Thursday, August 20, 2009

Wasps It Is....

So last Thursday, Roy and I were headin' to the gym. Our normal routine is to stop and get a paper on the way.
No Big Deal.

The paperbox that I get my paper from has had a couple of wasps flyin' around it for a few weeks...mud dawbbers.
Roy says they won't sting you.
It's a freakin' wasp!
What Wasp Won't Sting You????
But I reach in and get my paper anyway.
It appears that the wasps are under the springy thing that the papers are on becuz when I pick up my paper one flies out at me.....even hit my arm a couple of times.
I figure if I don't bother them... they won't bother me.
No Big Deal.

Well last Thursday, I opened the paperbox and before I reached in to get the paper, I decided to look in and see where the nest was.....THAT WAS A BIG DEAL!!


Actually lookin' at the nest must be One THE SINS of The Wasp World becuz my arm started burnin'!!
Yes... burnin'!!!
I squealed.
Grabbed my wrist.

Odd side note....When I cut my fingers....when...not if....when I cut my fingers with the freshly sharpened butcher knives....I grabbed my wrist to cut off the circulation...stoppin' the blood it's habit.
In pain... grab the wrist.

Jumped back.
The paperbox slammed shut.
And I jumped in the truck for fear of other parts on my body would catch fire!!!
Roy's all like "what???"

"You're damn freakin' Mud dawbber, freakin' stung me!!! And there is a paper nest in there the size a small dinner plate!!!!!"

"Oh no it couldn't be a mud dawpper."


"Look right here!!" and let my wrist go long enough to point at the tiny prick mark on my arm. It wasn't easy to see on my arm becuz of all the freckles.
"My arm in on fire and it was a freakin' black wasp with freakin' yellow legs!!! There's a paper nest!!!! Not mud!!!! Paper!!!!!!"

I swear that whole conversation took place in 15 seconds!!
And in that time my arm was red from my wrist to my elbow!!
Roy just sat there watchin' my arm, you could see it swell.
And all he could do was piss me off.
But I think he just kept talkin' so he could see if I was in need of being rushed to the ER.

And then my cell phone rang....Boomer Sooner....I knew it was The HappyWife.
She was callin' to say her hubs was gonna be in the field and couldn't make the swim party that maybe we could have the party on Saturday,he'd be all caught up by then.
Now, not only was my arm on fire, throbbin' and swellin' LastNerve that I have reserved for the HappyHusband was on fire, throbbin' and T-Totally about to burst!!!
I repeated everything she said to Roy.
He wasn't too thrilled either.
I had meat thawed to grill.
I had avocados ready for guacamole.
Special trips to town for booze had been made.
And most importantly, other people were comin'....The world does not revolve around the HappyHusband.
I told her I wasn't thinkin' too straight as I was just stung by a wasp.
I did call her later, though. The party was on and she could come without him, he could come later.
She said,"If he's not too tired..."

Are you freakin' kiddin' me????
How hard is it to eat free food and lay around in a pool in a floaty???

So Roy and I went on to the gym.
As I was workin' out on the elliptical my blood was a pumpin' and my heart rate was up to 145... it's a wonder it wasn't higher I was so keyed up....I was thinkin' about all the poison in my arm coursin' through my entire body, would it swell up too?
Turn red??
Who would know??

A week later, I have knot on my arm about the size of a pea with a ring around it the size of half dollar.
"Can I squeeze it?"
Roy rolls his eyes.
"No you can't squeeze it. There's nothing in it."
"But it puffy and hard. There's a white center, like there's pus."
"Do not squeeze it! If it were squishy there would be pus! Leave it alone and stop stratchin'!"

I will never look at a wasp nest again.
I will never put another one in the toilet for Roy to sit on.

Can you imagine that swellin' up...never mind.


Miss Thystle said...

make roy get the paper from now on. He's the boy, it's his job.

Katy said...

Man, my husband so doesn't care about wasps, but I am scaredto death of the damn things. does he care? No. I have to cry to get him to do anything about them.

Becca said...

Yeah make Roy get the paper from now on. Youch!

MizAngie said...

Sounds like the stinger is still in your arm. I'd squeeze that bitch, but that's just me. I squeeze everything which has, in the past, caused some issues.

Explain to me again why you're even friends with the HappyCouple? They sound so obnoxious.