Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Another Thing....

This is the sorta thing that he does that ticks me off.
He's wanted to cut that tree down for years! And just becuz the ice storm damaged it he's cuts it down!!!
Sure he risks life and limb being up the ladder with a chainsaw but come on!!
How does THIS benefit me??

Let's uncover the pool.
Let's till up a spot for the sunflowers.
Let's transplant all the little moon flower seedlings.
Let's clean out the sheds. He looks at me like I'm crazy every time I mention cleanin' out the shed....I can't find any of my stuff....I know it's in there.
I don't know...I just know it's in there!!

What Can I Say....

But No.
I will not show you the BoozeFueledDVDs.
You'll just have to wait until we are both dead and gone and someone goes thru the safe and decides to sell the BoxOSex on Ebay.

Never teach your spouse how to work the video camera.
It's just shocking the things that you see!!
And I'm no prude!!

So one fabulous DateNight Roy popped in one.
I see now that my ass was indeed quite big....more than that....it was enormous!!!
I realized that I need liposuction. There isn't any amount of crunches or bicycle'n that's gonna cure that problem I've got in the middle!!

Yep....work harder.

And botox!!
I need Botox.
It's funny... in a non-funny sorta way....that no matter what angle my head was in....upside down and hangin' off the bed....that deep set wrinkle in the middle of my forehead NEVER GOES AWAY!!!!
Apparently, no amount of tequila....or happy sex feelin's make that damn thing go away!!!!

Am I the only one that has done this??
If so...learn from my mistakes.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

I'm Just Sayin'.....

Advice for the day: Tequila Shots and Video Cameras Lead To Bad Things!
Both will come back to haunt you!!

Trust me....No details becuz ya'll seem to be so squeamish over buttcrack sweat that The Story Behind Booze Fueled DVD's would be too much.

Thursday, April 23, 2009


I sweat.

There's sweat.

In my butt crack.
In public.
Do more??
Kiss my sweaty ass Roy!!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Dance The Happy Dance!!!

After 3 days up and down on the roof.
After all that yellin' at each other.
After 2 months of livin' without adequate weather coverage.
I finally have Tulsa back in my life!!!
Woooo Hoooooo!!!!!!!!
Roy fixed whatever the problem was with the antenna!!!

No Fear Here!!!!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Out Here On The Fringe...

So Roy said, "Come Help Me!"
He was up on the roof. He is tryin' to boost up our antenna becuz we can't get Tulsa stations any more. We are at the misery of Missouri.

Damn digital BullShit.
Damn the FCC!!

It's like being on vacation ...you know when you're sittin' in a motel in some podunk town hopin' for a weather report to know what to wear the next day and some stranger is tellin' it could rain if you are in BumFuckEgypt County but if you're in ButtLick County you'll need the sunscreen....and you have no idea what county you in...becuz you're on vacation.

If it wasn't for the Tulsa paper I wouldn't have a clue as to what is going on in my own state!

We have a satellite and our company provides local stations for 96% of their customers...guess who lives in that 4% that doesn't get local stations....ME! If 96% of the people couldn't get their news and weather there would be a bigger uproar about it.
But no.
Me and my 4% will be blown away in the next tornado becuz we didn't know about it.
That last storm that past thru the area, The actual Tornado that hit the ground was never announced until after it was over. Tulsa Stations, watch the storms roll all the way across the state.
Missouri stations....are not concerned about the area that I live in it seems.
For first time in my life, I'm scared.

So he bought an antenna that is supposed to be all that and bag of chips and pick up a digital signal 85 miles away....And that would be a NO!

But none the less he needs help. So up on the roof I go....and get yelled at....I did exactly what he said and I still get yelled at.

And when I'm done, It's time to go down the ladder. He says, "Don't fall off the ladder and ruin my day."

I think I have a sunburn!! Thank you so much for that!

Oh and the HD is supposed to be a crisp and beautiful....not so much...it's got twinkle lights all over the screen....WOO Freakin' HOO!!
The next purchase will be a storm shelter.

Post Number 600!!

Monday, April 20, 2009

Friday, April 17, 2009

The Weigh In....

