Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Bleachers, Heels, And Me....

Bad Mix!!
Totally Bad Mix!
So Roy and I went to the local PWeeFootballGame over the weekend.
It's so cute.... Little people in football pads and cheer outfits.

I put on my cute flip flops...they have a heel...2 inches, I guess.
Leopard print....so cute.
And off we went.
I called the HappyWife when we got there so I'd know where to find them. She stood up and waved from the middle of the stands. I walked up the ramp into the bleacher and looked for the steps.
I hate those people that walk thru the crowd becuz they don't walk up the steps!! They fall on me, hit me with their bag or spill pop on me...it never fails!
But what I really hate are those people that SIT IN THE STEPS and block the way!!
So I became one of those people that cut thru and fall on people!!
And with my CrazyCatLadyTote, I'm sure I hit a few people.
Roy was right behind me....apologizin'.

We sat down to watch all the action.
Sure the boys were playin' their little hearts out.
And the girls were cheerin' their little hearts out.
The parents?
They might as well have sat their lazyasses at home in the recliner for all the interest they put into it.
They have fulfilled their parental obligation...Why bother?
"What's the deal?" I said to the HappyWife. "They aren't cheerin' with the girls and I haven't heard one parent scream at little FauntLaRoy, so what's the point?"
"It's like this all the time." She shrugs.

If my child was on the field...Oh Katy bar the door!! I'd be on my feet and cheerin'!!

I didn't want to embarrass her or her children so I asked if I could yell along with the girls.
"You know I will, Roy and I can really get goin' if you want us to."
She blushed. "I work here!"
I took that as a no.

I took photos of the kids for her. I couldn't get her youngest becuz of a fat girl in front of her. "Honey," I handed the camera to Roy, "Can you get a Pix of her, she standin' behind that fat girl."
And that was the first time I got hit and hushed....by the HappyWife. "Her mother is sittin' in the stands!"
She did that at least 2 dozen times!!
That was when she told me the story of the woman that was sittin' directly in front of me....bad blood between them. Fingers were in faces, Go to Hell was exchanged, and "This Town Ain't big enough for the both of us" was said.
To which I laughed.
So childish.
"What does she do for a livin' that she thinks she can run you outta town?"
I was thinkin' damn, the DA's wife?
Maybe the Super's Wife?
The Mayor's Wife???
One the local tribe's Chief's Wife???
What power does this woman possibly wield that she could make such threats???
Should I be afraid that she'll turn around and slap a hairlip on me if I accidentally do something stupid???
"She cleans houses. And her husband installs cable."

Oh Good God!!
I was ready to pick a fight.
You don't fuck with my people!
I let it go....So childish...it really is.

The HappyWife said, "Oh Look my son is under the bleachers with his girlfriend." I snatched up my camera and took off to catch him in action....which embarrassed him. TheBoy threw something at me, "Boy! You want me to come down and slap a hairlip on you? I'm just the woman to do it!"

The HappyWife turned red as a beet.

On the way back, down to my seat, I of course, lost my balance and nearly fell down. Strange Men's hand went up every where to catch me.
Damn Heels! And they are so cute!
Roy was all like "Woman! I can't take you anywhere. Stop runnin' around and sit!"
The HappyWife was laughin' her ass off. At least she wasn't blushin'.

So I sat scolded in the seat listenin' to the girls cheer and caught on to what they were sayin' and when they said "Woo!"
I went "Woo!" with my can of pop catchin' on the handles of my CrazyCatLadyTote.
I knew I didn't want to spill on the HappyWife.
I knew I didn't want to spill on Roy.
And I damn sure didn't wanna spill on the Hateful-GetOuttaTown-Woman in front of me!!
So I spilled it in my CrazyCatLadyTote!!
"Woman! Have you been drinkin' all day?" Roy yells.
"I haven't had one drink today!"
The HappyWife turned six shades of red, "Good thing that didn't go down HER back."
Oh boy!!
The last thing I need is a hairlip!!

When the game was over, I took off my shoes, told Roy to get in front of me to catch me when I fall.
And he did.
Bleacher seats are just too far apart for someone with short legs and a bad ankle.

I had fun.
I doubt I'll get invited to go again.


Jeankfl said...

I'll go with ya! We'll have fun.. we'll do the cheers, we'll spill stuff down the beyoch's back, and Roy can back us up..LOL no one can beat up on a disabled person!!LOL Why do people ask us, if they don't want to have fun or be embarrassed??

Tracie said...


(Actually, according to the resident cheerleader, you're not suppose to WOO becasue it sounds too much like BOO-i'm just saying)

The Lady in Pearls said...

THAT is too funny! I've never seen you in person, but I can just picture the super cute flip-flops and catladyhandbag!!!!!

I'm glad I'm not the only one that sees other words in those damn word verifications! I thought I took that thing off of there.....

Miss Thystle said...

you can come with ME whenever you like. *I* have a flask in my NanaPurse. That's what we call any purse big enough to bring home a three course meal complete with wine in.

Katy said...

I'd need a brain transplant to get interested in a kid's football game. I cheer when other people are cheering and I watch the half-time show. That's it for me--my attention span is too short to sit around waiting for something to happen.

MizAngie said...

Only YOU would have high-heeled flip flops. Sheesh. I skip the bleachers and sit on the sidelines because I don't want to have to visit with yahoos who are there to be seen and not there to watch the game. Drives me nuts. You wouldn't believe the mass exodus during the 3rd quarter. Win, lose, or draw.

DavidShag said...

I do not BELIEVE you had "Don't You Just Know It" playing - you already got points before I read. My speakers are far too poor to determine if it was the Huey "Piano" Smith version, but anyhow...
The only people who have ever invited me to their kids' games have had kids who were significantly less than the star player. I never know quite how to join in at these things, especially since I understand almost nothing about football (our school had only soccer). But I have gotta say, after some of the parental displays I have seen, I'll take the passive crowd in your bleachers any time.

Sherrie said...

My God you make me laugh!!! My hubby and the womanchild think I'm nuts but ya made me laugh and that's always a good thing!

Okay so I need to take a picture of my lil leopard print sandals cause I'm thinking they might be the same ones as yours. The ones I wore to work the other day, the ones I had on when the alarm for the fire drill went off, the ones that as I'm trying to look all grown up like, in front of 400 teenagers, those ones, yea, got the cute lil heel stuck in a crack in the sidewalk, fortunately it stayed in the crack and it was only a minimal trip, I didn't fall on my face at least, just had to walk back through the throngs of gigglin students to get my cute lil sandal!!!!