Friday, February 27, 2009

For The Record....

GymHo and YoungSquire are married....to other people.

GymHo's husband is fine! I'm talkin' F-I-N-E, fine!

I've never met YoungSquire's wife.
He's just the type to come to the aid of some dumbbitch "trapped" in a weight machine!

Lord love him.

You know I've hurt myself dismountin' some of them...I'm a klutz!
HHHmmm.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Granny has been sent home.
Nothing bad came back on her MRI's.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's the weekend.
I've been threatened with snow.
Wednesday, it was in the 70's and peach trees were bloomin'!!
So no peaches for me this year.
And no home-made peach schnapps.

I'm out....see you in March!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Store Clerks, GymHo's And Wives...

I'm not normally a jealous person.
But....
A long time back....years have past by....some one had mentioned to Roy about a store clerk being a "great little gal". He had heard that she was such a great little gal that men lined up to see her.
To have her talk to them.
To have her smile at them.
He had to see her to see what the fuss was all about.

He went to the store and saw the clerk.
There was no line.
There was no "great little gal".
He was not impressed by the clerk he saw.

So HisWife went.
Oh...There was a line.
And there she was...a rip in her jeans with her ass hangin' out.
She smiled a big toothy grin at the men in front of me....and frowned at me.

Every time Roy went in....NO "Great Little Gal".

"Then Stop Goin' IN There!" HisWife Said.

Years have past by....
A couple of weeks ago, The Great Little Gal, was in our gym.
And I brought it to Roy's attention.
And presents perked up a couple of other men....She's something! They oogled her as she worked out on all the machines.

Roy was still not impressed.

He watched her walk on the treadmill. If She wasn't watchin' herself in the mirror, she was lookin' around the room to see who was watchin' her.
And he said to HisWife, "She's too into herself to be a 'great little gal'."


Today, The Great Little Gal, was workin' out on a weight machine that you sit on and it looks like you are swinging your legs....like sittin' on the tailgate of a truck swingin' your legs. You sit down and pull a bar down on your thighs...why? I don't know. I just do what I'm told. Well, MissThing, sat down to swing her legs.

YoungSquire....he's so hot....walked in to do chin ups.

MissThing.....being such a Great Little Gal that she is....instantly she was "caught" in the machine!!
2 men, one being, YoungSquire, ran to her aide....Damn! Why didn't I think of that!!

Roy saw the whole thing.
I could tell what he was thinkin'.
He looked up at HisWife.
I made a face, that "Oh I'm Sure she has problems!" look.
He started laughin'. He admitted to me later that he thought about rushin' to her aide but that would have been a bit much.

Ya think??

I was a "Great Little Gal"....... once.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Silly Man!!!

As I was gettin' my things together to go to see EudoraMae and boys, Roy said,"You are comin' back, right?"
"Yes."
"It's happened to me before. People go south and never return."

Sad.... but true.

"I'll be back. You have my pc and the sewing machine."
He pouted.
"But Honey, most importantly, You have my heart..... and my cats."

He blushed..... and grinned.


Silly man!

Monday, February 23, 2009

What A Weekend!!!

Started out like it was gonna be horrible. My sister, RubyJune called and she was very upset.

Oh Shit here we go again!!!
They are takin' my Granny to the hospital. And RubyJune could only say a few words that I could understand. What I did make out was, "And Grandpa's freaked out!"





OH HOLY SHIT!!!


I called my aunt to get it from her. VioletJean was more calm and had a whole 'nother story to tell. Yes they were takin' Granny to the hospital but she didn't think I needed to make the trip....just yet.



That's what I wanted to do....get on my fastest horse and fly like the wind on that 90 mile drive on the Turnpike!
I think I could do it in 30 if there was no traffic!!


But I wanted the dust to settle.
Every one's emotions are on edge and that just adds to the stress of the patient...Granny.
And I'm glad I didn't go Saturday.
It had been rough.
With Granny comin' and goin' outta her head and Grandpa gettin' on to her for being loopy and not knowin' the answers to the simple questions the doctors and nurses were askin' her....it was too stressful.
My aunt and sister called me thru out the day with updates.





Sunday, my daughter, EdithAnne and I went to Southern Oklahoma to see EudoraMae, my youngest daughter and all the boys. We had a pleasant trip....I hope we can do that more often.

My grandson's feet...lookin' at his feet is sooo much better than his snotty nose! I have that photo too!

EdithAnne and I went to see Granny when we got back into the Tulsa area.


Things were more settled.
They think she may have had a mini stroke.
She tells the nurses, "I went Crazy."


