Tuesday, September 29, 2009

PopEye, WannaBe's And Tough Chicks...

I once was a tomboy.
I could do anything they did.
And I could do it better.
Well I couldn't pee standin' up...but that didn't keep me from tryin'!
I was a ToughChick!!

I grew outta bein' a tomboy.

We all know the guys at the gym ....the WeightLifters. They have a swagger about them. A certain walk...sorta bow-legged with their arms out at their sides... becuz they can't touch their elbows to their waists...or a least it looks that way.
There's only one in my gym.
He's a real flirt.
He's so bow-legged you could drive a MacTruck thru them!!
He's a regular PopEye!!

And then there's the WannaBeeWeightLifters.
They are a lot softer but still have a walk.

Today 2 WannaBeeWeighterLifters came in to workout....one on each side of me.
#1 said, "Do 10 on that machine and I'll do 10 here and then we'll switch."
I didn't look at #2. I just assume he nodded becuz that's what they did.
I did notice that neither changed the actual weight....both did 60 pounds on each machine.
You'd thought they were liftin' 260!!
All that huffin' and puffin' and RESTIN'!!!
While I ripped out 2 reps of 10!! with a 5 count rest in the middle!!!
And then moved to a leg machine and ripped out 3 reps of 15 while the SoftBoys did all that huffin' and puffin' and RESTIN'!!!

And then I stretched.
And then I went to the Captain's Chair and did 10 pull ups....while they finished their 3 REPS!! on 2 machines!!!

Let me simplify....I did 3 machines and 5 reps and stretched....and rested.
They did 2 machines and 3 reps on each machine....60 freakin' pounds.

And then they left...walkin' out with their arms held out from their bodies like PopEye!!!
While I'm doin' my 2nd rep on the Captain's Chair....gigglin' to myself.

I know it doesn't make sense you had to be there......but kicker to all this is...I just did those same machines that they huffed and Puffed and rested on....at 60 pounds.

I did 60 pounds!!!
They Didn't Change The Weights.
I did it.
No huffin'.
No puffin'.
Yeah Ima ToughChick!
And I don't walk around like PopEye!!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Burn Out, Deaf Man, And Gym Gossip...

First the Gym Gossip: The GymHo has a new job so Roy's walkin' buddy is gone.
He was so bummed until all the new women started....especially that one. I'll tell you all about her later.

The Worm Has Turned....Roy hates goin' to the gym. I have to make him go.
It started last spring. The weather was too nice to be at the gym for hours. I hated it. I threatened many times to walk home....which is just a mile.
Hell !I'd just peddled 10miles on a stationary bike!
What's walkin' a mile home?? Right??
So he just kinda works out halfass....and now that the GymHo's gone, he's just there to humor me.
I Know!!
Whoda thunk it???
But I can see a difference.
My clothes fit better. I feel better.
I just don't get on the scale....they lie!

But burnin' out of something is Roy's thing. He will drive it....whatever it is....Playin' pool, playin' video games, whatever it is....he burns out!
Thank Goodness that he burned out of video games before that playcenter and icebox thingy came out!!
The only things he hasn't lost his passion for is hunting, sex, Dr Pepper, and me...I kinda figure in heavily in that whole sex thing.

Anyway, becuz he has burned out at the gym and only does the weight machines halfass, he takes breaks from his "workOut" to come over to me and tell me nonsense....basically stupid shit.
So this one day, Roy was on the other side of the room workin' out on the weight machine. I was workin' out on the elliptical thingy when 2 of the new women came into the gym. They knew each other and exchanged pleasantries.
The conversation between the two turned to the teachers at the local school.
My ears perked up!!
The HappyWife was mentioned!!
But I couldn't hear everything that was said.
I could tell from the conversation, hand, and arm motions that it wasn't good!!!
Well it just so happened it was time for a stupid shit update. Roy was walkin' towards me. And before he could even get one word of his stupid shit out, I grabbed him by his teeshirt!!! I pulled him as close as I could without fallin' off the elliptical and without hittin' him with the ski thingies....he was instantly shocked!!! I've never touched him durin' stupid shit reports!!!
I looked him square in the eye. And thru gritted teeth, "Their talkin' about the HappyWife!"
I pointed with my eyes.
He, being a trained cop, and he didn't want to let on that he was lookin' at the women, he slowly turned his head enough to see them in his peripheral, "Oh."
Still thru gritted teeth, "Go over there and listen in."

