Monday, March 30, 2009

Cinnamon Rolls, Tomatoes and Long John's....

I have a lot to learn about Cinnamon rolls.
They weren't bad...they weren't the best!
Roy ate 3 right off.
Who can resist fresh right outta the oven Cinnamon rolls??

The next batch will be tweeked a bit.

The tomatoes....some will not make it.
The cabbage and broccoli....are perfect!
And I noticed the a pea sprout!!

Damn that late snow storm!!!!

And on a more humorous note...

Roy loves WalMart's LongJohn thingys.
So I went to pick him out some...why he can't do this? I don't have a clue.
The box may be intimidating?
Or the tissues to pick them up???
Or maybe the fear of gettin' one of those creme filled ones....oh the horror of bitin' into one and havin' lemon goo ooze into your mouth!!
So the task is all mine to find him the perfect LongJohn thingy.

Let me set the scene for you.
We were almost to WalMart...15 miles from the house....when I realized I had left my wallet in my gym bag!!!
SON OF A BITCH!!!!


Roy pulled out his wallet to count his money. He doesn't carry a debit card or any credit cards for that matter. Our whole trip to WalMart was on his cash.
I went to look for a patch for a friends purse. She's an OSU fan and wanted a cutesy purse made. And I needed milk.
And more things that escape me now....but it was all up to Roy's cash!!
All of 9 frickin' Dollars!!!!

Everyone and their dog pup was at WalMart pushin' their carts in my path....Why don't the rules of the road apply to shoppin' carts??
Pedestrians Have the Right-Away!!!
And every WalMart employee seemed to be stockin' things, but not the things I wanted. Why is that??
And there was nothing to add to my friends purse.....that didn't go over Roy's cash.

I was so pissed off. I worked real hard at findin' a way to blame Roy.
I failed to come up with anything!

"Hey Babe, would you get me some LongJohn's for the ride home?"

Suuuuuure.....no problem!!!

I trot my HappyAss over to the bakery only to find an Employee stockin' the donuts...go figure.
And an old lady with a shoppin' cart.
I cut right around the Employee and in front of the shoppin' cart. I was gettin' those damn LongJohn Thingys and gettin' the hell out!!

And Roy said, "Did you see that?"
He was speakin' to the little old lady.
I ignored him.
"She cut right in front of you!"
The little old lady said, "That's alright."
"Oh no! She shoulda waited."

What the hell Roy???

"Oh no, she's fine."
"Oh no. I'll throw her to the ground if you want me to?"
The little old lady started gigglin',
He went on, "I feel responsible for her as it is. She is gettin' those LongJohn's for me."


Some days I just wanna slap him!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Saturday Doldrums....

It snowed.

I have tomatoes in the ground.



I hope they survive.
Can you see the snow blowin'?



I was bored outta my mind.

I decided to bake instead of playin' mindless games on Facebook.
Besides, I'm outta energy in every freakin' game.
I attempted to bake cinnamin rolls....usin' yeast.
I've never used yeast before in my life.
Roy rolled his eyes and left the kitchen.
He knows I'm not a baker.
This is what happens when I'm left alone in the kitchen.
The rolls are bakin' right now.
I'll have to let you know later how they turn out.
They smell good.
But that doesn't mean they won't make good hockey pucks or bricks.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Answering Comment...

Roy's Rock...Thystle, that big Mutha still sits where he left it.....about 75 yards from where he picked it outta the ground and drug with his truck to my yard.
He was concerned that I might back into it when I back my car out.
2 problems wrong with that....One, it's well outta the way.
Two, I NEVER DRIVE ANY MORE!!!!!!
How the Hell can I back my car out and into that hugeass mutha humpin' rock, when I DON'T FREAKIN' DRIVE MY CAR!!!!!!!

That's a sore point.

Why he worries about the rock, I'll never know!!
He actually said, "I think my rock has moved."
I looked him liked he's insane!!
It hasn't moved!!
It would take THE 1st Marine Division to MOVE IT!
And I only have 1 on staff!

Hoorah!

It will probably be there until I make him put it somewhere....and I have decided where.