VioletJean called this am to say that her MRI's are good but Granny was just determined to get outta bed and get that roast outta the oven....all night long.


I knew I shoulda called her when I got home to turn the alarm on the bed back on.





I've asked many times if Grandpa should be alone. And everyone agrees he shouldn't be but he doesn't want anyone to stay the night with him. I'd go and use the excuse that I needed a place to stay until Granny gets outta the hospital but he's so cantankerous!!


Of all the kids, I'm the one that he wants to argue with....all the freakin' time. He and I can argue about the barn ...I can tell him over and over again it's blue. And he'll argue it's red!! That I'm just so dumb that I can't see it's red!


And I SWEAR...The next day, He'll say "Oh no I didn't say that blue barn is red!! Why would it be red, when it's obvious it's Blue!"


And maybe it's just me. None of the other kids argues with him. I'm just to bull headed to back down from him. The rest just say, "Sure Grandpa, it's blue." or "Yep you're right it red."





And barns, tractors, weather, sheep, goats, or JoeShit the Ragman...it don't matter. We argue.





But I'd go.
Stay with him.
Then I can say, "I went Crazy!"
So if I'm gone a few days, that's where I'll be.








You wanna see my Okie photos??
I'll dig them out later.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Off To See The Wizard....

The Blunderful Wizard of Odd!

We had business in the Emerald City.
So I thought I would post some of the more interestin' photos that I took as we traveled down the YellarBrickRoad...it works for other people.
Postin' photos...they have all sorts of commentors......They make the top BlogAwards....And I mean that in the nicest of ways.
Always posting photos of cows and prairies.....over and over and over....whatever.
I suppose if I would started givin' away gifts......I'd have more commentors.....And I mean that in the nicest of ways.
I might have to bribe people with candy.

Sierra posts one photo each day...she has the most awesome photos.
It's not the same thing 6 different ways.
A gal can only look at a horse's ass so much.
Okay, that was harsh.
Anyway...
Since The OKC Bombing and 9/11 the Gates of OZ have been fortified with these post thingys.
Once there, in the building, we were escorted around.
And when our business was concluded we were escorted out.
And Off the Property....I didn't take his pix.
I thought that was being too pushy.
Even for us.
I love a man in uniform. This one is a K-9 Unit.
Across the street is the 45th Infantry Museum.
We've been there on One of our many trips to see the Wizard.
There may be photos in one of the albums.
I want one of these for my yard.
Seriously.
Anyone know how I can get my hands on one???
Or a tank???
So becuz over time EVERYTHING CHANGES....and Roy can't talk and drive, we took the wrong exit....and came across this....
The pumpjack is a common site in Oklahoma...there's one at the capital building.
I didn't get to go to the capital this trip.
Those photos are in one of many the albums.
This is as close as I get to Bricktown...
That UHaul has been up there for years.
Roy used to work the Crosstown...I don't know what's called now.
How do you get little trucks???
One thing I did get to do was go to the New Harley Shop!!
I've wanted to go since I saw them pushin' dirt around!!!
And we always go on Sunday and it's closed!!!!
Every Harley shop has their own thing that unique to that area. The one in Des Moines Iowa is called the Hog Barn. I have a photo it but it's tucked away....maybe later. The one in Roswell New Mexico has an alien ridin' a Harley....and I have the Tshirt!
This one has this globe... And out back is a water tower with the Harley Bar and Shield on it.
I couldn't find a tshirt I liked so....maybe later... in the summer.
That's what bikers do....stop at every Harley Davidson shop and buy a tshirt. I buy one every chance I get.
While I was lookin' over the clothes Roy was all over the shop lookin' at bikes. I could hear him knockin' on all the plastic!! He was bitchin' as we walked out, "I'll buy a Honda if I want plastic!"

After lunch with the old folks, I suggested we go home on Route 66....the Mother Road!!
He grumbled about it but did it anyway.
The Nazarene College right on Rt66.

One way Edmond....one way Tulsa....Take me back to Tulsa!!
On 66 there is this place...it's Pop's.


And that's what is has.
500 different flavors of soda pop!!
We bought 5 different bottles and one Dr Pepper....gotta feed the habit.
Roy picked out a Dr Brown's cream soda.
That was THE BEST CREAM SODA EVER!!!!
The Round Barn of Arcadia....it's neat if you haven't seen one.
I have been here before but again that photo is tucked away.
The floor has a unique pattern.
Okay, there's obligatory prairie photo.
If you want to see a horse's ass, the neighbor has mini horses.
NO, NOT many but MINI!
Well okay they have several but they are small horses.
After the round barn there's not a lot of "fun" things to see.
Don't get me wrong it's very unique to see if you haven't been down the Mother Road...I have been on it several times. And have seen just about every thing on it to see in Oklahoma. All those photos are before we bought the digital and all the photos have to be scanned in and it takes forever....some other day.
So when we got to the first entrance back to Turner Turnpike I told Roy to get on it and kick it on out.
And we were escorted home.
Okay, We weren't really escorted out of the Wizard's office or off the property.
It just seemed that way. There were cops EVERYWHERE!!