So he went....actin' all cool.
And he sat in the most perfectly wrong place!!!
The woman that I couldn't hear....isn't it funny how you can't hear someone talkin' when THEY have Their back to you??? ....he sat as far away from her as possible.

What the Hell????

It hit me like a ton of bricks.
I sent a deaf man on a reconnaissance mission!!!!!!!

Later in the truck, "you coulda sat between them!!"
"They woulda stopped talkin' and you know it!"
"Did you hear anything?????"
In his mind he did the right thing.


He wants to change banks....after 15 years with our current one...he wants to change.

"It's the only way I'll get to to see the Gym Ho."

Tough TeeTees, Roy!! Tough TeeTees!!

Friday, September 25, 2009

Clarifin' It....

For those that are new to the Hightower you should search thru the archives ...click "All In A Day's Work"...so we're all on the same page.

I worked in the PetCare Industry for 12 years.
It was fun.
It was sad.

Check it out.
Some of my best blogs came from TheClinic.
The Opossum Project is there.
Why I'm called Charlotte....or not.

My all time Favorite....Lump O'Fur.

Oh and I would change my template daily if I could....in fact, I'm going to search for something new right now.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

A Final Farewell...

Hooters, Paws and Claws, This is Charlotte.
I'm sorry to inform you that we will be closin' ...FOREVER. (think about that boy from "SandLot" FOR. EEEVER.")
It's been lovely takin' care of your pets....even Winston the Westie that clawed at the run gate 'til he bled. (think about a white dog being pink.)
I will never be able to wash from my memory the time I had to stick my hand up the goat wazoo.
I will miss Dora, the heeler that brought her own sleepin' bag.
And Sparky the Pomeranian that I clipped to look like a lion....he broke free once and that cut saved his family a lot a heart ache as they found him very quickly....how many lion clipped poms do you see runnin' the streets of SmallTown America???
And Dudley the Bulldog, that kissed my leg every time he came in the office.
His owner knew I had a real attachment to him so when it was time to go to DogHeaven, Dudley was taken to THEOTHEROFFICE...just like Dora and just like Sparky. Odd, I was with only one pet that I had taken care of in the 12 years of being Charlotte at the THAT TIME. Thankfully, I was spared that heartache from all the others.

But that's all over.
The HWYDept is comin' thru....and we're lockin' up shop.

That was the GoodBye I shoulda gave folks, But didn't.
That was 2 years ago.
I knew it was comin'.
I couldn't make it to the end either. I was burnt out.
I received a card in the mail the other day to announce the closin'.
TheBossMan opted not to rebuild.

I'm not sure why it bothers me like it does.
Damn Hormones.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Yep! It's Just SO SAD!!

Before I took my grandparents to Tulsa, we stopped in Owasso for lunch....That's probably where he got all that gas...damn greasy food!!!
We were joined by my daughter, EdithAnne and her hubby.
When there was a lull in the conversation...Grandpa dominates the conversations....EdithAnne said, "I was goin' thru my friends on Facebook and the Coolest friend I have is my mom!"

aawwwhhhh.....I blushed.
So sweet!

She continued, "That's just so sad."

Just Sad.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

The Receipt Incident....