I woke up feelin' pretty good. My appetite has been off a bit so I thought it would be a good time to check the progress of my weight loss....swimsuit season is just around the corner.
I had decided a long time ago that I didn't want to weigh in becuz it was frustratin' to work so hard and the freakin' number on the scales NEVER changes for the better!!

I Felt. Really. Good.

So I weighed.
And then...
I Felt. Very. Depressed.

I walked into the bathroom to shower. But on the way I wanted to discuss this with Roy. "Honey. Lie to me. I'm premenstral. And I might go down to the river and throw myself in. So lie to me. Muscle weighs more than fat. It's got to. How can I be shapin' up my legs and my ass and not lose weight!"
"Well I have the same problem..." he talkin' but it's not makin' sense.

"It's not about you! Today is my day, Roy. MINE!"
He smiled. I think he musta remembered that part about PMS.

"Well maybe, WE don't workout hard enough." he said. He patted his stomach.

I think the only reason he lives now is becuz he said "WE".

"I sweat, Honey. You've seen it. I sweat."
He was still smilin' and started gigglin'.
But I went on, "I have sweat. In my butt crack. In public!"

Tell me I don't workout hard.
He nodded his head in agreement. But didn't say a thing.

It went all down hill from there....until he started sayin' "Yes Dear."

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Not Today Roy!

There are just some times in a gal's life when It IS Not the The Day to be Messed With...This is one of those days!!

It all started with me thinkin' I felt pretty good and maybe today would be a good day to weigh.

But that's a tale for another day.....

But it set the wheels in motion.

If I said it once I said thousand times..."NOT TODAY, ROY!"

I got outta the shower to a lecture of how to use the credit cards.
What the hell??
I am not a spendthrift!
I didn't buy ammo.
I didn't buy that stupid battery for that stupid freakin' flashlight!!!
Yes I am the only one that carries the card but I don't use it wantonly!!
And I told him all of this.
In a tone that he HATES!
He brought it on himself.
He has to suffer the wrath!
He went into the other room and started makin' rude noises.
And when I looked to see what he was doin' becuz I was still speakin' to him, he was in there with his hands over his ears and make that noise to block me out!!!
I gave him one of those looks like I was about to come across that room and pull his head off and shit down his neck...That one that makes a man wanna roll up in a ball and cry for his momma.
Block me out!!
You brought this on yourself, Big Boy!
He looked up when he realized I had stopped talkin'....His eyes got big.
He jumped up and grabbed the gun and hid it behind his back becuz SuperMoodyBitch was fixin'ta kill his ass!!

But I kept her at bay and said, "NOT TODAY ROY!"

And I went back to the bathroom to get dressed.
But I had a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't know how it happens but that damn sports bra rolls itself up and I can't move it up or down.
I'm trapped in my bra!!!
"Honey!!! Come, Help me!!!
He comes to my aide.
And instead of just helpin' me, he starts to ask questions about how could I have done this....I DON'T KNOW!!!
"Roy, I have no idea how but just fix it!!"
But does he shut up...NO!
"This the dumbest thing, to be stuck in a bra...."
I cut him off, "NOT TODAY ROY!! NOT TODAY!!!"
He repeat that, "Not today." and shut up.

Once we got to the gym he tossed his keys in my gym bag.
He hit my can of pop.
That humored him.
He made that sound...the hissin' sound of a can spewin' all over my clothes, shoes, the newspaper, my book, and the new VanityFair.
He was tickled by the thought of it all.
"Not today, Roy."
"Nope, not today."

When I asked him about smokin' some pork, he said, "Yes Dear."

He takes him a bit but he learns.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Alarms, Manny, And Trixie...

We have a buzzer on the driveway. It's a motion senser. When anyone or anything is in the driveway, the buzzer in the house goes off. I think the cats are gettin' used to it.
When it goes off, they all come into the livin' room to make sure we are there.
If we are not there....well I can only assume that THAT is why they are ALL at the door when we come home.... Like little kids. "Did you bring us anything?"

So when Roy and I are in the livin' room when the buzzer goes off, we are pretty curious to who or what set it off. Roy goes out to look but never has seen one thing that could have set it off.
I figure it just one of the cats goin' to hunt.
Or the neighbor's dog comin' up to eat our catfood.
Once the buzzer went off every night at the same time....but still Roy never saw anything.