Ventl8R commented "Forget the rock, I'm drooling on the hands and forearm!! Sorry Nadine, that is one thing I look for on a man is the size of a man's hand and forearms. Shows strength, and we all know where that may lead!! ;-)"

All I can say, "I'm strong to the finish cuz I eats me my spinach!"
Damn right!

Swimsuits 101....And that's why Dreams on the list of bloggers I'd make out with!!

"That's because Dream swims in the nekkid. No kidding.", Thystle said it Bobby! We only want confirmation.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

SwimSuit 101...

It's that time of year. Time to think about swimsuits....Mostly, how much weight needs to come off to get into the damn thing!

There was a time when I didn't even own a swimsuit. But when we bought the pool, I had to have one. I have so many now I've lost count.

When I buy one I buy it 2 sizes bigger than my dress size.
Think about it.
Your nekked!!
Things do not need to hang out!!
Boobs will pop out but my butt???
NO.
We have a criteria that we follow also.
I say we.... Me and Roy.

"Friend and Family Approved"
The suit covers all the necessary parts and do not cause any shame to any one. They are normally one piece.
I have no shame.
But There are Those that Do and I have to Conform.

"Vacation Approved"
A little more revealin'..... But still coverin' my ass.
There are some 2 pieces...I love Tankinis!!!
I love those with little skirts!!
But they can be worn while on vacation.
Hey! It's not like we're gonna see those people ever again!
The man on the Mexican beach that helped me get the sand outta my bottoms, he may be an Okie but I couldn't pick him outta a book of mugshots.

Mick the Drunk Aussie...never again. He looked like a Marc Andrews model. YUMMY.

The Hot Fireman from Houston on the ToplessDeck....was he ever fine!
F. I. N. E. Fine!!
Smokin' Matthew McConaughey-ish

Never again.
Damn it.


"For Roy's Eyes Only"
Tiny and so not coverin' my ass.
My boobs come out every where....well they pop out with Family Friendly Suits.
One rouge wave in Maui and Poof!! RoySr has seen as much as the Fireman on the ToplessDeck!
What's a girl to do???
'nuf said.

So last year when I went out shoppin' for a new swimsuit cover up, I came home with 2 new suits and no cover up.
Funny how that happens.
I broke the rules of good shoppin' sense when it comes to swimwear.....I bought a white suit!!
And didn't try it on!!!

I know!!

I should give up my Professional Shopper's Card but I only paid $5 for it!!!!!!!
Anne Klein for $5!!!!
White or not it was too cute not to have! Belted Flirty little skirted bottom!
So when I got home, I tried it on. If I had tried it on in the store I wouldn't have bought it.
As I stood there in the mirror I thought, "maybe if I lose 5 pounds". Roy was more skeptical about that!
It was Approved for his Eyes Only....I agreed.

and then.... He made me go the gym and tortured me with diet and exercise....and 20 pounds came off....The white swimsuit has been upgraded to Vacation Approved!!!

Well, it hasn't been in the water yet, so the upgrade could be revoked.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

What I Mean By Roy Things....

Roy does his things....what they are, I don't really know.
I just go when he says, "Get the camera! I've got a photo opportunity!"


And this is what I find.....


He's diggin' rocks up outta the yard.

It's a huge mutha!!!

Monday, March 23, 2009

A Whole New Meme....

MzThystle was so tired by the same old borin' meme thingies that EVERYONE DOES....and we've all done them forwards and backwards...I've even done them with Roy just be different! But MzThystle came up with some new questions....Woo Hoo!!!

She's so cool.

So....