Friday, February 20, 2009

The Call....

To Roy's parents.....it went something like this.

Roy: "Hey. What are you doing?"
I have not idea what was said or who answered the phone on their end.
I can only surmise.
Becuz Roy continues..."It's Roy."

And then there was silence.
It was odd.
Then Roy laughed.
Roy: "Well what happened?"
But it wasn't funny on their end of the line.
Roy: "Don't you have the remote?"
Nope they haven't had the remote for years!!
And who in their right mind would go out and buy a new one???
Roy: "You do have the converter box?"
Yes, Roy's brother had it all hooked up.
But he had to ask anyway.
Roy: "And you do have it hooked up correctly?"
Roy: "Okay okay, All she did was mess with the front of the TV and now you can't get anything but fuzz?"
Apparently he was talking to RoySr!
He was blaming the whole malfunction on QueenVictoria.
And this whole conversation about the remote and setting the TV on Channel 3 again took 10 minutes!!!!
I had time to sort and start a load of laundry!!
Laughin' my ass off!!

Finally Roy had all he could stand. "This isn't why I called! What are you doing tomorrow?"
And that took another 10 minutes to straighten THAT out.
They want us to come and visit but it must fit into their schedule.
Well too bad.
We had business in OKC.

Roy and I had a conversation just the night before about why I don't like going to visit them. I was not gonna sugar coat it. "I don't care for eating food from a dumpster. Your sister has never embraced me as family, she still communicates with your ex-wife. And your mother's crazy."
He could see my point.

After got the visit cleared with Security and Scheduling Committee in the Old Hightower House and verbal permission from QueenVictoria herself, he snapped his cell phone closed and acted like he was pullin' out his hair.

"Oh yeah I want to go every day!"

Thursday, February 19, 2009

TMI???

A Couple's Thing..... I snagged it off of Becca

♥ What are your middle names? Elizabeth and DeWayne...pronounced DUUUWayne. It's an Okie thing.
♥ How long have you been together? Our first kiss was Feb 9th 1992...17 years ago.
We have been divorced since 1993 from ThoseOthers....16 years.
We will be married 15 yrs in May.
Sometimes it just clicks.
♥ How long did you know each other before you started dating? 3 months of heavy flirtin' and showin' off...I flirted and he showed off.
♥ Who asked who out? He called me and asked me to meet him.
♥ How old are each of you? Roy is 59 and I of course am 35. He tells people that when he met me there was a 15 year age gap and that the gap just gets wider and wider as the years pass.
♥ Whose siblings do/did you see the most? His....I really hate that.
♥ Do you have any children together? No. But we keep tryin'!
♥ What about pets? Over the years we have several cats and dogs....and goldfish.
♥ Did you go to the same school? No. When I was boardin' that old yellow School bus headed to Kindergarten, He was boardin' a Navy ship headed to Vietnam.
♥ Are you from the same home town? No. He's an Iowa Farm boy...I'm a DumbAss Okie.
♥ Who is the smartest? Now that depends on what we're doing....Hunting and ManCrap... He is, Me....I'm not totally without skills. I try to keep them to myself and use them sparingly...I don't want to scare him by dazzelin' him with those skills.
♥ Who is the most sensitive? Me. Nobody's ever called me a "Baldheaded Chickenshit Bastard"!
♥ Where do you eat out most as a couple? RedLobster and Outback.
♥ Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple? Hawaii.
♥ Who has the craziest exes? I'm the crazy Ex....but I don't meddle in EarlLee's affairs.
♥ Who has the worst temper? Hand's down...Me
♥ Who does the cooking? Me....That's one of my skills!
♥ Who is more social? Me....Anyone called a Baldheaded Chickenshit Bastard is SO not Social.
♥ Who is the neat-freak? Roy...But over the years, he's come around to my way of thinking. Just put it where you can easily find it later....sure it will may be 6 months but it will be right there!!
♥ Who is the more stubborn? Let's see....Roy has the mentality of a PitBull and I'm more like a Missouri Mule.....so it's a draw.
♥ Who hogs the bed? Roy. No doubt about that!! I should take a pix of the bed covers to prove it!! They are all pull to his side!
♥ Who wakes up earlier? Me. I'm a light sleeper.
♥ Where was your first date? It was clandestine meetin' place out by the lake.....Wowzer!!!
♥ Who has the bigger family? It's a draw.
♥ Do you get flowers often? I used to get them alot but since retirement...No.
♥ How do you spend the holidays? One with his and one with mine....it works best that way.
♥ How long did it take to get serious? Him....love at first sight. I took a little longer....he was married!
♥ Who eats more? Roy...It's like feedin' a 16year old boy!!
♥ Who does/did the laundry? Me...He's not allowed to wash my things.
♥ Who’s better with the computer? Me.... He's not allowed to touch my PC things.
♥Pet Names? Hoooooneeeeeey and Babe.


