people. I can smooze like nobody's business.
I encouraged them to try them on....and showed them how. The MaryKayLady offered a mirror if needed.

But he was right.
I sold one bag.
He said I would sell two.
I took 4 orders....One for my sister. She wants a blanket. One for my mother. She wants the lunch sack for her makeup. A diaper bag for my ExSisterInlaw/Cousin.
Let me tell you about that. We married twin brothers.
I married EarlLee on Friday. And was her Matron of Honor on Saturday when married EddyJack.
I had EdithAnne in March. Her son was born 6 months later.
I had EudoraMae in February and her daughter was born 6 months later.
She divorced EddyJack long before I kick EarlLee's ass to the curb.
10 years ago she married her high school crush, my cousin.
Why didn't they date??? BillyRay was extremely .....I mean EXTREMELY SHY!! And was afraid to ask her out.
So now she's my cousin. He was so shy, that I had to ask her how they have sex. She blushed, "Very quietly, Silly!"

So I'm not sure what to call her daughter....is she my niece or is she my cousin??? But whatever she is, she ordered a bag.

And once again Roy was right....after all my friends and family have a bag, I'll be done.

It wasn't entirely my fault.
Those ChurchPeople do not do things right.
There was no promotion for the event. It was held on THE WORST DAY....soccer day!! It should have been held in conjunction with the event next week which is their HalloweenThing...duh!
The Church's Own Church Ladies didn't attend!! What's up with that??
But I held my tongue. I was my Granny's Church.
She came by!!
My aunt came by!! I gave her a bag...the one with JesusFish on it.
My people supported me!! My mom stayed with me all day. My sister came back and forth between soccer games.
Even the MaryKayLadies were a bit miffed. At 2, they packed up shop and the rest followed suit. I was on the road home by 2:20!!

Other reasons for my disappointment:
I shared a table with my brother. He did things like he always does things....half ass to nothing. He left.
What time??
Nobody knows.
He just left.
My niece....the one I bribed to come visit it with me while I was in town. The one that I'm the closest to...so I thought.... Came in, saw her bag, told me that any heels over 2 inches are HookerShoes and left.
I don't think she was there 5 minutes. Thank You Very Fuckin' Much!!

But Roy didn't gloat. Nor did he say "I told you so.
It wasn't my fault.
On the way home, I was thinkin' over all the bags that I have made, and thinkin' who I can send them to for Christmas.


And I still have that damn CrossBag!!
Stupid Ass ChurchLadies!!!

Saturday, October 24, 2009

It Was Bazaar!!!


So, Roy and I discussed what time we should get up to start our big day...Saturday! He had MuzzleloaderSeason to deal with and I had the ChurchThing.
"I have to be there at 8."
"That works out well for me, I want to be in the stand at 6:15."
Now if he said anything else to after that, I sure as Hell don't remember it. I was still tyin' a blanket together and makin' a dog bed. I had my own shit to deal with so I just didn't hear him say what time he was gonna set the alarm.
In the wee hours of the morning, I heard him tippy-toein' over my head. And I thought, "Oh sweet baby, Thank you." He's lettin' me sleep just a bit longer. Then I rolled over and saw the clock....5:13!!!!!!
Holy Shit!!!!!!!!
That gives me 45 minutes to feed him breakfast, eat a bit, shower, and deal with my hair!!
My hair lives in a world all to itself. It does what it wants when it wants...I have no control.
Holy Shit!!!
"Honey what are you thinkin'!!!!????? I wanted to leave the house at 6:00!!!! I have to drive an hour and half!!!!!!!! I allowed myself 2 hours to do it!!!!!!!!!!!" I shouted at him while I got the eggs and ham out and he loaded my car with all my stuff.
I had all of it ready to go.
I knew exactly what I was going to wear....I even had plan B ready just in case!!!
But my hair!!!!!!!!
He lived to go hunting....6am he walked out the door.
"Take your flashlight with you. It's dark out there! I'm lockin' you in!!"
At 6:25am I picked up my bags, put my hat on my head, and my flashlight in my hand.
Okay, I have to pee.
Set everything down.
Walked in the bathroom, twisted myself back outta those damn hose, saw my jacket hangin' in the shower, "I need that."
Sat there.
And Sat There!
2 Freakin' Drops!!
Okay, move along.
Holy Shit!!
Do you know what's worse than havin' your skirt tucked in the back of your panty hose?
Having the hem of your skirt in the toilet bowl!!
Okay, not wet.
Move.
Along.
Go back to the living room and pick up all my shit...again.
Turn to where the light switch is....damn it all to Hell... That Jacket!!!
Put everything back down go back to the bathroom and put on the jacket.
Pick everything up.
Go to the back door.
Damn!!
Not only did he lock the back door but locked the deadbolt.
Shit a brick.
Now I have to use the flashlight to find that set of keys....car keys found and in my jacket pocket.
Find the house keys.
Damn it's dark...Thank goodness for the flashlight!
Got in the car without a hitch at 6:33.
Back it out and around....Shit a Freakin' Brick!!!!
The headlights hit the LOCKED GATE!!!
NOW WHERE ARE THOSE KEYS!!!!!!
Again the flashlight came in handy.
I'm finally on the road at 6:35.
Oh Holy Shit and Kiss My Ass!!!
I need to pee.
It's 6:39!!
But on my way to the ChurchThing.