1. Three items you would take to a desert island and why. Don't be a loser and say "a boat" either, ok?
Tequila, Sunscreen, and Roy....My main staples of life.
2. If you could only save three people from zombies who they would be?
Roy of course, and my girls....they need savin' becuz I don't wanna raise those grandsons!! Geez do I look like June Cleaver or something???
3. If you had to smell like a food, which three foods would you prefer?
Chocolate cake with butter cream frosting, Fuzzy Navals, and Fresh baked Chocolate Chip Cookies.
4. Three books you wish you'd never read?
The Devil Wears Prada....so not like the movie. I liked Andie in the movie but hated her whiney ass in the book.
Anne Rice--Memmoch and the Devil or was it Memnoch the devil??? I don't know I didn't finish it.
J B Robb?? a Nora Roberts book....something about Death and the....Oh I don't know...It's on the kitchen Table and It's so not worth gettin' up and lookin' at the title!
5. Three biggest lies your parents told you?
That manure is a cure for freckles....Daddy's doin'.
That my mother will come every other weekend and pick me up for THE ENTIRE WEEKEND...so not Dad's fault!!
That Daddys will live forever.
6. Three favorite band names (real, or "If we had a band we should call it...")?
Real: Butthole surfers.
Real: Big Head Todd and the Monsters
If I had a band: DrunkMidget Sex
7. Three things that make you go "ew"?
Maggots in live animals.
Flies that are outside my back door....you'd think it was a stockyards around here!!!!!!
My cousin in law talkin' about sex with her hubby....my cousin. eeeeeuuuuuuwwwaaaaaa....So gross!
8. What are your three biggest addictions?
Shoes, Purses and nail polish.
9. Chicken and waffles are ever so tasty; three food combos so wrong they're right?
Scramble Eggs and ketchup.....It looks like bloody brains on a plate but oh so good.
Mashed tators and corn with ranch dressing...anything to get a kid to eat corn.
Grilled cheese and jalapeno sandwichs....so freakin' good!!!

10. Three bloggers you would make out with?
Tough Call becuz I would with many....But right off the top of my head.....MzThystle, Dream,
And MizAngie....mostly just to hear her say eeeeuuuuuwwwwaaaa!!!!!


And there you have it....Play along...be a sport!

Sunday, March 22, 2009

My First Day Of Spring....

At Har-Ber Village in Grove...
It was a cloudy day and it even spit rain! But all in all it was good. We went with the HappyFamily.
There is old farm machinery and buildin's with all sorts of displays from dishes to guns to dolls.


Quite frankly, it's like bein' in my mother inlaw's, QueenVictoria's house!!

There are displays of pioneer livin' and Indian artifacts...
A lot more than just a wooden Indian...if I show you it all....you won't need to go on your own!

A view of the Grand Lake O'Cherokees...


The Village....
A tree carvin'....but some may have fallen out......
Jean's over there on that side of the lake.....way over there...wave at her!!!
And not to be out done or let anyone down....the obligatory photo of a great ass.....
Take it how you want!
And they mean business....the gates close at certain time and....
So no dickin' around after that!!!
It was a great day!

Friday, March 20, 2009

Tempers, Tasers, and The Mentalist...

So we were watchin' "the Mentalist"....cute show. I really want Rigsby and Van Pelt together...it won't last but they are cute together. Anyway....

CBIDude was goin' to take in a suspect when he was overpowered and knocked to the ground. The Suspect made an aggressive gesture towards the CBIChick and she TASERED him. He went down like a sack of tators!
Just like that!
End of problem.

I turned to Roy, "I want one of those thingies!"
He rolled his eyes.
The thought of testin' it out on him washed briefly thru my brain.

"No. Hear me out. I wouldn't have to have a license to carry it. And I could carry it anywhere."
"There may be a law to have a license. I don't really know."

And then it began to sink into my brain. The Perp would have to be close to me!! That thought creeps me out. There have been some that were more than just too close and that thought.... just creeps me out.
So I continued that line of thought, out loud, "But the person would have to be close to me?"
Being the voice of reason that Roy is, "Has there been any one you've needed to Taser in the last 20 years."
I've known him for 17 of that time.
But yes, there have been men needin' Tasered!
"Yes, Honey, I have had the need for one."

He rolled his eyes.
"An actual person that was a threat and not some one that just pissed you off?"

"Oh well, if you're gonna be picky about it, Just 10-22 the whole thing!"


Matter Closed.



Seriously though, Katie Couric said that 1 in 3 Women in the military have been sexually assaulted and 1 in 7 civilian women have.....I feel that the number is much higher. I believe in my heart that every woman has been, in some form or another, sexually assaulted.
Many just never say a word about it.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Ineptness, DrPepper, and Periods...

