Thursday, April 16, 2009

Not Today Roy!

There are just some times in a gal's life when It IS Not the The Day to be Messed With...This is one of those days!!

It all started with me thinkin' I felt pretty good and maybe today would be a good day to weigh.

But that's a tale for another day.....

But it set the wheels in motion.

If I said it once I said thousand times..."NOT TODAY, ROY!"

I got outta the shower to a lecture of how to use the credit cards.
What the hell??
I am not a spendthrift!
I didn't buy ammo.
I didn't buy that stupid battery for that stupid freakin' flashlight!!!
Yes I am the only one that carries the card but I don't use it wantonly!!
And I told him all of this.
In a tone that he HATES!
He brought it on himself.
He has to suffer the wrath!
He went into the other room and started makin' rude noises.
And when I looked to see what he was doin' becuz I was still speakin' to him, he was in there with his hands over his ears and make that noise to block me out!!!
I gave him one of those looks like I was about to come across that room and pull his head off and shit down his neck...That one that makes a man wanna roll up in a ball and cry for his momma.
Block me out!!
You brought this on yourself, Big Boy!
He looked up when he realized I had stopped talkin'....His eyes got big.
He jumped up and grabbed the gun and hid it behind his back becuz SuperMoodyBitch was fixin'ta kill his ass!!

But I kept her at bay and said, "NOT TODAY ROY!"

And I went back to the bathroom to get dressed.
But I had a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't know how it happens but that damn sports bra rolls itself up and I can't move it up or down.
I'm trapped in my bra!!!
"Honey!!! Come, Help me!!!
He comes to my aide.
And instead of just helpin' me, he starts to ask questions about how could I have done this....I DON'T KNOW!!!
"Roy, I have no idea how but just fix it!!"
But does he shut up...NO!
"This the dumbest thing, to be stuck in a bra...."
I cut him off, "NOT TODAY ROY!! NOT TODAY!!!"
He repeat that, "Not today." and shut up.

Once we got to the gym he tossed his keys in my gym bag.
He hit my can of pop.
That humored him.
He made that sound...the hissin' sound of a can spewin' all over my clothes, shoes, the newspaper, my book, and the new VanityFair.
He was tickled by the thought of it all.
"Not today, Roy."
"Nope, not today."

When I asked him about smokin' some pork, he said, "Yes Dear."

He takes him a bit but he learns.


throughlalaslashes said...

I just spewed coffee all over my keyboard laughing at being stuck in a sports bra...I do that ALL THE TIME! Usually when I'm changing in my car or in the locker room at the gym. Both places where it is inappropriate to ask for help.

Miss Thystle said...

I hate that about sports bras!

Diane said...

Hi You!!
It's me, Magick!! Member me?? Yes, I'm still alive. I came pretty close to not being, though. But, I'm doing better and I hope it keeps getting better.
I thought I should pop in here to see you because I saw your comment on your old blog and you seemed a little Then I come here and you are miffed!!
I was thinking how lucky you are to be able to wear a sport Men suck and there's not a thing we can do about it except make their life miserable if they piss us off...right?? LOL!
Love Ya,

Becca said...

Oh poor Roy! He need to learn the Yes Dear response more quickly! I hope that this afternoon is better!

Proto said...

adorable give and take.
No, not France, but maybe Switzerland after 32 years of being away from europe. At least, I have an invitation.

MizAngie said...

And don't even TRY to put on or take off a sports bra when you're sweaty...they actually stick to your skin and you really are trapped. Ugh. I love the smashed-flat profile provided by a good sports bra. NOT!!!

♥georgie♥ said...

LMFAO!!!! omgosh you are hysterical!