Friday, October 23, 2009

I Promised!!!

I did.
I promised no HookerShoes or OldLadiesHats.
I have to stick to my word.

But...
I do have spike spectors and an old man hat!!!!

Laughs wickedly as she walks away.....

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Be Careful And Drive Slower!!!

I'm always told that.
By Everyone.
With Good Cause....

Maybelline, why can't you be true?
Oh Maybelline, why can't you be true?
You've started back doing the things you used to do...

Roy and I were comin' back from Tulsa. I was drivin'....which is a rare thing. When we first bought my car, when we went somewhere HE drove.
2 reasons:
He thinks he's a better driver. And it's not that he's better.
He just not as a aggressive as me.
And 2, IT'S LIKE TAKIN' A FREAKIN' DRIVIN' TEST!!!
"Turn Signal."
"Let off the gas."
"You're too close."
"BREAK!!"
There were many times I had stopped the car and let him drive.
Or kicked his ass out.
Once I drove back home and locked him out.

But this trip home I was drivin'....Down the turnpike with moderate traffic....

As I was motivatin' over the hill
I saw Maybelline in a coup de ville
A Cadillac a-rollin' on the open road
Nothin' will outrun my V8 Ford
The cadillac doin' 'bout ninety-five
She's bumper to bumber rollin' side by side....

It wasn't a Caddy.
It wasn't a V8Ford.
It was me.
And a '70 Hemi 'Cuda.
My dream cars....'69 Copo Camaro, '63 Corvette, and a '70 Hemi Cuda.
And There IT was....

The Cadillac pulled up to a hundred and four
The Ford got hot and wouldn't do no more
It then got cloudy and it started to rain
I tooted my horn for a passin' lead
The rain water blowin' all under my hood
I knew that was doin' my motor good...

I caught him.
I let him lead and caught a break when we caught up to traffic and I passed him.
We were weavin' in and out of the cars.
Roy was watchin' traffic....coachin'me ....like I needed it.
I didn't it.
This wasn't my first Rodeo....or car race.

When we passed the last car, I slowed.
I let him catch me.
He had the biggest grin on his face.
Muscle Car People Love To Race.
I think he thought he had me.

The motor cooled down, the heat went down
And that's when I heard that highway sound
The Cadillac a-sittin' like a ton of lead
A hundred and ten a half a mile ahead
The Cadillac lookin' like it's sittin' still
And I caught Maybelline at the top of the hill....

I down shifted...And took off like a rocket.
I looked in the rearview just as the black smoke rolled outta that 'Cuda.
He was done.

I won.

I have no idea what kinda speed we were doin'.
It was more important to watch traffic.


Maybelline, why can't you be true?
Oh Maybelline, why can't you be true?
You've started back doing the things you used to...


I should be called Maybelline, instead of Nadine.
I heard this song at the gym and instantly thought of the Day I Killed A Barracuda.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

I'm So Loved...

I asked my niece if she was gonna "babysit" me at the ChurchThing.
I had to bribe her.
"I have something for you."
"well, okay but I can't be there until 11."
"That's fine. I promise not to wear hooker shoes or old lady hats."

"lol, the church will burned down when you turn into the parking lot!"

Yep!
Loved.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

I Think I'm Coming Down With Something!!!

I'd chalk it up with allergies if it wasn't for the sore throat.