So as we sat there in the waitin' room, Granny asked Grandpa if he had gotten a receipt for payin' his co-payment.
"Oh yes. It's in that folder."
He has a folder with all his meds and all his procedures documented that he takes with him to all doctors. He sees several.
So I picked up the folder to check, to ease Granny's mind. I went all thru it and didn't find a receipt.
I knew that wasn't good enough.
He KNOWS he got one.
I handed it to him to ease his mind....he didn't find it.
He handed it to Granny....she went thru it.
And didn't find it.
He shrugs, "I musta lost it when I undressed for the chest x-ray."
It's possible.
He gave me his pocket watch so it didn't fall out.
It wasn't too long after that he was called back by the nurse.
I turned to Granny, "Do you want me to go get a receipt?"
Oh yes!
She's from a time when it was VERY important to have THAT RECEIPT!!!

The receptionist had never given him one.
I tucked it in his folder.
Case closed.

When Grandpa came out and sat down....and farted....Granny jumped all over him for not gettin' a receipt.
Forget that he just farted loud enough for the ENTIRE OFFICE TO HEAR...but He Didn't Get The Friggin' Receipt!!!!!

And she's showin' her panties off to who ever might just walk in the office door!!!!!

"Be patient and drive carefully."

Friday, September 18, 2009

Old Men, Manners, And Gas...

I thought that Roy was the MasterGas Blaster of All Times....I was wrong.
I guess I just forgot all about my Grandpa!
When I was a kid, he would sit in his chair with his pants undone watchin' Gunsmoke rippin' farts.
Granny and I would look at each other and giggle. "Oh Fred!"
He'd just shrug.
That's Life.

We were sittin' in the waitin' room when Grandpa comes out after the nurse was through with him. He sits down and farts!
Not those little squirts.
Not one long one either....though....it was a combo of the two.... That left me wonderin' if he'd pooped his pants!!!!
It sounded wet!!!
It was like he was dumpin' his jake brake!!!

Granny and I look at each other and giggled.
"Oh Fred!"
He just shrugs.

And when we were back in the exam room after the doctor came in and the nurse did her job, we were released, Grandpa raised up from his chair and ripped off some more!!!
That time I though Granny was gonna whack him with her cane!!

It made me think of a rocket takin' off...."Fire up the Boosters for Fred's Lift Off!!"

He just shrugs.
That's Life.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Old Ladies, Modesty, And Tick Bites...

Yesterday, I took my grandparents to Tulsa. Grandpa had an appointment to see a lung specialist.
My aunt, VioletJean, had twisted one ankle and broke the other while walkin' the dog.
My sister, RubyJune, was sick with the flu.
So I'm the BackUp QuarterBack.
Both, RubyJune and VioletJean, told me to be patient and drive carefully....like I can't do either.

While my grandpa was back with the nurse doin' whatever they do behind those closed doors, Granny and I waited in the lobby. There was one other woman in there with us....Thank Goodness!!!

Granny says to me, "Have you seen my tick bite?"

Oh Lord!
Yes. I've seen it.
If I don't tell her that I've seen it, she show it to me....again.
She showed it to me 2 days earlier. She just doesn't remember it. It's a shame. She's not as sharp as she used to be.
But then again I have to be concerned about the tick bite. It's about the size of a quarter!! So I ask, "Does it look any better?"

And instantly, she lifts her dress up and shows me the tick bite on her inner thigh.

The other woman just smiles.
Not only is she showin' the whole office her panties but the tick bite is the size of a half dollar!!!
I've told VioletJune about it so she'll keep an eye on it.

Later, when it was just us two in the lobby... And I don't know why... Granny pulls up her dress again!!
OH MY Freakin' GOD!!!

She appeared to be givin' her legs an inspection!!!
"Granny." I said quietly, so the receptionist wouldn't look up.
But she continues the inspection.
So I said it a little louder, "Granny."
"What?" holdin' her dress up.
"You're showin' your panties off."
It didn't register.
"Granny, Put your dress down!"

She gave me a dirty look!!

This from the woman that ALWAYS told me, "Sister! Put your legs down! I can see your panties. Sit like a lady!"

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Count Me In!!!