So that we're all on the same page....I started my period.
I don't know about anyone else but I would just as soon stay in bed on the first day. Most times, I do just that only to get up to go the bathroom and then take a painkiller.
I used to call in sick. I can not function that first day.

But Roy needed DrPepper.

When he saw me comin' outta the bathroom he said, "Being in your "delicate condition", goin' to the gym in out."
That would be a Big No!!
"Honey we are outta DrPepper."
He looked shocked, "What do you mean OUT?"
"O-U-T. Out."
He went pale.
I thought he might pass out.
But he knows only one of us can be ill at a time.
Or hysterical.
Or dramatic.
And I get to be all three today!!

Being the good wife that I am, I put on my game face, loaded up and went to town.
We had lunch. No big deal. But I was really sore.
We went to Lowe's.
He's been pesterin' me for tomato plants so I knuckled under and bought them. But we had to argue about what type and how many.
I started to act wierd. More than normal. I was hurtin'! I had the body temp of 210. And I felt like I was packin' around 678 pounds on feet that throbbed. My hips ached with each step. And more he bitched with me the more my head hurt!! I wasn't makin' much sense and Roy was being pretty calm with me.
After buyin' plants it was decided that the trip to Walmart should be quick.
I went to get pantie liners and he went to get DrPepper. I had hoped I had time to look for the newest issue of Vanity Fair but he met me at the magazines.
Sometimes, I think he can read my mind!
He wanted some longjohn's donut things...So I picked him out some.
Done!
Checkout!!

I picked him a short line.
He had everything ready to go...he's anal that way.
He had the donuts and pantie liners on the conveyor belt.
He had the pop divided out...regular and diet....all counted but still in the cart.

Then the IneptClerk went to work.
Roy held up a 6 pack and told her there was 20 of them.
"I need to count them."
No problem.
Roy gave her a split second to count and told her there were 20 DrPepper.
"I need to count them."
"Okay? Are we in agreement that there are 20?"
"I have to ring them up separate."
"Okay. There are 20 DrPepper and 12 Diet."
I bit my lip.
I was in pain, but I zipped my lip.
And she said, "Okay hold up one for me."
At that, Roy and I looked at each other.
The look on his face was, "What the Fuck!?!?"
And mine was, "I have NO IDEA!!!"
He had been holdin' a 6 pack up the entire time.

And then we went thru the whole thing again with the diet...I swear the whole thing.

I was ready for Roy to blow a gasket at any minute!! This was one the worst clerks I have ever had at Walmart!!!

My turn with her....I got to pay for it!!
I swiped my card. It didn't work.
She said in a tone that dripped with hate and discontent, "Maybe if you do it slower."

So I did again. It worked.... sorta.
The PIN was wrong!!
That was the final straw!!
That was all she wrote.....
That was when I announced to God and everyone in Walmart, "That's BullShit!!"


I had to look it up!!
Being in pain, havin' a short temper, and being slightly dyslexic I had transposed the numbers!!!!

Roy was gigglin' but kept his distance!
I don't know if he was gigglin' at me or gigglin' with embarrassment. But either way he kept his distance!
As we walked out, we bitched about what was wrong with that clerk. Roy thought she either drugged or just stupid becuz she was just not wantin' to do her job. Her mind was on something else!!
"Well she was one more step from me blowin' a gasket!", I said.
"But Babe, You Did BLOW A GASKET!"
"That was just a small leak, not a full on blown gasket! And you know it! All I said was 'Bullshit'!"
"What I heard was 'Son of A Fuckin' Bitch'!"


Oh what ever!!
I swear he can read my mind.
Which is a helpful thing since he can't hear me!!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

From My Area...