Saturday, all I did was lay around on the couch.....more than usual.
I tried to play games on Facebook but I just felt like shit.
I watched the OU/Texas game....I think I spent all my energy there.

Although I did donate blood on Saturday am so that could be why I felt punky.
I've never done that before.
Not so bad.
I didn't have my glasses so I couldn't read the paperwork I signed....I hope I didn't sign up for experimental testing.
And becuz I couldn't read anything....seriously, my eyes are as bad as Roy's ears....the tech read me the questions....the yes or no ones....WOW! Those were pretty personal!!
I only answered yes to one question about travelin'....Jamaica.
He said, "where did you go?"
"The Sandals resort."
He smiled, "no, what port?"
Well hell....that was a long time ago.
I stammered a bit until a came up with Montego Bay.
Whew!
I didn't go to the wrong spot there!
But what's scary is, there is a right spot for whatever there is that gets you kicked off the donation bus!!
Like Roy needed a reason not to get off the cruise ship in Jamaica!!!

So there I was laid out in a really cool recliner doing a grown up thing, when someone that I do not care for, though I have never done anything to him, steps outta the question and anwser booth to do his turn at donating, when he sees me.

He actually turned pale.
And stopped where he stood.
Looked around to see if he could find a recliner chair that didn't face me....though knowin' his wife would be facin' me if he faced away from me.

Fuckin' Asshole!!!
He hates Roy.
And that disdain carries over to me.
And the feeling is mutual.

And his wife....I couldn't tell if she turned pale or not...she wears 16 layers of makeup!
I think she's had work done.
I know her boobs are fake. Some one THAT old can't lay on her back and keep her real boobs THAT straight up in the air!!
Not even with a good push up bra on!!!
But you know that woman thats had too much plastic surgery and she looks like a cat???
She has that look about her too.
Roy said, "Well if you can't be a ShowPony, You just have to make one."

Like Frankenstein!!!


On an unhumorous note:
The HappyBaby has the flu.
And as we all know if someone has the flu right now, it's more than like H1N1.
Send Happy Vibes.

Friday, October 16, 2009

And Then He Say This...

I finished the cross bag for the ChurchThingy.
I'm proud of it.
I love it when things turn out well.

I showed it to Roy.
"See, crosses. Inspirational."

He grinned.
"It's Blasphemy!"

Rude!
I thought it great!!
"What the hell are you talkin' about?"

"You made it."


Ha Ha.
Asshole.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Let The Pigeons Fly...

"Hey Babe!" Roy calls out.
He's in the livin' room.
I'm in the bathtub.
"What?"
"What was the name of that purse that Carrie gave that girl?"

This is why I love him.

A) He watches chick flicks.
B) He knows the names of the characters.
C) He remembers the little things.

"It was Louis Vuitton. Why?"
"I found it in this magazine."

D) He looks thru Vogue.
E) He knows Houndstooth prints from Plaid.

"Hey Babe, Have you seen this Ralph Lauren Top? I like it."

F) He's got style and taste.

He's come along way.
Next I'm going to teach about Burberry and Prada.

Blushin', Beards, and Panties...

While drivin' to town, I leaned over close to Roy to confide in him.
I didn't want him to miss one word.
"Honey, I don't know about your beard and how it grows back in but my beard gets caught in my panties."

He actually turned pink!!
"What?"
"My beard. While I'm on the elliptical thingy, my beard's stubble gets caught in my panties. It's itchy. That ever happen to you?"

Still blushin', "No."

"Now you'll have something to think about at the gym besides that NewWoman's nipples."

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Whatta Load Of Bull!!!

One day Roy was out doin' RoyThings...while I lazily sat at my PC...when he came in the house in a huff!!
He was riled up!
His feathers were ruffled!!
And not in the way you would expect!
Not like the way he was that one day when the man accused him of shootin' his horse!

But he was freaked out!

He had been weed eatin' along the fence line when he saw the neighbor's bull runnin' towards him!! Roy headed to the house!!!

He's had a run in with that big boy once before over one of my dogwood trees. Roy tried to save it. But for fear of havin' a mud hole stomped in him, Roy let the Bull have he tree!!
He has a great respect for the bull!!

Though that's one animal he'd like to shoot!