We just sorta let it go....another one of those things that just happens. He looks to make sure we don't have company out there and when there's nothing....so be it.

When the home invasions in the area happened, Roy started sleepin' with the fan off. So he could hear someone bust thru the door. By doin' that....all I hear is Trixie barkin'... all night long.

Last night, I heard the driveway buzzer go off at 12:47.
Trixie started barkin' at 12:57.
I wonder just exactly what she was barkin' at...sometimes it sounds like she's in the next room and sometimes it's like she on the back forty. So I got up and tiptoed thru the house.....trailed by 3 cats, "Why is she going? This isn't normal!" The kittens follow me just about everywhere I go...why should this be any different?

I slowly walked up to the back door. If some PERSON was out there I want to be able to get back to Roy before I was discovered. I peeked thru the blinds and could see that NO PERSON was on the back porch. I didn't see anything out there for that matter but Trixie still barked at the house.
I was just about to crack one of the blinds to get a better look when I heard a noise behind me. I jumped... naturally. I was trying to be stealthy expected Roy to be standin' there...but no. It was Manny on the table. "Whattcha' doin' Mom?" he purred and cooed squirrel noises at me.

I went back to what I was doin' and cracked the blind to look out...and there was a big raccoon out there munchin' on the catfood. That explains so much! We go thru lots catfood!
I watched him for a bit, debatin' on whether or not to go get Roy to "Handle it" or go get my camera. I've tried to take pix of opossums thru the glass without success.
And I'm damn sure not gonna open the door! So no pix of him.
And I couldn't wake up Roy....it's just doin' coon things. I don't care.

When suddenly, Manny headbutted me!!! He was standin' on the desk by the back door but his front paws were on the door knob and he was lookin' thru my peek hole with me....purrin' and cooin' "Let me see Mom!"
I thought all this window rattlin' and door knob action that the coon would run...but he didn't. He just kept munchin'....Trixie just kept barkin'.....Manny just kept purrin'.

I gave up and went back to bed.

Roy slept thru the whole thing.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Spring Cleaning Part 2...

If you can read this....I didn't delete my whole blog.
I'll hopefully be up and running with my old default template....WITH NO FREAKIN' PINK FLAMES!!!!!!

And it worked.....Happy Happy JOY JOY!!!!!!!
I still have a blog.
I just can't edit any of widgets or page elements.

Oh fuck me. I have pink flames.

Okay...after many different tries at editing some codes that thankfully I could unedit so I didn't totally screw myself over....and many different backgrounds....and finally just ditching the header....I think I can live with this.
I'm thinking about going blue....just to not be pink.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Spring Cleaning...

I want that stupid Pimp my space shit gone!!!!!
I'm stuck with that whole pink flames shit!!!!
Watch I'll show you...


I can't add a photo to the header either!!! It just all goes away!!!
"All Along The Hightower" just turns into NOTHING!!!!!

I'm stuck being blacked out and pink trim.
I went to the help section....there's no email address to request techno support to look into it and see if they can get rid of it.....It sucks great big green donkey dicks!!!!

Saturday, April 11, 2009


"Honey!! Damn it!! I'm outta Chapstick."
I used up the Best Ever Chapstick!!
He looked at me like I was crazy.

Which happens way too much.

"Just go and buy some more."
"Duh! I'll take you to get some more. It's not a big deal."
"Yes. Really."

"Can I get that in writing?"

Again, he looked at me like I was crazy.

"Woman! What are you talkin' about?"
"Just so we're on the same page. I want to know what you just said is a true statement that you will move Heaven and Earth to TAKE me to get some more of THE BEST EVER ChapStick."

He's gettin' a bit suspicious. "HUH?"

"I bought that ChapStick on the Big Island at the Hawaiian Vanilla Company."


Oh it's a big deal!!

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Real HouseWives...

Do you watch Real Housewives of New York??
I love Bethanny!! She's a hoot.
I do not like Kelly! What is up with her face???
Is there something wrong with my TV or is her face red??