Grove, Oklahoma....
There are a couple of things that stand out.....
This is out in front of a flea market.
As a kid I thought it odd that someone would sell fleas.
This particular flea market was owned by a man named Dan. He died a few years ago and I don't even know if the place is still open.
He has several unique items.
Two things stand out, a golf ball with square dimples and a four foot cast iron claw foot tub.
He gave me a wooden round to-it.
I have no idea where it got to but one day I'll get a round to it!!
hehehehe...get it! a round to it!!
He thought that was pretty funny too.
Another thing that's popular around Grove is the Cherokee Queen. I personally have not been on it. It's supposed to be like a paddlewheel boat. I can't even tell you if they serve dinner or what. I do know that they rent out to party for the tribe's employee party. I had a friend that her husband...he's an ex now...but his idea of a great weekend to win over the love of his lady was to take to Grove and have a ride on the Cherokee Queen. The lady was supposed be swooned by the beauty of the ride around the Grand Lake O'Cherokees and fall hopelessly and madly in love with him.
He has been married 3 times....that I remember.....so it worked 3 times!!
There is also Har-Ber Village....We took Roy's parents many years ago and all those photos are tucked away in an album. I really need to pull them out and go thru them.
Later...

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Miscommunications!!

Roy was standin' at the backdoor, "When's dinner gonna be ready?"

I told him and out the door he went.


I poured dinner in the bowl and picked up the plates and carried it all into the livin' room.
I went back to the kitchen for drinks.
I sat down in front of the TV.
I expected him to be right there with me.
I filled my plate.
I wondered what was keepin' him.
I watched the news and ate my supper.
After about 15 minutes, I was done.
And he was still outside.
I was gettin' a bit nervous.
It was gettin' dark.
I told him dinner was imminent.

I'd better go check on him!!


This is where I found him!



Sittin' up there!!
"Hooooney!! What ARE you doin'!?!?"

"You said dinner was in 10 minutes!"

Right.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Spring...

Has Sprung!!
And is a buzz!!!
You would not believe all the buzzin'!!

The Peach Tree is fine!!

This is why Roy doesn't do landscapin'!!

Just lovely, isn't it!!
See the pop can on the pump??

Friday, March 13, 2009

Exercise Endorphines....

those that I obiviously do not have, work perfectly fine in other people. I have seen them at work.
Old men flirt.
Old ladies giggle.

The other day, while I was waitin' for Roy to get done, a young lady saw me. She always asks me about Roy. The whole freakin' gym knows about Roy and his wild ambition to get 2500 miles in one year....well they don't know that but they know he walks for hours.....many hours.
I always ask him if she said anything to him.
She doesn't.
We can't figure that out.
She'll talk me but not him.
So she stopped what she was doin' to chat about him. I told her what I knew, which wasn't much. She sat down with me. And talked the entire time all of 10 minutes....she'd ask me a question but before I could answer it she was off on another subject!!
She even drew in the man that sittin' behind me into the conversation.
She chatter was about nothing. But important to her so I listened but I couldn't help but giggle at her.

And the man started giggling too.
Pretty soon she decided to go on about her business.
Sweet kid.
She shadow once at the clinic when she was in HighSchool and passed out durin' a cat spay.


I waited until she was outta earshot, turned to the man behind me, and said, "I feel like I was just run over by a car!"
He was still gigglin'. "That must be one of the GymHighs!"
We both agreed.

That has never happened to me!!
Take me shoe shoppin' and you'll see some Endorphines at work!!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

And You Thought The Dentist Saga Was Over...

So Did I!!
To Recap...It will not be a quick one.
Roy had a head cold.
We had a dental cleaning schedule.
We went anyway.....I always say we....we do EVERYTHING TOGETHER!!
That was on Thursday.
Friday he was full on sick.
He refuses to take medicine. "It will just go away." He has no concept of buildin' up his immune system....NO! Let's let get completely beat down and be so dizzy you can't get outta bed.
He is not the best patient...."Well you're not the best Nurse!!"
If I know what's wrong I can fix it but when some says, "I don't know where it hurts and I do not want to take that nasty shit!!" I tend to back the fuck off!!

Saturday....same shit. Though he tried to get out....we went to an auction but the head cold was too much.
Sunday... same shit. But he at least got out in the yard for awhile. He started takin' medicine.
Monday....he felt way better and started a different sort of banter. Not so cranky bitchy but humorous.
Tuesday....he copped a feel, so his head felt better! But his tooth started botherin' him. But becuz he will not take medicine, he wouldn't take a painkiller to help with the healin'. "It'll go away."
By Tuesday evening, his jaw was swollen up big time!!
By bedtime, it was decided we will be going back to the money grabbin' dentist and "I want a painkiller!!"