So there he was standin' in the livin' room in a huff, "That Bull has a hard on for me!!"
And he told me what he saw...that bull runnin' thru the trees and around cows lookin' for Roy and that noise!!
That noise of the WeedEater!!!
I giggled.
"It's not funny!"

Well yes it is.
I've seen that man stand toe to toe with people hurlin' accusations at him.
I've gone to work with him and watched him be all professional. He knows how to be a grown up.
I envision him standin' like SuperMan with his SuperCopCape flyin' in the breeze.

And there he is frazzled over a bull.
There was the time he was all freaked out about the neighbors rooster...he had a hard on for Roy too.
That little red rooster ran Roy in the house once, yellin' "Shut the Door! Shut the Door!"
I slammed the door shut just as the rooster hit the door.
That damn thing was comin' in!!
Roy got even. He put his Rottweiler on that damn rooster.
The dog didn't kill it.
But that was the last we saw of it.

So I'm gigglin' at him.
"It's not funny. I'm gonna go clean out the far ditch where that damn bull can't see me."
And off he went.

I went back to doin' my thing on the PC.
I heard this God-awful groan comin' from straight to the north.

What the hell is that!!???

My first thought was that is was Roy fuckin' with me....but I had heard the driveway buzzer as he went out the gate to do the ditch...it couldn't be him.

I heard it again!!!!

It's one the most horrific sounds I've ever heard!!!!

I got up to go see.
Just like the dumb blondes in the movies....just before they get slashed to death by the mad dog killer.
Or ripped to shreds by the werewolf vampire hybrid.

So I armed myself....with my camera.

This is what I saw.
ssshhhh.....He's hidin'!!

Monday, October 12, 2009

Being A Grown Up...

I have befriended some ladies from highschool that wasn't exactly my friends in school.

One slept with my boyfriend....And I think she might have had a fling my exhub EarlLee too. He'll take that to his grave.

One made fun of my boyfriend...I figured she was just jealous.

One is the big sister of a girl that my baby sister beat the Holy Shit out of... BigSister stood up and yelled, "RubyJune! Stop hitting Deana right now!!"
RubyJune stopped.
I stood up from my seat in the back of the bus...where the CoolKids sat...and said, "Go Get Her Ruby!"
RubyJune went back to wailin' on Deana.
BigSister sat down and turned to me, "I'm sure Gina had it coming."

'Nuff said.

But I've befriended them.
Water under the bridge....I can only hope that the photos they post are old ones and they are fat.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Rude!!

I have decided to do the ChurchThing.
I emailed my sister for some info and added:
"And who's gonna babysit me??
This is your church and if you don't want me to embarrass you in any way, someone should be with me to reign me in, don't you think??
You can work in shifts if you need, but someone should be with me."

I'm just bein' truthful here.
Remember the last time I was at her Church??? Click Here.

She emailed me back, and answered my questions. Then added, "Oh and yes keep your mouth shut."

Rude!!

This should be fun.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

If They Only Knew...

I have posted my huntin' trip on FB.
My daughter thought it was funny.
She thought I should write a book.

High Five for me!

My sister, though, "The world is not ready for the book she could write."


Hhhmm....


And again, there's that confidence in my abilities.
Why are these people so skeptical??

Always, "Calm Down!"
"People are looking!"
"Do not touch that!"
"Here! Let me do that!"
"Do not speed!"

And let's not forget..."Drive Carefully."
My granny said, "You're told that a lot. Aren't you?"

It's not like I have raised my skirt in public....well...yeah....that one time....okay maybe twice.
But I've never wrecked a car.
I've only been given one speedin' ticket....it was before Roy.
I don't have to use sharp knives...or screwdrivers...or hammers....or any tool for that matter.
Or build fires.
And So I'm a little high strung...I'm fun.

You know if I wrote a book I think I would name it "Oh Lord!" becuz that's what my sister would say many... many times if she ever read this blog.
Or "And He rolled his eyes."
Roy had the nerve to tell me the other day that he doesn't roll his eyes as much I think he does.
Yeah!
What the Hell?
He rolls his eyes I swear at least 13 times a day at me.
"Honey, do I look as short as Linda Hunt?" He didn't dare answer that one.
"Honey, feel my bicep! I think its bigger today." And he smirked.
"Honey, let's do the segway thingy in Cozumel!" And he giggled "You? On a segway?"
"Honey, Do you wanna have wild monkey sex?" And added Duh!
"Honey, Are you hungry?" And added Duh!
"Honey, look the cat just did something so cute." He just ignored me after that.