That was fun!!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

My Belated Valentine....

And it's totally Roy's fault.
If he had checked the mail on Friday, I would not be late in postin' this.


As I picked up my package Roy said, "Shake It."
Rut Row Rorge!!
And it didn't sound like a good shake.
The box was wrapped up tight.....lots of tape....like something Roy would do.
I had to use a knife to open it.

I stopped short at the box...."DO NOT X-RAY"....hhhmmmm???

It was packed well.....lots of plastic sacks.


Which is a great idea!!
I use the plastic sacks for cat litter bags.

When I finally got to the goodies.... Chocolate!!
From Starbucks!!!
And Choxie!!!


And Journal...I can use when I travel!!
My old one has made many trips....and now I can retire it.

But for the bad news...... the candle jars didn't make the trip.
Two were shattered to pieces!



The candles can be used and they smell wonderful!!
Thank you so very much for all the goodies.
Now from Roy....
I've never been one to brag, or rub my good fortune in other's faces...no really! I'm not.
When Roy would send me flowers at work, I would take the home.
He would have a cow!
He wanted me to leave them for others to see he had marked his territory!!
I took them home becuz they are MINE!
I hated to make someone feel unloved or leftout....No! Really!
So in spite of how I feel, I think I should for Roy's sake "brag" about his Gift to me.
I'm so sorry for what I'm about to show you.
I feel like a real heel.
But it just goes to show Roy's love and generosity for me ....the light and love of his life.
And his meal for Valentine's Day...... Nothing says, "I love you" like fried chicken gizzards!!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

When It Rains It Poors....

The other day as I came outta the bathroom I got my foot caught in the carpet and tripped. It's freakin' old carpet!!

Home improvements are not a priority.

It's huntin' and huntin' accessories, fishin' and fishin' accessories, motorcycles and motorcycles accessories, guns and gun accessories....occasionally, we take cruises.

Home improvements....is not on the list of things to do.

I told Roy, he should get his staple gun and fix that as someone in a drunk stupor might really hurt themselves.

I got the brush-off!

"Then I'll just do it myself!"

"Don't touch my staple gun!"

I got the hammer and tacks and fixed it...he'll thank me when he doesn't fall and break his neck!!



Remember when we stimulated the economy and bought a new toilet???



Well, it was designed to be efficient...a water saver.

Less water to flush.

Probably designed to be in SOMEONE ELSE'S HOME!

Last fall, I noticed that it looked like it didn't have enough water in the bowl to do the job. I commented to Roy about it.

And I got the brush-off, "It's supposed to do that. Don't mess with it."



Then one day, he clogged it.

He thought that there just may be a clog in the line and I got the 3rd degree about what I might have done to the toilet.

Just becuz something breaks does not make it my fault!

Normally, yes.

This time, no.



He poured water down the toilet until whatever was dislodged and the toilet worked like it should.

DUH!!!

I still felt that he needed to adjust whatever little thingamajig need adjusted to put more water in the bowl.

He said no.

"Oh, I'll just look at it later."

"Nadine, do not touch that toilet!"

I didn't mess with it.

But I harped at him all the freakin' time about it.



He came to me just the other day and said that maybe we should flush the toilet more.

What?? I flush it every time!!!

"No, just for the hell of it."

"So it needs more water?"

He smiled. He instantly saw where this was goin'.

"No and do not touch that tank!"

This was about the time that the dishwasher decided to crap out on me...and was peein' on the kitchen floor....sorry for the puns.

He said, "Do not run the dishwasher until I'm here either."

I smiled at him my "I'll do whatever I damn well please smile", and said, "I'll have the dishwasher pulled out and apart and the toilet fixed by the time you get back from the gym!"



And he knows I'll do it!

He giggled, and I love it when he giggles, he scooped me up in his arms, "DO NOT TOUCH EITHER ONE."



I didn't touch either.