I called the dentist office as soon as they opened.
We were there 30 minutes before they wanted us.
He went back alone.

They took x-rays.....He said, "You took those the other day."
"Oh but things have changed."
I don't think infection shows up on an x-ray but I could be wrong.
Make note....this set....will not be covered by the insurance!!
The MoneyGrubbin' Dentist, "Oh MrHightower we see this all the time. We need to pop that GOLD Crown off and do a RootCanal and blah blah blah.....schedule an appointment."
And Roy said, "OH NO!! This is what WE're gonna do, WE're gonna treat it with antibotics and painkillers and see what happens!"

I'm about a halfa bubble off walkin' out on them as it is....Pop off that Gold Crown and put in fake crap! I swear these people have wanted to do that to him and me since the day I set foot in that office 5 years ago. I can't believe I've taken it this long.

I can't wait to see this bill.


And MoneyGrubbin' Dentist said, "Well that crown could be leakin'.""

What???

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Different Cats

Lazy House Cat



The Pampered Indoor Cat.... do nothin'.
Oh, they do run around throwin' cat hair every where!


The One that Handles Life Outside.....


She doesn't care about gettin' dirty.

She helps me while I take photos.....

And gettin' this photo made the momma nervous.


"Son, I've told you never get near those creatures!"

But Poppa isn't so scared....he even stomped his foot at me.




And we left!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The Actual Dental Appointment....

Who Knew??
That I could get 4 days worth of blogs outta one dental appointment???

As most know, I hate to go to the dentist. This one in particular tries to dig in my pocket for money that the insurance doesn't cover for work that doesn't need to be done.
Sure, I have a tooth that looks like it has a crack in it....but obviously not a crack that's causin' a problem!!
Not enough to justify a root canal and a crown!!
He told me that a year ago....and I still haven't had a problem.
I am to the point of findin' another dentist.

I do not buy their expensive items they try sell me.

Roy on the other hand....falls on his face every time.

Once he came out the a bottle of something that is still unopened....a year later!!
"Honey!! Why did you buy that?!"
"I don't know. She said I need it."
"Did she smell good?"
He lowered his head, "Yes."
"Did she talk sweetly?"
"Yes."
"You are in so much trouble!! Do not fall for those ploys!"


So this last trip to the dentist when I was presented with a treatment plan to do work in mouth that was gonna cost me thousands of dollars, I declined. I will not do work I do not need.

But Roy....There are some days, I wanna slap the snot outta him!

We got in the truck, "Honey, did you get a treatment plan?"
"Yes."
"Did they want to do thousands of dollars of work on you?"
"Yes." And he hands me his appointment card.
"What the Hell?!! Honey!!! We've talk about this!! Did she smell good?"
He lowered his head, "Yes."
"Did she talk sweetly?"
"Yes."
"Did she show you a tit? Becuz that is the only thing that's gonna get you outta the doghouse with me!"
"No. But she said I could spank her."


Oooooh MmmYyyyy Gaaaaaawd!!!
He is so good with those zingers!!

He's so lucky that we only have to pay $50 for his work!

Sunday, March 08, 2009

Plan B....

Dental Day...Plan A: Set the alarm for 8:30. We go to the appointment. And go to the gym after that....It's a good thing our plans aren't set in Concrete!!

About 2Am Roy was up. He couldn't sleep. He had a sore throat and was coughin'....which means he's fidgetin'....which means he'll wake me up...and I get pretty damn bitchy about being woke up!!
He finally got up to sleep on the couch. But couldn't.
I got up to see what was going on with him. He was all pissy becuz he couldn't sleep and wanted to take a bath.
He said he might not be able to get his teeth cleaned....Plan B. He changes his appointment.

But how can a person know at 2Am how he'll feel at 10:30Am??
I got him lined out and medicated....I went back to bed.
I was plannin' PlanC....I go alone.