Seriously, I don't see what is so wrong with life that he needs to roll his eyes all the freakin' time!

So I've rambled enough and need to make supper.

Thank you for your support.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

The Heathen...

"So we're going to Joplin?" Roy said.
I thought about it and I think I can find my fabric I need at HellMart.

"No. I think I can find what I need in SmallTown."
He looks at me with questions written all over his face.
"Why? I thought there was a big push to go to Joplin?"

Yesterday, he told me that after all my friends have a bag then I'll be outta business becuz I want to go to the fabric stores in Joplin.

Yeah.
Confidence is runnin' high.

I had a friend ask me to come to her Church for a thing and bring my bags....it helps her and me.
Win/Win!!

Roy doesn't have the same feelings.
Oh he approves of all the bags....just not all the gas money that goes into me runnin' all over to find fabric or HAND deliverin'....or the Church thing.
"You'll sell 2 bags. Tops."

Yeah.
I know.
I wanted to cry.
But still I have had orders.
And one of them is for crosses.

"Honey, I think I can find the inspirational fabric at Walmart."
He looked at me like "What the fuck?"
"Inspirational. Religious equals inspirational."
He smirked.
"You."

Yeah.
There's that confidence again.
Or maybe he just knows me all too well.

"Yes. I know. I'll try not to vomit pea soup on it."


And no HellMart does not have what I want for the Inspirational bag...Hobby Lobby for sure!

Monday, October 05, 2009

WOO HOO!!!!!

For those that have missed her....Larry The Cheeto....Go here!
She's so funny!

And that's all I'm sayin'.

Sunday, October 04, 2009

Men, Cats, And Democracy...

Sunday, 11:30 Am, I was in the kitchen frettin' over an unripened avocado. I've had the damn thing for a week and it's still as hard as a rock!! They ALWAYS ripen overnight!! I thought I would try fryin' it.
Anyway... the house was cool. I was wearin' an oversized sweatshirt and wool socks....I was comfortable.

Roy was not.

I could hear him crumplin' paper.

OH NO!!!!!
I ran to the doorway of the livin' room and with my knife poised to stab, "WHAT THE HELL?????"
He grinned.
He was about to die but he grinned.

"I'm cold."
"Then put on some clothes but do not make a fire in the stove!!!"
He ignored me.

Later, he came in to tell me, "We took a vote and you were out voted 7 to 1."

What???

"Come see." and lead me into the livin' room where there were 6 cats spread out all around the stove.

"See. 7 to 1."

Damn it.
By12:30 I was sittin' in my shorts and tank top.....dyin'!!!

Saturday, October 03, 2009

Really???

Two comments about the SexToys stood out.

Get one of those really soft ones.... NO TOOTH CHIPPIN'!!

Secondly, a gal should have backup.
If you do not have a second stringer, YOU NEED TO GET ONE.
Sure, The Hub is good.
He knows you perfectly.
But Girlfriend, sometimes the pump needs to be primed!!!
Annnnd.....There are those times that your trigger is not tripped.
You know I'm right.
And the BackUp Boyfriend is needed!

Maybe that glass one with nippley things isn't for you.
It's not for me.
I prefer the softer ones....the life-like ones.
One of mine is pink....and one is red.
One fits in my pocket....for travelin'.
The best one plugs into the wall.....we go full throttle!!

It's a great stress reliever that doesn't involve food.
Everyone's happy!!
Don't be ashamed.
Go for it.

Friday, October 02, 2009

Who Should Pick Out The Sex Toys???

The person usin' it??


Or the person just watchin'??


Or helpin'???



Isn't that pretty???

You can get it at Adam And Eve

"Honey, Look at this."
We were on an emergency run to the sextoystore.
Not our emergency. We just rode along.
I saw this little beauty.
"Looks interestin'."
"I thought so. But what about these little thingies? What good are they?"
He looked at me like I was nuts.
A look I'm used to by now.

"It's supposed to give a good sensation."
"Oh really!"
"Yes."
"I don't think so."
"Yes it does."
"So YOU'VE had one in YOUR Vagina!"

HappyWife had stepped up by then, "I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW WHAT THAT WAS ABOUT!"

So really, just who should pick out the toys???
I'll pick out my own, Thank You very much!!