Thursday, March 19, 2009

Ineptness, DrPepper, and Periods...

So that we're all on the same page....I started my period.
I don't know about anyone else but I would just as soon stay in bed on the first day. Most times, I do just that only to get up to go the bathroom and then take a painkiller.
I used to call in sick. I can not function that first day.

But Roy needed DrPepper.

When he saw me comin' outta the bathroom he said, "Being in your "delicate condition", goin' to the gym in out."
That would be a Big No!!
"Honey we are outta DrPepper."
He looked shocked, "What do you mean OUT?"
"O-U-T. Out."
He went pale.
I thought he might pass out.
But he knows only one of us can be ill at a time.
Or hysterical.
Or dramatic.
And I get to be all three today!!

Being the good wife that I am, I put on my game face, loaded up and went to town.
We had lunch. No big deal. But I was really sore.
We went to Lowe's.
He's been pesterin' me for tomato plants so I knuckled under and bought them. But we had to argue about what type and how many.
I started to act wierd. More than normal. I was hurtin'! I had the body temp of 210. And I felt like I was packin' around 678 pounds on feet that throbbed. My hips ached with each step. And more he bitched with me the more my head hurt!! I wasn't makin' much sense and Roy was being pretty calm with me.
After buyin' plants it was decided that the trip to Walmart should be quick.
I went to get pantie liners and he went to get DrPepper. I had hoped I had time to look for the newest issue of Vanity Fair but he met me at the magazines.
Sometimes, I think he can read my mind!
He wanted some longjohn's donut things...So I picked him out some.

I picked him a short line.
He had everything ready to go...he's anal that way.
He had the donuts and pantie liners on the conveyor belt.
He had the pop divided out...regular and diet....all counted but still in the cart.

Then the IneptClerk went to work.
Roy held up a 6 pack and told her there was 20 of them.
"I need to count them."
No problem.
Roy gave her a split second to count and told her there were 20 DrPepper.
"I need to count them."
"Okay? Are we in agreement that there are 20?"
"I have to ring them up separate."
"Okay. There are 20 DrPepper and 12 Diet."
I bit my lip.
I was in pain, but I zipped my lip.
And she said, "Okay hold up one for me."
At that, Roy and I looked at each other.
The look on his face was, "What the Fuck!?!?"
And mine was, "I have NO IDEA!!!"
He had been holdin' a 6 pack up the entire time.

And then we went thru the whole thing again with the diet...I swear the whole thing.

I was ready for Roy to blow a gasket at any minute!! This was one the worst clerks I have ever had at Walmart!!!

My turn with her....I got to pay for it!!
I swiped my card. It didn't work.
She said in a tone that dripped with hate and discontent, "Maybe if you do it slower."

So I did again. It worked.... sorta.
The PIN was wrong!!
That was the final straw!!
That was all she wrote.....
That was when I announced to God and everyone in Walmart, "That's BullShit!!"

I had to look it up!!
Being in pain, havin' a short temper, and being slightly dyslexic I had transposed the numbers!!!!

Roy was gigglin' but kept his distance!
I don't know if he was gigglin' at me or gigglin' with embarrassment. But either way he kept his distance!
As we walked out, we bitched about what was wrong with that clerk. Roy thought she either drugged or just stupid becuz she was just not wantin' to do her job. Her mind was on something else!!
"Well she was one more step from me blowin' a gasket!", I said.
"But Babe, You Did BLOW A GASKET!"
"That was just a small leak, not a full on blown gasket! And you know it! All I said was 'Bullshit'!"
"What I heard was 'Son of A Fuckin' Bitch'!"

Oh what ever!!
I swear he can read my mind.
Which is a helpful thing since he can't hear me!!


Bobby's Dream said...

Ya'll have a Dr. Pepper habit as bad as mine! Cannot function without it!

How sweet that you two are mind melded! Can you do the whole stare in each others eyes and know exactly what the other is thinking?


Sorry bout your sucky ass day! Feel better my dear!

Becca said...

I hope that today is a wee bit better? :-)

Miss Thystle said...

I swear the checkout girls are getting stupider. I had to explain "2 dozen" the other day. As in 24; as in one dozen aka twelve, two times. OMG.

MizAngie said...

My favorite is when I write my info on my check (DL#, phone, DOB) and then the clerk rewrites it and asks for my phone number. "Oh, I didn't see it." She practically wrote on top of it! Sheesh. I need to get a debit card...

Tell Roy I said to be sure and remember - never eat anything that can bleed 3 days and not die. Ha!

throughlalaslashes said...

SO FUNNY!! Although probably not at the time. IneptCashiers are why i avoid Wal-mart as all costs...

Bird said...

Today at Wally World this woman acted like I was a criminal for trying to buy a bottle of rum. Don't get between me and the rum, lady!!!! My kid's been sick for three weeks and everybody 'round here needs a drink!

She even typed in my actual age when all the other clerks just type in something ridiculous.