But after the bath and some medicine he felt pretty good by 8:00....who needs an alarm???
He came into the bathroom feelin' all cocky, took his belt and popped me on the ass 3 times!!
"Honey stop that....that hurt!"
"But I like it. I think I could do in the bedroom too."
"Whatever! You'll have to find someone else to spank. I don't like it!"
"But I get to keep you too. Right?"

Isn't he sooo sweet???
"Yes. You get to keep me too."

So you see...Plan A was still rollin' forward.

Saturday, March 07, 2009

Kodak Was Thrown Under The Truck....

And in my driveway!!

Standard Operatin' Procedure around here is I open the gate. Roy drives the truck thru and I lock it back...Done!
Easy Right?
'ceptin' I'm doing it!
With a slippery purse.
In the cold.
I sat my purse down.
Pushed the gate shut and locked it as Roy back the truck up.
He knew he had run over something. He was thinkin' it was a cat by the panic on my face.

The only thing I could think of was my camera!!!
It looked good...no outward damage. But when I turned it on....the viewin' screen looked like someone had thrown a rock at a window.
It was dead.
My cellphone was fine.
My lipstick case was squeehawed but still worked. And nothing else in the purse was broken...just the camera.
Roy felt bad.
But blamed me.
And I blamed me.
And one would think that I would be freaked out but no. I really hated that camera!! I loved my first one...the one I tried to get my mother inlaw to use....so I bought this one.....And it was never right.
But Roy bought me a new one.
Yes before the dishwasher.
My camera goes everywhere with me.
I'm still tryin' to get used to it....it's so much smarter than my last one.
This is what I've done so far...
Look at the cute puppy face....this is the one that gets him let out.

The Obligatory Cow photo....calf actually.

Ribs and chicks smokin'...

You Know I Love My Opossum!!

Friday, March 06, 2009

Dental Day....

I hate it.

In January, I start to think about it coming.
Go check the appointment card on the fridge....March.

In February, we get a reminder card from them. Roy looks at it, "We have dental appointments?"
"In March."
He shrugs and walks off....he's not concerned.

Mid-February, my mouth hurts. I'll go check the appointment card.
Appointment is in 2 weeks.
Tell Roy, we have a dental appointment.
He shrugs and walks off....he's not concerned...not one bit.

On Sunday evening, I go over the weekly schedule with him....birthdays, grocery trips, and appointments.
"On Thursday we have a dental appointment."
"Okay."
He's not an idiot. He just doesn't concern himself with minor details.
It's not huntin'.
It's not food.
It's not sex.
So it's not something that concerns him.

Monday, over lunch, "Honey, we have a dental appointment on Thursday.
"What time?"
"In the morning."
"Okay." This is when it starts to sink into his brain.

Tuesday on the way to gym, "Honey, we have a dental appointment on Thursday at 10:30. You need to think about how to fit the gym in that day."
"Okay."
He'll have something to think about while walkin' on the treadmill.

Wednesday at 6:00Pm, He says to me, "We have a dental appointment tomorrow. What time to you want me to set the alarm?"
"What time do you want to go to the gym?"
"After."
"Set the alarm for 8:30."

Plan A has been formed.

"Honey, do you want to make up a PlanB?"
He looked at me like I was crazy!! "We don't need PlanB!"


At about 2Am Thursday morning, PlanB was being formed!

Just Call Me Gladys Kravits!!!

Yes!
I have spy'd on my neighbors!!
My Binoculars are on the cabinet in the kitchen!!


That kid down there has a gun and is shootin' it!!!
Who the hell does he think he is???

Roy???

A thought just occured to me.....I have been lurkin' a lot too!! So I have been standin' outsida your blog with my binoculars....peekin' in at you!!

Thursday, March 05, 2009

I Did It!!

As we both "mounted" our weight machines...our big butts competed for space in the narrow area....I taped the DiaryQueen on the arm and leaned over, "You're doing a good job!"

She smiled.
'Nuff said.

And both went about our business of workin' out.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

What Men Want...

I know we all want to know.
Now that Valentine's Day is long gone....to think if I had posted this early you would have saved yourself a whole hellava lot of grief!!

The Newscaster said,"When we come back from the break, We'll find out what men really want."

"Blow Jobs." is what I said.
Roy grinned. "It's food."