LuAnn....The Countess....Doesn't she use that a bit too much?? And now that The Count has dumped her does she get to keep the title?? Fergi did. She's still the Duchess of York.

And I would really like for Simon to fade away...it's about the wives and he overshadows Alex. I had no idea that she did anything but be a trophy on his arm. She's some sort of GraphicDesigner.

Ramona... She wants so bad to be the center of attention.

Jill's Condo...don't you think it looks like a 70's Disco???

And how about those wives from New Jersey???
Seems like that is gonna be full of drama!

Tuesday, April 07, 2009


I've got nothing.

When I'm awake at 2 freakin' 30 in the mornin' I have all sorts of things whirlin' around in my brain....but now...nothing.

Man Purses: I'm all for it. A person need something to put all their stuff into to transport it all around. I've been carryin' a hand bag since the 5th grade! Men need bags too.

Sex and the City: I've watched it 3 times. I cry every time when Carrie hits Big with the flowers.
My heart just breaks when Charlotte tells him, "No!!".
I cry when Samantha feeds Carrie.....I want friends like that.

And people think that whole Sex and the City show is about fashion, shoes, and sex....I pity those people.

Facebook: I've found classmates, brothers and sisters of classmates, family members I haven't seen in years and only at funerals....of course my CyberSisters are there too. I have developed a friendship with one classmate's sister...an unexpected pleasure. She's just as quirky as me. Sure some men flirt, it's not like it's gonna get them anywhere.

Some people think that Facebook is "One of Those Websites"....not sure what that would be...I pity them too.

Dreams: One day I woke up feelin' guilty.
One day I woke up feelin' like dancin'.
Not sure what's up with that.

Garden things: Roy's tomatoes froze to death....I told him it was too early!!!

I need an "As You Wish Day"....One whole day dedicated to just me.

I feel like smothering Roy in kisses.....He needs a shave.

I would love to go on a road trip.....It's too cold to take out the motorcycle.

And so there you have it....nothing.

I've got nothing.

Monday, April 06, 2009

Man Purses....

Ya'll know I LOVE PURSES.
I have no idea how many I have.
Sometimes, I will change my purse as much as 2 a week.
Those that do not carry a purse....Why?
Where do you keep your cell phone?
Your car keys?
Your wallet??
Do you carry your tampons in your hand??

Oh for the love of all that is Good and Holy, WHY do you not carry a purse?????

The Queen of England, carries a hand bag in her own home. Regis was questionin' that point. "She's in her home why carry a hand bag?"
Well Let's think about that Regis. Her home is Buckingham Palace.....DUH!!!
She in one area of the palace but her lipstick is in another...we can't have the Royal Lips becomin' chapped or uncolored!!!
What if she chips a nail!! All her nail care things are back in the Royal Bedroom!!!
I can totally see why she carries a purse.
When I live in a palace, I'm carry a purse!!

This isn't where I was goin' with this....at all.
But I do have it all off my chest.

Roy's Son has a special vest he wears to the gun shows. Roy says he looks like a mad bomber with it packed with water bottles and whatever else he may need. It's his man purse.

Roy wanted one.

So we went down to the local army supply/paintball place. Roy thought he was torturin' me becuz the place was "so Manly". He knows I hate "Man Stores".....which are feed stores, gun shops, parts stores, and the Academy.
I only tolerate Bass Pro.
Army surplus...that's fun.
Little did I know how much fun it would be.

He looked around for the vest and I looked thru the clothes, hats, and boots. I have a few military hats. I want one like the one I lost that Roy wore in Vietnam...I have no clue to what happened to it! I'm still lookin' for just the right one.
Then I came upon the best most sturdiest bags! Man purses!!
I want one. So they called it a tool bag, it was perfect!!
A place for my lipstick sewn right in the bag....a place for several colors....for whatever mood I feel.
There was one big enough to be a gym bag!!
And a messenger bag!! I really want to have the whole set!!!
And A Swiss Army Back Pack.....Swiss Army???
But hey whatever...it had matchin' pants!!