I can be swayed.... easily.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Blast From The Past....

I was catchin' up on my readin'....and came across this neato blog Wheezer's Cheeze ....and she snagged a cool idea from another blogger....Of postin' her very first blog entry!!

So I thought I would walk down MemoryLane too.....From way back when I blogged on THE DARK SIDE....MSN.

That was 3 years ago!!


January 07 2006
New revelations!!
So last night was Date Night. The one night of the week where you take your best beau or gal out for dinner, maybe a movie or whatever may trip your trigger. But a time to share with your beloved, and maybe, just maybe if you play your cards right you can get laid, like you didn't know that........
After a tough week I was really in need of a steak and a margarita.....several margaritas in fact. I put on my really cool bra that Roy bought me at Victoria's Secret, the one that shows off the nipples, with me being pre-menstrual, those puppies could cut glass.....and I wore tight top.......I was getting laid!!!
Off the big city and to the Outback. We sat at the bar waiting for a table and I drank two maybe three drinks there......"Damn it! How is all that salt getting all over my boobs???" And brushed it off with all the men watching, with Roy loving every minute of it......He was getting laid!!!!
We finally got a table and I sent Roy off to be seated while I paid my tab....I didn't really want him to know what it was and plus I could flirt a little longer.......He was watching, and wondering, "What the hell is she doing?" I was making friends and being chatty......good grief? Can't a girl make friends????
Dinner was super....a person can't go wrong with a prime rib, a lobester tail and the Boomarang Shrimp! I know....Lots of food and not good for a diet but we share everything so it is okay! I took a pee break and strutted my bad self across the resturant. But what so cool was going back to the table, this way cool song was playing.....the sort that makes a gal walk the walk, slow and cocky with those nipples leading the way!! I couldn't help but grin!!
The drive home was hot!!! And a round of sex in the truck........lead to the relevations.
1. Yes, Tequila does make your clothes fall off!
2. I am way too old to have sex in the truck!!!
Sorry, but no details to the sex!! It is bad enough that you know about my nipples!!!


I didn't change a thing! Back then I didn't have spellcheck or Susan to correct me!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

And Big Okie Hugs!!!





My Valentine Swapper Gift is in the Post Office.



I was ill on Friday and I never left the house. Roy went to the gym but didn't check the mail soooo....

Saturday, when I went with him to the gym....and they gave out flowers and candy!! I have a pink carnation and Roy was given a Heart Shaped Reese's Peanut ButterCup.

He said, "No Thank. I don't want that."
And I said, "Yes he does!"
"Yes, I do!"

I haven't eaten yet.

But anyway, we went to the Post Office and there was the pick up tag for a package.

So Yes, Guinevere, your package was delivered.
Stop chewin' on your nails.

Just as soon as I get to go to the Post Office on Monday, I'll share with the world.

Oh crap!!!
Becca has told that Monday is a holiday.....so I guess that means Tuesday.

Friday, February 13, 2009

DishWashers, Fridges, MicroWaves...

I just hate the fact that major appliances to do last the way they used to in the past!
My granny had this old refrigerator that had a small ice box in it.....remember those old rounded top type?
I used to climb up on top of it and jump out and scare her. She'd squeal, "AAAhhh Sister!"
I went away to ChurchCamp...it didn't take, so they sent me again the next year too... and they just gave up after that........and when I came home from camp we had new refrigerator!!
I was 10 and she had that ugly old green thing until I was into my 30's!!
Who knows how long she had that rounded top one??
But me and Roy, we are on our 2nd one!
We are on our 3rd washer and our 4th dryer....we've only been married 14 years!
My mother bought a washer and dryer set when I was 4 and it was still at home with I left at 18.

Is there something wrong with the quality of machinery now??
I will vote yes on that one.

I have a refurbished AmanaRadarRange Microwave. I have no idea how old it is but I've had it for 17 years. The start button popped off years ago and I thought it was lost forever.
I found it and trapped Roy in the kitchen one day, "You are not leavin' this room until you put that back on!"
30 minutes later and lots of cussin' he put it back on. At one point he said, "It may never work again."
Fear Went Thru Me!!!
I don't think that we could ever replace it!!
Some cheap one that won't last a year???
I had my car keys in hand ready to go!
Once he had it all done and workin' properly, he said, "Don't ever ask me to do anything like that again. I'm the OUTSIDE GUY!"

Now the dishwasher has decided to act up. It's a Maytag. I expected better. It's only 10 years old.
It doesn't clean as well as it used to do and now, it pees on the floor.
Roy can't figure out what's goin' on at all.
"You may have to do the dishes by hand."