What the Hell!!!???? Have I been goin' about this all wrong????

"So let me get this straight. I want us to be on the same page. Hunting is first. Becuz it's better than sex."
He agreed that I was correct in that statement.
I continued. "And Food is second on the list."
"Yes that's right. Second."
"That puts SEX in 3rd place?"
He nodded his head.


At least I have can cover 2 outta 3!!
Is it all men or just mine??

Monday, March 02, 2009

Mothers, Daughters, and Paul Harvey...

Through the years, I've told a little story about my youngest daughter, EudoraMae. I like to tell the story to family and friends to give some incite into my daughter's strong will and determination.
When she was in Junior High, she played basketball.
She's taller than me, she's all of 5 foot!!
We are not known for our basketball skills.
But she played anyway.
She mostly rode the pine, but was ready to go when called.
To give her all....she's got her mother's tenacity!

So in the 4th quarter, she went in to play.
And did she ever! Runnin' up and down the court...she looked liked a pro!
But she was guarded by some big brute of girl that knocked her down!


I don't know who was on their feet first...me or her!!
But someone was gonna get there ass kicked!!


When I tell the story, I stop there.
People giggle.
Sharin' the joy of a mother's love for her daughter.

And the determination of a daughter that lives by the words her mother told her, "Don't take shit offa no one!"


Little did I know that she was tellin' this same story to her new family and friends.
To give some incite into her mother.

She would tell about playin' on basketball team.
About sittin' on the bench for most of the game.
About goin' into the game in the finally minutes of the game.
About being knocked down by some big brute of a girl.

But she goes on to say, "As I jumped up to kick that girl's ass, I could hear my mom yellin' from the stands, 'Get that fat girl offa my baby!!'"



And that.... is the rest of the story......


Paul Harvey, Rest in Peace.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

The Ladies At The Gym....

I've been rollin' this around in my head for awhile now. I haven't quite figured out the right thing to do. You'll know...you always do.
So help me BlogWorld.

There are these ladies at the gym that are big ladies. One walks with a cane, she'll be CaneLady. And one wears tshirts with blizzards and frostys or tees from DairyQueen, she'll be The DairyQueen. Both are super sweet and are workin' very hard to reach whatever goal they have set for themselves.
So here's the problem.
I would like to say, "Atta girl" or "Good Job" or "Keep it up!" without comin' off like a lesbian. Or have one of them burst into tears "You think I'm fat!!!" sorta thing.

You see I have lost 20 pounds. I have trimmed down a great deal. But very few people have said anything to me about my progress.
My sister at Christmas said something about it. She has to say something. She's my sister!
One of the BeeHiveLadies commented on my legs ....."lookin' firmed up".
And then there's Roy. He was watchin' me get dressed and said "You need to buy smaller panties."
Isn't that just the sweetest thing!! But he wants laid.

If someone odd off the street would say something or those people that haven't seen me for 6 months I would feel like all the torture that I've endured was worth all of it!!

So here we are back to these women...I want to encourage them.
The CaneLady reached a goal and had her photo on the wall. So when we were in the locker room together...and her ModestyLevel is where mine is....she didn't think a thing about undressin' and dressin' with me. So I thought if she as bold as me I'll just go for it. I told her I saw her photo on the wall and that she was doing a good job.
She just lite up!
She and I chattered away while we dressed. I have a feelin' she thought I was one of those SkinnyBitches that didn't want to lower myself to chat with her.
That's what I think about those SkinnyBitches!!
Those that look at me over the top the Vogue magazine.
Look at me like that again I'll squash your SkinnyBitch-Ass!
And you'll say "ThankYou for allowin' me to read YOUR Vogue!"
That's right, I brought that to gym!

The CaneLady now talks to me everytime we are in the gym together.

Anyway, TheDairyQueen, she is awesome!
She gets on that elliptical thingy and gives it her best. I can't do that. I'm outta breath after 2 minutes.
She's making progress towards her goals....You can see it.
But her photo isn't on the wall to show her progress.
Do I just suck it up and go in like Nadine normally does and just say "Atta Girl"??
And if I walk away with a date....so be it.
It won't be the first time.