Monday, June 29, 2009

Catch Up!

Yes, I was gone.

My grandparents needed me....the rest of the family was on vacations.
My grandpa had to have Openheart surgery....5 by-passes!!
I GrannySat my grandma for 4 days.

He's better.
He's bitchin' again.

Life goes on....

I've got to get caught up on my projects, my garden, my Housewives, and Roy.

I'll be around to visit with all my peeps soon!

Monday, June 22, 2009

Cranky Old Poop Day...

So Roy and I were standin' at WalMart the other lookin' at Father's Day Cards....I have a hard time with pickin' out cards. I only have to pick out one. It's Roy's job to pick out one for his dad, not mine!

I might have to sign his name to it and address it but I don't have to pick it out!! I have to put him in a headlock and force the pen in his hand to make him sign the birthday cards for his children.

I mean really!
How you like it if your stepmonster signed your birthday cards and not your father???

But all the rest I just sign and mail it.

I just have my grandpa's to choose....and it's not easy for me.

He's not kind.
He's not wonderful.
He's a pill!!
But there on the shelf was The Best Card for My Dad!!!

I couldn't tell you what it said, I didn't read it.

It just had an old Camaro on the front....same color as his was.....and the tears started come. I quickly put the card down and told Roy I'd do this later.
I've made enough scenes in WalMart to last HIM a lifetime!

1969... Me and Daddy.

But later, I went back to the cards with Roy in tow....It has to be done.
So here we are again...knee deep in mushy cards.

I have the same problem with Mother's Day.
She didn't bake me cookies.
She didn't walk me to class that first day of school.
She's a pill!!!

All the other women didn't have a problem pickin' out cards.

Why can't there be a Cranky Old Poop Section???
I did find a car card that listed several different sorts of cars....and one cranky one.
So at least he's listed once.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Honey, There's A Snake In My Hair!!!!

I'm not gonna try to fool like I have in the past and tell you in the end, "And Then I Woke Up." becuz the funny part of all of it was what happened when I woke up.

So I was layin' on the bed, tryin' to sleep. But Roy was makin' way too much noise for me to sleep.
He can be so exasperatin' at times!!
I rolled over and looked up at the ceilin'....Holy Beans and Farts!!!
There was a friggin' snake twisted up in the light fixture!!!
I had to yell for Roy!!
But I didn't want the freakin' snake to get scared and drop on me!
So I tried like a wildfire outta control to get Roy's attention....he was standin' just outside the bedroom fiddlin' with the door!!!
But NO!!
He couldn't hear me for the all the noise that the fan and A/C was makin'...with his bad hearin' and all.
But the freakin' snake.....dropped and landed right beside me!!!
Holy Friggin' Shit!!!!!!
I was makin' all sorts of noises to get Roy to come rescue me and my hair!!! If you know anything about me, I'm all about my hair.
And there was a friggin' snake in it!!!!
And just before I had the massive heart attack that sent me to Hell in Hand Basket....I woke up.

With Roy sayin', "Baby, you can't sleep all day. Get up."
I mumble, "Honey, There's a snake in my hair!!"
"It's 8:30. Baby, you hafta get up."
"Honey, Get it out. There's a snake in my hair!!"
"No Baby, there's not a snake in your hair. Get up. The GymHo will be at the gym."



What???

And the whinin' started...mention the GymHo and I'm gonna whine...So he started rubbin' my butt.
"But Baby, there's no snake in your hair. I swear. Are you even awake?"
"I'm totally awake! You didn't come save me from the freakin' snake and you expect me to get up and go to gym becuz the friggin' GymHo is there?? I don't wanna get up!"
"But Baby, I'm right here and there's no snake in your hair. I would never let a snake get in your hair."
"I don't feel good. I'm on fire. And you let a snake get in my hair!"
"Oh no Baby, you not on fire and there's no snake in your hair and you FEEL great!! Do you wanna do it?"


What????


Men!!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Walkin' The Plank....


And Roy said, "YOU DROP THAT CAMERA IN THE POOL, I'M NOT BUYIN' YOU ANOTHER ONE!"
The HappyKids for some odd reason like to jump into the pool and they stand on the edgeof the pool....I don't know how many times we've told them not to stand on it.....so he built them this makeshift divin' board.
And they jump and splash to our dismay.
It's not built for the PhatGirl...at all.
When I stepped out on it...over the edge....it creeked and popped.
Damn it.
Yeah. Yeah.
Work harder.
I've been workin' out on the elipitical since freakin' April! But NO!
I think I've gained weight!!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Whoopsie....

I've been a bad blogger...again.


Sorry.
So Sorry.
I have keep up with all my peeps though.


I guess my only valid excuse is life is borin' at the moment...just not much to blog about.
But....let's catch up.

I've been workin' on my tote bag project. I have a few more ducks to get in a row and I'll be ready to go.

I need to be in there right now workin' on that Fur bag's handles....I have an Idea to Fix them!! I can't sell that one...I keep the proto-types.... but the next one will be FFFFurfect!


I've been lollin' about in the pool too....and have "toasted the tender bits".
Roy bought me the BEST EVER FLOATY!!!!


So there's a lot of lollin' about.
What you can't see is that there are ropes tied to it holdin' it in place....The wind came up...while I was on it.....it was really excitin'!! Talk about blow the man....woman down!!!

I've been watchin' the Real Housewives of New Jersey.... I love Theresa!!!
She's so cute...with her girls...with her hubby....with her friends. She took so many clothes on a weekend trip you'da thought she was stayin' for 2 weeks and not 2 days.
She just so cute...and now she's got buh-bees!!

A little funny tidbit....I have been googled for GymHo.com.
There's a website???
For GymHo's???
That's about as good as the ones that come here for Gypsie Porn.

Whatever!
It's summer time and I have places that have not been sunburnt....yet.
I'm outta here.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Never Lend Your Camera To Your Friend!!

After BasketballCamp, I uploaded my video and pictures to make a DVD for the HappySon.
His mother loved it!
I did a good job.
She wanted me to make one for the HappyDaughter, so she gave me all her cameras.
I sat down with the cameras while she and Roy was out in the pool with the kids to upload her pictures.
And the minute I did it, I regretted it!!
525 photos!!!!
ON MY PC!!!!

I went outside to yell at her.
525!!
Doesn't she ever delete things???

"525!!! That's how many photos are loading into my PC!!! 525!!! And there better not be any nekked butt pictures!!!"
She burst out laughing!!
And yelled back, "There aren't any nekked butt pictures!! Just delete the rest and use the basketball photos."

"If I ever give you MY Camera, be careful where you open it up! There are always nekked butt photos on mine!!"
And Roy was noddin' his head to agree with that statement!!


A few days later, she called about what food to bring to a pool party, and she said, "There wasn't any nekked butt pictures were there?"

She doesn't know????
Hehehe...
"Yes, in fact there was one."
The line went silent. She was thinkin' about that.
But I let her off the hook, "There was a photo of a nekked seal ass swimmin' in the pool at the zoo."

I feel that one day, she'll get even with me.
She has a photo of me where I look totally stoned.

Friday, June 05, 2009

The Road Trip...

Was to BasketballCamp!!

At OklahomaStateUniversity!!

And the pink shoes were weddin' shoes....these are road trip shoes...

I'm still editin' the pix, washin' laundry, cleanin' up all the messes the cats made.... It would seem they held a CatKegger while we were gone to BasketballCamp.

It was a blast!!