FEAR WENT THRU ME!!!!
I don't do dishes!!
That's why I had children!!
Well not really but it turns out that it's cheap labor!
EdithAnne, my oldest, would take at least 30-45 minutes to do the dishes for our family of 4. It's not that she was thorough but slow. Like molasses in the wintertime slow. The water was cold by the time she was done.
Whenever Roy and I go for a burger and we are waited on by an inept teenage girl, I turn to Roy, "I think I have found EdithAnne long lost sister!! I'm sure I had twins, I was as big as house!"

But Roy and I talked it over.
We could do without the dishwasher for a few days....maybe a week or two but if the microwave goes down, we are in the car goin' to town for another!
"Like hairdryers and vibrators, the microwave is a major deal! We must have one!"
He agreed, "You don't know how to cook without one."

He knows me so well!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

So Sorry, I Was Late To Class....

But I was out gettin' my boobs photographed!!

Sorta.

Mammogram time....and it wasn't the best time.
The Tech asked me if they were tender.

"Well, Sister let me tell you. They are 15 times their normal size and they hurt when I look at them."

I think I caught her off guard.
She stared at me blankly.

"It's PMS time and they just hurt....all the time."

"Would you like to reschedule?"

"No. Let's just git'r done!"
I had to get up at 4:52Am to get to the gym to satisfy Vlad the Diet Barbarian before drivin' an hour to be at this appointment.

"You're gonna hate me before this is over."
We parted on good terms. I can deal with a gal that does her job correctly.

And Roy and I were in an out of the Indian Hospital in less than 20 minutes.
That's some sorta record!

So Roy's home in time to hunt moles....the sun is shinin'. What a beautiful day!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

The Mole Hunting Continues....

It's okay, Gina.
There will be no pictures of dead critters.

If we were keepin' score I would have to say that the moles are winnin'.
He has "captured" 2.
He's been at it for 3 weeks.

After all the snow melted, he went back to work on his mole project.
Seriously, people all those things that people suggest to "capture" moles doesn't work.
There is no device that sends out a high pitched squeal that repels the little bastards. It didn't work with the roaches in my aunt's house....it was more like something they all went to get warmth. I picked it to clean around the table it was settin' on....and the nasty roaches scurry away!!
It was so gross!!

But Roy is a hunter....which means he's extremely patient. I thank all that is Good And Holy every day that he so patient and only rolls his eyes at the dumbass things I do. But none the less, he is patient.
He came up with a brilliant idea for a trap. He thought if he buried a coffee can in the tunnel, that when the mole came thru, he would just fall into the can and not be able to get out.

Roy's so cute that way.

He came in Sunday mornin' to give me an update on the coffee can experiment. "It was full of dirt. Why?"
I surmised that maybe the mole was pushin' dirt down the tunnel to the openin' and just put it in the can.
"No! That's not it. I figure he was feelin' around in the dark" he closed his eyes and motioned with his hands like he was mole, "and said hhhmm and turned around. But why did he put dirt in my can?"

Well by now, I'm cracked up. Watchin' him imitate a mole...was just more than I could take.
I just shrug my shoulder and go back to what I doin'...let him figure it out.

He decided to go old school. "If I get my pistol I can eat my breakfast while I watch the hole."

See that small object in front of that bush...it's a "bobber".
He watches for the bobber to move.

There is a fine line between Dedication and Obsession.
And it's good material for my blog either way.
The Outside Manny...Frickin' Frack.
The Indoor Manny....watchin' the huntin' action.

Monday, February 09, 2009

Oklahoma Blog Awards...

I didn't win.
I didn't even come in 2nd!
The winner of the category was Rocks in my Dryer....I told you she was good!
The runner up was JenX67...which was who I voted for....she's so smart.
I was outta my league. They actually have something to say...I just have my life.
One good thing come of it though, I have picked up some new followers and have found and made some new friends.


Congrats to all the winners....it's was well deserved!!!


But Onward Thru the Fog I Go.....

Oh hey, on another subject....

I'm havin' PC problems...can you hear the music from the playlist? It doesn't work for me on my page and when other posts videos I can't see them....so it's my PC.
If you can't hear it...I'll take it off.

And.....

You'd really buy my toffee??

Sunday, February 08, 2009

It Happened!!


My Worst Fear of All Gym Fears!


Our routine for the gym is Roy goes in a gets on a treadmill and walks for miles....I'm talkin' MILES!!

3 hours people!!!

I get dressed....I take my time.

I walk to the cardio-room....I take my time.

I sneak a peek in the weight room....we still don't have any hard bodies. But I did catch a man modelin' in the mirror.