The HappyWife called me to vent.
She'd been to CheerPractice and was told that her youngest would have to quit the squad. The OneInCharge gave a song and dance about insurance liabilities and other moms wantin' their precious baby to do it too....and not every body can do it.
Sooo...The HappyBaby was out!!
She's not a stupid woman and saw thru all the bullshit.
"I want you to come to all the home games and we'll sit behind Hateful-GetOuttaTown-Mom and yell our heads off with the girls."

"I'm in! Do you want me to bring my Asp and PepperSpray?"

"I was thinkin' more along the lines of CoconutRum!"

That's my girl!

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Bleachers, Heels, And Me....

Bad Mix!!
Totally Bad Mix!
So Roy and I went to the local PWeeFootballGame over the weekend.
It's so cute.... Little people in football pads and cheer outfits.

I put on my cute flip flops...they have a heel...2 inches, I guess.
Leopard print....so cute.
And off we went.
I called the HappyWife when we got there so I'd know where to find them. She stood up and waved from the middle of the stands. I walked up the ramp into the bleacher and looked for the steps.
I hate those people that walk thru the crowd becuz they don't walk up the steps!! They fall on me, hit me with their bag or spill pop on me...it never fails!
But what I really hate are those people that SIT IN THE STEPS and block the way!!
So I became one of those people that cut thru and fall on people!!
And with my CrazyCatLadyTote, I'm sure I hit a few people.
Roy was right behind me....apologizin'.

We sat down to watch all the action.
Sure the boys were playin' their little hearts out.
And the girls were cheerin' their little hearts out.
The parents?
They might as well have sat their lazyasses at home in the recliner for all the interest they put into it.
They have fulfilled their parental obligation...Why bother?
"What's the deal?" I said to the HappyWife. "They aren't cheerin' with the girls and I haven't heard one parent scream at little FauntLaRoy, so what's the point?"
"It's like this all the time." She shrugs.

If my child was on the field...Oh Katy bar the door!! I'd be on my feet and cheerin'!!

I didn't want to embarrass her or her children so I asked if I could yell along with the girls.
"You know I will, Roy and I can really get goin' if you want us to."
She blushed. "I work here!"
I took that as a no.

I took photos of the kids for her. I couldn't get her youngest becuz of a fat girl in front of her. "Honey," I handed the camera to Roy, "Can you get a Pix of her, she standin' behind that fat girl."
And that was the first time I got hit and hushed....by the HappyWife. "Her mother is sittin' in the stands!"
She did that at least 2 dozen times!!
That was when she told me the story of the woman that was sittin' directly in front of me....bad blood between them. Fingers were in faces, Go to Hell was exchanged, and "This Town Ain't big enough for the both of us" was said.
To which I laughed.
So childish.
"What does she do for a livin' that she thinks she can run you outta town?"
I was thinkin' damn, the DA's wife?
Maybe the Super's Wife?
The Mayor's Wife???
One the local tribe's Chief's Wife???
What power does this woman possibly wield that she could make such threats???
Should I be afraid that she'll turn around and slap a hairlip on me if I accidentally do something stupid???
"She cleans houses. And her husband installs cable."

Oh Good God!!
I was ready to pick a fight.
You don't fuck with my people!
I let it go....So childish...it really is.

The HappyWife said, "Oh Look my son is under the bleachers with his girlfriend." I snatched up my camera and took off to catch him in action....which embarrassed him. TheBoy threw something at me, "Boy! You want me to come down and slap a hairlip on you? I'm just the woman to do it!"

The HappyWife turned red as a beet.

On the way back, down to my seat, I of course, lost my balance and nearly fell down. Strange Men's hand went up every where to catch me.
Damn Heels! And they are so cute!
Roy was all like "Woman! I can't take you anywhere. Stop runnin' around and sit!"
The HappyWife was laughin' her ass off. At least she wasn't blushin'.