I had to get Roy!!
I pulled him away from rubber masks...or maybe they were gas masks...I don't know. He was feelin' pretty good that I had found the perfect man purse. I picked up the small one put it over my arm like all women do...to try it on....if only there had been a mirror!
But better yet, I had Roy's face.

It was beet red.
With a shy grin.
Eyes cast down.

No, not the one.

I picked the bigger one and did the same thing.....still....the face.

"Stop it you're embarrassin' me."

I trudged on.
I tried on the Swiss stuff....and just held up the pants....still the face. But this time he walked away....all a blushin'.

He did however like the messenger bag but not enough to buy it.
He's still holdin' out for a vest.

As we drove home, I told him at least he now knows what to buy me for Christmas.

I don't think he'll ever take me back.

Saturday, April 04, 2009

Roy's Day Out...

He's looked so spiffy when I sent him out the door this mornin'!!
He had a fresh hair cut.
And had groomed up his ears and nose....you know those wild hairs that grow unruly on men.
He smelled so good....good enough to screw!!

Good thing he's only going to the Gun Show in Tulsa.

The best part of all....I DO NOT HAFTA GO!!!!

History lessons for those that are new to the Hightower.
Just click on the link and catch up.....New Tricks ... some insight.
And The Flashlight Controversy ... All becuz you have to know what I'm talkin' about.
It really all leads to something...The Man With A Plan ...Thank God!

Recently, there have been two home invasions very close to us and so we're motivated to be more cautious.
More than normal.
One home invasion resulted in a death.
One started with a man knockin' on the door askin' for directions.
Last fall, there were some break-ins of some of the neighbors, but home invasions, is totally different. They know you're home and they come in. THEY MEAN TO DO YOU HARM!

So Roy now packs the Glock45 when we leave the house. If I'm in the house and he's out doin' Roy Things, I have the Glock and he's carryin' the shotgun.
I think it's just a sad state of affairs when you can't live without being afraid in your own home.

Roy has a shoppin' list, his credit card, and some cash.....It'll be interestin' to see what he actually comes home with.
He needs a battery for that damn flashlight of his! It's not a cheap battery either!!
My flashlight is on the kitchen cabinet next to his ammo!!
With a dead battery too!!!! Mine are just a couple of double AA's.
That whole flashlight thing just chaps my ass!!!!
He needs a holster for the Glock...though I found one at the PaintBallPlace!
"It's not the right kind."
It said Glock right on the package!!
We talked about a stun gun.....I think I have him talked into that. He may actually come home with one.

"Who will you test it on?"
"You of course!"
He grinned....I hope he knows I'm just kiddin'.
"You know I'll use it on you if you ever do me."
I grinned....he didn't know I was kiddin'.

But point made.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Spring Things....Again...

My white lilac bush...this the first time it bloomed for me. It's an old bush and it tried to die but I moved it 3 years ago so it would have more room to grow. It's just now comin' around.

These grape hyacinths grow wild all over the yard.

While I was tryin' to get the perfect photo of the white lilac I stood under this red bud tree and it just hummed!!! It was just buzzin' with bees!!
Time to pull out the mower!!

Bird watchin'....they make squirrel noise at the birds. The birds just poop and fluff up but not in the least bit bothered by the cats.

Beggin' for lovin'.

Uncoverin' the mators!

Snow on the red buds..... We have red buds all over the yard!!

Roy grew them from seeds....and this what he did.
Something for him to mow around.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Today's Lesson: Long John's...

There are those that know about Krispy Kreme and those that know about Dunkin Donuts but apparently there are those that do not know about Daylight Donuts. That's where I first learned about Long John's.

From their website:

"In 1954, Tommy and Lucille Day set out to create a new kind of donut mix — one with a distinctively light texture and flavor. The Day’s light donut recipe became Daylight Donuts. And over the years, their Tulsa-based enterprise grew into a worldwide network of independently owned retail outlets numbering 900 strong… and growing."

Every small town in Oklahoma had or still has a Daylight Donut shop.
And Walmart copies them.
I had no idea that people wouldn't know about Long John's!!!
Roy loves them!!
Chocolate or Maple icing it doesn't matter.
Just as long it doesn't have a creme fillin'!
My favorite of Daylight Donuts are the donut holes.
Think about that!