Dude! Do that at home. It's less embarrassin'!!

By this time, Roy has been on his treadmill long enough to go 1/2 mile....he's timed me.
And brags about it.

I go get on the bike....for 20 minutes.

I get off the bike.....I've read part of my book. I'm currently re-readin' Bridget Jones Diary....that is so funny. I've caught myself laughin' out loud.

I will get a drink....takin' my time.

I will work my way around the room usin' all the weight machines....If I close my eyes, nobody sees me.

Despite the fact that when I open them, some one is watchin' me.

It's only fair.

I caught him modelin' in the mirror...you know that suck in the gut, flex the arm muscles and make that grim face....that one.


And then I get back on the bike and do 30 minutes.

Total time in the gym is an hour and half...tops.


Roy is not done....nowhere near it!!


I sit out with the old men and read my paper.


While I wasn't lookin', Roy FUBAR'D and fell off the treadmill!!!

Yep! He did!

It's my worst gym fear....that he will fall off that damn thing....and I would miss it!!!!

He, of course, confessed to me and I laughed all the way home....he was afraid someone else would tell me.

It would seem that he somehow scuffed his foot and lost his balance and had to jump off and stick the landin' or fall and hit the wall!!

And then in the great style that is Roy Hightower and PeeWee Herman...."I fell asleep." is just about as good as "I meant to do that."

I can just see him...all red faced.

If it had been me, I'd thrown my arms in the air....like I was Nadia Comaneci!

Thursday, February 05, 2009

The Best Batch Of Toffee....Ever!!

I made candy at Christmas time...lots of Toffee and butter crunch...Roy ate most of it. I swear he musta ate 10 pounds of it!
People want my candy and he's eatin' it!!
My daughter emailed last week with a plea for the recipe as her husband had eaten it all....leavin' her one piece.
I wanted her to have the recipe but I really don't want her make it...it's mine. It's my thing. I emailed it to her with all the details to makin' really good candy. Lots of helpful hints. I hope I made is complicated she won't attempt it.

Let me be the candy maker.

One of the BeeHiveLadies was in awe of it. I gave her some for Christmas.
She normally buys it online from some place in North Carolina.
But now she wants my toffee. "It's so much better than that Carolina stuff."

She approached me one day last week and said, "My birthday is in April and I would like to put in an order for some toffee now. Is it hard to make?"

It's not ready hard to make it's just tedious!
And hot!!
Take the skin off hot!!
I don't personally know...well.... yes, I do, but I don't want to talk about what I know.
Just take my word for it!

I told her that I would..."No problem!! But you will not have to wait until April."

We swap things back and forth all the time....I take her veggies in Victoria Secret's bags. She was so thrilled to receive a Zale's bag but was let down only to find a couple of tomatoes. She saves the bags and brings them back to me filled with oranges or some baked goodies.
I leave my bag on her fence....she sits in my driveway and honks her horn until I come out!!
I try to be sneaky....the Mysterious VSveggie fairy.
She doesn't even try.

So I started makin' candy. I got everything ready. It's best becuz once it hits that hardcrack stage...I've to be to movin'!!
Or Roy does.
He's the hot pan guy. He's the one that pours it out.
I put it all in the pan and started cookin' it....and stirrin'....and stirrin'.....and stirrin'....you get the idea.
It was at 300degrees and almost ready for Roy....once it hits that...It's like move now or burn it. And he's pokeassin' around.
"Roy! I need you to move it right NOW!!!"
He hussles it up and takes over the pourin' and scrapin'....and I swear he did it!!
He went to taste it!!!!!
"DROP THAT!!!! DO NOT TASTE THAT!!! That will take the hide right off your tongue and I'm in no mood to rush you to the ER!!!"
He stopped.
He let it cool and then he ate it.

So....
I put the requested toffee in a baggie, wrapped up some to send in my ValentineSwap and put the rest in front Roy.

We went to deliever the TheBeeHiveLady's toffee and we met her husband in the driveway. I gave him the bag and went on my merry way.

I received this email.


Names have been changed to protect those that innocently trip, face first into my life....and blog.

"wow that was the wrong thing to do Nadine was to give the toffy to him when I got home there was one piece left and he wasn't suppose to have any he's blood suger went way up by damn he enjoyed it I did also one piece. next time I will come and get it or glue it so he can't open it he is like a kid he just loved it could.nt stop tlking abt it . good try shall we try again in April . thank you anyway so sweet of u your a good daughter but your daddy is a hog love ZZ"

She used to be a proofreader in a publishin' company....and she was always correctin' my spellin' on the sign at work!!