So I sat scolded in the seat listenin' to the girls cheer and caught on to what they were sayin' and when they said "Woo!"
I went "Woo!" with my can of pop catchin' on the handles of my CrazyCatLadyTote.
I knew I didn't want to spill on the HappyWife.
I knew I didn't want to spill on Roy.
And I damn sure didn't wanna spill on the Hateful-GetOuttaTown-Woman in front of me!!
So I spilled it in my CrazyCatLadyTote!!
"Woman! Have you been drinkin' all day?" Roy yells.
"I haven't had one drink today!"
The HappyWife turned six shades of red, "Good thing that didn't go down HER back."
Oh boy!!
The last thing I need is a hairlip!!

When the game was over, I took off my shoes, told Roy to get in front of me to catch me when I fall.
And he did.
Bleacher seats are just too far apart for someone with short legs and a bad ankle.

I had fun.
I doubt I'll get invited to go again.

Saturday, September 05, 2009

Suck It Up!!

My Daughter, EdithAnne is the one that pitches hissy fits and throws things around and stomps when she fired up...such a drama queen.
I have no idea where she gets it!!

I, clearly, still have all mine!!

I thought it over and I'm gonna suck it up.
And no, I'm not bi-polar....I was tested....so no.
And take my own advice.... if I can dish it out, I should be able to eat it.
I hate not having a feed...how do my peeps know when I update???
So I'm gonna open it back up.

I deleted all the posts that caused problems...well the one that lead the searches here. My posts will still cause headaches and hard feelin's. They'll get over it.
I'll feel bad for awhile but I've done it before and weathered the storms....far worse storms than people actually knowin' what I thought.
Some people will learn to deal with it and move on....they're the ones that called me apillpoppin'alcoholic!!

I deleted personal photos....even cat photos...well some.
Over 3freakin'hundred!!!

Would you like to know what lead me to this decision??
I ran a search...I highly recommend that you do that!!
Use all your Internet personalities!!!
I kid you not!!!
The one that tipped the scales was VelvetTush!!
Do you know how many people have used MY creation???

At first I was like.... pissed.
Be original!!
Can you not come up with your own name or ID?
I wish I had the money that NCAA has to jack those people up for copyright infringement!!
VelvetTush...That's mine.
I Made That UP!!!

And then I was like... flattered!
Way Cool! In fact...it came up with "Way cool Nicknames"... no votes...but still.
Wouldn't that be such an awesome Stripper name...if only I was 20.
These people think that what I created was so cool that they too want to be a VelvetTush...A Follower of the Church of the Holy Nadine!!!!

I have groupies!!!!

Sure it's a 40 yr old male but doesn't THAT make it even better....he could be a tranny!!!
Sure he has no clue to what I look like so he can be dressed up like me like those that dress like Cher or Dorothy... but still.

And some Asian girls...which I find more strange than the 40yr old male...But still.

So Fuck it....
Throw Caution To The Wind.
I'm suckin' it up.... Be Loud and Be Proud!!

Yea, I feel better.
That's all that matters....becuz it's all about me.

Thursday, September 03, 2009


The Cruise is paid off.
Woo Hoo!!!

Back Plan:
Should something happen to me, Roy's taken the 2ndWife.
"Tell to get her passport in order. Just in case."

That's Honey!!

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Why I'm Lockin' It Down...

I started a freakin' business on the friggin' internet!!
I can be googled.
I searched Facebook.
And my blog comes up!!
Oh My Fuckin' Shit!!!

Now my husband knows about it. He's known for awhile...he doesn't understand why anyone would blog.
To strangers...."And they read it?"
"yeah I have a followin'."

But HE doesn't know everything I put in it.
It'd freak his shit out!
My friends and family do not know about it and would die on the spot if they knew I what I actually thought about them.
That whole 2ndWife thing...that's too much for some folks.
My daughter...would just disown me...again.
I told my sister once. She never responded in any way shape or form.
I don't think it sunk in.
And if she knew about the stripper....she'd melt thru the floor in shame.

And seein's how I can only have 100 readers allowed...I can only pick my trusted friends.

I tried to be a grown up and look what happens.