So Thystle when I make her next batch, I'll send you some of that one.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

This Is A Crappy Subject!!

Have you seen the commercials for Alli with ThatJuddWoman??

She says something about not wantin' to endorse something she didn't herself use and believe in...but she doesn't tell you everything!!

Well thank all that is Good And Holy that you have me. I have tried to make it my mission in life to inform those around me of the good, the bad and the ugly....if I don't tell you how will you know! You'll be on your own, the shit will hit the fan and wonder why didn't someone say something!!
I know I do!
By the way....Wine Freezes!! I had to find that out on my own!!

Others shy away from the subject, so it's left to me.....by the way, this is UGLY!!

The ugly truth!!



A couple of years ago, my sister, RubyJune said, "Can you tell I have lost weight?"

Yes, I could...I was not happy about it but it was obvious....I chalked it up to her having a swimmin' pool installed and was slimmin' down to look good in her Bitinies....that's what my Granny calls them.....and RubyJune does...damn it!

She continues on with her secret of slimness, "I have been takin' the Alli pills."

You do realize this is a pill designed for obese women and not some 130 pounder....that just wants to lose 5 pounds.....So I said, "I just started them yesterday."



She smiled!! She had a secret!!! Just like ThatJuddWoman!!

"Have you pooped?" She said.


Do you talk like that with your sister????
Or is just me and mine????


"No, not yet."

She just smiled. "Let me know when you do!"
There are no secrets between us....well sorta. I did tell her about my blog but she refuses to come and read it. She'll have the proverbial cow when she does.

But.....A couple of days later, I emailed her, "It's like Taco Grease!"



"Yep that's it!!"

There was more, I told her, "And whatever you do, DON NOT FART!!!!"


So did I lose weight?
That would be a yes!!
I was too afraid to eat for fear of what, how, and when it would come out!!!!



Be afraid, Be very afraid!!!!



ThatJuddWoman isn't gonna say a thing!!! That her poop is the same color as her hair!!

Proceed with caution!
Anything else you need to know?

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Here Comes Da Judge....

Here comes da Judge, here comes da Judge...
Does that show my age or what??


The TulsaWorld had an article about gophers and moles in Saturday's paper. And of course, Roy's been battle'n moles.
They are tearin' up my yard...they always have. I really don't give a shit.
But for Roy....it's a mission!
He's worried about the pool. He afraid the little buggers will tunnel under it and make sinkholes or possibly tear the liner.
He's tried to kill what they are diggin' for....grubs!
The grubs are here becuz of him!! He's such a freak about security around here that we have outside lights that draws bugs with cause us to have grubs which bring the hungry moles which dig up his yard.
He's tried poisoned pellets for the moles to eat....dude! They eat grubs!!
He's heard about broken glass, Blackberry briars, chewing gum and car exhaust....he hasn't tried those.
He bought moles traps...they do not work either.
Sunday morning, he had a new idea!
At 8:30, He pulled out the mower and used it as a tunnel crusher. Then armed himself with the Judge.
A 410 shotgun...sorta...it's a revolver that shoots 410 shells...it's a Roy thing.
Though when the big divorce happens...it goes in my pile.
Anyway, after crushin' the tunnels, he sat out in the yard waitin' for the little bastard to start diggin'.....at 11:00 he came to the backdoor to show me......



Raise your coffee mug....."To the gentleman in Black Velvet."
It's gonna take a long time at this rate to remove all moles from our yard!!
Mole Huntin' shoes!











Sunday, February 01, 2009

Piss And Moan...

Some days don't you just want to bitch??
Just to be bitchin'??

Well I do.

On the way to the gym, I started in with my bitchin'....mostly becuz I don't wanna go to the gym.
"My head hurts. I sprained my snatch again. The zit in my panty line still hurts. And to top things off, my jaw is poppin'! That means no blowjobs!"
"One roll in the hay and you're shot?" He managed to say that without rollin' his eyes.
"It was a damn good roll in the hay!"
Roy closed his eyes and smiled.
I think he did that so I couldn't see him roll 'em!
But I didn't let it stop me from my bitchin'!! I rolled right on!
About what I can't remember....you're so lucky!
But as we pulled in the parkin' spot, he said to me, "Don't fall on the ice. We can't have you breakin' your BitchBone!"


He may never get laid again!
Roll his eyes at me.
Makin' fun of my misery!!

But I was watchin' him workout ....he's so hot!
And all the friction I'm buildin' up in my thighs on that bike.....ooohhh yeah...he's hot!!

I think I'll go take a cold shower now.

And welcome to Roy's world of my MoodSwings.